Chapter ten: To talk or not to talk

JPOV

February 7

I had planned on announcing my decision about the alpha thing tonight before the bonfire, but I still haven't made up my mind. Humans and children would be present too, so maybe it wouldn't have been the best occasion anyway. Speaking of humans. Where the hell are they?

Focus. Seth is talking to me, listen to that, don't think about all the places Josh's hands could be right now, about them kissing, about her maybe begging for more, shit, focus, damnit.

I fail and get up to grab another drink, an excuse to leave Seth behind and everybody else who wants to share their opinion on the pack leadership, again. I had heard all of their opinions, over and over. Well, not all opinions, I still hadn't talked to the Cullens. Or Leah. But somehow I am not tempted to approach murderous Leah right now. She doesn't like Ness and was not hiding that tonight. I guess it's a good thing that Ness is so wrapped up in Josh, or she might actually get killed by Leah's glares. I can't put off talking to her for much longer either, I promise to try tonight. It won't be easy, we never talk about this thing we have, but now exactly that is necessary, it would be really rude to hear all of their opinions and not ask for the one in the pack that matters to me most. Would I refuse to be alpha if she asked me to? Is she worth that much? Difficult question.

Now where are they? It's been 33 minutes now.

Should I go look for them? Ugh, and maybe find them in a compromising position, I don't think so.

I need another drink. Good thing I am so big and warm enough to quickly burn the alcohol. Us wolves have to try really hard in order to get drunk, some of them however have clearly succeeded tonight, seeing the attempts at dancing and loud giggling going on.

The worse thing is, apart from her introducing me as kind of her brother, Josh actually seems like a really nice guy. I can't find a single bad thing about him, he must be pretty fantastic to be the only high school student to get her to open up and be friends with him. And from what I hear he's not trying to get into her pants either. Not yet anyway. And he is kind of good looking, as she told me a thousand times. Seth and his boyfriend agreed, not that I asked their opinion. Okay, he may have sounded a bit arrogant while greeting me, but I must admit that this might have been my fault as I was trying to impress him by squishing his hand. How childish. I'm not proud of it. But all is fair in love and war right? I sigh again. Afraid not. I'm gonna have to wait till she is sick of him or till he messes up. And if neither of those things happen… well… then I don't know what I'll do.

Oh, there they are, relief washes over me, quickly fading away again as I notice the twinkle in her eyes and her cheeks all blushing. Apparently this human can warm her up just fine, even without the fire. Who needs a hot werewolf? Or his blankets. Another sigh.

They're coming over, better look for my smiley face, ugh, maybe tired face will do.

"Hey Jake, I'm sorry I didn't get to catch up with you, you were quite popular today."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too, some stuff going on…"

"Secret stuff?"

"No not really, I planned to tell you tonight, but I got busy… and so did you" Wink. More blushing.

"Maybe I could come over tomorrow to catch up? Josh is out of town. Or will you be busy too?"

"No, I've got time tomorrow, just let me sleep in okay, it's been a sleepless week"

"Are you okay? You do look tired."

"I'm fine, really, I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Now off you go, tell the Cullens I said hi."

I wanted to make up for my foolish behavior earlier with Josh, so I patted his back, lightly, no wolf patting, and said with a genuine smile "Take good care of this one, okay, she is special."

"I know Jake, and I will, don't worry" he smiled back and Ness looked relieved. Proud even, of both civilized men. Good. Now everybody can go to sleep with a clear conscience.

I watch them walk away and decide not to dwell, I gather my courage and send Leah a text, hoping she would be in a better mood now Ness is gone and that she'd be willing to meet me in my garage to talk. I also hope she appreciates me not approaching her in public, in front of the drunken wolves, who would definitely assume something else.

The look on her face as she walks in a couple of minutes later, however, is not a look of appreciation.

I decide to postpone the alpha talk and figure out what is bothering her first.

She looked up at me and started blurting:

"Jacob, you can't let her do this to you! Come on! She is so oblivious, cuddling with the boyfriend right in front of you, she might as well just cut your heart out and get it over with. I know you can't refuse her anything, but damnit Jacob, stand your ground, will you?"

Huh? I needed a moment to gather why exactly she's angry at me, or Ness.

"It's not her fault, I told her to invite him…"

"You did what? Now why would you do that?" Her eyes grew even bigger in disbelief and anger.

"I don't know. 'Cause maybe I thought she wouldn't come otherwise?"

"Well wouldn't you rather have her stay away than her being here with him?"

"No…" I realize how pathetic that sounds and look down.

"Besides, if she is the kind of girl that would forsake her friends for her boyfriend, than she is even more stupid than I thought."

"Leah!"

"I'm sorry" she said sarcastically, not sounding as if she were sorry, "God forbid somebody ever saying a bad word about your little princess." Now I am pissed off. I don't have to keep listening to this.

"Look Leah. First, she sees me as her brother, and any teenage girl would choose to spend time with the boyfriend instead of the brother. And second… are you jealous or something?"

"What the fuck? How did I end up in this?"

"Because I think the real reason you are so worked up over this is because you are jealous."

She stared at me incredulous, too angry to speak. Not granting me another look, she turned around and left the garage. I didn't go after her. I leaned back against the wall, my hands in my hair.

This went well, way to go Jacob.

Now I remember why we never talk, just fuck.

Maybe that's over now too.