Author's note: I truly am sorry for what you are about to read. Don't be angry. The title comes from the Evanescence song The Only One, which I greatly adore. Please feel free to review and keep your eyes out for the last two chapters of this and then the full story that comes next.

Happy reading!

Lost and Bleeding

Nothing had been right for months. Sebastian barely slept. He sat at parties and watched on the periphery. He hardly enjoyed things anymore. He missed Dave. He hadn't even spoken to him in weeks. And he avoided Facebook, especially on nights when he figured Dave wouldn't have anything better to do.

He looked at himself in the mirror. He hadn't been taking care of himself. He was several days past the need to shave. He needed a haircut. And his clothes could actually be pressed. He rubbed his hand over his jaw and then he took out his shaving kit and got to work.

After a shower and laboring over the ironing board, he was dressed and headed out to his car with a garment bag slung over his shoulder. It was early morning, but he had been too wired to sleep. He watched the sun rise through his rearview mirror.

An hour outside of Columbus, he stopped at a truck stop and took his pressed clothes from the back seat. He changed and brushed his teeth and hair.

He showed up at the Ohio State campus and parked at Dave's dorm building. There were some of his classmates in the lobby who informed him that Dave was at practice. He got back into his car and took off for the practice field the other young man had showed him on his first visit.

As Sebastian walked up to the field, he could see they were nearing the end of the session. The coach gave them a stern talk and then sent them off to the showers. Sebastian stood near the fence. He saw Dave and Max near the back of the crowd. Dave laughed at something Max said and then shoved his shoulder lightly.

Sebastian was about to call out when he saw the pair stop. They were close enough he could hear their conversation.

Max said, "So when are we going to hang out again? I feel like it's been forever."

"You just want to do all the other stuff that ends up happening when it's just us." Dave countered.

"So what if I do?"

Dave shrugged. "Why don't we just take the next step already?"

"Because you're still hung up on Sebastian."

"Well, I haven't talked to him in a while. So there's nothing wrong with the two of us having some fun while I sort all this out."

"Maybe you should turn around then." Max said and then turned and headed off after the rest of the team.

Dave turned. Their eyes locked. Dave took a step toward him.

Sebastian held up and hand and shook his head. His heart was pounding in his chest. He turned and walked back toward his car.

"Sebastian, wait." Dave called, running after him.

"You need to change out of your uniform." He called over his shoulder.

"Can you wait for fifteen minutes so we can talk, then?"

He turned. "I don't suppose we have anything to talk about. You and Max are… Fuck it, I made a mistake." He headed back to his car once more.

"Just don't leave yet. I want to talk to you."

"Maybe you should have called."

"Maybe you should have called. It's not a one-way street, Sebastian. I've been living my life."

"You broke up with me. So watch it where you lay the blame here."

"I'm sorry." He looked down. "Just wait for a few minutes so I can shower and we can talk about this."

Sebastian leaned against his car and worked his jaw.

"There used to be a time when you'd ask to join me." Dave teased.

"There used to be a time when you trusted me." Sebastian snapped and turned and got in his car.

He drove around the city for a while, cooling off. Dave tried calling him a few times and he ignored it. After the fifth time, he picked up. "Is there somewhere quiet where we can talk and not be disturbed?" Sebastian said by way of greeting.

"My dorm room." Dave said.

"You have a roommate."

"He's at his girlfriend's house. He practically lives there now."

"What if he decides to come back?"

"He won't."

Sebastian was silent as he turned his car around. "Okay. I'll be there in five minutes."

Dave was waiting when he turned up a short time later. They walked in silence to his room. Sebastian took a seat in Dave's desk chair as the other young man leaned against the wall.

"So you and Max?"

"Don't start with Max. We're friends."

"Didn't look like it. Or sound like it. You want to take it to the next step."

Dave looked down at his feet, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Yeah. Well, I like him. We've gotten closer."

"I can tell." There was a hint of malice in Sebastian's tone.

Dave walked over and sat on his bed. "How many relationships have you been in?"

"Not many." He said evasively.

"Sebastian, you and I both know that you've done this before. You know how it works—"

"Not like this."

"Please let me finish." Dave implored and went on when the other boy didn't protest. "I dated a couple girls to hide who I was. But, try as hard as I could, it wasn't ever going to go anywhere. I love you. It scares the hell out of me. I've never done this."

"It scares me too, baby. You have to understand that every other relationship I was in before was destructive. We went into it knowing it was just to fuck for a while and then it was over. Some of them hurt me. I hurt them right back because I thought that was how you showed affection in a relationship. I never had a guy treat me with kindness before you. I never had a guy tell me he loved me and mean it before either. And I never said it at all until I felt it for you."

Dave threw his hands in the air and shook his head. "It's all just words, Sebastian."

"Then tell me what I'm supposed to fucking say, David." His chest hurt. "I came all this way because I needed to see you and make this right."

"But I don't know if we can. I got jealous over a damn picture posted on Facebook. What if that all starts to happen when I see a guy post something on your wall? I don't want to question your motives, but I can't help it. I don't know how a real boyfriend is supposed to act. I've never been that." He leaned forward. "And you should be able to go out and have fun with your friends without worrying how I'll take something innocent to be something opposite."

"So this is really it, then?" Sebastian said as he deflated.

"I think so." Dave said softly. "I still want us to be friends. I need for us to be friends. But I can't be your boyfriend. We have so many more important things to focus on in our lives, especially right now."

Sebastian nodded.

"Please don't hate me." Dave begged softly.

"I can never hate you, baby." He leaned forward and met Dave the rest of the way in a hard kiss. "Just take care of yourself. Have fun." He got up and walked out the door without another word.

At the sound of the door clicking closed, Dave reclined on his bed and then rolled toward the wall. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to do something, but he was numb. At some point, his phone's text tone started going off. It was Max. He wasn't in the mood to explain anything, so he ignored it.

Sebastian drove home in that same numb state. He stumbled into his dark room, ignoring his roommate screwing his girlfriend on the other side of the room. He climbed into bed fully clothed and pulled the blanket over his head. He cried himself to sleep.