Chapter 10

Edward ran through the woods behind the house with Jasper in tow. He looked back, frowning when he caught a glimpse of Jasper's expression. "Wipe that smirk off your face," he hissed.

"Sorry." Jasper attempted to sound serious. Edward scowled as he picked up the pace.

. . . being so sensitive . . . Alice . . . upset when she . . .

Edward groaned as he was assaulted by his brother's thoughts. Jasper, sensing Edward's sudden irritation, easily guessed what the cause was.

So you're back, huh?

"Something like that," Edward answered the unspoken question.

Guess it's not permanent. That's too bad. I know how important it is to you.

"Tell me about it."

We'll be back before you know it.

"Not soon enough."

The sound of a ringing cell phone stopped both vampires in their tracks. Edward knew it was Alice before Jasper's mind confirmed it.

"Hey, sweet pea," Jasper answered. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

Alice's voice was clear to Edward, both through the phone and in Jasper's mind.

I can see Edward again. I can't believe he's leaving Bella. Is she okay?

"Bella is lucky she's alive."

Edward growled.

What happened?

Jasper proceeded to explain the turn of events that led to Edward's decision to venture from Bella's side. Edward winced as he relived the memory of the girl's blood-coated arm. He couldn't believe how wild—how evil—he appeared through Jasper's eyes. He was surprised his family dared to come near him.

I'm coming home!

"No, Alice. Everything's under control," Jasper assured her. "Bella is safe. Edward and I are on our way to hunt. There's nothing to worry about."

That's so sweet of you to take him hunting, Jazz.

Jasper laughed dryly. "Oh, I didn't have a choice."

He doesn't trust you after everything he's done?

Edward rolled his eyes at her overly-dramatic tone. "Alice—"

No, you tell him to be quiet. Edward, I know you can hear me. You just stay out of this! Jazz, it's not fair for him to treat you like this when you're obviously not the one with control issues.

"Alice, it's fine. I don't mind." Jasper did mind. He was hurt by Edward's lack of trust. At the same time, Jasper wasn't as confident in his own control as Alice seemed to be. These were both things he didn't want to admit. Unfortunately, one of the people he didn't want to admit them to could read his mind.

Turning abruptly, Edward took off at a full run. He couldn't escape Jasper's thoughts, but he hoped putting physical distance between them would lessen the some of the awkwardness.

o.O.o

Carlisle entered the bedroom shortly after Edward left. Bella watched warily as he approached. She didn't trust anyone any more. Strangely enough, she felt an odd sort of vulnerability without Edward nearby.

"Good evening, Bella. Your arm has stopped bleeding. That's good."

Bella looked at the bandage. It was thick, layered over gauze pads, and showed no signs of what was going on underneath. "How do you—" Right. Vampire senses. "Never mind."

"I don't want to disturb it now. We'll take a look at it in the morning." He sat on the corner of the bed. "Edward asked me to stay with you while he's away. If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to you about your impending change. Would that be all right?" Bella nodded. She didn't want to think about the inevitable—whether it be death or becoming a vampire—but she didn't want to be left in the dark either. "Has Edward told you about us? Given you any idea of what to expect?"

Bella tried to think of the things Edward had said, but recalling their conversations over the past few days was like looking through a thick fog. "That my throat will hurt when I smell blood."

"Is that all?"

"Um . . . he said you don't typically eat people."

"That is correct," Carlisle said with a nod. "We don't believe it's right to eat humans. We value life and do what we can to protect it." Bella rolled her eyes and snorted. Obviously Edward wasn't living by the same standards. Her reaction didn't deter Carlisle from continuing. "Our way of life is a big part of who we are as a family. It bonds us together and keeps us civilized. It gets easier to abstain over time, but the thirst will be quite unpleasant in the beginning. The first few months are the hardest, especially when you're not giving in to your natural urges. If you choose our way of life, you will have a support system. We'll take you somewhere without temptation until you can get yourself under control. When you're ready, we'll help you adapt back into society."

For the first time in days, Bella's spirits were lifted. "Will I be able to see my family and friends again?" she asked hopefully.

Carlisle shook his head. "The risk would be too high. You'll look different, you won't age, you'll have to make excuses for where you've been, why you didn't come forward when people were looking for you . . ." He sighed and smiled sadly. "It's better to start over. I know it sounds hard now—to leave your loved ones without a final goodbye—but it gets easier over time."

"Because everyone I know will be dead," she stated solemnly, remembering Edward's words from earlier.

"Yes."

"Why are you doing this?" Bella's outburst took Carlisle by surprise, and he stood from the bed. "You're a doctor. You help people. You've helped me!" Her anger got the best of her, and tears of frustration poured down her cheeks. "How can you let him do this? You were there! Why did you let him take me?"

"Let him?" Carlisle was suddenly defensive. "Don't let Edward's outward appearance fool you. He may appear young to most, but in his day he was a man, and in our lifestyle he is more than capable of making his own decisions. We are equals, he and I. I am only stepping in now because, quite frankly, if he were to actually kill you, I'm not sure he could handle the aftermath. Edward is not . . . stable right now."

"He's not stable? Great." Her voice shook, but she remained strong. "Just leave me with the crazy vampire so he can use me as his chew toy. I've really enjoyed being an appetizer. Hey, I have an idea! Maybe you can hook up an IV and he can sip on me. Or better yet—"

"Bella," Carlisle said sternly, pulling her from her hysterical rant, "I apologize for what you're going through; it must be awful." He backed across the room and sat down on the leather couch. He dealt with enough emotional humans every day to know that hovering in the center of a room made them uncomfortable, and he didn't want Bella any more worked up than she already was. "That day, in the woods, I couldn't have rescued you without endangering your life. I did what I could to keep you alive."

"What about now? He's gone! Why won't you let me leave now?"

"I'm sorry." His apology was sincere, but it meant less than nothing to Bella. "My family is my first priority, and I won't do anything to jeopardize Edward's emotional state. Besides, if you left right now, nothing would stop him from finding you and bringing you right back. Or worse. If he ran away with you, then none of us could help. Your best bet for survival is to stay right here."

Carlisle's words slammed into Bella like a freight train. They left no room for argument. He wouldn't help her, and if he tried, it wouldn't matter. "Why even bother?" she spat. "What was the point of saving me? You all want me dead, anyway."

"Nobody wants you dead, Bella," Carlisle said. "We want you to have a second chance at life, even if this life isn't your first choice."

Bella looked at Carlisle apprehensively. Edward had said they wanted to kill her. Had he lied? What would have been the point? It's not like she was running to any of them for help.

"I understand if you don't want to live with us after what you've been through. I can't imagine what you must think of us. Just know that, if you choose to stay, you are more than welcome to be a part of our family."

His words confused Bella. She was under the impression that she didn't have a choice. Edward had made it very clear that leaving was not an option. "If I choose to stay?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yes. Regardless of what Edward may tell you, it is ultimately your choice."

"He's never going to let me leave," she argued. "And you've made it clear that you won't help me."

"No, I won't," he said apologetically. "You have to help yourself."

"But I can't," she shouted. "It's not like I can overpower him!"

Carlisle struggled with how much to tell Bella. He didn't want to betray Edward, but he wanted to be fair to her. She would find out eventually, and it would be better if she had time to mentally prepare while she was still capable of making rational decisions. "When you become a newborn vampire, you will be volatile, irrational, and driven almost entirely by your instincts," he began slowly. "You will also be incredibly strong. There is nothing in the world stronger than a vampire in its first year of life. If you want to leave, Edward can't stop you."

Bella frowned as she processed his words. What Carlisle said didn't make any sense. Edward was older, stronger, or at least, that's what he had said. He wouldn't let her leave, and there were others who would help him.

Sensing her skepticism, Carlisle explained further. "No one can force you to stay here against your will once you've been changed. No one will be able to."

She studied his face carefully, but nothing she found there led her to believe he was lying. It had to mean that Edward had lied. In a way it made sense. He didn't want her to leave, so of course he wouldn't be truthful. That simple fact alone supported Carlisle's honesty. But why would he tell her this? Was he really trying to help or did he have ulterior motives?

Is this my only way out? she thought. Become a vampire and escape?

"Like I said before, we will help you adjust to your new life. You can stay for as long as you'd like. Our door will be open to you while you're actively participating in our lifestyle. However, if you leave, I hope you'll consider abstaining from drinking human blood."

Bella didn't know what to do. Carlisle was nice enough. She liked Esme. Even Alice seemed pleasant the few times she had seen her. They wanted her to stay, they wanted to help her, but Bella wasn't convinced. She shook her head, dispelling the thought. They weren't on her side, they were on his. She couldn't stay with them, especially not while Edward was around. Even if he became easier to deal with when he wasn't constantly attacking her, she still didn't want anything to do with him.

I don't want to stay, but if I leave, I'll be completely alone.

Bella wasn't sure which fate was worse.

At least their condition for acceptance wasn't bad. Bella didn't want to drink human blood. She hated the thought of people dying because of her. Of course, the thought of blood in general made her stomach churn, but that was now. She saw the way Edward reacted to her, the way the others cautiously kept their distance and held their breaths.

"What happens if I mess up?" she blurted out as the thought crossed her mind. "What if I kill someone?" Bella shuddered. She didn't want to think about it, but she had to ask. Obviously some indiscretions were allowed seeing as no one had kicked Edward to the curb yet, but she didn't know just how far their family bond went.

"There are times when mistakes are made, and we regret them deeply. Each and every one is a learning experience. We remember the lesson and move on. Would you understand what I meant if I said we were only human?"

Bella nodded.

"Aside from Edward and me, everyone in the family has produced at least one human casualty. Until you came along, he and I were the only two who had never consumed human blood. We have never killed a human in the true sense of the word. We may not have the first in common any more, but I pray to God that the second won't change. Unfortunately for the both of you, changing someone is an incredibly difficult task with a very low success rate."

"Is that why he went to . . ." Bella trailed off, not knowing how to finish her question. Eat? Feed? Kill Bambi?

"Hunt?" he guessed. Bella nodded. "Yes. He hopes it will help, and it may. He's out of options at this point. He would never have been successful in the state he let himself degrade to. At any rate, it should help him restore some control." Carlisle looked down and shook his head infinitesimally. A look of sadness washed across his face. It resembled Charlie's expression the few times that Bella had let him down.

"Are you disappointed in him?" she asked curiously.

Carlisle's head snapped up. He smiled questioningly, surprised that Bella was perceptive—or cared—enough to ask. "He thinks I am, and . . . I was, but I have no right to be. I hold Edward to a higher standard than I do the others because of his track record, but sometimes we can't help what's in our nature. Sometimes we all do things for reasons unbeknownst to others." Carlisle paused to give Bella a knowing look. "I don't know your motives for trying to invoke my family to attack you. I imagine it's either because you didn't want to suffer any longer or you didn't want to become one of us." This time Bella looked away. Carlisle nailed her reasoning on the head. She didn't want to die—not really—she just didn't want to settle for the options that were before her.

"I could change you right now, Bella," he proposed. "Your blood isn't a temptation to me. I have successfully changed all six of my family members without a single lapse of control. It would be over before your brain even registered the pain. But I won't do it without your permission."

Bella considered Carlisle's offer. She didn't doubt that he possessed the necessary control. After all, he had been in close proximity to her exposed blood multiple times and never once showed any traces of strain. Not to mention Edward trusted him, which said a lot.

At the time of her suicide attempt, Bella believed she only had two options: become a vampire and be stuck with Edward for the rest of eternity or endure painful suffering until he finally killed her. If she accepted Carlisle's offer, it would end her prolonged suffering at Edward's hand. Now that she knew she didn't have to be trapped there forever, the prospect of becoming a vampire was slightly more appealing.

The only problem was that Bella didn't want to be a vampire.

"I don't want you to change me."

"Are you sure you won't reconsider? There won't be another opportunity like this once Edward returns."

"I'm positive. Thank you for the offer, but I don't want your life. No offense or anything," she added quickly. "I want to be human, and if I give up now, that option will be lost."

"That's true; once the change begins there's no turning back. Do you understand there's a good chance that Edward will fail and you will die?"

Bella knew it was a possibility. A good possibility. Maybe she was brave, maybe she was stubborn, but she was going to fight to the bitter end. "I'm willing to take the chance."

Carlisle was thoughtful for a moment. He understood why she felt that way, and he admired her courage. She was stronger than any of them could have imagined. He wanted to help her, but his options were limited. If he could reason with Edward, perhaps they could come to an agreement. Edward wanted Bella because she gave him silence, and if she could do that as a human, there was no reason why she couldn't stay that way for a while longer—at least long enough for her to consent to the change.

"I'll talk to Edward when he gets back. He'll be well fed and thinking clearly. Perhaps he'll listen to reason and we can keep you human for a little longer."

Bella appreciated Carlisle's efforts, even if it wasn't the help she wanted. It didn't really matter what he did at this point, though.

She had a plan.

I love hearing theories. What do you think Bella's plan is?

There's a poll for this story on my profile: Whose side are you on?

Thanks for reading! :)