Gold stood at Emma's side, his hand on the small of the savior's back; she looked much smaller than he remembered, wearing men's clothing. "Emma, come on inside with me." He guided the savior into the pawnshop and into the back room, where he helped her into an armchair. "Belle, please bring a cup of tea… "
Belle took one look at Emma and scrambled for the teapot, which was already full and waiting. She poured a cup of tea, put in a cube of sugar and offered it to Emma.
Though Emma was awake she felt stuck in a dream as Gold guided her into a seat and Belle gently pushed a warm cup of tea into her hands. The sheriff breathed, and blinked, but did nothing else as she stared at the table in front of her. It was safe to say she hadn't realized her own transformation back into a woman, either, as shock clouded her senses. She remembered… She remembered everything. Regina's sobs, and how she pulled away from her touch, the blood. Thick, wet droplets on the floor, on Regina, so dark… That was when she backed out of the crypt, away from the sights, the sounds, and the coppery smell of crimson.
Ruby had found her, hours later, wandering through the forest in the dead of night. No flashlight, no conscious destination in mind - where she was going didn't matter, so long as it was away…
Emma hadn't talked to Ruby as she led her back to the road and drove her home. In fact, the savior hadn't spoken the entire weekend, except the brief moments when her son demanded her attention. Even then, it was only a few words, before she retreated back to the guest bedroom where she'd taken up temporary residence.
She'd needed time to think. To process the fact that there could be some seriously real danger out there that wanted her dead, and nobody, not even her wife had bothered to tell her. And she'd gotten Regina pregnant and just when she found out, that pure sense of unrestrained joy was ripped apart by her wife. Emma hadn't even realized she wanted another child until she knew she was about to have one, and to lose it in the same day felt devastating. Though even through all that, she still let herself worry over what would happen if they did have a kid in the future, because she wanted one. She knew that now, despite Regina saying she couldn't just because that stupid fucking fairy wanted it. Or her. What if it came after Henry instead? Fuck!
She was the savior, though; she could protect her family. She would protect her family. So why hadn't Regina told her any of this? Why had she kept her in the dark about the dangers they faced, and the potential for children, and just, fuck, why couldn't she talk to her?
She'd just needed time to work through it in her head. Except, she didn't get the time, did she? The sheriff could forgive the fights, she could forgive being banished from her home, the whole dealings with the divorce, even the fact that Regina had lied to her - but this? Messing with her memories? Her brain? "I have to go." Emma said absently, her light tone completely at odds with how abruptly she got to her feet. The tea spilled down her shirt as she passed the cup off to Belle.
Then the most surprising thing happened. She vanished in a cloud of bright light.
Emma's white glow slashed the darkness like a sword cutting an opening in a black dress.
Startled, Regina bolted upright in bed and stared at the savior with wide, frightened eyes. She had only seen Emma look this way once before, on the day that the curse ended; she remembered Emma seizing her and shoving her into a closet at the hospital, and how she had been covered in bruises shaped like the savior's rough hands. Hurts that she knew she deserved.
She didn't shrink away from the savior, even though she expected a fight that would come to blows - only this time it appeared that Emma had powerful magic to use against her. "Your magic," she stuttered out, but that was all she could say before losing her nerve.
Emma was in no mood for congratulations, and Regina faltered when the savior closed in on the bed. "I'm sorry," she squeaked out in desperation. "I prepared the potion for myself, but I used it on you! I thought... When you didn't speak to me for days, I thought you would take our son and leave. I needed you. At any cost, I needed you."
"That's just the thing Regina, you didn't use it, you got our son to give me it!" The windows shattered and exploded outwards, the blankets on the bed whipped away in a fierce wind, and Emma grabbed Regina by the arms and swung her out of bed. "OUR SON!" The savior screamed, and there was no doubt in her mind that the boy had no idea what had been put in the cocoa. Her pale hands scrambled to grab onto Regina as rage worked through her veins like venom, poisoning the rational side of her while her left hand snaked viciously around the smaller woman's right wrist. "You needed me so much you THREW ME OUT!" The lights within the house flickered, the cables outside swung and sparked, and Emma forced Regina hard against the wall with her right forearm across her throat. Their faces were inches apart as the blonde shrieked, eyes wild and teeth bared, "I was working it out! The lies, the danger, the pregnancy, your actions - I was this close to understanding it all, to forgiving you for everything. EVERYTHING!" The savior spat out, pushing against Regina, her hand tightening vice like around her wrist.
"But you couldn't do it, could you? Could you?! You lied to me for weeks, you kept part of the curse a secret FOR YEARS, and you couldn't give me three fucking days!" Emma swung herself away from Regina to pace the bedroom floor, her arms swinging erratically in anger as she yelled, "You know, no matter what the monsters of my past took from me, I could at least sleep at night knowing they'd never get to violate my mind, and then you raped it. Twice! Because you fucked up didn't you, when you were blaming me for everything in your office! MY WIFE!"
The lights up and down the block began to flicker on and off. House by house, they blinked along with the street lights, like a desperate S.O.S.
Emma noticed nothing as she fought the tears that stung her angry eyes and snarled out, "Were you ever going to tell me? We were trying for another kid! At any point did you never stop to think how wrong that is? What was the plan, keep my memories until I'm on my death bed?" The savior's white face slowly began to redden due to the trickle of blood that began to run from her nose, yet as she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth, she didn't seem to notice or care. Her dark, angry eyes only saw Regina.
"Do you even understand what you've done?" The savior shouted, her throat raw from the volume of it, "How am I ever meant to trust my own mind again, Regina? How am I meant to trust anything? Anyone?" Emma's tone was hysterical as she marched towards the brunette, both hands grabbed the front of her shirt to shake the woman violently, "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I'd have stood by you through anything, anything, and you'd rather alter my mind than talk to me!"
Emma let go of Regina to once again pace, her head whipping to the side as if she couldn't comprehend why this was happening. "I gave you everything!" The blonde screeched, the taste of copper on her lips, "You were the one person, the one person I could always trust, my true love!" Emma hissed scornfully.
Regina let her head fall back against the wall in defeat and her solemn but runny eyes bravely locked with Emma's – she owed it to the savior not to look away in the face of all of the horrible but true accusations.
She endured the thrashing Emma gave her without complaint, although her wrist twisted the wrong way and throbbed painfully. As Emma took hold of her and shook her forcefully, Regina's lip quivered and she pressed a hand over her mouth to quiet a sob.
"I thought I was protecting you by erasing that traumatic memory," Regina quietly argued. "Taking a great burden off your shoulders by removing that gruesome image of me. You couldn't even deal with it when it was happening! You left me there alone with Rumple and wandered off into the woods! You had no trouble accepting the gift I gave you before, when I replaced all of your memories and you went off to live in New York for a year. But that time I acted with your consent. I didn't realize that this was different or wrong until I started to process everything myself. I was grieving and you were completely oblivious. I tried to give your memories back to you several times, but whenever I came close to doing it, I remembered how you stared at me the night that I ended the pregnancy. You always looked at me with such adoration. But when you found me on the floor in a pool of blood, you didn't see me lying there. You saw Her."
Regina wrapped her arms in front of her and stayed against the wall, lest Emma decide to grab her again. "The vials containing your memories are in the nightstand, along with a letter I planned to give you. I came back here and wrote it after our session." With a straining deep breath, she set off across the room to open the drawer. She left the items she mentioned in plain sight, on top of the mattress. Then she fixed her ragged appearance, pulling down her shirt, which became tangled and rumpled from grappling with Emma.
"My love," the letter began, "It is time I returned these to you. I took them without asking, but please know that I had all of your best interests at heart when I relieved you of these memories. I wanted to shelter you from a painful truth, but I came to realize there is no greater violation of your trust. I am truly sorry…"
Regina reached out to take the paper before Emma could read further. "Tell me what to do," she begged. "Please, I'll do anything… whatever it takes to fix this."
Emma's anger was wet, and it leaked from her eyes as much as her nose. Sticky crimson smeared pale fingers that trembled as the woman struggled to breathe. The magic that resonated within the savior grew to affect the next block; car alarms, garden sprinklers, and garage doors all went nuts. The sheriff's magic was as unstable as her current emotions.
Emma loathed the fact that her hand was shaking as she lifted the letter to read. Her face betrayed her mixed emotions by softening, and her chin wobbled slightly as she sucked in a ragged breath. Silent tears spilled thickly from her eyes and she backed away when Regina reached for the paper. It floated back to the bed as Emma threw her arms up just to bring them roughly down against her own thighs like a child caught in the throes of a tantrum. A wounded, angry snarl clawed its way up her throat and forced its way out of her mouth.
"You'll do anything?" The savior's mind was racing, the inside of her skull throbbed and she felt slightly dizzy from the pressure. "Is that why you were messing around with that book, you know the one that turned me into a man for weeks!" Emma's accusatory tone was livid as she realized the implications. "That was the morning you opened up to me... " The blonde froze for a second, then curled her hands into fists, her skin looking waxy and pale. "What were you going to do Regina, wipe my memory a third time?"
One by one the streetlights up and down the street popped and shattered like twinkling, dying, confetti.
"No!" Regina cried. "I was looking for a way to save our child. It's not possible to raise the dead, but a life lost before it's even begun is a bit different." She tipped her head down to peer at her feet and avoid the infuriated look of disgust on Emma's face. "I hoped there was a magical way to undo my mistake, so that you might be able to forgive me some day, but all I did was make matters worse."
Her grievous eyes followed Emma, watching the savior's every violent and passionate move. With her arms tucked tightly around herself, she waited for the blonde to come to a stop before stepping in and taking gentle hold of Emma's arm. "Let me see your nose," she requested, and cautiously pinched the bridge of it with her fingertips. "It's bleeding."
Regina rested her other hand on her side and then shifted it to the place where she had plunged her fist inside to rip out the life budding within her. She glanced down suddenly, overtaken by the sensation of blood painting her fingers and a small, pulsing heartbeat that thump, thump thumped wildly as if it was afraid.
She blinked and realized that it was blood that leaked from Emma's nose on her fingertips, and that the frightened heartbeat she felt was her own. Her lashes fluttered over her damp eyes as she gravitated closer to Emma and drew in a shuddery breath. "I won't argue with you. What I did was despicable, and I fully admit I was in the wrong, regardless of my original intentions. I was unnecessarily cruel to you and I pushed you away instead of taking the responsibility for my own actions." She licked her lips and her dangling earrings swung as she flicked her gaze away.
"I'll give you whatever you want. If you want revenge, take it. If you want a divorce, I'll sign the papers tomorrow... "
Though Emma remained silent, it said more than she wanted to say when she stilled momentarily for Regina's gentle fingers to pinch her nose. Right then she was beyond furious with her wife, but Goddamn it, she still fucking loved her, and that? Messed with her head even more. The savior's green eyes narrowed menacingly as Regina offered up the idea of revenge, and even as she took half a step closer, Emma knew she wouldn't. She couldn't. There would be some kind of sick pleasure in throwing the divorce back at her wife, but she couldn't decide if that was what she wanted, or if she'd be doing it out of spite.
"Urgh!" The throaty groan threatened to tear her vocal cords as Emma threw her hands in the air and shouted, "You're unbelievable! I can't even - This is - I…" The savior sputtered, completely infuriated as she walked in a circle then yanked the bedroom door open. Though she spun to point at Regina, her lips forming a tight white line as her chest heaved. "If you ever use magic on me again without my consent…" She couldn't find the words to finish the sentence, but the threat alone was enough. Wherever she'd been about to go was delayed as she marched back into the room to stuff her sock clad feet into her old boots.
Then she about turned and stormed out of the bedroom, her feet thundering down the stairs. The front door slammed shut so viciously it shook the glass in the side panels but then there was a shriek in the garden. Followed by loud cursing, and the very distinct sound of a branch snapping.
Emma stood, panting, at the foot of the tree that had attacked her, a thick branch crackled and burned at her feet, orange embers swirled in the breeze. The glow from her hands was the only light outside on the whole block. "I'm not taking any more of this shit!" The savior screamed at the tree, which appeared to cower now that it had a limb less.
Regina stood at the window while the savior maimed her precious tree, but she made no attempt to come to its rescue, even as a thick branch burned and shriveled. She observed Emma's rampage until she was certain the blonde's teeth were chattering from the cold. Only then did she descend the stairs to find Emma's warm coat and take it out to her. She wrapped herself in a thick wool coat and scarf, and went into the kitchen to brew coffee, which she put into a thermos before heading outside.
"I see you started a fire to keep yourself warm," she remarked. "But I thought you'd appreciate your coat and a hot beverage." She squinted to make out Emma's expression in the pitch dark. The glowing embers from the tree did little to provide them with light, even when they stood huddled close to one another. "Go on," she stated, holding out the coffee. "There's nothing in it that will affect you, aside from the caffeine." She couldn't help her choice of words, and cringed as she handed over the thermos and the insulated jacket.
The savior turned slowly to glare at Regina in the darkness. The almost jovial quip did nothing but fan the flames of Emma's anger and her hands coiled tightly around the flask and her jacket respectively, though she made no move to use either. Instead she stood there, under the barely there presence of the moon, and watched the flames slowly shrink and die like the last of her trust and hope. For the first time since she'd fallen in love with Regina, she felt the empty void that had taken root inside her during the years she'd spent in foster care.
The snow crunched underneath Regina's feet, which were covered by slippers with hard soled bottoms. She treaded across the yard and settled herself down on Henry's old swing, which was frosted over with ice. Leaning her cheek against the suspension ropes, she sat for a while, gazing up at the sliver of moon and the sprinkle of stars. Her mouth was swollen from crying and her wrist ached where Emma squeezed too hard.
She eased up from the swing and started into the house after a moment of silence passed between them. "I'll move my things into the guest bedroom," she quietly told Emma. "Unless you'd prefer for me to stay at the inn tonight."
It wasn't until the brunette spoke that Emma snapped out of it, and when she moved it was almost predatory as she made her way back into the house.
"No." The word was like a bark as the blonde stopped in front of Regina. Emma's eyebrows formed an aggravated line as she hissed quietly, "You're not going anywhere. Not the inn, not the guest room. You'll sleep in our bed, surrounded by our scents, and our things, and I'll sleep in the guest room." Why should she be the one stuck in their room with all of that? It would be simple enough to let Regina retreat to the inn but why? Emma's magic had taken out half the damn streetlights, it was icy, and in Regina's current state if she drove the chances are she'd crash, or freeze to death if she walked.
Emma tried to convince herself the only reason she cared was because she didn't want Regina's death on her hands. The savior tossed her jacket in the closet and left the thermos of coffee on the first available cabinet as she made her way upstairs. The numbness of being outside for so long had dampened her rage and her magic appeared to have calmed. Either that, or she'd weakened herself considerably and had yet to feel the ramifications in her current state. The sheriff's body guided her into the spare room, where all she did was stand in the dark in an attempt not to fall apart.
Regina poured the still hot coffee into the kitchen sink, long after Emma retreated for the guest bedroom. She plodded up the stairs and put her hand against the door separating her from Emma, but dared not turn the knob and risk further stoking Emma's anger. In the quiet confines of her bedroom, she picked up her cell phone and read a few messages from Henry.
"How'd the session go? Are u and mom ok? Happy u 2 are working on it. Snow is making me go 2 bed now but will txt in the AM."
Regina put the phone on the night table and then curled up on her side, clutching Emma's pillow. She fell asleep some time in the early morning hours, when the pillow was soaked through with her tears. She didn't budge when the alarm went off, or when she heard Henry's heavy footfalls on the stairs.
"Hey, I just needed to grab my bio textbook before school," Henry said by way of greeting, as he stepped into his mothers' bedroom. "Forgot to take it last night. David's giving me a ride. Where's Mom?"
Regina smiled for her son's sake and lightly placed two fingers under his chin, as was her habit. "We had a difficult first session with Dr. Hopper. She's asleep in the guest bedroom. Can I make you some breakfast before you go?"
"Grandma made waffles," Henry replied. "What do you mean, you had a difficult first session? Are you fighting again?"
"I think the fight is over," Regina assured him. "Now we just have to find a way to move forward. We both love you. I hope you have a good day at school. Don't be late."
Henry seemed skeptical, but he accepted her explanation for the time being and raced off to get into David's truck.
Regina glided down the hallway to the guest bedroom, where she sank down and hugged her knees outside the door.
She fell asleep, but Emma never emerged from the guest room to find her. Hours later, she picked herself up and returned to the isolation of her bedroom.
AN: Thank you for all of the reviews. As an added thanks, I hurried along to edit and post this chapter. If you want more quick updates, please review. It means a lot to us.