A Rough Start

Chapter 10 – With or Without You

Edward leaned his head against his fist in an effort to catch a few winks of sleep during his short lunch break. But Emmett and Jasper had other plans. With a loud raucous, they thundered into the empty seats at Edward's table and launched into their plans for the weekend.

"Man, remember when we used to talk about going out and hookin' up?" Emmett asked. "Those were the good 'ole days."

Jasper looked up at Emmett. "Things not going so well with Rosalie?"

"It's not that," Emmett shook his head to emphasize his point. "Things with Rose are fine. I'm just talking about…you know…when the possibility of meeting someone was there. You know? It was exciting."

"That's not the way I remember it," Jasper frowned.

"That's because you haven't dated anyone but Alice since you had a paper route in eighth grade," Emmett muttered.

"It only seems great when all you remember are the good times," Edward piped in. "Trust me, it's not all fun and games."

"Dry spell?" Jasper empathized.

Edward was about to respond when Emmett chimed in.

"Oh, hey, that reminds me. I saw Vicki the other day. She asked about you. Wanted to know if you were seeing anyone," he said.

"Ugh," Edward grimaced.

"She wasn't that bad," Emmett said, but his face revealed that even he didn't believe his own words.

"Actually," Edward stalled to look at his two friends briefly. "I was thinking about asking Bella out."

"The teacher?" Emmett asked.

"Really?" Jasper leaned forward. "I guess I can see that."

"I can't really say we've been hanging out, but we've spent a little time together and she's been…really nice," Edward explained.

"Because she helps you out with the kid?" Emmett asked. "Because if that's the only reason you're askin' her out she's gonna see right through it."

"The reason I'm asking her out is because if I don't, I don't think I'll ever get to spend any time with her without Anthony," Edward defended himself. "And because I think she's…attractive." Edward fought the urge to describe Bella as hot. It just didn't seem right to talk about his son's teacher in that way.

"She's cute, I guess," Emmett reflected. "But I've never really looked at her. I've only seen her a few times."

"Well, you'll see her tonight. She's coming to pizza night," Jasper grinned." Alice invited her."

Pizza night was supposed to be something Jasper and Alice did weekly with their friends. But time, budget and fatigue usually relegated it to a once-a-month activity. Since Thursday nights had the best television line-up, they'd sit around, watch TV, eat pizza and talk about how glad they were that the next day was Friday.

The only requirement was that each person or couple had to bring one pizza to share with the group.

"I can't afford a buy-in," Edward muttered.

"I'll cover you," Jasper offered. Then he nudged Emmett. "Em, you can bring an extra pizza, right?"

"Why do we both have to bring one? If you're getting an extra one, why do I have to?" Emmett complained.

"Fine. Adhere to a three-slice maximum and you don't have to bring an extra pizza," Jasper wagered.

Emmett pouted before giving in. "Fine. I'll bring another one. But I'm getting something cheap, like cheese."

Edward listened to his friends banter and he knew they weren't intentionally making him feel like a burden, but that's exactly what they were doing.

"It's okay. I don't think I'm going to come tonight anyway. Anthony doesn't do well when he gets to bed late. Plus I promised him I'd teach him how to play soccer," Edward said.

"You gonna put him on a team?" Emmett looked genuinely interested for the first time since their conversation started.

"Are you kidding?" Edward snorted. "Anthony is the most uncoordinated child I've ever seen. He gets that from his mother. Two left feet."

Jasper and Emmett exchanged glances. Edward never spoke about Jessica or his relationship with her and they weren't sure what the protocol was now that Edward had brought her up.

Leave it to Emmett to speak first and think later.

"Is that weird for you? Like, to see things about him that remind you about her, knowing that she's…you know…gone?" Emmett asked.

Edward played with a small twist-tie that had been left behind on the table. "It's weird…but I don't really feel anything when it comes to Jessica. I think all my emotions are just canceling each other out. I mean, when I first found out about Anthony, I was pissed that she didn't even tell me I had a son. And then I was sad that she…you know…died. And then some days I have like this huge amount of respect for her because she did this shit on her own and I can't figure out how. I can barely make it and Anthony's in school half the day. Can you imagine what it must have been like when he was a baby? If I had gotten him then, I know that there's no way I could've done it."

"You do what you have to," Emmett said.

"Yeah, and don't be so hard on yourself. Didn't she live with her parents or something? I'm sure she had help," Jasper reminded Edward.

"And that's what you need," Emmett interjected. "Help."

Edward knew his friends were right, but he also knew that the help they were speaking of wasn't easy to come by. First of all, he didn't have any money to pay someone to look after Anthony. He also didn't want to leave Anthony with just anybody. And it would take time to meet, get to know and trust someone – time he didn't have. He needed help now.

Later that afternoon, after promising Jasper that he would show up for Pizza night, Edward headed off to the school to pick up Anthony. As he walked to the afterschool care room, he couldn't help but glance towards Bella's classroom. The lights were off and it was dark. She was gone.

Good. Maybe she was already on her way to Jasper and Alice's house.

The thought produced a smile on Edward's face, and when he walked into the overly furnished room to retrieve his son, he looked like he didn't have a care in the world.

Anthony bounded up to Edward with his soccer ball in tow. "Miss Swan said she would come to my game on Saturday," he said excitedly.

"Your game?" Edward frowned as he took the ball from Anthony and waited for Anthony to get his coat on.

"Yes. You said that we're going to have a game at the park on Saturday," Anthony told his father.

"Anthony, I just said that I was going to teach you how to play soccer at the park on Saturday. It's not a soccer game. There aren't going to be any other players. It's just you and me, buddy." Edward told him.

Anthony looked at Edward as if he'd just repeated, verbatim, exactly what Anthony had said. "Right. Miss Swan said she would come watch me."

"Did she just happen to say that, or did you ask her to come watch your soccer game?" Edward asked.

"I asked her to come watch my soccer game."

"Exactly. And as I just told you, there is no soccer game. It's just me teaching you how to play."

Anthony's face fell as he looked up at Edward. "So she can't come?"

"There's nothing for her to come to Anthony. She misunderstood you, okay? She thought you were inviting her to watch a game, like between two teams. But you aren't on a soccer team. Not yet." Edward told him as they walked to the car.

"Oh," Anthony responded.

By the time Edward parked curbside in front of Jasper's house, Anthony seemed to have forgotten about the soccer game mishap. However, as soon as he saw Bella's truck in the driveway, Edward couldn't open the door fast enough for him to get out.

"Miss Swan!" Anthony swung open the front door and ran inside to seek her out and announce his presence.

Edward walked into the house slowly, and smiled his apology at Alice for his son's rude entry.

"Aw, he's just excited," Alice told him.

Secretly, Edward was just as interested to see Bella as Anthony was. It seemed like everytime they had a conversation, she was helping him figure something out. Tonight he was hoping to get to know her a little better.

When he entered the living room, Edward stopped short at the sight in front of him.

Bella stood off to the side of the room, speaking candidly with Rosalie about something he didn't care to know about. And she was wearing a pair of jeans that looked like they were made to be worn only by her. They accentuated every curve and angle of her lower half perfectly.

She looked amazing.

Jasper caught Edward starring and wiggled his eyebrows at him before nodding in her direction, urging Edward to do what they both knew he wanted to do.

Edward stuck his hands in his pockets and smirked. Later. He'd ask her out later, when he was able to do it without an audience. But he was most definitely going to ask her out.

"Come on girls. Come help me in the kitchen," Alice called to Bella and Rosalie. Everyone knew it was just for the convenience of girl talk and that there wasn't really any work to be done.

Edward caught Bella's eye as she walked by him and she smiled.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey," Edward nodded. He noticed that she was wearing a v-neck shirt and it was all that he could do not to look to see what awaited his eyes at the bottom of that v.

Edward also noticed that Anthony was all too eager to follow Bella into the kitchen.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Edward asked playfully as he retrained Anthony by his shoulders.

Anthony shrugged.

"Why don't you go wash your hands? We're about to eat," Edward told him. Anthony nodded and scuttled off towards the restroom.

"Man, did you hear that the plant is offering overtime? What the hell is that all about? First they lay off like twelve guys, and then they offer overtime?" Emmett stated in his booming voice.

"How'd you know about that?" Jasper asked.

"You knew about it and didn't say anything?" Emmett replied.

"You know I can't tell you guys everything I know," Jasper stated. Then he looked over at Edward. "Did you hear about it?"

"Nope," Edward sat down. "But time and a half sure would be nice. Who's getting it?"

"I'm totally going for that shit," Emmett said.

"Actually, you can't," Jasper told him. "You're not cleared to work the lathe. There's only like, five guys that can do it." Again Jasper's eyes met Edward's. Edward was one of the five. He was also the leading candidate. But Jasper knew his limitations.

"How much overtime are we talking?" Edward asked.

"It's not actually overtime, as much as it is a full time equivalent position. And there's a shift differential," Jasper vaguely explained. "It's three-twelve's."

"Three twelve hour days?" Emmett shot up. "Some fucker is going to get paid more to work less? Are you kidding me?"

"Have you ever worked a twelve hour day, Emmett?" Edward asked. "It's not exactly a walk in the park."

"Still, four days off? I'd give my left nut for four days off," Emmett expressed.

"That does sound nice," Edward nodded. "What are the hours?"

"Six in the morning 'til six at night," Jasper looked forlorn as he answered. Only a person with no childcare responsibilities would be able to accept a shift like that.

Edward let out a low whistle. He wanted that shift. He wanted it badly, but he also knew that there was no way he'd be able to make it work with Anthony.

"I don't suppose there's any way to do it over the weekend?" Edward was half-joking, half-serious.

"Nope," Jasper shook his head.

Edward leaned back against his chair and momentarily fantasized about how easy his life would be if he could score a three-day workweek and bring home a little bit of extra cash. His mind turned over what his options with Anthony would be, and then he realized that he hadn't seen Anthony come out of the bathroom from washing his hands.

Without a word, Edward stood up and peered down the hallway to see if the bathroom was still occupied. It wasn't.

Edward was about to check the back bedrooms to see if Anthony had gotten sidetracked, but the voices from the kitchen distracted him.

"Bella, he is so amazing," Edward heard Rosalie say. "He's got a condo in Seattle that you can see the Space Needle from."

"Big deal. You can see the Space Needle from lots of places in Seattle," Alice didn't sound impressed.

Edward heard Bella laugh.

"And every time we have a lunch meeting, we always make him drive because he has the nicest car. It's an Infiniti, and I swear, when you ride in it, it feels like you're gliding on air. If I hit my sales goals, I'm totally getting one," Rosalie rambled.

"Okay, so Derek has an awesome condo and an awesome car, but what does he look like?" Alice wanted to know.

"He's cute," Rosalie said a little too quickly.

"Cute as in bulldog puppy or cute as in he'd totally be hot if he lost thirty-five pounds?" Alice questioned.

"He's not fat, bald or acne-riddled. Dang, Alice, what kind of person do you think I am?" Rosalie complained.

"Okay, enough, you two. Alice, I'm sure Derek doesn't look like Shrek, and Rosalie, I've already agreed to go out with him so you can stop reading me his resume already," Bella said.

Edward felt deflated as he heard those words escape Bella's mouth. He was too late. He'd waited too long and now she was going out with another man. A man, he couldn't help noticing, that had managed to impress even Rosalie, and that was a feat within itself, judging by the things Emmett had said about her.

Edward heard Bella laugh again. Then he heard a boyish giggle.

Not bothering to conceal himself any longer, Edward moved into the doorway and stared directly into the kitchen. Alice was counting out paper plates, Rosalie was sending a text message via her phone, and Bella was sitting at the dining table, with Anthony on her lap, tickling him intermittingly.

Knowing that Bella had been sitting there, holding his son while speaking about another man rubbed Edward the wrong way. Regardless of the illogicalness of it, Edward felt betrayed.

"Anthony, come here," Edward ordered flatly.

"Miss Swan said she can come watch me play soccer even if it's just me," Anthony said happily.

"Anthony, I told you to go wash your hands," Edward said sternly.

"I did," Anthony told him.

"Then come here," Edward pointed to the floor next to where he stood. He noticed that Bella was giving him a quizzical look, as if asking him what the hell his problem was.

Anthony slowly climbed down off Bella's lap and slowly walked over to Edward.

"Actually, Edward," Alice turned to face him, "I just had the carpet in the living room shampooed, so I was hoping we could all eat at the table…is that okay with you?"

"Yeah. I just need to talk to him," Edward pointed to Anthony and began to lead him out of the room.

"Edward," Bella's voice sounded like music as she called his name, "if you had something special planned for you and Anthony at the park, I won't go. It just seemed important to him, so I said I'd go. I didn't think…I'm sorry I didn't ask you first."

When Edward looked into Bella's eyes, he saw it. Immediately he knew that she knew. She saw right through him, to his personal anguish. And not only did he have to admit it to her, but he had to admit it to himself: projecting his own frustration onto Anthony, and indirectly onto Bella, made him the biggest prick of a father there was.

"No, it's fine," Edward said. "I just didn't want you to think there was going to be this big game with teams and cheering…it's just him and…me." Edward gazed at Bella a little longer than he meant to. "So, if that's okay with you, I know he'd really like it if you were there."

"Then I'll be there," Bella smiled at Anthony.

Edward took Anthony out of the kitchen, under the pretense of having something important to say. But when Edward looked into Anthony's big, wondering eyes, he knew that the only thing he should be saying was 'I'm sorry'. But knowing Anthony wouldn't understand what he was apologizing for, Edward leaned down so that he was eye level with his son and reminded Anthony to always remember to let him know where he was.

"I sent you to the bathroom to wash your hands and the next thing I know, you're in the kitchen. I need to know where you are, Anthony. Okay?" Edward asked.

Anthony nodded.

"You're not in trouble. I just want you to tell me what you're doing, okay?"

Anthony looked above Edward at the same time that Edward felt the presence of someone else. He stood up and turned to see that Bella was behind him, her eyes on Anthony.

"Anthony, Alice gave you a special plate at the table. Do you want to go see it?" Bella asked.

Anthony nodded but looked to Edward for permission. Edward gestured his agreement, and then sighed. After a few moments of silence he could hear Anthony and Alice talking about the zoo animal plate; he could also hear Bella shifting her weight from one foot to another behind him.

"Is everything okay, Edward?" she asked.

"Yeah. Fine. Why?" he spun and put on a fake smile.

"I don't know. You just seemed…really frazzled a minute ago."

"Oh…yeah. I couldn't find Anthony. I sent him to wash his hands and he never came back…"

"Oh," Bella nodded. She was looking at him like she expected him to tell her more, but he didn't know what else to say.

They stood there staring at one another awkwardly until Jasper and Emmett came through on their way to the kitchen. Edward noticed that Jasper had a quirky smile on his face and instantly Edward knew what he thought was happening.

"I won't come on Saturday if you don't want me to," Bella whispered.

"Bella, it's fine. Honest. Come. Anthony really wants you to be there," Edward said. And up until a few minutes ago, so did Edward.

At first, Edward thought it was going to be lame eating at the table instead of around the television set, but he had to admit, it wasn't that bad. He got to watch as his friends and their significant others interacted with one another and he also got to know a little bit about Bella. Her list of attributes was growing: she was nice, caring, smart, pretty and funny as hell. Oh, and man could she wear a pair of jeans.

It didn't take long before Emmett brought up the subject of the overtime and Jasper admonished him because it wasn't public knowledge.

"Who are we going to tell?" Rosalie asked. "It's not like anyone I know cares about who is getting a few extra hours at the lumber mill."

"That could really help some people out," Alice fleetingly looked over at Edward before asking Jasper if he was eligible for it.

"It's only for people on the floor. Not admin," Jasper answered.

"I don't necessarily think overtime is such a great thing," Bella spoke up.

"Not such a great thing?" Jasper looked over at her like she was crazy. "I'm sorry, I'm Bill Collector. Have we met?"

Bella laughed at his brashness but added, "No, I get that people need to pay their bills, but overtime really takes away from family time, rest time and the extra money you make is basically taxed to obliteration."

"Well, normally, I might be inclined to agree with you," Jasper relented, "but this isn't really overtime. It's three twelve-hour workdays in which the employee would maintain full-time wages on top of a shift differential."

"Wow," Bella looked impressed. She looked over at Edward. "Are you going to do it?"

"Can't," Edward said. "It starts at six in the morning and ends at six at night. Unless I want to get anymore scathing letters from my son's teacher, or more one-hundred and fifty dollar daycare charges, I'm not a contender."

Edward knew he'd overstepped his bounds when Bella stopped mid-chew and looked down. She pretended to re-adjust the napkin in her lap as she swallowed her food.

Alice noticed the tension between Edward and Bella and was the first to break the silence.

"It's only three days a week. Can't you just drop him off a little earlier with the lady who drives him to school now and let her take him home? You could pick him up from her house," Alice suggested.

"She can't," both Edward and Bella said in unison.

"And besides, I'd have to drop Anthony off at five-thirty in the morning. Only a crazy person would agree to that."

"I am so glad I don't have any kids," Rosalie said as she reached for another piece of pizza.

"Rosalie!" Bella frowned at her.

"What?" Rosalie asked with a bite-full of pizza in her mouth.

Edward watched as Bella looked from Rosalie to Anthony and back to Rosalie, signaling to her with her eyes.

"Oh. Sorry," Rosalie muttered.

Bella reached over and touched Anthony's hand and asked him if he wanted anymore pizza. He grinned at her and lifted his plate for another helping.

Edward watched the exchange between Bella and Anthony. She was so natural in taking note of his needs. Edward hadn't even noticed that Anthony didn't have any more food on his plate.

The conversation at the table wound down quickly and Bella helped Alice clean off the table before announcing her departure. She said goodbye to Anthony, but only glanced at Edward as she left.

As soon as she was gone, Edward wanted to leave as well. He was no longer in the mood to interact with his friends.

"I'm gonna take off," Edward told Jasper and Emmett as they plopped down on the sofa and began to flip through television channels.

"So what happened?" Jasper asked quietly, even though Rosalie and Alice couldn't hear anything over the racket they were making in the kitchen.

"Yeah, either she turned you down or she said yes and then got all shy, because she sure was quiet," Emmett observed.

"Actually, I never asked her," Edward stated casually with a shrug of his shoulders. "I found out she's already seeing someone."

"Oh," Jasper said awkwardly.

"Anyway, I have to get home and get Anthony to bed. So…I'll see you guys."

As Edward made his way out, Jasper jumped up and followed him through the front door.

"Hey, Edward, I didn't want to say anything in there, but just a heads up," Jasper looked over his shoulder to make sure he and Edward were alone, "Pete is going to offer you that new shift tomorrow. Don't turn him down without at least taking the weekend to think about it."

"Jasper, you know I can't do it," Edward stressed. "How can I do it?"

"I don't know, but you've got to at least try. This is exactly the kind of break you need. You need to think outside of the box and try," Jasper urged. "Call Vicki. At least you have a history with her. You don't have to start at the beginning."

Edward looked over to where Anthony was quietly picking up rocks in the small front yard. It was a reminder of yet one more thing he couldn't give his child: a front yard – or a back yard for that matter.

Jasper was right. Edward needed to at least try.

At home, Anthony climbed into Edward's bed after a quick shower. Anthony hadn't slept on the couch since the night Edward offered to let him sleep with him, and as long as it kept Anthony from bringing up Gus, Edward saw no need to make a change.

It wasn't until Anthony was asleep that Edward allowed himself to truly consider the shift change that Jasper had told him about. Things looked completely different now that he knew the position was his for the taking. Now he was desperate for it.

Edward exhaled deeply as he sat forward, his elbows resting on his knees and his chin resting in his hands. He could almost hear his mother's words as she told a twelve-year-old Edward that sometimes adults had to do things they didn't like; that it was a sign of maturity.

He sat silently for a few more moments before he pulled out his phone and scrolled to a number that he used to know by heart.

"Hello, Vicki? Hi. Yeah, it's Edward….Yeah, it has been awhile, hasn't it? Yeah…so, uh, how are you?"