The next day, and for the rest of the week, Jack tried to reason with himself. It wasn't true, was it? Jamie was just the first person to show him compassion and believe in him. It was... natural(?) to think that he had some sort of feelings for him. They shared a special bond. Jamie was his best friend. His feelings were platonic, right? Right? Jack tried so desperately to think that, but the more he tried, the less he felt it was true. He couldn't help it. He loved Jamie.

It's not like it wouldn't be impossible for them to get together. Jamie wasn't straight. They had a chance. Jack just didn't want anything to be awkward or go wrong. Jack didn't want to tell Jamie how he felt and then have the other reject him. Or worse; them get into some sort of relationship and have it crash and burn. He wished he was the kind of person that just went with the flow and let his emotions guide him. But he had to think about all of the worst possible outcomes before he really committed to something.

Jamie probably didn't even like him. Just because he was gay, and Jack was pan, didn't mean that there was a mutual attraction. Sure, Jack was artistic and tall and attractive, but so what? Jack liked to think of himself as modest, and that not everyone was innately attracted to him. Most of the time he was ignored. Jamie could find him completely unappealing, and not his type at all.

Plus, there was the whole homophobia issue. Getting into a relationship would be a bad idea, for all parties involved.

But now that Jack had really thought about it, he couldn't imagine being without Jamie. As a friend, or even something more. Jack knew risks had to be taken in order to find the truth. But Jack also knew that risks could ruin chances. But, he wasn't the type of person to run away from problems like this, to shove them deep down inside of him to rot. He could face it head on, by telling Jamie. He knew he couldn't keep it inside him and let it eat him away until he cracked. If he told Jamie and it wasn't mutual, at the least it would be awkward for a bit and then Jack would get over it and respect Jamie's decision. Or Jamie could stop talking to him. Or Jamie, by some miracle, could like him back.

Maybe Jack didn't really love Jamie after all. Maybe he only liked him. But either way, he knew there was an attraction there. Jamie was an amazing person. He was attractive, yes, but he was kind and funny and generous. He was just a good person. And Jack... well, Jack wasn't. Jack didn't deserve Jamie.

Jack sat on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. He had been battling inside his head for hours. It was eating away at his guts, causing them to tie up in knots and his heart beat frantically inside his ribcage. His body was telling him to confess, or else he'd die. His brain wasn't quite convinced. He really wished he had someone to talk to about it.

Then it hit him.

Jack got up and grabbed his phone from his desk. Quickly scrolling, he found the number he was looking for and hit 'Call'. For a few moments it just rang until he heard the telltale click of it picking up.

"Hello?" Jack heard the familiar Russian accent on the other side of the receiver.

"Uncle North? Hey," Jack said nervously, "how's it going?"

"Good, nephew. Good." North said with a deep chuckle. "How is it going with you?"

"Oh, you know. High school, stress, stuff like that." Jack responded and sat down. He hadn't talked to his Uncle since Thanksgiving. Usually they kept in contact rather well, but Jack had been busy as of late.

"Everything is alright, yes?" Jack knew what he was hinting at.

"Yeah, I've been fine. I've actually met someone, and he's really cool. I've been getting better." He added on at the end, giving his Uncle a little reassurance about his emotional state.

"That is magnificent!" He said with enthusiasm and Jack chuckled. His Uncle was great.

"Actually, the reason I called you was because of the guy I met... I... I need some advice." Jack started. He wasn't feeling awkward about the fact that he was having 'girl talk' with his Uncle North. He already knew about his sexuality and was completely supportive. He was awkward because he didn't quite know what to think about it himself.

"Yes," he asked, and Jack imagined him sitting at his big desk with an intent stare.

"I've been struggling with my feelings towards him. I can't... Well, okay, I know I like him, I just don't know what to do about it."

North made a thoughtful noise, expressing that he was listening and thinking, but wanted Jack to continue.

"He's really great, but I don't want to ruin anything between us. He's gay, so that's not the problem, but I can't be sure if he likes me. Oh, god, I sound so stupid." Jack shook his head. He could feel his cheeks burning, but it was too late to take it back.

"You know what I say?" North started but didn't ask for an answer. "Look at life with wonder. Do not restrict yourself. Tell him, or else you will not know."

Jack thought about it for a second. He really didn't want to restrict his life: after all, he was trying tolive it for two people.

"Do you really think it's the best idea?"

"I feel it in my belly."

Jack smiled. If Uncle North's belly was telling him it was the best idea, he had to go through with it.

"Thanks," Jack smiled and looked at the staff that was now hanging on his wall, "really, it means a lot."

"Not a problem, little Jackie." He said and then Jack heard some noises in the background and a sound that could've been mistaken as a trumpet. "I must go, but take care."

"'Bye, don't work too hard." Jack replied and grinned as he heard his Uncle ordering some people around before it clicked off.

To Jack, North was probably the coolest person on Earth. He was his mom's oldest brother, and even though they hadn't grown up together, they were considerably close. Their parents got a divorce when Anna was a little over two years old, and her father moved back to Russia with her brother, who was 16 at the time, and she stayed in New York with her mother and her older sister. It was an odd predicament, but eventually Nicholas moved back to America when he was thirty and Anna was sixteen. He had picked up his Russian accent, something he'd hang on to for the rest of his life, and now he was Jack's devoted Uncle. Jack thought that maybe it was because he felt guilty for not being there for his sister, and he was trying to make up for it, but either way, he was Jack's favorite uncle. On the other side, though, Uncle "Bunny" was Uncle North's best friend. North, before moving to the States, had worked for a few years in Australia, and became close friends with E. Aster Bunnymund (a.k.a "Bunny"), who moved to the U.S. with North and eventually married their sister and became a part of the family. He wasn't Jack favorite relative, but they had their moments, and Thanksgiving and Easter was really all the contact they had with each other anymore.

But nonetheless, Jack's mind had been made up.

He was going to tell Jamie how he felt. Or... something of the sort.

Jack decided that ignoring and blowing Jamie off for the past week wasn't acceptable any longer. Romantic feelings aside, he missed Jamie and had been feeling extremely lonely.

Hey, you busy today?

After a tense second, his phone dinged.

Oh *ur* not busy today? I guess I can be important 4 once

C'mon, don't be like that. I'm sorry, I've just had stuff to do.

Fine. Im just shitting you. What do u want 2 do?

The usual. Just hang out.

Jack really wanted to say, 'I have something to tell you.', but he figured that'd be too intense.

Ill be over in 10

Okay.

Jack went into the living room to wait, informing his parents that Jamie was on his way, and sat on the couch with his mind racing.

He couldn't do this. He wasn't going to do it. It was too quick. Oh god, what was he worrying about? This was silly. It's just a crush, it's stupid. This was stupid. He was stupid. Jamie wasn't stupid. Jamie was amazing. Jamie was fucking hot. Jamie made him want to just... He didn't know. Jamie made him want to do a lot of things. Jesus Christ, Jack was going crazy. No big deal, no big deal, no big deal, no big deal-it was a big deal. No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. No. Jack was so stupid!

There was a knock and then the door opened.

"Honey, I'm home!" Jamie called out.

"Welcome back, sweetie. It's been awhile, hasn't it?" Anna said and looked at Jack, who gave her a panicked warning look. She raised her eyebrow but let it go.

"Yeah, yeah. Someone didn't want me around I guess." Jamie teased and sat on the arm of the couch. "Do you even recognize me?" He gave him a sideways look.

"You're such a drama queen."

Jamie shrugged and smiled at Jack.

"The queen demands a sandwich."

Jack rolled his eyes but got up anyway and went into the kitchen. Jamie trailed after him, humming some song, and the white-haired teen could practically feel the heat radiating off of him, even though he wasn't standing very close. Maybe it wasn't heat. Or, at least body heat.

Jack knew that Jamie liked his animal proteins, but he figured he could deal with what they had. The younger teen did in fact take the sandwich with grace and thanks, and they sat at the kitchen table for several minutes.

"So, how've you been?" Jamie asked after he had finished and brushed the crumbs off of his lap.

"You know, I've been fine." Jack quirked his lip. "Thinking about things. What about you?"

"Thinking as well." Jamie nodded his head slowly.

Silence.

"Have you seen Donnie Darko?" Jamie asked quickly.

"I love that movie."

"Shall we watch it?"

"Absolutely."

They both got up and made their way to Jack's room, where he had recently gotten a small T.V. and set up the PlayStation. They spent the next two hours watching Jake Gyllenhaal and Jena Malone.

"Did you hear she's going to be in the new Hunger Games movie?"

"Oh really? Who's she playing?"

"Johanna Mason."

"Oh, okay."

Silence.

The movie went on and then finished.

"The ending always gets me."

"Yeah. It's a really mad world, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

Silence.

The tension was palpable.

Jack knew why he was tense. He had no idea why Jamie was giving off that vibe. Maybe since he had been kind of ignoring him for a week. But they were closer than that, right? One week didn't mean anything, right?

Jack sat up straighter and steeled himself. This was it. He couldn't take it. It was the time to confess.

"Jamie..." Jack started and he could feel his palms become sweaty and his heart started to pound.

"Yeah?" Jamie looked over at him. His body was still facing towards the television, but his shoulders and head were turned, and eyes fixed on him innocently. For some reason, this struck Jack as kind of cute. His face heated up.

"I've got something to tell you."

Jamie then angled his body towards the other.

"Yeah?" He asked again.

"I-I, uh, I..." Jack inhaled through his nose sharply.

"Yes, Jackson?" Jamie gave him a look and smiled lightly. Jack winced at that name.

"I... I actually didn't like the Hunger Games movie." Jack blurted out and felt like slapping himself. Oh god, he was such a wimp!

And the worst part was that he really did like the movie!

"Oh," Jamie said, with slight disappointment, "I thought it was good. The camera stuff was kind of weird, but it was still entertaining." Jamie shrugged.

"Uh, yeah. The camera stuff. Couldn't get passed that." Jack bit his lip and looked down at his lap.

"Oh look, Mean Girls." Jamie commented. "Mind if I?"

"Go ahead." Jack said as he was berating himself.

"Cool," Jamie clicked on it, and they spent another few hours with Lindsay Lohan.

Thankfully, Jack's mood was lifted whenever Jamie laughed and quoted along with the movie, and for now, everything was okay.

10/22/18