I can do this, Chakotay's mind railed, willing himself to tell her the whole ugly truth he had been keeping from her; his heart drumming so hard in his chest it practically hurt. I can do this. I have to do this!
Naomi's voice interrupted his thoughts, himself only half-aware that he had entered the mess-hall. As expected, she and Annika were engaged in a game of Kadis-Kot. "Green, grid 15-4."
Annika stared hard at the game-board, squinting in concentration. She literally had to relearn how to play, since she never played Kadis-Kot as a child.
Chakotay stood there, watching them for a moment until he inadvertently caught Naomi's eye. "Commander," she said, looking up at him. "Is your meeting over with?"
He nodded. "Looks like you're in the middle of a game..."
"Oh, that's alright, Commander," Naomi chirped as she stood and looked over at Annika. "We'll play again later," she told her.
"Okay," Annika said as she stood and walked over to Chakotay, who then began to escort her out of the mess-hall. "Can we go to the holo-deck now?" she asked him.
Chakotay exhaled nervously as they neared the turbo-lift. "No," he answered. "There's somewhere else I have to take you; somewhere I haven't taken you yet."
"Where?" she asked expectantly, excited about doing something new.
"You'll see," he said resolutely as they entered the turbo-lift.
Chakotay swallowed hard as he and Annika approached the doors of cargo bay two, his heart hammering in his throat, his stomach churning. He dreaded this. He wasn't sure how she would react to any of this, but he knew it had to be done. Once they enter that cargo bay, there would be no turning back.
Once they reached the doors, he took and deep breath to try and calm himself before warning her. "What I'm about to show you, you may find disturbing. But, there are some things you need to know about your time with us that I haven't told you yet." Then, he looked at her intently and asked, "Are you ready?"
She looked nervously at the doors, then back to him and nodded. Chakotay inhaled, nodding in return, and proceeded to escort her inside.
It took only a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dimly lit cargo bay before she saw the row of Borg alcoves along the bulkhead at her right- a sight that rendered her frozen as stone. Chakotay walked up to her, slowly, trying to read her shocked expression as he placed a hand on her shoulder, caressing it.
"You lived here, Annika," he told her gently. "You lived here for five years before we were married."
She spun to face him, her expression intensified. "I... lived here?" she asked anxiously. "I didn't have my own quarters?"
"No," he said. "This cargo bay was the one place that most resembled the inside of a Borg ship. It was what you were accustomed to."
Annika looked over at the alcoves again, and then back at him, shaking her head in disbelief. "No," she rasped. "It's not true..."
"It is true," he said. "It was also the reason you kept your designation; because you didn't remember who you were before you were assimilated. The Borg was all you knew."
Annika backed away from him- and the alcoves- staggering, until she found herself leaning against a cargo container. Chakotay gave her a moment to absorb what he had told her so far before approaching her. "I've been avoiding this since you'd lost your memories, because I knew it was going to be difficult on you. And I never told you how you ended up here. But, if you're ever going to get your memories back, I have to tell you the whole story."
Annika looked at him, then over at the alcoves for several seconds, as if trying to make a decision. Then, she let out a deep sigh, turning to him and putting her weight back on her feet, regarding him expectantly.
Chakotay inhaled deeply before he began. "Six years ago, we'd found ourselves in Borg territory. At the time, the Borg were in an armed conflict with an alien race that overpowered them. They classified these aliens as species 8472.
"The Doctor came up with a means of subduing these aliens on a cellular level as a treatment for a crew member who was attacked by one of them. Captain Janeway decided to offer it to the Borg as a weapon against species 8472 in exchange for safe passage through Borg space." Chakotay stopped momentarily, checking her expression, making sure she was still listening. He knew it was a lot of information to take in, and needed to give her time to absorb what he was telling her- piece by piece. This wasn't exactly a bedtime story he was telling her, after all. It was important that he had her undivided attention.
Annika's eyes shifted momentarily before settling back on his again. "So, what happened?" she asked. "Did the Borg listen to her?"
"Yes," Chakotay answered. "After she and Tuvok were beamed aboard a Borg cube, Janeway told them to select a drone to speak on their behalf so they wouldn't link her and Tuvok to the Collective." Then, he stepped closer to her, looking at her more intently. "That drone was you."
"Me?" she asked, clearly surprised.
"Yes, you," Chakotay said. "As you were all working on the weapon, species 8472 attacked out ships. Janeway had already made it clear that if our ship was destroyed, so would the weapons technology. So, you sacrificed your cube to protect Voyager, beamed aboard here with the Captain, Tuvok and several drones and assimilated this cargo bay."
"We did?" she asked, wide-eyed
"Yes," he answered. "It actually looked a lot more like the inside of a Borg ship than it does now.
"The Captain was seriously injured and confined to sickbay, leaving me in command, and had ordered me to keep our alliance with you going for as long as it took to get us safely out of Borg space. Unfortunately, you made demands that I thought would be too dangerous for us to meet. That's when I decided to end the alliance."
"Is that when we tried to assimilate the ship?" she asked, clearly disturbed by the prospect.
"No," he answered. "But, you did manage to take Voyager into species 8472's space."
"How?" she asked.
"By taking control of our deflector," he said, wanting to end the story as quickly as possible. "At about that time, the Captain had recovered and took back command of the ship.
"It was decided that we would fight these aliens there in their space with the new weapon. We defeated them and returned to our galaxy. That was when the Collective decided to terminate the alliance and ordered you to take Voyager. And, as I had already mentioned, we stopped you and ended up severing you from the Collective."
"But," she began, perplexed, "you said I came aboard with other drones. What happened to them?"
This was it- the moment Chakotay dreaded and had hoped to avoid. How was he supposed to tell her? He was sure she wouldn't take it well. He was tempted to put it off, until the Doctor's words came to him: It's better to be honest with her now than to lie to her, he had told him. Feeling deceived would only add to her anxiety. The Doctor was right. If Chakotay kept this from her any longer when he had the chance to tell her now, it would likely upset her more if she learned about it later.
Chakotay took another deep breath. You can do this, he willed.
"When I had told you I was ending our alliance, you threatened to assimilate Voyager," he stated. "I told you I would depressurize this deck and blow you all out into space if you tried anything. Later, as we prepared to transport you all off the ship, the Collective ordered you to take us into species 8472's territory. You then climbed inside a Jefferies tube where you took control of our deflector. I had ordered you to stop. You wouldn't comply." He inhaled again, trying to keep himself calm as he willed himself to continue. "I had no choice but to carry out my threat." He then moved closed to her, looking her in the eye. "The only thing that saved you was that you had managed to keep yourself lodged inside that Jefferies tube. The rest of the drones were jettisoned."
"Jettisoned?" she asked, not understanding the word, her brow creased in confusion. Chakotay couldn't bring himself to clarify. She had to think for a moment before understanding dawned on her. Slowly, she looked up at him inquisitively. "Blown out into space?" Chakotay could only give her a slight nod in answer.
He watched her expression as she stared at him in stunned disbelief. As the harsh, cruel reality of what he had told her started to sink in, she began to back away from him, slowly, wavering as if she had felt the room spinning.
Chakotay wasn't sure how long it was before she finally spoke. "You... you tried to... to kill me?"
With painful reluctance, he answered simply, "Yes."
Slowly, her posture became more erect; her expression hardened; her eyes glowering. "You tried to kill me!"
"Annika," he said tentatively as he tried to approach her, "please, let me explain..."
"No!" she yelled as she dodged him. "Leave me alone!" And with that, she bolted out of the cargo bay, leaving Chakotay standing there, hoping to the spirits that he had done the right thing.
Annika ran through the corridor, hot tears streaming down her cheeks, until she realized that Chakotay wasn't pursuing her, and slowed her pace, wiping away her tears. She had to get out of here. She had to get off this ship and find her parents, and go home. Especially if Chakotay- who had been taking care of her all this time- could potentially harm her.
She saw on the bulkhead a display that seemed to map out Voyager. She didn't know where the shuttle bay was, and knew that no one on this ship would help her. So, she walked up to the display in hope of finding it there. She knew she was near cargo bay two on deck eight. If she could find that on this thing, perhaps she would have a better idea how to get to the shuttle bay.
"Did you need any help?"
Startled and gasping, Annika turned sharply to see who was addressing her. He was tall and slender, dark complected and strikingly handsome, with thick black hair and eyes as dark as Chakotay's... and so familiar.
A strong sense of deja-vu hit her then; that surreal, dreamlike sensation she had experienced before. Only this time it was stronger than it had ever been. What was it about this officer that caused this sensation? She simply couldn't put her finger on it.
Her plan to leave the ship forgotten- her desire to make sense of what was happening to her intensified- she asked, "Who are you? Do I know you?"
"Why, yes," he answered. "I'm Lieutenant Ayala. I'm part of the security team, and I also work on the bridge."
Annika didn't recall meeting him, but something told her that she had, though she wasn't sure why. The familiarity she was sensing seemed to come and go, like a bird flitting from branch to branch on the same tree.
Wanting to get through this proverbial maze of the familiar and unfamiliar, she pressed on. "How did I meet you?"
Understanding how protective Chakotay was of her, he answered, "I'm afraid it was under rather unpleasant circumstances."
"My husband just told me he once tried to kill me," she stated harshly. "I don't think you could say anything more 'unpleasant' than that!"
Taken aback by her retort, Ayala exhaled and answered, "You tried to contact the Borg. We had to put you in the brig. I was one of the officers assigned to keep an eye on you."
When he had said, the brig, another wave seemed to hit her. Was any of this even real? She wasn't sure. But she needed to find out. Faint memories seemed to be at the edge of her mind, but they still felt out of reach.
She inhaled deeply, drumming up the courage to see this through. "Take me to the brig."