Disclaimer: I don't own LoSH, Fruit on the Loom, Static Shock, Hershey's, or Jelly Bellies
Author's Note: Hey, everyone! I'm not dead! :D
Enjoy!
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"Hello, hello, my adoring fans!" Greenie gushed. As the applause subsided, she pulled out her signature green notecards and continued.
"Our first dare of the evening!" she smiled evilly at the Legion. "DisasterCode7 says Give the Legion a little vacation at a spa. Then make them climb up Mount Everest in their undergarments for a Fruit of the Loom commercial."
"Ha, you're funny," Kell laughed sardonically. "Like I'd do that."
Greenie sighed, "Some people never learn," she shook her head. She snapped her fingers and the Legion disappeared.
--
The camera zoomed in on the Legion getting massaged and relaxed at the local spa planet. Suddenly, mountains popped up from the ground and the Legion appeared in their Fruit by the Loom underwear and fell down.
"Here, grab on!" Timber Wolf tossed a rope down the rest of the legionnaires.
"And you just carry a rope in your back pocket…?" Phantom Girl asked.
"You never know," Timber Wolf replied.
Phantom Girl nodded in response.
"Whoa! Someone's Getting Fruity in the Loom!" Cham commented.
--
"Pie time!" Greenie exclaimed.
"Pi? 3.14159265358979323846-" Brainy was interrupted.
"As I was saying…" Greenie glared. "Stormgirl415 dares the Legion boys to have a 1 hour pie eating contest, whatever flavors they want."
"Seriously?" Lightning Lad asked.
"Yup. Pick your flavas!" Greenie giggled.
"Cherry!" Superman said.
"Lemon!" Lightning Lad answered.
"Marmalade!" Bouncing Boy added.
"Chocolate," said Cosmic Boy.
"Rusty nails and tire lubricant!" Matter-Eating Lad said. "…What? I'm on a diet!"
--
"garnettfoxdares the Legion to meet Mythra!" Greenie said. A cameraman walked towards her and whispered something in her ear. "Oooh… Really?"
The cameraman nodded.
"So sorry, but OCs are banned. Hollywood planet passed a law. Just yesterday, too," Greenie apologized.
The cameraman whispered something in her ear again.
"What do you mean I'm an OC?" Greenie asked, obviously repulsed.
He whispered again.
"Oh wow. This is awkward," Greenie chuckled nervously. "Bye!" she dashed out of the studio.
--
A few minutes later, a woman in a dark trenchcoat and blonde hair along with a large hat and sunglasses stepped onto the stage. She looked left, then right, and took off her sunglasses, hat and wig, revealing Greenie.
"They're after me!" she whispers to the audience. She cleared her throat. "ANYWAY, garnettfoxalso wants Lightning Lad and Static Shock to duel to the death."
The cameraman came back and whispered something to Greenie.
"What do you mean we can't show blood and gore? It's just a battle to the death!" Greenie exclaimed. "Some nerve this network has…"
--
"Marth HEART Smallville wants us to bring in some mythological creatures," Greenie continued.
In a snap of her fingers, unicorns came flying down from the sky and a horrible rumbling noise filled the studio.
Greenie sniffed at the air. "What did these horses have to eat?"
"Um… Bran, prune juice and some beans," an off-stage voice replied.
Greenie paled, "Uh oh."
"There gonna blow!" Cosmic Boy yelled.
"Take cover!!" Cham added as he dashed under Greenie's chair.
--
"Next up…. land of lost socks dares Superman and Brainy to have an eggnog drinking contest."
"Eggnog? Where do you get that stuff in the middle of summer?" Kell asked.
"Oh, here," Timber Wolf pulled some from behind his back.
Phantom Girl cocked an eyebrow. "And you carry around eggnog too…"
Superman and Brainy took a seat on opposite ends of a table. Greenie placed three shots on each end of the table and the two legionnaires begun.
Brainy downed his three easily, as did Superman. Brainy effortlessly drank his fourth, fifth and sixth too.
Superman puked and fainted before he finished shot #4.
"One shot, two shot, three shot, floor!" Greenie exclaimed.
--
"Kiliko dares Timber Wolf to eat a Hershey's chocolate bar. And Brainy has to say random stupid stuff for the whole chapter."
Greenie snapped her fingers and a giant Hershey's bar landed in Timber Wolf's paws. He gobbled up the chocolate in the blink of an eye.
"Urgh," Timber Wolf groaned. "I think I ate that too fast…"
"Aww… Puppy!" Phantom Girl consoled him.
"I…. Uh…" Timber Wolf turned around and puked.
"Eww!" Cosmic Boy cringed. "Thanks, dude…"
"Nothing is too expensive to save the mind of that sheep!" Brainy cried.
"I agree!" Greenie piped in.
"I ARE SNAIL!" Brainy sobbed.
"Woo!" Greenie cheered.
--
"Storm Dox dares Brainy to be his younger self and for Superman to be like he was in season 1 as well, Timberwolf to chew on a squeek toy, Cosmic Boy to punch himself in the face and for Lightning Lad to shock Kell," Greenie announced. "Ooh… Nice ones!"
Greenie snapped her fingers and suddenly Brainy and Superman grew smaller, skinnier and less buff.
"Wow," Cosmic Boy laughed. "I forgot how much you two looked like pansies last season."
"Timber Wolf!" Greenie said in a sing-song voice. In a snap of her fingers, a red rubber chew toy was in his mouth.
"OMIGOSH!" Phantom Girl spazzed. "You look SOOOO cute!" She cuddled him.
"OW!" Cosmic Boy punched himself. "OW! Make it stop!" he cried.
"Hey, Cos. Why you hitting yourself? Why you hitting yourself?" Lightning Lad laughed.
"Your turn, Garth," Greenie laughed.
Lightning Lad paled. "Uh oh…" he involuntarily shocked Kell, who didn't take it so kindly.
Kell growled. Garth ran.
Brainy pranced by and yelled, "As of this moment my name is Douglas!"
--
"Smile-of-the-Broken dares (younger) Brainy (from season 1) to wear a complete gothic lolita or a sweet lolita. He has to be kissed on the forehead by every male human legionnaire."
"Wait… What's a… lolita?" Brainy asked. "And who's Brainy?"
"Is that like 21st century fashion?" Greenie asked someone off-screen. "Sorry, Douglas."
"Why don't we skip that one…?" Brainy/Douglas asked, after Saturn Girl told him what a lolita was.
"Good idea!" Greenie said. "Douglas! There's a second part of the dare, y'know…"
"How many male human legionnaires are there?" Brainy/Douglas asked.
"I'm from Winath," Garth said.
"Krypton," Superman added.
"Braal," Cosmic Boy said.
"Crap!" Greenie yelled. "I was looking forward to this one… Darn loopholes."
--
"When all else fails head to Vegas!" Brainy exclaimed.
Greenie cleared her throat. "Anyway… Nooburu yuro-faita911 dares the boy and the girl legionnaires to have a hip hop dance competition."
"How do you pronounce that?" Dream Girl asked.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip Hoooooooooooooooooooop. Say it with me," Greenie said.
"Not that! Never mind," Dream Girl shook her head.
Hip-Hop music filled the studio as the legionnaires started feeling the beat. Superman and Bouncing Boy were the first ones to start dancing.
Trip and Dream Girl followed. The rest of the legionnaires started breakdancing sooner or later. But by the end, there was only one left standing.
Monstress.
--
"Wait, Greenie. Don't you have another dare from that viewer with an unpronounceable name?" Trip asked.
"Crap!" Greenie muttered under her breath. "Oh yeah. Nooburu yuro-faita911 dares the set to be paint in black with green and PINK dots."
"Well?" Saturn Girl asked.
Greenie sighed. She snapped her fingers and took a deep breath in. Within moments, everything had turned black with pink and green polka dots. Greenie swallowed, determined not to show weakness on the camera.
"Jelly Bellies are made from alien intestines," Brainy commented.
"Next dare…!" Greenie choked out.
--
"pgtwlosh's dare is that the Fatal 5 come and the emerald empress has to kiss Timber Wolf," Greenie stated.
"Wait… WHAT?!?!" Timber Wolf and Phantom Girl yelled at the same time.
Greenie snapped her fingers and The Fatal Five appeared in the studio. Emerald Empress sashayed toward Timber Wolf and placed a soft, lingering kiss on his lips.
Phantom Girl stared in anger. After 5 seconds, Phantom Girl lost it and she attacked Empress Emerald, sending her to the ground. Phantom Girl pulled her hair and scratched her mercilessly.
After a few hours, Greenie decided to send Empress back to Takron-Galtos.
"That'll teach you to mess with my man!" Phantom Girl yelled.
"Your man?" Timber Wolf asked.
Phantom Girl blushed, "I mean… My puppy!"
--
"Quilava Princesswants Cosmic Boy to propose marriage to Saturn Girl IN FRONT OF LIGHTNING LAD!" Greenie said.
"WHAT?!?!" Saturn Girl and Dream Girl exclaimed.
"Should my toes be this shade of purple?" Brainy asked.
Cosmic Boy got down on one knee and pulled a ring from his pocket.
"Since when do you carry around diamond rings in your back pocket?" Lightning Lad asked angrily.
"Just in case," Cosmic Boy shrugged. "Imra," he took her hand. "Will you marry me?"
"Lemme think about that," Saturn Girl said gently.
"Wait, WHAT!?!" Lightning Lad fumed. He fired up a lightning bolt and aimed it at Cosmic Boy.
--
"One last dare for the evening," Greenie said. "1000Greenie dares-"
"Wait, that's you!" Kell exclaimed.
Greenie ignored him. "As I was saying… 1000Greenie dares any member of the Legion to make an obscene phone call to any high-ranking official of any planet of galaxy."
"Who wants to do it?" Saturn Girl asked.
"I will!" Lightning Lad volunteered.
"…. Whoa. Didn't see that one coming," Greenie commented sarcastically as she passed Lightning Lad a phone.
"Hello?" Lightning Lad spoke into the phone.
"High Elders of Winath. May we help you?"
"Ahem," Lightning Lad cleared his throat. "This is Harry Butts. I'm calling to speak with the High High Elder."
"Speaking."
"Dude. You're the High HIGH elder. If I was that high all the time, I know I'd be fired from my job."
"Excuse me?"
"So how was your weekend?"
"It was fine… Yours, Mr. Butts?"
"It was amazing. Me, Sparkette, my bedroom. All weekend. Know what I mean?" Lightning Lad asked.
"Oh, my. I didn't realize you were like that Mr. Butts."
"Haha, I was talking about my dog, Sparkette. Gotcha!"
"Eww…"
"It wasn't like that. My, my. You sure have a dirty mind!"
"…."
"He hung up. That was fun, though," Lightning Lad handed the phone back to Greenie.
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"Well, looks like it's that time," Greenie wiped a tear. "I'll see y'all next time!"
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Does Winath even have Elders? Anyhoo, reviews = love! Please leave a review!