10. Thirst

The bear had moved away from us. I could just barely make out its footsteps, and started jogging in that direction. I could hear Edward following behind me. As I reached the edge of the wood I stopped. The sound grew slightly louder, and for the first time I could smell the bear.

The scent was strong, and pointed which way to go. It was like the bear had left a sweet smoke behind as he travelled through the forest, and I just had to follow the trail. Edward touched my cheek again briefly. Remember that bears can hear and smell very well, too. I nodded, and checked the wind. It seemed to be coming from where the bear was leading us, so I didn't have to worry about our smell alerting him.

As quietly as I could I followed the trail, noting the broken foliage and a dead log as we passed. The smell grew stronger; it seemed more like a fog now than a wisp of smoke. Soon I could hear the bear's heart again, and as we approached I could see it through the trees ahead. It had found a bush with a few late summer berries left on it and sat comfortably, still over five feet tall, eating.

My mouth began to water, looking at the bear, and I realized that I wasn't nervous any more. I could see myself appearing behind the bear, wrenching its head around, killing it instantly. I shook my head, trying to control my thoughts. Then I remembered that I could stop breathing.

I didn't inhale again, and turned to Edward, waving my hand like a hostess showing him to a table. He had been studying my reactions carefully, analyzing every twitch in my face. He put his hand on my arm. You want him, too, he guessed. I nodded, but waved again. Edward was thirstier than I was. He kissed me silently. Thank you.

Edward dropped into a crouch, and silently crept toward the bear. I followed very carefully, keeping a distance between us so as not to alert the prey. I listened closely, but couldn't hear Edward's foot falls. He approached the bear from behind. Then, in a flash, he was at the bear's neck.

I watched him throw his face into the fur, then the bear's head snapped back with a loud crack. I gasped at the sound, and my brain was flooded with the sweet scent of the bear's blood. I started to stride forward, licking my lips. Edward hadn't looked up, his head still buried in the now dead bear's furry throat. I stopped at a low branch that blocked my way, and exhaled. The sound of the air leaving my lungs reminded me to stop breathing again.

I put my hands on the branch and closed my eyes. My throat now was bone dry. I tried to swallow, clenching my hands into fists in front of me. Get control, the voice in my head yelled. I slammed my arms down to my sides without opening my eyes, and the branch crashed to the ground. My eyes flashed open, and Edward looked up from the bear at me.

Edward's eyes were wild, and his stance instantly became protective of his kill. I could feel the urge to wrestle what was left of the bear from him. Before I could think I had bared my teeth and taken a menacing step toward him. STOP IT, the civilized part of my brain screamed. I froze, shocked at what I had been about to do. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my hands hard over my ears. I didn't breathe as I dropped to my knees. So many images flashed through my head, ways to get through Edward to the blood I wanted so badly.

I had to think about something else, something benign. The cover of a book appeared in my mind. Chapter by chapter I read the story in my now perfect memory, slowly turning the pages and reciting every word. I began to calm down, pushing the urges from my mind. When I was halfway through, I felt a hand on my neck and I jumped. You can relax now, I'm finished.

I slowly took my hands from my head. You can breathe; the scent should be gone. I inhaled carefully, slowly, only detecting a faint hint of bear's blood, probably from Edward. As I opened my eyes and stood, he pulled my chin up to his face. How do you feel now?

I looked up into his bright eyes. They were a goldenrod color I had never seen, so fresh from feeding. As I stared at him I felt more and more civilized, more like myself. "I'm doing better, now." He let go of me, and I hazarded a look around. The bear was gone; there was no trace he'd even been here. "I'm sorry. I wasn't prepared… the urge was so strong, so sudden." I looked down, ashamed.

"Please, don't feel guilty, Bella. That is part of what you are now. The fact that you were able to control yourself, just yards away, one day old, is, frankly, unbelievable. You should feel proud of yourself." Edward's voice was supportive. He paused. "Listen."

I could hear a different type of footstep now, lighter, smaller. There were many of them, grouped together. I couldn't hear heartbeats yet. I inhaled automatically, no scent either. I looked at Edward cautiously. He touched my cheek. Your turn. Don't hold back. My eyes questioned him. It sounds like a herd of caribou.

I started through the forest, uncertain again. I was afraid if I lost control I wouldn't get it back. I looked at Edward and he caught my hand. I'll be right with you. Trust me. I took another deep breath, and nodded.

I listened again, fine tuning the direction we should go. I checked the wind, and made adjustments in our path so that we would be downwind when we reached the herd. As we circled around, I finally caught the scent. It was different from the bear's, but the same enticing sweet overtones drew me in.

I turned and caught Edward's hand, looking him in the eye. Yes, caribou. Santa won't be happy. He smirked silently as I rolled my eyes. I dropped his hand and followed the scent.

As I listened I could hear the thundering of heartbeats getting louder. This was a big herd. I looked through the trees, and could see an opening ahead. I found myself in the same crouching position as Edward. I looked at him one more time, and I could see the predator was back. His eyes flashed at me and he bared his teeth, eager for the kill. I felt the hunter in me rise up. I breathed deeply, and my lips curled back as well. I felt a low growl barely rumble in my throat, nearly inaudible. Stay back it told him.

I turned toward the herd and the scent filled me. There had to be fifty of them in this large meadow. The vampire in me took over. Just one wouldn't be enough. My head swayed as I scanned back and forth, picking the ones that would be mine. How many could I get before they bolted? Not too many, somehow I knew that they would be better warm. I felt the wind begin to shift. Now.

I reached the first buck with lightning speed and heard his neck break with a satisfying crunch. I didn't even think; I just automatically twisted his head one way and his shoulders the other. I jumped off him and moved to the large doe next to him and brought her down, too. That took less than five seconds, I thought. I could hear the herd's heartbeats start to increase. Just one more. Another buck managed turned tail away from me.

I almost laughed as I caught him before he could take another step, and down he went. The herd bolted, but I didn't care. I looked down and touched the buck's neck. My fingers could tell where his jugular was by the minute change in temperature under his fur. Once found, I sunk my teeth into his coat, cutting through the hair and tissue like it was melted butter and stopping only when I felt the warm, sweet reward of his blood fill my mouth.

The feeling was unbelievable. I felt the warmth slowly fill my core as I eagerly drank. The taste was so sweet and rich. Each swallow helped to tame my parched throat, but also enticed me to drink more. It was like I had been in the desert for weeks, and this was a cold pitcher of water. Not a single droplet of blood escaped my hungry lips. Too soon it was gone, but the thirst was not satisfied.

I turned quickly back to my previous kills, eager for more. I barely noticed Edward farther away with several downed animals of his own. Good, leave me alone. I greedily finished the doe, and started on the first buck, the biggest. His blood was cooler than the rest, only by a degree, but I could tell. I was able to drink slower this time, noting the depth of flavor with each swallow. I was warm all over now.

The empty buck now became my pillow as I rolled over, savoring the feeling of total satisfaction. As I relaxed, I found control returning. Bella was still here, she wasn't lost after all. I now looked around at where we were. The mountain, five miles away before, now towered over us. The sun had nearly reached its apex, so I knew it was about noon. Lunchtime I laughed to myself.

A contented sigh from nearby caught my attention. I sat up to find Edward in nearly the same position I was in, lying on a caribou with another body nearby. Two animals had succumbed to my vampire husband. I stood and approached him carefully. "Hey," I whispered.

Edward's eyes flashed open and he jumped up. I froze, hands up, waiting. He relaxed immediately, and walked toward me, deliberately slowly. His eyes got softer with every step. He wrapped his arms around me and we twirled, dancing. He dipped me deeply and then our lips met. Ahh, dessert, he thought. He kissed me long and deep, our tongues doing their own dance. After what seemed like forever, he stood me up and held me tight. "Did you know that you are amazing?" His voice was soft; he sounded spent with euphoria.

"You might have mentioned it." I kissed his neck, and got the purr I was looking for. He slowly relaxed his hold on me and we separated enough to look directly in each other's eyes. His eyes were nearly the color of Alice's yellow sports car now. Edward put his hands on my cheeks. Look at your eyes. I saw my face in his mind. My bright red eyes were now a fiery orange. I jumped at the sight. "Wow."

He released me. "How do you feel now?"

"It is really hard to describe. Satisfied, content, powerful, alive… I could go on." I traced his chin. "How do you feel?" Impressed, proud, awed… full… He smiled on the last word. He twirled me one more time.

"We'll make a dancer of you yet," he laughed. He released my hand, and looked around us. "Wow, you were busy." He hadn't watched me while he made his own attack. He looked over at me, and I half expected my cheeks to grow hot, like old times. Edward laughed out loud. "I'll have to keep you well fed, you actually blushed." My laugh came out as a snort, and he caught me again around the waist, kissing me lightly.

As he put me down, I remembered the disappearing bear. "Now what? I assume we have to clean up our … dishes." I smirked again.

"Yes, but only to a point. I think if we just drag our leftovers into the trees, nature will clean itself up. There are plenty of other predators here that would enjoy the easy meal. We just need to keep them out of sight." He pointed straight up. Alaska had the largest number of pilots per capita in the United States, and most flew bush planes that could easily land in the meadow we were standing in.

We spent all of about five minutes dragging our kill away. The meadow was already crushed from the herd, so no other evidence needed to be manufactured or erased.

"What did you do with the bear?" I wondered.

"I found an old den nearby and stashed it there. It'll also be taken care of naturally, but I didn't want it to be too easy to find by hikers or hunters. I also wanted to get the smell away from you." He looked at me with a knowing expression. I remembered the bear now, and the feelings I'd had. Was it only a few minutes ago? "Let's head back and clean up." Edward suggested. That sounded great.

We ran back to the house, just jogging. I could tell as we approached that no one was home, and I was glad. I knew we needed to talk about the hunt, and I wasn't ready to share the experience with anyone else yet.

After a change of clothes, and a freshening up, I felt better, more human. As I brushed my hair, I realized that I would have to fight to keep that human feeling, or risk becoming like Bree, or worse: totally uncontrolled, a true monster. I looked at my face in the mirror, looking forward to the day when the red, now orange, in my eyes would be replaced by gold. Only I could make that happen.

Edward was lounging on the couch with the TV on. I now knew why it was never on loud at the Cullen's; even on its lowest volume I could hear every word perfectly. As I approached him he clicked it off and opened his arms. I curled up next to him and put my head on his shoulder. "How are you?" He asked carefully, testing to see if I was ready to talk.

"I'm good. I've had quite a day so far." That's an understatement…

Edward held me close. "Tell me."

"Well, the caribou were great." I skipped to the best part.

He wasn't going to let me do that. "Tell me about the bear." I looked down as my feelings of failure suddenly started drowning out the feelings of success.

"I am guessing that you are disappointed in yourself for what happened, but I hope that you'll let me help you understand that you were amazing out there. Your self-control was impressive. Please tell me what you felt." Edward softly pleaded with me.

"You know I can't resist you when you talk like that." I sighed. "I'm not sure where to start."

"What did you feel when you first saw the bear?"

The memory appeared with out any effort. "My throat got very dry, and I imagined snapping the bear's neck. I didn't let my thoughts move beyond that." I stopped.

"Why didn't you take the bear yourself?" Curiosity wove through Edward's question.

"I could feel how thirsty you were." He kissed my head.

"And when I took the bear…"

I took a deep breath. "I could smell the blood, and I wanted it. My inner voice told me to get control. I forced myself not to breathe, but when I broke the branch by mistake I inhaled."

"When I heard that, I turned and looked at you. You looked ready to spring at me. Why didn't you?" Edward didn't sound angry at all at my near attack.

"You're not angry?" Now surprise colored my question.

"No, of course not. I actually was expecting it." I had to turn and look in his eyes before I could believe what I heard.

"Expecting me to attack you?" I was shocked.

"Yes. Don't forget that I know what you're feeling. It may have been a long time ago, but my memory is perfectly clear." Edward's voice was serious, remembering the past.

"The first time Carlisle took me hunting he made the first kill as I watched. The smell was so strong that nothing was going to stop me from getting to the prey, a deer in that case. I literally threw him out of the way to get to the kill. If he'd tried to stop me I probably would have ripped his head off." His eyes remained steady as he spoke. "I had to expect that you would do the same thing. That's why I was so surprised that you didn't attack."

I thought about that. "I remember what you said so long ago about giving over to your instincts when you hunt. When you looked up at me, I didn't see you as a person, but as a jealous predator. And I felt exactly the same way. As I was about to attack the voice in my head screamed at me to stop. All I could do was shut down all my senses. I found I could distract my thoughts by re-reading Pride and Prejudice in my brain. I'd made it halfway through by the time you touched me."

Edward stared into my eyes, wonder growing in his as I spoke. "You really are amazing."

"I don't feel that way." I smiled weakly.

"So tell me about the caribou. You have a very menacing growl, by the way." I looked for sarcasm in his face, and finding none, had an invisible blush.

"Well, you told me to let myself go, and after the bear, I didn't want you butting in." I smiled sweetly at Edward. He poked my ribs, smirking. "At first I was afraid that if I let go of my control I wouldn't get it back." Bree flashed through my mind again. "But I trusted you, so I let go. I was very aware of the wind direction, and when it started to shift I jumped on the biggest buck I could see. I broke his neck and got the next doe before the herd knew I was there. The third buck started to run, but I was too fast for him." I was smug. "I knew I had to kill all the ones I wanted before the rest ran off, then I could enjoy them."

"Why three?" the curiosity was back.

"It was strange, actually. As I looked at the herd I could feel the amount of blood there, and thought of slaughtering a whole bunch of them. Something inside me told me that it would be wasting, and that many would grow cold before I could taste them. That didn't seem as appetizing. Instinct, I guess. Three seemed to be right, and it was. The third one was just starting to cool."

I surprised myself with such an unemotional description. Edward nodded understanding completely. "Which one was the best?"

"That's a hard question to answer." I played with Edward's penny while I thought. "The first was the warmest, and I guess I was thirsty because I polished it off really fast. The last one was the coolest, but I could drink slower. I could taste all the flavors then. I would think it would be like comparing sipping fine wine to chugging ice cold beer. Not that I'd had either one." I looked up suddenly, realizing how off-handed I sounded. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get carried away."

"No apology necessary. Your thoughts came out so naturally, it was refreshing." He nudged me again and put his hand on mine. You are adjusting so quickly to this new life.

"I have a great teacher." I brought his fingers to my lips and started playing with them. Whispering was getting louder in my mind as I did. I shifted focus long enough to identify Esme and Carlisle's thoughts, then proceeded to ignore them. It was worth waiting a century for you. "I love you, too." I purred.

Too soon Carlisle and Esme got home. We turned the TV on again when we heard the car so that they would know that they were welcome inside. Carlisle held the door as Esme entered carrying a small package. "Hello my children, how was your morning?" she said. I couldn't help looking at Edward and smirking. He poked me again.

"It was quite fun, Esme. Bella was very entertaining." He smirked back at me.

"What did you get?" I tried to change the subject before I started giggling.

"I found a set of period doorknobs for the Idaho house. They need a little work, but they're perfect." I successfully swallowed the giggles, but I knew they were still lurking. I wondered if this was what it felt like to be high…

"The house in Idaho was built in the 1880's. Esme is down to the final details." Edward's voice was serious again, helping me to calm down. Esme went to pack her finds away. I looked up at Carlisle.

"Did you shop too?" I smiled as I looked at up at him, back in control. I waited for his reaction when he saw my eyes. I was not disappointed.

Carlisle looked at me and then froze. "I bought you some books, actually, Bella. I thought you might want something else to read." His lips moved, but he didn't take his eyes from mine. Finally he turned stiffly and looked at Edward. I would have grabbed his hand, but I already knew what Carlisle was thinking. I pressed my lips together and looked down, as another laugh threatened to escape.

"Yes, we went hunting. I'll tell you the full story later, and you'll want to be sitting down." Amazement filled Edward's voice.

I looked up again. Carlisle stared at my eyes again, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. For a moment, he actually reminded me of Charlie. The thought sobered me up quickly.

"Sit with us now Carlisle, I'd love to see what books you brought." I waved toward the chair next to us. He sat, regaining some composure and handed me his small package. "Thanks, I really appreciate this." I pulled out the small stack of books and started looking at the titles. "Are these all antiques?" I handled the hardbound books with extreme care so I wouldn't damage them.

"Yes, I thought you might want to start a collection."

"That was very thoughtful. Thank you." I put my hand on my chest as I spoke. One of the books was my other favorite, Wuthering Heights. I carefully opened that one first.

"Bella, if you don't mind me asking, what did you hunt today?" I looked up at Edward first, and he waved his hand inviting me to answer. The corners of his mouth were twitching at Carlisle's question.

Before I could speak, Edward touched my arm. "Bella, hang on for just a minute, I think Alice and Jasper will want to hear the story too. They're nearly here." He looked at me and I could tell that he was enjoying himself immensely.

I took his hand now. Be sure and watch Jasper's face when you tell him about the bear. Edward's eyes twinkled with anticipation. I smirked and dropped his hand.

Moments later, Alice bounced in the room, kissed me on the cheek, and plopped down on the couch next to me. Jasper slid in sleekly behind her.

I put my arm around Alice, carefully avoiding touching her skin and hugged her. "How was your morning, Sis?" I asked as looked into her bright gold eyes. She didn't even flinch when she looked at mine.

"Not nearly as exciting as yours." She was smirking now.

I turned to Jasper, "And how are you doing, Bro?" I watched as Jasper froze, staring at my orange eyes. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "Edward, I think Jasper needs a chair too." I turned back to Alice, which was a bad idea. We both started laughing uncontrollably. Edward got up to get a chair from the kitchen, and I could tell he was laughing, too. I looked at Jasper again. "A little help, please?"

Jasper sat down and took a deep breath. I could tell he had to concentrate to get the right emotion out. I finally could stop laughing. It took a minute to catch my breath though. I felt really warm and calm now. "Thanks."

I looked at Edward and he started the story. "Bella and I went hunting this morning." He looked at me.

"Edward was teaching me about how different my senses are now, and we found a bear." Carlisle raised an eyebrow. I glanced at Edward. "I let Edward have the bear." Edward's grin grew larger and he flicked his eyes from me to Jasper. Jasper was frozen again, shock on his face. I could only manage a snort of a laugh as Jasper's control wavered. Alice nudged me and I took another breath.

"After the bear, we tracked down a herd of caribou. I had three." My grin was wide, remembering the taste. I looked at Jasper, and then at Carlisle. They were both frozen in thought. "It was a lot of fun, actually." I looked up at Edward. He offered me his hand. I hesitated for a second, glancing at the two frozen men across the room, and decided to take it. You are fantastic.

I smiled up at Edward and then looked at Carlisle as his voice became clear in my mind. She didn't take the bear? Edward nearly killed me for a deer his first time out. He wouldn't let me go first for months. The voice changed to Jasper. Orange, after just one feeding. Months, it takes months to get newborn blood out.

I let go of Edward's hand again, and leaned toward Carlisle. "Seriously, I only just let him have the bear. I was so close to fighting him for it. I didn't even think I was thirsty until he took it down. We both enjoyed the caribou, though." Carlisle relaxed a little.

I turned to Jasper next. "If I had to guess, I would expect my eyes to turn back to red, rather than to black. And please remember that I haven't been exposed to a human yet." My tone grew solemn as I considered the next test Edward would have for me.