God
Im such a freak
Such a stupid idiotic freak
MORON!

We went swimming the other day
And I had to use one of my old bathing suits
It was just a normal one
But it wasnt low enough to cover my cut
Which incidently I've redone a couple of times
So it looks really nasty

But im kinda tired of my knife
I want a razor
A nice sharp razor

Anyway my mother saw my cut
and I told her I got it at school
But she didnt buy it
she told me that there has to be a better way to deal with things than hurting myself

Odd though
when she was talking about it
I actually had to try hard not to laugh
she was just so funny!
talking about how she looked it up on the internet and looking at me earnestly
asking if I was addicted
I was trying so hard not to grin
and to not scream
ITS NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!

Im so weird
I think she thinks its a one off time though
and the idiot hasnt even thought to check my arms
I guess the first ones arent that noticable
or something

The thought of school is just so tiring now
The idea of going to class exhausts me
I hope it goes away before term starts
Because I have to maintain my good grades
My father loves me more when I get good grades
And my mother does to
I think

Though in some ways I kinda wanted her to find out
Kinda
subconciously
But...
Oh I dont know

Im so mixed up now
and your not helping
Stop looking at me like that!
All patronising
like my mother
she makes me sick
stupid moron
useless
No one can understand me
not even some well paid shrink

I've taken to drawing on my arm to
It looks very cool
I walk around with words like 'Death'
and 'Dynasty' on my arms
My parents didnt think much of it
I think they were just glad I was finally going through a bit of a rebellious period

STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!
with your big pretty brown eyes
Your eyes are so pretty
Like chocolate
mine are just bland brown
No one would ever fancy me

I want to join you
Where you live seems so perfect
A loving family
and boys fancying you
wonder what thats like
But I have my books
and in my books I can be free
But not in my dreams

I had a dream last night
My mother found more of my cuts
so she put me into a rehab clinic
I just remember screaming as she drove away
and crying and crying
it was horrible

I've got to be more careful
Only cut on my hip
You can draw blood on your hip to!
You just have to cut deeper
But thats not a problem

Im not sure my obliviates have been working on you
they haven't, have they?
Cause you always seem to remember
when im talking to you
and you never express any shock
when I tell you of what I do

Then maybe
maybe I wont obliviate you
No...
I will anyway
Just for routines sake
I just doesnt seem the same simply saying goodbye

Another day
another part of me slowly rots
and fades away

Goodbye

OBLIVIATE!

A/N: I would like to say thank you to all the people who have reviewed. This has kinda become my pet project. Im quite fond of it...and ive finally got 80 reviews! Thanks to the person who gave the 80th review, I cant remember who you are, but I'll say in the next chapter

Who is Hermione talking to? Well you'll just have to find out wont you!