Chapter 10: Is This What You Want?

TWO WEEKS LATER...

Beca tapped the keys of the keyboard on her laptop. As she did so, she sipped from her water bottle. What was the brunette up to? Well, she was mixing music. She had her 'Beats by Dre' in, and was humming along to the song she was mixing.

Come gather 'round people wherever you roam,

And admit that the waters around you have grown.

Accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone

For if time to you is worth saving…

Then you better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone.

Oh, the times, they are a-changing.

"The sound of Bob Dylan in my ears is like an early Christmas present." She thought to herself, smiling.

Then, as soon as the song came to an end, syncing up with where she wanted to end her edit, she pressed 'pause', and listened to the piece in its entirety.

A mixture of two of Bob Dylan's finest songs: 'The Times, They Are-A Changin' and 'You Ain't Goin' Nowhere'. "What could be better?" Beca internally asked herself.

For Beca, it was a glorious mixture. And it was. A seamless blend of the two songs, and, in spite of them being about different topics, they fit like, in what Beca could only think of her Father saying, two peas in a pod.

Beca chuckled, and finished off her coffee. She never understood the appeal of cream and sugar. "If you put too much in, you'd basically end up with overly sugary crap. Who wants to drink that? I don't."

She sighed, and clicked on her keyboard a few final times, and then, logged out of her computer. "Victory is mine…", Beca said to herself, as she got off the bench she sat at, and walked away.

While walking, she listened to her iTunes playlist. She bobbed her head slowly to the sound of the music. But it wasn't a song with lyrics that she was listening to. It was an instrumental piece composed by an electronic artist. That artist was Moby, and the song was called 'God Moving Over the Face of the Waters'.

The song had no words, but it didn't need them. For Beca, what the song gave her was a powerful enough experience. The piece was slow, moving, constantly rising, what she could only describe as 'what would happen if God himself allowed me to die, and took me off of the Earth'.

She loved everything about the song. The piano, the atmospheric, haunting feel, the way the song slowly rose into something heavenly. It was a beautiful thing, and she held to the song dearly.

As she walked to her job, where she would be meeting LP, Jesse, and Benji, Beca heard her phone buzzing, interrupting the song she was listening to. She pulled it out, and saw who was calling: her Father.

The phone continued to buzz in her hands, as her Father, Warren, tried to get a hold of her. But Beca didn't want to talk to him. Not now, at least. She wasn't in the mood. So, she responded with an automated text message: "Sorry, can't talk right now."

Beca sighed, feeling somewhat guilty for ignoring her Father. But, at the same time, she didn't. He was the reason her parents were divorced. The reason she wanted to be a DJ. The reason she was at Barden. The reason she joined the Bellas. The reason behind all of this.

Then, as she thought about this, she got a buzz from her phone. She looked at it, and saw a voice mail from, who else but, her Father.

Huffing, Beca opened up her phone, and pulled up the telephone app. She clicked on 'voicemail', and listened to what Warren had to say. "Hey, Beca. Um... I just wanted to tell you that I heard you joined an acapella group, here on campus. And I also wanted to tell you that I'm proud that you've decided to do this. And, despite knowing that you want to be a DJ and move to LA, I just want you to really take the time necessary to consider this question: 'is this what you want?'. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that. I love you, kiddo. Call me when you get this."

Beca's expression turned into a frown. She couldn't remember the last time her Father said the words 'I'm proud of you'...

LP didn't just like Beca and Jesse's job. He absolutely adored it. Everything about it. He loved the shop that it took place in, the fact that there was literally an album for just about every artist he knew, and even a room where they played local radio.

As Jesse showed him the radio room, LP looked in wonderment as he saw the tech they used to broadcast all over town. "It's beautiful, isn't it?", Jesse asked. "Wonderful.", LP remarked, still staring at the equipment.

Jesse chuckled, and said, "Yeah, it's pretty cool, all things considered." At that moment, Benji walked back in from the building's bathroom, looking a bit disturbed.

"Benji, are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost." LP asked, taking his eyes off the radio room's equipment. Benji bit his lip, and said, "Jesse, for your information, there's a dead rat in the stall on the far left. How long do you think it's been there?"

"WHAT? Oh, shit. Luke is gonna kill me!", Jesse exclaimed, eyes widened. He immediately left the room to go investigate Benji's claim.

Benji, who was still biting his lip, turned to LP, clearly trying to hold in laughter. "What's so funny?", LP asked. At that point, Jesse was in the bathroom. "Hey, what the Hell?", he said, loud enough for his two friends to hear him.

Then, Benji burst out laughing. "There's no dead rat, is there?", LP asked, realizing why Benji was giggling like a madman. Speaking of Benji, the guy nodded his head, revealing to LP that he had played their friend like a game of tag.

An irritated Jesse walked back into the room, and saw Benji holding in his laughter once more, and LP smirking. "There was no rat, was there?", Jesse asked. "NOPE!", Benji yelled, not being able to hold back his laughter any longer. "Motherfucker!", Jesse exclaimed, prompting LP to laugh as well.

"Am I late to the party, or did I just miss something?", Beca asked. LP, who was still laughing, said, "Yeah. Jesse just got made." In response, Beca asked, "Let me guess: the rat in the toilet gag, again?"

Jesse slowly nodded his head. "Wait, what do you mean 'again'?", He asked, confused. "I mean that Benji pulled the same prank on me. Only when he did it, there actually was something in the toilet: a plastic rat."

Then, LP, Jesse, and Benji were all laughing. They couldn't help it. They thought it was funny. Even Beca herself thought that it was funny. Not that she'd let the boys know.

Beca rolled her eyes, and said, "Are we gonna get this over with? If there's ever a time to do this, it's now. We need to finish this song. We've put it off long enough, and now, I think it's time we start our little music group up. Don't you?"

The boys nodded their heads. "Beca's right. We should make this song. Benji, you have the lyrics?", LP asked. "Check.", Benji said, holding up his notebook.

LP turned to Jesse. "You're sure we have the recording equipment up and running?", He asked. "Check.", The taller boy said.

Then, LP turned to Beca. "You already know I've got a few sample recordings of mixed-together music, so, why bother asking?", The brunette responded.

The raven-haired boy looked at his friend, and smiled. He was glad to have faith in the people around him. It made him feel more confident in his pursuits.

"So, to borrow something that a certain blonde captain once told us, 'let's get rocking'." Beca said, prompting the boys to get ready.

Within fifteen minutes, they had everything set up. The computer, the equipment, the recorders, all that they needed to make a great song. LP clapped his hands together, and smiled. "We're in business."

Inside Casa Bella, Chloe Beale sat on the couch in the living room. There was nobody in the house, save for her. She sat alone, waiting in the living room.

But what was she waiting for? Even Chloe herself asked this question multiple times in her mind. She had no idea why she was even in the house at all. She could be out, studying, shopping, or simply going for a walk.

She didn't need to be cooped up inside that big, nearly-empty house. So, why was she?

Chloe stared at the wall, unsure of what to do. On the one hand, she knew she could leave any time she wanted to. At the same time, the prospect of sitting completely still for as long as she wanted sounded somewhat promising to her.

She stared at the wall, as if she was waiting for it to change color, or for a painting to suddenly appear on it, or for it to open a door to some fantastical alternate universe for her to walk through and explore.

But none of this happened. And soon, Chloe became lost in deep thought. "Think back to the last time you remember feeling truly happy. Think about it. When was the last time you remember truly feeling like anything was possible?"

As she was thinking, Chloe still stared at the blank wall. And just like before, nothing had changed. But the combination of the emptiness of the house, the empty, unchanging wall, and losing herself in her thoughts made her eyes flutter.

And, eventually, they shut altogether, as her head rested against a pillow.

"Is this good, Chloe?" The deep, husky voice asked, waking Chloe with a start. She couldn't see anything. The room was dark. No lights were turned on, and no candles had been lit. A bit unromantic, but, what could you expect from a mostly sexual relationship?

"Yeah, that's good." Chloe said, feeling comfortable with the position she was in. "Okay. Where and how do you want to start?" The voice questioned her once more.

It took a moment for Chloe to decide how she wanted to play this game. Did she want slow, passionate, and sweet, or rough, playful, and swift?

There were benefits to both, of course, but she ultimately decided that the former sounded a bit more appealing to her. "Start a little lower. Can we make this… y'know, not too spontaneous?" She nervously requested, as the voice laughed.

"Relax. We've done this before, remember?" The male voice said, as Chloe giggled. "Okay." She said. He was right. They had done it, before. And there weren't many problems then. Why would there be any now?

So, she allowed the boy to move around, as she lay quietly. Waiting. Waiting for them to get started.

Then, nothing happened. She felt nothing. She couldn't feel anything. She couldn't feel or see the gentleman in her room with her. There was complete silence.

"Tom?" Chloe asked. "Um, yeah?" Tom asked, sounding just as confused as she. "Are you doing okay?" She asked in response. "Um… well, honestly, no." He said.

Chloe sighed, and turned on the lamp. She could finally see his body, and saw him under the covers of her bed, slowly inching up next to her.

"God, this won't work." She said to herself, turning on the lights. Tom sighed, and rubbed his hand over his sweat-drenched brow. "Yeah. What's happening to us? We've done this, what, five times now? Why is it just now starting to backfire?" Tom asked, as he sat up.

Chloe frowned, and hugged him from behind, caressing his back. "I don't get it, either. I mean, when you said you were finally ready for us to take this a little further, I thought that there'd be an instant change. God, I was so stupid. I'm sorry. I act on impulse a lot, and I wish I didn't."

Then, Tom looked up, and removed her soft, warm hands from his back. He looked into her eyes, and cupped her face with his own hands. "Hey, hey, hey. Don't think like that. I'm happy that we're taking this to another level. But we'll take it slow. Go at our own pace. You think that will work?"

Chloe smiled, and touched the hand that felt her face. There was a warmth, a comfort, something she had never felt before with Tom. There was a true passion.

Tom climbed on top of Chloe, and then, after a moment's gaze, he leaned forward, and kissed her. She could feel the sparks flying. It was like electricity. Chloe closed her eyes, wanting to feel that same feeling she had tried to feel moments earlier, when she and Tom tried it in the dark.

The kiss lasted a mere thirty seconds. For Chloe, it could have lasted for many hours before she actually opened her eyes again. It was deep, felt, beautiful, everything Chloe had ever wanted. All she wanted from a relationship.

"Is this what you want?"

With that question, her eyes bolted open. She looked around the room, but there was no one to be found. Tom was no longer there. But Chloe was still right there, still in bed.

She hopped out from under the covers, and grabbed her shirt and pants. Chloe slipped into them, and walked out of the door. Then, what she found surprised her: it was the park near the campus of Barden. A beautiful, green, sunny park in the middle of the day.

"What the Hell?", she questioned. As she looked around, Tom was nowhere to be in sight. There was, however, someone wearing a black and white suit, with their back turned to her. This person was just standing, admiring the beauty of the pond that stood next to the lake.

"Oh, good! There's someone here!", Chloe exclaimed, as she paced toward the man. "Um, excuse me! Sir! Could you help me? I'm looking for someone. Would you mind-," Chloe began asking the man, but just before she was about to finish that sentence, the man turned around, and shocked Chloe.

It's not that the man was ugly or unattractive. But he wasn't attractive, either. No, the problem for Chloe was that he didn't have a face.

The man she was trying to talk to was just a body with a head, and a head without hair, eyelashes, a nose, ears, eyes, lips, or a mouth. It was just a head. Then, that same voice spoke.

"Aw, you got all dressed up for little old me?", It asked, making Chloe jump. "Who are you? Where are you? What do you want from me?", She asked.

"I am whatever you want me to be. If you wish to see me, look in front of you. And all I want from you is for you to at least acknowledge the compliment I gave you! Seriously, that is a gorgeous dress!", The voice said.

Chloe had a confused look on her face. "But, I don't have on a-", Then, she looked at her shoulder, and saw that the fabric of clothing she had on was very different from what she put on leaving her room.

She looked down, and saw that she was wearing a bright, white dress. What the voice, er, faceless man, said was true. It was a pretty dress. "But, where did I get it?", Chloe asked. She had never gotten a dress like that before. She had no recollection of even buying it.

"Does it really matter?" The voice asked. Thinking about it, Chloe came to the conclusion that, since nothing at the moment really made any sense, no, it didn't matter.

So, Chloe shook her head, as the faceless man stood there. "Good. Now, I want to ask you a question again… is this what you want?"

And, with that, Chloe woke up. Her eyes jolted, and she groaned. "Dammit. Did I fall asleep on the couch, again?", She thought to herself.

Chloe slowly sat up, feeling groggier than before. She then pulled out her phone, wishing to check the time. When she pressed the 'on' button on her phone, and what she found didn't surprise her.

What she found was multiple messages. Most of them were from Aubrey, some of them saying 'Where r u?', others saying 'Did u fall asleep on the couch, again?'

Chloe chuckled, as she scrolled through the messages. Most of the others were ones in the group chat. Some of them were pretty funny. For example:

"Has anyone ever heard of the dead-rat in a toilet gag?"-Beca.

"If I ever hear someone say 'I respect Bumper Allen', I will fight them on the side of the street."-Amy.

"Does anyone know any good stores to buy lingerie?"-Stacie.

Chloe laughed at almost all of them. Then, she came across one that made her heart jump when she first saw it. It was from Tom.

Without thinking twice, she read over it. It said, "Chloe… I've thought a lot about what you said. It's been running through my mind ever since we talked about it, and… I think I've finally come to an answer. And it's 'yes'. I realized that we should get to know more about each other, try and have a relationship outside of just sex. Let's give it a go."

Chloe's heart was beating quicker than it ever had during that day. She wanted so desperately to be in this relationship, to make it work. She knew they could make it work. And if he was finally open to it, then she knew she was ready.

"Are you ready?" Beca asked LP, who sat on a chair, headphones on his ears, and a mic close to his face, with Benji and Jesse doing the same. "Ready, steady, go." He said confidently.

Jesse nodded his head in ascent. "Ready when you are." He said, looking at Beca with a smile, and even throwing in a thumbs-up for extra measure.

"Okay. Here we go." Beca said, hitting the 'record' button on the radio room's equipment.

LP: Hello, dear friends! Well, here my friends and I are on record at last! And it feels so wonderful to be here with you on our first venture!

JESSE: We have a little song we'd love to sing for you!

BENJI: In 3, 2, 1, go!

LP: You've broken my heart once again.

JESSE: Sometimes, I wonder, every now and then…

BENJI: Do you really love me? And if so, when?

ALL THREE: I thought I could look to you as my closest friend!

LP: But then you went, and you left me!

JESSE: I thought that we were free to be!

BENJI: But now I see that it would never have worked!

JESSE: And now, I can see that my relationship goals need to be reworked!

LP: But, at the end of every day…

BENJI: I look out the window, and want to say…

JESSE: That I still love you!

LP: You gave my life a new meaning!

BENJI: You gave my heart a new beat…

JESSE: And my eyes a new way of seeing!

LP: Now, I know that I should remember-

JESSE: All the fights that we had.

LP: But I also feel that the times we weren't angry…

BENJI: Those times weren't half bad!

JESSE: And that gives me even more reason to say-

LP: That I still love you!

BENJI: You gave my life a little something more!

JESSE: I still love you!

LP: You made me feel things I'd never felt before!

JESSE: And now that you've left me…

LP: You make me realize how much I need you.

BENJI: Now that you've left me-

JESSE: I hope you need me as much as I hope you do!

LP: You know it's true…

ALL THREE: Because I still love you!

LP: You make me feel like I can do anything!

JESSE: Yeah, I still love you!

BENJI: You make me want to sing-

ALL THREE, ONE MORE TIME: I STILL LOVE YOU!

Then, Beca pressed stop on the recording. "And… we're clear."

LP clapped his hands, and removed his headphones. As he did so, both Jesse and Benji removed their headphones, cheering. "That was awesome!" Jesse said, smiling.

"Spectacular!" Benji added in. "Groovy." LP remarked. "Awesometacular." Beca finished. "What say we get a celebratory dinner at Frank's? On me!" Jesse suggested.

LP nodded his head. "Sounds good to me!" He said, as Beca and Benji nodded in agreement.

Twenty minutes later, and the four were at the diner, with Beca sitting next to LP, and Jesse next to Benji. In front of them, there were four plates. On LP's, there was a grilled cheese sandwich split in half, and a bowl of tomato soup sitting next to it, with a still-clean spoon standing beside the bowl.

On Beca's, a legume salad with peaches and beans on it. At first, the boys questioned her taste. But, once they saw her eating the stuff, they didn't bother her about it any longer.

On Jesse's plate, he had a cheeseburger and fries, with a small amount of ketchup squeezed from the bottle sitting next to the window.

And on Benji's, a few pancakes. No syrup, no whipped cream, just pancakes. He hadn't really eaten that day, since he didn't feel hungry in the morning.

In all of their hands was a cup of coffee. "A toast to the song 'I Still Love You', by Rebecca Anne Mitchell, Jesse William Swanson, Benjamin James Applebaum, and…" LP began, only to stop before saying his own name.

The others stared at him, for a moment or two. "You know that it's okay to tell us your name, right?" Jesse asked. Then, Beca put her hand on his. As LP looked at her, she said, "LP… it's okay. You can trust us."

LP sighed, before looking at his friends for nearly thirty seconds, and finally giving in. "And Lee Patrick McDaniel." He finished. "Hear, hear!" Benji cheered, as they collided their cups, and sipped their coffee.

After sipping his coffee, LP set down his cup, and put his hands to his mouth. He breathed in, and breathed out. The others couldn't not notice this.

So, Jesse asked, "What's wrong, bud? You okay?" LP nodded his head, as the others looked at him. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just… I haven't told anyone my real name in years."

"Why?" Beca asked, as LP made a noise that indicated his unsureness. "I… I just never really liked it. I always felt uncomfortable whenever people called me 'Lee'. I took a look in the mirror so many times, and never could understand why my parents named me 'Lee'. So, when I started high school, I insisted on being called 'LP'. I didn't really care if others knew my name, but, eventually, 'LP' just stuck. And I wanted to go into college just being 'LP'. Not Lee, or Lee Patrick."

LP, or Lee, didn't know if they'd understand, or even care. Why would they? He knew he was being strange, and it was all just because of his name.

Then, much to his surprise, Beca said, "I get it." As if on cue, LP looked up at the brunette, who looked at him with understanding in her eyes.

"I think we all do. Y'know, not wanting to have the name you were born with? I mean, why do you think I call myself 'Beca'?" She explained, as Jesse, Benji, and even LP himself smiled.

"Yeah. We get it, man. And, if it's all the same to you, I'll stick to LP." Jesse said, as Benji nodded. "Same here, LP!" He added in, making LP chuckle. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's eat!" LP exclaimed, his spirits lifted once more.

A few hours after dinner, LP sat in his room. Everyone had decided to come back. And everyone had decided to do something of their own. Beca was making the beat for the song, Jesse was watching 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' for the tenth time since they got to Barden, and Benji was attempting another magic trick.

But for once, LP wasn't really doing something. Or anything, for that matter. He wasn't writing, or mixing music. He wasn't even wearing his beanie. He was listening to something. But not his music.

He was listening to a copy of one of Beca's mixes. A cross between David Guetta's 'Titanium', and the Proclaimers' '500 Miles.' "Wow, she has great taste."

When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be-

I am Titanium…

I'm gonna be-

Titanium…

Well, I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more,

Just to be-

Titanium…

Then, Benji heard a knock at the door. "Uh, guys?" He said. But before him, Beca, or LP could react, Jesse ran to the door. "I'll get it!" He yelled, as he made his way over.

Then, when he opened the door, he saw Chloe standing outside, holding a few articles of clothing in her hands. To Jesse, Chloe looked perfectly happy. In fact, she was the happiest he had ever seen her, with a big smile on her face.

"Uh… hey, Chloe. Something you need?" He asked. "Yeah, is LP in here?" She responded to his question. Jesse nodded his head, and Chloe sighed happily. "Wonderful! I need to give this to him." She said, holding up the clothing.

"Oh. Okay. Here, I'll let you in. He's just sitting on his bed." Jesse replied, as he got out of the doorway, allowing Chloe to come in.

When she did, she saw LP doing exactly what Jesse said he'd be doing. Chloe walked over, the grin on her face growing bigger. Then, she set the clothes down on his bed, and tapped on his shoulders.

Finally, LP looked up, and saw his friend standing over him. He waved to her, and removed the headphones. "Hi." He said. "Hey. Um, I brought you something." She responded, pointing to the clothes on his side.

"Oh! Thank you." He said, as he grabbed the clothes to get a better look at them. He saw that she had brought him a black suit-coat and pair of pants, a white button-up, and a blue tie. "Wow. This looks really nice, actually. Better than the outfit I wore at our first performance, that's for sure!"

Chloe smiled. "Thanks, LP. Aubrey and I bought it in the hopes that you'd wear it and like it." She explained, as a smile formed on LP's own face. "It's awesome. Thank you, Chloe. And tell Aubrey 'thank you' too, please?" LP requested, as Chloe nodded her head.

Then, the redhead took a seat on his bed, looking at his computer, and seeing a file marked 'Mix #170'. "Is this one of yours?" She asked, as LP looked at her, and shook his head. "No, it's Beca's. Here, do you want to listen?" He asked.

"You should! They're really good." Jesse said, returning to his movie. "I concur!" Benji added his voice to the mix, despite not really paying attention.

Chloe looked to Beca, hoping for her approval. "Becs, is it okay with you if I listen to your mixes?" She asked, her eyes on the brunette. Beca nodded her head, and said, "Go ahead."

So, LP handed her the headphones, and put them on her head. She listened intently, hearing every beat, every lyric, every time the two songs were blended together. And, in Chloe's opinion, Beca did it all masterfully.

LP and Beca watched as Chloe listened. They were curious as to what she had to say, but also nervous. Then again, it was Chloe they were asking to give her thoughts on Beca's work…

Finally, she took off the headphones, and set them on the space between her and LP. "What did you think?" Beca asked, slightly nervous. "I loved it! It was great!" Chloe praised, relaxing Beca and LP.

"Phew. Glad to know you love it, Chlo!" Beca said, rubbing her eyes. "Yeah! Hey, Becs? Can I ask you a question?" Chloe asked. "Shoot." Beca replied.

"Is this what you want to do?" Chloe asked, making Beca sit still for a moment, and deeply think about her friend's question.

On the one hand, of course she wanted to do it after college, no matter how long she would be there. She had loved the prospect of deejaying, and wanted to do it for quite some time, ever since… her parents' divorce.

That was the whole reason she was there now, wasn't it? The whole reason she joined the Bellas. The reason she was in a room with four people who, in any other situation, she could never imagine herself hanging out with.

At the same time… what if she found a new passion? A new dream to pursue? A new idea popped into her head? What if she lost her passion for deejaying and mixing music? What if she came to realize that what she thought she wanted was something else, all along?

But, no.

This was what she wanted to do. It was the reason she was trying to make it through the year at Barden. The reason she was in the same room as LP, Jesse, and Benji. And it was the reason she'd keep going, in spite of her Father's wishes.

"Yeah. This is what I want to do." Beca said, loudly and truthfully. Chloe smiled, and looked to LP. "What about you, LP? What do you want to do after college?"

Truthfully, LP wasn't sure. In fact, he had never been more unsure of anything in his life. He had all these things he loved doing, but didn't know if he could see them as a true profession for him. Something that would keep him busy, focused, a means of making a living.

So, what did he say? "I don't know."

Author's Note: Finally. After ten chapters, I finally got to tell you LP's name. ZRyder, you guessed correctly! Great work, you get a gold star! BTW, this was one of the toughest chapters to write, mainly because of the Chloe scenes, in which I drew a lot of inspiration from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, one of my favorite movies, highly recommended! Anywho, thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time! Until then, I'm the Flying Hawaiian 001, and I'm going to bed!