Act II, Scene v
Scene changes to Friar Oprah's cell, which is a dank, cold place with black stone walls and many bleachers, to seat the Legions of Women who watch her every move. Romeo is waiting with Friar Oprah, nervously anticipating Juliet's arrival. In fact, he is way too nervous... All is silent for a moment until Friar Oprah warily glances at Romeo.
Friar Oprah: Uhm...
Romeo: ...
Friar Oprah: I'm guessing...
Romeo: Bani-SHED!
Friar Oprah: ... Why are your shoes wet? ... Oh no, you did not...
Romeo: -grins bashfully and slips away into the shadows-
Friar Oprah: No one defies the wrath of Friar Oprah by wee-weeing on her floor! GAHARHARHARHARHAHR!!!!!!!!
Total chaos ensues as many of the Legion is killed by Oprah's terrifying zap, the rest of them applauding her power. Romeo continues to hide, cowering like a baby in the corner until she's vented enough. Friar Oprah calmly smiles and makes a car appear out of thin air.
Friar Oprah: Congratulations on your upcoming marriage, Romeo. -smiles sweetly- It is made with the best things I can give you...
Romeo: -timidly sneaks from out of corner- What are they, Friar Oprah?
Friar Oprah: The heart and brain of Chuck Norris...
Silence falls again on the set, as the lights go out suddenly. The sound of a kick to the face is heard, and Friar Oprah's voice is audibly begging for mercy from her attacker. Romeo is screaming his little 'bani-SHED!!' thing during the event, and after five straight minutes of violent sounds, the lights return. Friar Oprah is gone, Romeo left alone with Chuck Norris. He is wearing Friar Oprah's habit, and is smiling heroically.
Romeo: -voice shaking- W-w-w-what'd you d-d-d-do to Friar Oprah??!!
Chuck Norris: -points to another car- Congratulations, Romeo.
Romeo flees in fright, the floor behind him becoming wet as well. He is screaming 'bani-SHED' as he runs, and Juliet enters with the Nurse, who is in an electric wheelchair-scooter-thingy. She stares at Chuck Norris a moment, before remembering where he was last seen.
Juliet: You mah babeh-daddeh!
Chuck Norris: -nods- I am, Juliet. And now I hold the power of your marriage in my hands.
Juliet: ur ssoooooo kewl.
The Nurse's wheelchair-scooter-thingy beeps three times in reply.
Juliet: -distracted- Hey, Ralph isn't here.
Chuck Norris: Romeo, Juliet.
Juliet: No, it's just Juliet.
Chuck Norris: Yes, but his name is Romeo.
Juliet: Who?
Chuck Norris: ... Do not question me.
Juliet: Mmkay. -distracted- HEY!! It's Romeo!
Romeo runs back onstage, screaming 'bani-SHED' even still. He sees Chuck Norris, almost flees again, then sees Juliet and the Nurse. At first appalled by the Nurse's apparent physical state, he quickly ignores and gets over it and begins to make out with Juliet. Unfortunately, this angers Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris: -ahem-
Romeo/Juliet: -obediently stop-
The wedding ceremony begins, a solemn occasion that contrasts everything that had just happened. After it is over, Romeo and Juliet begin to make out again. This time, Chuck Norris is pleased.
Chuck Norris: My work here is done. -flies away-
All stand in silence as they watch Chuck Norris fly away.
Romeo: ... -whispers- Everyone make a wish...
Exeunt.
Erilis: Yay for Chuck Norris!
Diego: Don't forget your special fan this week.
Erilis: Ah yes! Kila, my good friend, how long has it been since we've actually conversed? I am most grateful for your reviews (though, when I saw, like, ten things in my inbox I was hoping ten different people had reviewed), and will continue to do such for yours. And don't be silly... your stuff is way better than mine. Everyone, go read Spiritual Wolf's stuff. Right now. Or else Chuck Norris will kill you.
Diego: ... And read and review ours.