This is a long chapter. Laguna tells Bella the story of her life, and it's not a pleasant story. And Laguna won't be kind to Bella (someone could say that she has never been kind to Bella...)
English is not my mother-language, so, maybe, I made some mistake. Don't fear to point them out: I'll be grateful.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Only Laguna.
10
Laguna
I was in my room, lying on the floor, one of the little pillows under my head. I was looking at the ceiling without really seeing it, thinking. Thinking about which parts of my story, of my life, I could tell Bella without making her run screaming. But, sadly, every memory was a piece of the puzzle, leaving even one out would mean that the picture wouldn't be complete. Not relating something wouldn't make Bella understand everything, me.
I heard the sound of the car. Alice was back. In five minutes, Bella would have been here, in my room, with Edward in tow.
I could hear Alice, Bella and Edward moving towards the stairs. Coming upstairs. Edward was first. Then, Bella. Alice was last. She stopped in her room, while Edward and Bella continued their way.
I sat as they opened the door.
"Sit wherever you want..." my voice was void of any expression. With my eyes on them, Bella sat on a pillow near me, and Edward sat behind her. "I hope Edward and Alice warned you that this would not be pleasant." She looked so fragile, so helpless, and with so much courage in her eyes.
"Alice has told me what you can do. I'm not afraid", she answered, very serious. "It seems that mental powers don't work on me." She admitted.
"We'll see if mine works, instead." I said, with a shrug. "Are you ready, Bella? Are you ready for a horrible story?"
"You can start." She answered, determined.
Is it courage or recklessness? We'll see...
"OK", I nodded. "I'll start from the very beginning, like I did with the others. I'll start with my mother. Are you OK with this?" I asked. She nodded. "OK..." I drew a deep breath and started...
"My mother was a prostitute, Bella. My conception was paid with a pendant and happened in a hovel. A few months after, my grandparents found my mother and made her marry my stepfather. But my mother met again her client. Exactly a year after I was born, my mother gave birth to my sister..." Bella looked puzzled.
"I know, the beginning is a little complicated, and I don't have many memories to try to show you."
"Continue, please", she asked, nodding.
"Well... my mother got married. My sister was born in secret and given to her... our father's care. Two years later, my brother – or half-brother, you choose – Chris, was born. Edward, do you think I can show her, or do you think it is better if you tell this part?" I asked.
Edward shook his head. "We don't even know if she will see it. It's not a pleasant part of the story, but you should see what kind of movies are in the theaters..."
Bella was looking at me and Edward without understanding. "Laguna, go on. I want to risk."
"Ok." I resumed. "I was six, my mother and I were going home, when three men..." my voice failed me. More than six hundred years and it still hurt. "Three men dragged her in an alley, not far from home. They raped and killed her, while I watched." I stopped to study Bella: she paled.
"I... I can see it..." she stammered.
"I'm sorry." I removed the image from our minds. Bella sighed. "Not long after my mother's death, my stepfather remarried."
"Please, tell me that the rest of the story is better..." Bella pleaded.
I shook my head. "The worst is yet to come. Are you still sure?" I wasn't lying. I hoped she knew what she was doing.
"I'm sure. Go on." I saw her hold Edward's hand tighter.
Bella, you're crazy.
"Ok. If you're so sure..." I moved on my pillow. "My stepfather remarried. My stepmother didn't particularly like me. We can say that the feeling was mutual." I stood. "True, from time to time I did something annoying, but most of the times I've been punished only because I existed." I turned and raised my shirt, to show the scars I had on my back. "She liked to use a horsewhip." I covered my back, showing my punishments to Bella. I turned towards them, leaning with my back against the wall.
"When I was twelve, after discovering the truth about my mother, I ran from home. I stopped after a few days traveling northwards, tired. I was only twelve, and I had stolen a horse from Lord Blake's – my stepfather – stables." I stopped, waiting for a reaction. Both Edward and Bella nodded.
"I stopped, and wandered for a while, until I met three men and a boy. They were the men that killed my mother." I paused, to verify Bella's conditions. She was doing quite good, or so it seemed. "They took me with them, without imagining who I was. I don't think it was possible that they recognized me. I was just one of the many children that they had forced to look while their parents were being murdered or worse." I shook my head. "Well... in a few months I learned to be an assassin." I shrugged. I was trying to make it as painless as possible for Bella, trying to contain the emotions that went with the memories. It seemed to work. "Very soon, they gave me someone to kill. I'll move further, with your permission, Bella." I said, turning again.
"As you wish..." she answered, in a whisper. I nodded.
"I was fourteen. They started to sent me on my 'tasks' alone, without the boy, Eagle..." Bella was, once again, confused. "Well... every one of us had a nickname. The boy was Eagle, the men were Kite, Owl and Falcon. I was the Black Rose." I explained. "I have Eagle's mark on my back, you've seen it." I said, referring to the black eagle tattoo I had across my shoulders. Bella nodded. "Well, a night, I found them drunk." I sighed. "I'll be careful in showing you..." I close my eyes, not wanting to see Edward and Bella. "That was one of the worst nights of my life. They..." I was there again, I was fourteen again, held against the floor of a hovel by the men that killed my mother, the men that thought me how to kill. "For the following nights they established turns."
"Oh my God... it's..." Bella was speechless.
"And it's not over yet..." I opened my eyes. "Around a year later, when one of them got me pregnant, they did me this..." I showed Bella the scar I had on my belly, while Edward gentlemanly turned his head.
"So, I lost my child and the possibility of ever having another."
Bella lowered her eyes. Maybe it was starting to become too much. I realized that I didn't care. Not anymore. She wanted to know. And now, she was going to.
"Not long after that, I decided to rebel. I went into Eagle's room and killed him. Then, I ran. Before the others could find me, I tried to kill me." I raised the left sleeve, showing the scar that went from the wrist to the elbow. Edward was looking at me like he could kill me with one look only.
She wanted this, Edward! She asked for the story!
"A woman found me and cured me." I continued. "As soon as I could, I ran again. I arrived at London." I lowered my eyes.
We are at the best part... when I think I can be happy.
"Go on, don't worry." Bella whispered. I was starting to suspect that there weren't many braincells left in that pretty head.
I sighed, again. "The first person I met in London was... him. It was a shame that, in that moment, he was with another woman." I smiled, with a shrug. Bella seemed to relax a little. "We became friends. One day, I decided to tell him what my feelings were. A few weeks after my confession, he was mine..." I sighed for the millionth time. I missed him. Too much.
"Well, don't relax too much." I smiled to Bella. "I had killed Eagle, but there were still the men. They were on my tracks, and they found me. My stepfather wrote to me to tell me that they had almost found me." Bella's eyes were wide, Edward smiled. "I told him that I was going to kill them, and left, with the intentions of getting rid of them. And I succeeded." Bella smiled, and I smiled back.
"It seems that things are getting better, no?" she looked at me, a little worried. "Am I wrong?"
"Well... the calm before the storm, I suppose." I answered. "What do you think, Edward?" he knew the story, so he could give his opinion.
"I think you're right. Bella, we have just started." He answered, serious.
"Where were we? Oh, yes!" I started again with the story. "After I had killed the men, he asked me to marry him. A few weeks later, I gave him back the ring." Bella's eyes were wide again. "The man that was 'comforting' the woman that he had left for me had often tried to beat him. I felt like it was my fault. I thought that, leaving him, things would have gone better for him. Three days, and we were back together. He that it wasn't my fault, and that I didn't have to care." I paused again. It was a long story.
"We had many fights, mostly because of my past, because I couldn't stop being the Black Rose." I turned again, showing Bella the scar at the back of my neck. "Ax. The executioner almost got my head. Needless to say, I got his."
Bella paled again. She opened her mouth to speak, but I stopped her.
"A few months passed, and he was arrested. Things changed." I shook my head. "After his release, we started fighting even more. We broke up. I gave him back the ring".
Bella was looking at me like I had grown a second head.
"I... don't understand..." she had every right to be confused. I had just said that I gave him back his ring, the same ring I was still wearing.
"I haven't finished. That wasn't the last time I saw him." I smiled to her. "I left for a few months. When I went back to London, I met another man. After a month, we left together. But leaving, and living, together, wasn't a good idea." I stood again, pacing the room. I was still containing the emotions. Irrationally, I wanted Bella to feel everything, make her feel how was it like to be me, but I knew how much this would hurt Edward. And I didn't want to hurt him anymore that I already did.
"He wanted a family, and I couldn't give him one. I ended alone, again." I sighed. "I went back to London, and I started drawing." I pointed to the drawings on the walls. "Some of these are very old." I smiled. "After two years, he came back, saying that he wanted to stay and that he wanted me. He gave me the ring back." I said, with a shrug. "I could stop here, but I won't." I sat again. Bella leaned forward, curious.
"I told him about the other man, we fought but he stayed." I lowered my voice. "We decided that paying for two rooms was useless, so we started sharing the room and the bed." Bella shivered, and I knew why. I grinned, looking at Edward. "One day, I met my maker." I paused again. I needed a second to reorder the memories. I drew a deep breath and started again.
"When I went back to the inn, a few months later, I found Sophia, a friend of ours, that was trying to stop him from doing something stupid, telling him that I would be back. And so it was, I was there, I was back. He tried to slap me, but I stopped him. He had been afraid for me..." I lowered my voice again. "He was right."
Bella sobbed. Ignoring her tears, I went on.
"I tried to explain to him what I knew about what I was, what I am. I thought he would have left. But he didn't." I shook my head. "He stayed even though the Three Moons were back." my voice was so low that Bella leaned even forward to hear. "The Moons were three men with a black cloak and a crescent on their foreheads. One of them was my maker. Ok, back to the story..." Bella found a more comfortable position and I resumed.
"They were back. I didn't knew what to expect, until one of them wounded him." I tried to contain my anger. "He had always asked me to change him. He asked even on his deathbed." I stood again, moving towards the window. "What came next is not important. I left the room at the inn, found something similar to a home, and acted almost like a guardian for my sister and her family. Carlisle is Cory's last descendant."
Bella stood, and so did Edward.
"I'm sorry..." her voice was low.
You're sorry... tsk! Your life is so perfect... your being sorry is an insult!
xXx
Edward
Laguna tried to moderate her emotions. She had needed all her stregth to do so. Maybe it would have been better if we had had Jasper with us...
Even though I already knew the story, every part was still hard for me. Bella seemed impassible. Maybe it had been too much for her to bear. I noticed every internal comment Laguna made. I hoped that Bella was smart enough to not say that she was sorry. But she said it. And it was a terrible mistake.
xXx
Bella
That story was terrible. Edward had been right.
"I'm sorry..."
I shouldn't have said it. Laguna turned, angry.
"You're sorry? And for what? What do you should be sorry for? Forcing me to remember everything? You know? I jumped the worst part, little girl, to not hurt you more. Do you know how does it feel to lose the person you love?" she asked.
I had half an idea about it, but didn't dare say anything.
"Don't think what you felt after Edward left you is the same thing. I respect your sorrow, but..." she grabbed my wrists, pulling me towards her "...this is mine. Do you want to know how does it feel to watch the only person you've ever loved dying before your eyes?"
I lost myself in her eyes. And in her sorrow.
A dark room, lit by candles. A woman is crying near the window. She's beautiful. Her fair hair are shining in the candlelight. Her body is perfect. Her green eyes are looking at me past her tears.
My throat is tight. I want to cry, but I don't have tears. I feel useless. I feel empty. I've never felt so dead before.
"Lagu..." his voice, barely a whisper. So feeble, only I can hear him. I run at the bed, to him that wants me – a monster - beside him. I'm not breathing, the smell of his blood is too strong to not tempt my thirst.
"I'm here..." I take his hand, sitting beside him on the bed. His hand is cold. He's dying.
"I'm dying, right?" he asks, blue eyes unfocused.
"No", I lie, touching his cheek. "I wouldn't let you."
"So why your skin doesn't feel cold?" he grabs my wrist. It doesn't seem that he's suffering because of his wounds, because of the Moons. Because of me.
"I..." I try to find an explanation, but I fail. I look away.
"Kiss me. For the last time. For real. Like before." His request is inconceivable. I could hurt him. I could kill him. But... but I kiss him. And I would like to keep him alive with that kiss.
When I draw back, the breath that he, smiling, exhales on my lips, is his last.
For me, the world has just fallen. I fall on my knees, crying without tears, while Sophia comes near me, sobbing, mourning her friend. My love.
Time stops. His heart will be the lullaby of my sleepless nights no more.
He's gone.
I have no reason to survive anymore...
I fell to my knees and everything went black.