Chapter 10 - This life is hard work

Sam opens the door to the motel room quietly, in case Dean is sleeping. What he actually sees is Dean and Jordan sitting at the table. In front of them are a pile of coins and scraps of paper. He looks to see what is written on the paper and recognises monetary values. Sam watches as Dean struggles to make the latest value and realises he hasn´t seen Dean handle money properly in months. He hasn´t paid for anything that Sam hasn´t given him enough money to cover since before the accident.

He stays silent and watches, seeing Dean concentrating so hard to get the coins he needs. Jordan has nodded acknowledgement of his arrival but has said nothing that might distract Dean.

As soon as Dean has successfully finished the calculation, Jordan says, "Great, let´s finish there, now Sam´s back." Dean looks over at Sam. "So dude, your turn to feed us all, up off your ass and get going. Sam´s putting his feet up and I´m making coffee. Come on." Jordan stands and offers Dean support as he gets up, support that Sam is pleased to see him accept.

"I don´t want coffee," Dean says quietly. Sam watches as he picks up a piece of paper and takes it with him to the kitchenette. He puts the paper down on the counter and Sam sees him carefully position a chopstick over it.

"So if you don´t want coffee, what's it to be, soda or water?" Jordan´s voice carries through to Sam.

"Yes," is the answer that Dean gives as he lays out slices of bread and, making frequent looks back at the paper, begins to add ingredients to each, adjusting the position of the chopstick after each. Jordan looks at him as if expecting to find that Dean is joking. Realising he isn´t and that he is in fact focused intently on the task he is undertaking, Jordan turns and gives Sam a wry grin and shrug of the shoulders.

Sam says, "It doesn't matter which, but he´s staying caffeine free for now."

Putting three sodas on the table, Jordan sits down beside Sam. The two of them watch Dean as he studies the piece of paper then proceeds to add something else to each sandwich. "Everything go okay?" Jordan asks, keeping his voice low so as not to distract Dean.

Sam nods, "Yeah, he´s going to get back to me tomorrow lunch. I hope he says yes because he´s the best I´ve met yet."

"Fingers crossed then." Jordan stands up and moves across to Dean´s side, aware of a growing frustration. He has watched as each sandwich was completed and saw Dean pick up the knife and lay it across each sandwich as if to cut it but each time he has removed and repositioned it unhappy. "Dean?" he says, hoping to avert the frustration.

Dean looks at him, aware now that his struggle has been observed. Dean drops the knife with a clatter onto the counter and heads for a seat saying, "You finish it, my head hurts." He slumps into the chair Jordan has just left.

Sam reaches for his arm, saying "Are you okay? Can you manage without your pills until you´ve eaten?"

"I´m an idiot," his voice is a mix of anger and disappointment. "I can´t even make a sandwich."

"You did fine," says Jordan, placing a plate in front of both Winchesters, "So eat this and stop sulking. Listen up, you made the list, you followed the list, you made the sandwich. It worked; you did what you set out to do. Next time it will be easier."

The anger in Dean´s voice grows, "Tell me someone else who is stupid enough to need a fucking list of instructions to make a sandwich."

Jordan sits on the other side of him and says plainly, "Someone else who has had a head injury like yours. Now, where´s the list?" Dean pushes the list dejectedly across the table. "Take a good look at that sandwich, Dean, because you are making lunch again tomorrow." He looks down to the bottom of the list for the final instruction and picking up the pen he´d been using earlier, he draws a picture alongside showing a sandwich with a knife positioned to cut. "Tomorrow, that´s what you do, right? And if you can´t get it, I´ll help. Besides so long as the sandwich fits in your mouth, it doesn´t actually matter how you cut it."

Sam smiles as he sees a little of the tension go from Dean´s face. He pushes an open soda can over to Dean, before picking up and taking a bite of his own sandwich. Dean eats half of his sandwich before he pushes the plate away. Sam has watched him all the time they´ve been eating and he´s well aware that Dean hasn´t even touched the soda. He frowns, knowing he´s going to have to say something, not wanting another battle.

Just then Sam hears Jordan cough and sees Dean look up at Jordan. "So Dean, are you planning on adding kidney damage to your current list of problems? Have you decided you´ve not got enough on your plate?"

The look Dean gives Jordan is a mixture of annoyance and confusion. He knows Jordan is having a go at him, but he isn´t sure what it´s about. Jordan lifts his own can and with wide eyes, gives a very obvious slurp of his soda before replacing his can on the table.

Shock registers first on Dean´s face, then he turns away, picks up his can and takes a drink. Jordan grins and takes another loud slurp. Dean takes another drink then puts the can down. Sam´s head is down so his gaze is fixed on the table in front of him, but his mouth is spread in a grin that matches Jordan´s.

Dean lifts the can and drinks a third time without prompting. Sam can feel a weight lifting, he´s been so tired, he´s struggled more and more to deal with Dean´s frustration and temper, but sitting here like this, he knows that sharing the load with Jordan, being able to deflect some of the anger will help him cope as much as it will help Dean. Dean has become so afraid of something going wrong that he has retreated from trying anything, but whatever conversation has gone on through the morning while Sam has been out, has resulted in Dean attempting things he hasn´t done since he failed at them in the earliest days after his release from hospital.