A/N This chapter is a major change from the last one! That one was mostly fun to write, this one's a little heavy. I hope you guys like it, though. I spoke from the heart. I'm going to ignore the fact that I didn't get one review last chapter, due to the fact that it was mostly a transitional chapter anyway. This one goes deeper into the storyline and brings this story to a new, exciting level! Hope you guys agree :) See you at the bottom ...

Chapter 9

There's something about the emergency room tonight. Something in the air sparkles. It shifts. She's by my side, cradling a hot coffee. I can feel the hate. It reminds me of Satan. Or God. It reminds me of Aunt Judith; she's probably expecting a phone call by now. I let my mind slip and press the cloth harder against the cuts. Bright red seeps to the outside. How long have I been sitting here? Not long. Yet they're already rushing me onto a cot. Paper crinkles under my weight. Where's Meredith? Where did she go? She was right beside me.

A doctor is in front of me, shining a light in my eyes. I blink fiercely. His lips are moving ahead of his words. They echo through a long tunnel. Where's Meredith? I ask. He doesn't answer, his lips pressed together in concentration. When I look at him I see the sun, burning bright in my eyes. He reminds me of God. He's certainly controlling me; by the way he holds my elbow in his hands. Does God control us?

I see it, then. See the woman. My mother. She's smiling at me, holding out her hand. I'm meant to take it. But I don't know if I can. My mom's face stuns me into submission. And I know, instantly, that I would do anything she'd say.

Suddenly my whole world shakes in front of my eyes. I'm in a wave, in the wide-open sea, gasping for breath. The water constricts against my chest. Was this my mother's plan for me? I don't want to die, not like her. I swear I wasn't trying to die. I just wanted to see how my pulse looked from the inside.

Then I'm not in pain. The ocean around me has disappeared. All that's left is the walls, the doctor, and the bloody cloth. My mother's gone.

.

"She did it again," Meredith whispers. She doesn't know how sharp her voice sounds, doesn't realized I'm listening. "I don't know how we're going to cover this up."

The person says something on the other end of the line. Meredith sighs. "It's only going to get worse if we keep ignoring it, Stefan. We have to talk to her about it."

But she doesn't know it's already so much worse than it could be. I can hide better than anyone. Hide behind a lovely mask and flowing golden hair—hair that draws a curtain between me and them. They can't see my neck, don't know my pulse. My intentions aren't cruel; I don't want to hurt anyone but myself. Can't they see that I don't want this?

Meredith whispers words of goodbye. Then I'm in bed.

I've found that I often do things without consenting. Someone's coming; go the other way. Most of the time I don't even remember doing anything. I know it's not the same for everyone.

I turn on my side and pretend to sleep. I block out the whole world because it's easier than talking. The next day Meredith drives me home. No suicide watch; not this time at least. My room is empty and big—two dangerous combinations.

Luckily, that's when Katherine shows up. She's in front of my mirror, checking herself out. "We going out tonight?"

"I don't see why not," I answer. I'm sitting in the middle of my bed cross-legged, wondering how I could possibly feel any smaller.

Katherine falls onto the bed next to me. A silver flask sits in her hands. "You can tell me what happened, you know. I won't judge you anymore than you would judge me."

I brush my finger along the wrist guard. It's ugly, and glued on like a cast. They made sure this wouldn't happen again. At least, not on that arm. Maybe I won't do it so deep next time. Besides that, Katherine was right. I could tell her. "It was the hospital, again. Meredith's furious. She doesn't understand. I wasn't trying to kill myself."

Katherine's quiet for a heartbeat. Then she jumps off my bed. "You weren't? Your parents are dead, your aunt never calls, and you live alone. Hell, if I were you I would go crazy. Everyone has an episode. You're not crazy for wanting to be dead."

I shake my head before she's finished. How can I explain to her that when I bleed, my mother comes out? I don't want to die. It's the only way to see my mother. If I told Katherine, she'd think I was crazy. So instead I say, "I don't want to die."

She meets my eyes and in that short time I see the world. No wavering, not a single care. She's a true friend. "I believe you." But she really doesn't. "Let's get out of here."

It's cold outside. "We should have worn leggings," I say. My thighs brush the back of my jean skirt. Katherine lights up a cigarette. I wonder why she smokes those; they're disgusting and evil. When we get to Mathews Church, she discards of it with the help of her heel.

In no time we're joined by Mike, Bonnie, Stefan, Rosalie, and Caroline. "Hey, guys," I greet them. "Thanks for coming."

We all acknowledge each other, then get down to business. "Edward and Alice are in Ireland right now. I know we're all sorry they couldn't be here, but we can't postpone this. We'll have to work harder tonight, is all."

"Like that's going to happen..." Katherine whispers. I shoot her a look. Nobody else seemed to hear her, so that's good. Don't want to lose supporters.

"The full moon is in a week. This ritual is important, guys. Now, I hope everyone brought they're spray cans."

Bonnie held up a bag and shook, the metal cans sang from inside.

I forced a smile. "Good. Okay. Before we split up we need to talk recruitments. Bonnie, Stefan; you wanted to volunteer names?"

Stefan shifts his feet. When I meet his jade green eyes I lend him a small smile. "My friend, Troy Smith, expressed interest in joining. We haven't discussed much. He apparently heard of our vigilant behavior through the grape vine."

"Does he believe in the High Priest and Magick?" I asked.

"'Cause we don't want any suspicious members," Katherine put in. "Not sure your judgment is so sound when it comes to those."

I let her say what she wanted; not like I could stop her anyway. Stefan glared at me in a confused way. Probably wondering why I didn't do anything about Katherine. I shrugged, "It's true."

"Troy can be trusted," Stefan confirmed.

"Anyone opposed?" Nobody said anything. "Then, Stefan, you can give Troy the news. Bonnie?"

"I'm volunteering Bella Swan for a position," Bonnie said hopefully.

"Absolutely not," Katherine snapped, and then whispered to me, "I don't like the sound of that Bella girl. She and Bonnie have history; what if she tries to take over?"

Mike jumped in, "Bella seems cool."

"But is she divine?" Caroline asked.

"Is anyone in his club divine?" Rosalie sighed.

They continued to put in their 2 cents. My eyes filled with stars. Bella was no threat to me, just another girl. Troy Smith wasn't a threat. The only one who could possibly harm me was myself. I didn't care about losing my position as leader of the circle. I was already losing myself.

"Bella can join," I announced. "Now let's get started. We don't have a lot of time."

We split off in pairs. Mike and Bonnie took the east side of Rhode Island; Caroline and Rosalie to the west; Stefan, me and Katherine went downtown. Katherine went to the first building, then proceeded to spray painting a large eye on the building.

Stefan took my hand. "I was worried about you, Elena. You know I love you right?"

I smiled at him in that way specific to him. "Yes, I know. I love you too." Did it sound as flat to him as it did to me? "I just... felt overwhelmed. So worried about the group and the Power."

He nodded. "I understand. Can I tell you something?"

Of course he could and he knew it. Asking was important to him. It made him good about himself. I suspect it also brought him back to a simpler time, when pride was key.

"It's about Troy Smith. His name isn't actually Troy, it's Damon. Damon Salvatore. He's my brother. He begged me to ask you if he could be involved."

This news barely phased me, although it did sound like quite the ruse. "Why is he using a fake name?"

Stefan answered simply: "He doesn't want to be found."

That makes two of us. "Who's looking for him?"

"People from the past; my brother has a lot of enemies." Stefan pressed his lips together. Something about his eyes, the dip in his forehead, made me think this worried him. I didn't like seeing him anxious.

I gripped Stefan's shoulders, looking into his eyes. "It'll be okay. We can help him."

"Thank you. And hopefully the girl he's been seeing can help him out, too."

"What's her name?" I asked hopefully, maybe I'll see his smile.

Then, as if he lived just to please me, he smiled. His next words chilled me, though, and brought Katherine back with a vengeance. "Bella Swan."

Katherine followed me to another building, hisses at me while I paint the eye. "You see what I mean?! She's weaseling her way into our lives. Stealing your boyfriends brother is overstepping. I want him. I want Damon. Not that bitch Bella."

"Shh, Katherine. We'll do something about her. I promise." Katherine turned her back on me. The red eye glared at me. The sun peeked above the bridge. "Let's get heading back now. We've made our mark on Rhode Island anyway."

Stefan swung his arm around my shoulder. "By the afternoon everyone will know the Red Eye Circle. Magick has never been more prominent." Then we kissed. He was on fire, I was ice; chilled by the ghost of Katherine's presence in the back of my mind.

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A/N Okay, so... Forgive me if y'all weren't quite ready for this twist. Hope it's enough to keep you guessing and wanting more! Feel free to PM me and/or review with your questions, thoughts or concerns. I get that it may seem like a pretty major leap from my earlier work but I promise you it'll all fall into place! Don't wanna ramble on for too long, so just trust me! And don't forget to review! :) How crazy is Elena, am I right?

Sorry about the no-Damon thing :(