Disclaimer: The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters are owned by Jay Ward Productions.

License to Chill or Land of the Frost

Narrator: Rocky is trying to save his frozen friend Bullwinkle. The flying squirrel reaches the top of the Summit of All Fears so he can use it as a lookout point. Boris and Natasha spotted the squirrel. They attempted to climb the mountain, but an avalanche is headed right toward them.

Natasha: Hokey Smoke!

Boris: Please don't sound like Squirrel, Natasha.

Rocky flies down the mountain and rescues them from the incoming avalanche.

Rocky: That was close.

Natasha: Thanks for rescuing us, Squirrel.

Boris: But we're not letting you go.

Narrator: Oh, no! Rocky is kidnapped, er, "squirrelnapped" by Boris and Natasha! You two should be ashamed of yourselves. He saved your lives!

Natasha: So what? We can't die anyway.

Boris: If we did, the only important villain on the show would be Fearless Leader. And he can't do all the evil stuff by himself.

Rocky: I guess they're right...

Narrator: Nevertheless, this is ethically questionable.

Narrator: Speaking of ethically questionable, what Fearless Leader has in store for Bullwinkle is-

Fearless Leader: You are mistaken, Mr. Narrator. I don't have anything in store for Moose. Unless you mean store him in a fridge. In that case, you would be correct.

Narrator: He doesn't really have to worry about the ice that our immobilized Moose is trapped in because of the largest snowstorm in the history of Pottsylvania.

Fearless Leader: That's right. I really lucked in this time. In fact, this would be perfect if Badenov didn't screw up my house...

Narrator: Boris set up some "security measures" for the windows that were rather explosive. As a result, his boss's headquarters is covered with snow and ice. The lack of traction is quite hard for Fearless Leader.

He slips and falls on the slippery floor.

Fearless Leader: ...Skating isn't really part of my job requirements.

Narrator: And it shows.

Fearless Leader: Since when did you see an evil criminal mastermind who knows how to skate?

Narrator: I can't recall any at the moment.

Narrator: Meanwhile, on the Frosty Gate Bridge, rookie police officers Edgar and Chauncey find a suspect in the case of the clueless captain's cruiser.

Captain Peachfuzz: Huh?

Narrator: The guy who stole your ship.

Peachfuzz: Oh.

Mr. Big: I am a law abiding local resident of Frostbite Falls, I guess.

Edgar: I'm sorry, but we can't let you cross this bridge.

Chauncey: Yeah, you'll need a badge.

Mr. Big: Badges? I don't need no steenking badges!

Narrator: After an interrogation-

Chauncey: Did you steal the captain's S.S. Guppy?

Mr. Big: Yes- er, no.

Edgar: It's pretty obvious that he stole the boat. The S.S. Guppy is hidden under the bridge.

Chauncey: Hey, you're right!

The vessel has a label that says "Property of Captain Peachfuzz", but his name is crossed out and replaced with Mr. Big.

Peachfuzz: I was looking everywhere for it. I even had to use my binoculars.

The sea captain is using the binoculars backwards. Edgar and Chauncey stare at him.

Mr. Big: I was only going to borrow it. Fearless Leader said that he needed a vessel to transport tourists. He's setting up a new tourist attraction.

Peachfuzz: I can steer the boat for you if you want.

Mr. Big: Thank you, Captain Peachfuzz! You are so considerate-

Peachfuzz: And smart.

Mr. Big: -and *snickers* "smart", too. Heheheheh...

Narrator: After sucking up to the sea captain, they sail to Pottsylvania and leave the officers on the bridge.

Chauncey: I'm really upset about this.

Edgar: Because we let one of Fearless Leader's minions get away?

Chauncey: No, because I wanted to see what the new tourist attraction is.

Narrator: The tourist attraction in question is the frozen moose!

Fearless Leader: You're wrong again. He is a prehistoric moose. To be more specific, his scientific name is Stupidicus Meddli, which translates to "stupid meddler".

Narrator: You made that name up.

Fearless Leader: The public won't know that.

Narrator: While Fearless Leader plots his scheme, his minions have arrested our favorite flying squirrel!

Rocky: Why can't I escape?

Boris: Because you're "tied up" at the moment. Hahahahahaha!

Natasha: Nice pun, dollink.

Rocky: I don't think his pun was that great.

Narrator: Of course.

Narrator: Since the dastardly duo is too busy to realize where they're going, and the winter snowstorm is raging on, they accidentally wander off a cliff!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Boris: At least he's saying the catchphrase. It's this stuff that makes me wish this story was in summer instead.

Narrator: Will our hero and villains survive the impact of the fall? Stay tuned for "No Springs!" or "Falling for Danger".