A/N: Hey guys! Here's the second chapter for ya! I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think!
And as always, REVIEWS = LOVE!
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Glee, any characters, places words or phrases from either the books, motion picture or television show, Taylor Swift, Don't Stop Believin', University of Florida, NYU, Lindsay Lohan, Breadstix, Christian Louboutin, Bruno Mars, 24K Magic, Cake by the Ocean by D.N.C.E., Despacito, Justin Bieber, Luis Fonsi, Manon Baptiste, West Virginia, Louisiana, Broadway, In Gay Paree, The Heir by Kiera Cass (quote used) or anything else you can find in the real world. I do however own The Pasta Plate.
THIS FANFICTION IS UNBETA'D BUT PROOFREAD.
ANY REMAINING MISTAKES ARE UNINTENTIONAL.
APOLOGIES FOR ANY INCONVIENENCE.
"Oh! My! God!" April shouted and grabbed my arm. I looked in the direction she was staring wide eyed and I saw the sight that had alarmed her. Sam's eyes were rimmed in red with black veins crawling down his face. "What the…?"
"I am a vampire and everything that we've told you is true," Sam said his face returning to human form.
"Vampires are real?" April whispered.
"Yep. Werewolves too," I answered. "You saw them, April; in the woods last year."
"Oh! My! God!" April gasped. "I could've been killed!"
"No, they only kill vampires," Sam said rolling his eyes.
"Is everything real?" she questioned.
"No," Sam shook his head, "Big Foot's a hoax. Most sighting are just a big ass mother in a gorilla suit."
"You're dumb," I laughed. "Listen, April, after graduation I'm becoming a vampire and I don't know what that means for my friendships and my family," I told her, "but I don't want to lose you."
"Is that what that not seeing anyone after going away to college stuff is about? You're going to be a vampire?" she asked me grabbing my hand.
"Yeah. I need you and I don't want to lose you."
"But you will, Mercedes. At some point I'm going to die."
"And I will deal with it then," I said.
"I've tried to convince her to wait," Sam explained.
"And I've told him that I don't want to wait to start my life," I said matter-of-fact.
"Do whatever makes you happy. I'm here for you; whenever you need me," April said giving me a hug.
"No problem and I love you too but you guys gotta go," she said getting to her feet. "I need a nap."
"You OK?" I asked on the way downstairs.
"Yeah. Just a lot to process," she assured me.
"I'll answer any questions you have have, when, or if the time comes," Sam said with a nod as he opened the front door for me.
"Thanks. Bye guys," April waved as we descended the steps. Sam opened my door for me, I climbed in and when the door closed, I waved to her. Sam climbed in and we sped off.
"What's wrong?" Sam questioned.
"Should I have stressed the importance of secrecy to her?" I asked.
"No. She gets it. Trina nor anyone else crossed her mind," Sam informed me. "I think she'll be a good ally for us."
"Good. I love her, ya know?" I said.
"I know. This is why I tell you that this is not a way of life that one should volunteer for. This life is loss," Sam told me, his eyes locked on the road ahead.
"I know that but the loss of you is too much for me to bear," I said avoiding his gaze. "I think we've proved that."
"Touché," Sam chuckled. "Graduation is in a few short weeks. Are you truly ready for what is to come?"
"I'm ready to start my life. My life with you; as a Schuester," I told him.
"You're sure? Mercedes Schuester. That'll be you. For eternity," he joked.
"I'm thinking Jones-Schuester, Evans-Schuester," I joked back.
"You are touché-ing me today," he said with a crooked grin. "You work today?"
"No. Bret gave me and Jerry the next couple of weeks off to prepare for graduation."
"What's that mean?"
"Hell if I know but if it means I don't have to try and figure our if Taylor Swift goes in the Country section or the Pop section for two weeks, I'm with it."
"Cool. I wanna take you somewhere if you don't mind," Sam said as he drove out of Lima toward Toledo-Maumee.
"Where are we going?" I asked trying to hid the excitement in my voice.
"You'll see," he smiled.
Sam drove tot his huge green park. We got out, strolled across the park toward the trees. Once inside, he threw me on his back and ran though the woods and climbed a monstrous tree all the way to the top. He sat me down then sat down across from me.
"What are we doing here?" I asked.
"Sitting," he smiled. "Tree tops give a different view of the world. Up here, they the pureness of life. I crave that," Sam explained.
"It's beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with me," I smiled. He smiled back and we watched the clouds roll across the sky and talked about how excited I was that my mom and Grant were coming in next week for graduation. As it got darker, we climbed down and Sam took me home.
I'm a fashionable girl. I tend to slay on the daily but today is killing me. It's graduation day. I want to look flawless in the obligatory photo with my friends with our robes open.
"Hey, Mercy," Tina's voice sounded from behind me. I turned to face her and her eyes grew wide. "What are you wearing?"
"Sweats," I answered flatly; looking down at my gray off-shoulder sweatshirt and black cropped sweatpants and striped socks.
"Why are you not ready?" she asked as she hurriedly moved in to the room.
"I have no clue what to wear," I told her as I watched her flip through my clothes.
"No worries," she said suddenly with a broad smile. She pulled her cell out and put it to her ear. "Hey. Yeah, bring it. No the one of the back of my door. Yeah. Thanks. I love you," Tina said before hanging up.
"What are you doing?" I questioned.
"Taking care of the problem," Tina answered.
"You shouldn't have bought me anything," I told her, flopping down on my bed.
"When people give you gifts, take them," Tina said. "It's bitchy not to."
"Sorry. I just don't have anything to give you back," I said.
"People don't always need a gift in return. Let people be nice to you," Tina told me. "Especially Sam."
"What?"
"If my brother wants to give you something, let him. He love you and he wants to share that love with you."
"I get it. Sorry," I muttered.
"It's OK," she said sitting down beside me and put her arm around me.
"Here it is," Mike said suddenly appearing. Tina took the bag from him, kissed him and closed the door in his face.
"The dress and shoes are in the bag," Tina said as she unzipped it. First, she pulled out a royal purple cold-shoulder midi dress that had a small slit up the right leg. Then, she pulled out black patent leather pumps with royal purple straps. "Get dressed. Mike and I will be downstairs with Gordon, you mom and Grant." I just nodded.
Once I was alone, I changed and did my hair in big luscious waves, natural but bold make-up, but then I noticed there were two boxes sitting on my desk; both jewelry size. The one box was wrapped in shiny red paper. The other in wrinkly matte blue paper. I picked up the red on first and plucked the card attached off and read it;
Just something to help you shine today.
Sam
I smiled brightly as I peeled the paper off the box and opened it to reveal a diamond tennis bracelet. I slipped it on and then grabbed the other note.
I know I've been a jerk but
I still wanted to say happy graduation.
Mav
I ripped open the paper, opened the box and inside, on a thin silver link bracelet, was a charm of a dark gray cloud and a lightening bolt.
"Thundering Storm," I said allowed. I looked at my almost healed hand. I was still furious at Mav but I never stopped loving him. I slipped it on, checked myself in the mirror one last time before I headed downstairs.
"Oh! My baby! You look so beautiful!" my mom gushed. She had gotten to town four days ago and she hadn't stopped crying.
"Thanks, mom," I said hugging her.
"You really do, Merc," Gordon smiled.
"Thanks, Dad," I smiled.
"OK. Our parents arranged for a car to pick up all up," Tina beamed.
"Cool," Grant smiled.
Ten minutes later there was a knock on the door. Gordon opened it and it was the driver. We all exited the house and piled into the limo. The ride was filled with laughter and updates. It was great having mom and Grant here. I missed them so much. But them being here and it being graduation had caused an overwhelming sadness to take over me.
"You can still change your mind," Sam said soft enough for only me and his siblings to hear; as I watched Mom and Grant talk to Gordon. I shook my head no. Sam shrugged slightly. We'd talk about it later.
When we arrived at McKinley, the limo dropped the parents off at the front of the school and then dropped us off at the student entrance.
"Mercedes!" April called out to me. She jogged over with Kurt and Quinn in tow. She hugged me tightly, misty eyed.
"This way, Seniors!" Coach Sue Sylvester's voice boomed through a megaphone. "The sooner you get inside the sooner we can be rid of the odious stench of your mediocrity."
"Pleasant," Kurt mutter as he side-eyed the coach on our way inside to the gym. Sam kissed my forehead then went to find his seat. I sat down a few places down from Sarah who beamed and waved to me.
We watched as the Junior AV club wheeled in a giant screen and projector.
Principal Figgins, dressed in his cap and gown, stepped up the microphone.
"Good afternoon, seniors. Today you have reached your commencement. So please enjoy this video of your last four years of memories prepared by the Titan AV club," he said clapping as he joining us on the bleachers.
The video was about and hour and a half. I was in some it and the track was Don't Stop Believin'. I admit it. I cried. When it was over they led us from the gym, around the perimeter of the school and into the giant amphitheater size auditorium. It was a great place. When Sam was...gone...I would go in there and just sit center stage. Or I'd stand there and belt out the world's saddest love songs. Whatever I did int here that room kept my secrets and comforted me. It didn't judge or ask questions. It was just always there. I returned there after Mav abandoned me and again that room...that stage was there for me. I'm going to miss this room.
They blasted pomp and circumstance as we all took our seats. Principal Figgins stepped up the podium and began the ceremony.
Mike got a dance scholarship to the University of Florida, Trina got a full ride to NYU and a few other people got awards and things. April gave her video presentation and it was beautiful. Yep. You guessed it. I cried again. Our keynote speaker was Lindsay Lohan. The speech was actually really inspiring. It was about the fact that the dangers of peer pressure as a teen and young adult are real and a strong support system and people around you who keep you grounded are the keys to keeping you safe, healthy, happy and putting and keeping you on the road to success.
Then it was time for Trina's speech. She approached the podium and smiled nervously.
"Good afternoon, esteemed teachers, principal, staff, my fellow students and everyone assembled. I am anxious. When this day is over my classmates and I will be graduates. You hear that guys. Graduates. That mean that they adults in our lives...are us," she said and the room chuckled. And like the other adults in our lives they're going to be expecting things from us. Lots of things. Big things. Career, love, life type things and I don't know about you but in a few short hours I will have no idea how to answer those questions. But I think if we talk through this right here, right now, together, maybe something will spark," Trina smiled at us.
"Do you remember when we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president or in my case, princess. When we were 10, they asked again. We answered rockstar, cowboy or in my case, a gold medalist. But now that we're grown up, they want serious answers. Well, how about this?" Trina paused with a mischievous smirk before continuing. "Who the hell knows?" she said to raucous applause and hooting. "This isn't the time to make hard-and-fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love. A lot. Major in Philosophy, because there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind and change it again because nothing is permanent," Trina said and I could feel Sam's eyes on the back of my head. He was kinda right. Nothing is permanent; except he and I and our collision course for forever.
"So make as many mistakes as you can - because I think we've figured this out guys – make as many mistakes as you can; that way, someday, when they ask what we want to be we won't have to guess. We'll know," Trina finished and our entire glass gave her a standing ovation.
After we all settled down, it was time for the diplomas.
"April Madison Briggs," Mr. Trenton, the superintendent read. I knew my mom was taking pictures of all my friends. Jerald Brando Daniels, Trina Marie Duncan. Finally I was next. "Mercedes Isabella Jones," the superintendent said. I fought back tears as I crossed the stage, took my diploma from Principal Figgins, shook his and Mr. Trenton's hands as my friends and family cheered me on. Gordon stood up, clapping so that I would see him. I took my seat again. Sarah Christina Matthews, Arthur Christopher Abrams-Schuester, Michael Robert Chang-Shuester, Tina Anne Cohen-Chang-Schuester. When superintendent Trenton said Samuel Edward Evans-Schuester I looked up and Sam never took his eyes off me. I felt the heat rise in my face and other places as Sam strolled off the stage. Lucy Quinn Fabray-Evans-Schuester, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel-Schuester, Gregory Thomas Smith, Robert Franklin Woodson. Principal Figgins announced us graduates and we tossed our caps.
I hugged and took pictures with all of my friends then joined my parents and the Schuesters.
"Will will be at the house tonight so I'll be taking you three to dinner at The Pasta Plate," Emma told my mom, Gordon and Grant. "It's a new place but it's authentic Italian."
"Well, it's better than Breadstix," my mom joked. "Oh, Mercy," she said spotting me. "I'm so proud of you. Congratulations, baby!" she said pulling me into a tight hug.
"Thanks, Mom," I said happily as I hugged her back. I hugged my dad and Grant, Will and Emma before Tina drug me away.
"OK, go home and change; the dress is on your bed, then head over to the house. I have to go now and make sure everything is in order," Tina told me. She hugged me before flitting off through the crowd.
"You ready to go?" Sam whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Yes," I said with a nod. Sam kissed my cheek before leading me to the exit.
When Sam and I arrived back at my house, (Finn had driven Sam's car to school for him), there was indeed a dress laying on my bed. It was strapless, black, short with a wide metallic silver belt beside it. There were black, patent leather Christian Louboutin Daffodil mary-jane pumps on the floor and all the make-up I should wear was also on the bed.
"Tina and Kurt are nothing if not efficient," Sam joked.
"Right?!" I laughed. "Hey, just go downstairs and wait, I'll be down in a few." Sam nodded and left me to my wardrobe change.
25 minutes later I was hot and sassy Mercedes so I headed down. By the time I got to the bottom step, Sam was standing in front of me.
"You look...phenomenal," he whispered.
"Thank you," I blushed but he was kinda right. The dress hit every curve of my body exactly the right way, the Louboutins were sexy without trying, my make-up looked flawless and my hair was, as they say, on fleek.
"Shall me?" he asked as he put one arm behind his back and held his hand out to me. I swear, sometimes when he's formal like this I just want to take his clothes off and dare I say, ravage him.
"We shall," I said putting my impure thoughts out of my head and I took his hand and Sam escorted me outside. He locked my front door, took my hand again and walked me to the car.
Once we were both inside, he took off toward his house. We sang Bruno Mars the whole way because sometimes you just need a little 24K Magic.
As we started down the long driveway, we were guided by twinkly lights that hung high in the trees and every four trees were wrapped in foil crepe paper in our school colors. I was completely amazed that Tina had done all of this in like two weeks. When we pulled up to the house, there were people milling inside the house. In the clearing that sits at the end of the driveway all the cars sat and people were making the trek back toward the house. Sam waited for people to pass before he parked his car in the garage. We got out and he took my hand and led me upstairs where Cake by the Ocean was blasting.
"Your friends are coming," Sam whispered in my ear. He kissed me on the cheek and headed in the opposite direction.
"You made it!" April said loudly as she hugged me.
"Hey!" Trina smiled as she wrapped me in a hug too. "What did you think of my speech? Too easy-breezy? Too self-helpful? You hated it?"
"No. I think you pretty much nailed it," I said honestly. "It was literally amazing. I loved it!"
"Yeah?" she asked beaming. "It's like I was born to lead, right?"
"I love this song! Let's go!" April said excitedly as Despacito began to play. Trina led the way and April turned back to me and mouthed 'I'm sorry about Trina' before they were both back on the dance floor with Sarah, who waved, dancing to Luis Fonsi and Justin Bieber.
I watched them for a few moments before I went off in search of the Schuesters. I checked both of the huge open room on the floor I was on before deciding to check upstairs. As I turned around to make my way toward the stairs my eyes landed on Maverick, Courtland and Garth.
"What are you doing here?" I asked as we met half-way. I couldn't help but grin a little bit. I love Maverick. Now and forever.
"You invited me, remember?" he said.
"Was my right hook too subtle for you? Just in case, that was me, uninviting you," I informed him.
"Look, Mercy, I'm sorry about, you know, the kiss and your hand. I'd blame it on the whole inner animal thing but it was really just me; being an ass," Maverick said honestly. "I'm really sorry."
"Thank you," I smiled.
"I brought you something," Maverick said in this usual sunny tone.
"You already got me this," I said holding my arm up showing him the Thundering Storm charm.
"Yeah but this, I made myself," he said impressed with himself. He smiled wide and held up a tiny carved wolf. It was a dark copper. The same color Mav was in wolf form.
"Wow," I said taking the little charm in my hand. "You made this? It's beautiful. Thanks."
"You're welcome," Mav said as he wrapped me in a tight embrace.
Over his shoulder, I see Tina coming down the stairs. She stopped on the third one from the bottom and just stared off into to space for a moment.
"I'll be right back," I told him as I made my way toward her. "Tina, what'd you see?"
"The decision's been made," she told me, worry seeping into her voice.
"What's going on?" Maverick asked as he joined up by the stairs.
"You're not going to Toledo-Maumee," I said as more of a statement than a question.
"No. They're coming here," she said. "Come on," Tina said turning on her heel and heading back up the stairs. I followed, then Mav followed me, then Garth and Courtland followed him. She led us to Will's office. The other Schuesters were already waiting.
Sam's eyes flashed to Maverick and company before he took my hand and pulled me over beside him.
"What did you see, Tina?" Will asked before any of his children could get in a tizzy about what the wolves were doing there.
"I saw someone and an...army of newborns," Tina said. "They were following him; marching. They'll be here in four days."
"This could be a bloodbath," Will said solemnly.
"Who's behind it?" Sam inquired.
"I didn't see anyone I recognized," Tina informed him. "Maybe one."
"I know his face," Sam said reading her mind. "He's local. Peter Stone."
"Peter Stone?" I asked. That was the son of my dad's friends.
"Yes," Sam answered, "but he didn't start this."
"Whoever did is staying out of the action," Tina agreed.
"They must be playing with the blind spots in your vision," Will cited.
"Either way, the army is coming and there aren't enough of us to protect the town," Mike stated.
"Hold up. What damn army?" Maverick interjected.
"Like Tina said, newborns. Our kind," Will said.
"What are they after?" Garth questioned.
"They were passing around Mercedes' scent. A black Manon Baptiste top," Tina said.
"I told you it was the intruder," I whispered to Sam, who cut his eyes at me.
"They're after Mercedes? What the hell does this mean?" Maverick questioned, his chest puffed.
"It means an ugly fight. With lives lost," Will foretold.
Mav was silent. I could see the thoughts churning in his mind. He turned to Garth and Courtland, who nodded at him; the same determination in their eyes as Maverick.
"Alright. We're in," Maverick announced.
"No. You could get killed. No way!" I said adamantly.
"I wasn't asking for permission," he retorted.
"Sam," I pleaded.
"It means more protection for you. For Gordon," Sam said honestly.
"Maverick, do you believe Dylan would agree to an – understanding?" Will asked.
"As long as we get to kill some vampires," Maverick answered.
"Mike?" Will asked turning to his son.
"They'll give us the numbers," Mike admitted. "Newborns won't know they even exist. That'll give us an edge."
"We'll need to coordinate," Will said.
"Will, you guys could get hurt or worse," I said getting to my feet.
"We'll all need some training, yes," Will said. "Fighting newborns requires knowledge that Mike has. You're welcome to join us," turning to Maverick.
"Alright. Name the time and place," Mav agreed.
"Mav, you don't know what you're getting yourself into," I said pleadingly.
"Mercy, in all honesty, neither do you, but here you stand," Mav said. "Look, this is what we do. You should be happy. Look at us; working together. You are the one who wanted us to get along. Remember?"
"I remember," I said somberly. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to doubt you. Any of you," I told the room at large, "but can we please stopping pretending like we're not talking about you guys going to war?"
"Mercedes, I will train everyone to the best of my ability," Mike said reassuringly.
"And I have no doubt about that but I love all of you, I don't want anyone to get hurt or worse," I confided.
"It is a risk we are all willing to take to keep you, Gordon and the entire town and the Reservation safe," Will stated.
I just nodded. What was left to say? They had all decided to go to war and I was useless to stop it. Plus, the more I think about this and my train of thought I realize how selfish it sounds. Don't go to war because I'm scared you might die so just let the newborns come and slaughter the whole town. No, that's not who I am. It's not what I'm about but I can't deny the fear is real.
"Mercy, we gotta go," Mav said stepping up to me. "Don't worry," he said wrapping me in a tight hug. "We'll be fine."
"I believe you," I said hugging him back. We broke apart and he exited, Garth and Courtland close behind.
The rest of the Schuesters thinned out and Sam and I were the only ones left.
"You ok?" Sam asked, his eyes on mine.
"No," I said plainly.
"When you know who matters most to you, giving things up, even yourself, doesn't really feel like a sacrifice," he said as he pulled me into his arms. Again, I just nodded. I didn't know what to say.
"Mercy? You wanna hang out?" Kurt's voice asked breaking into the silence surrounding me and Sam.
"Sure," I said giving Sam a tight squeeze before reaching out for Kurt's outstretched hand.
"Tina, me and Blaine are on the upstairs balcony," Kurt informed me as he climbed the stairs past all the oblivious party goers. We walked down a long hallway and he pushed the door open to reveal his siblings sitting around a bronze fire pit.
"Hey, Mercy. You ok?" Tina asked concern in her voice as she hugged me when I took the seat next to her.
"Yeah. I'm fine," I lied a little.
"Wanna talk about it?" Blaine asked.
"No," I shook my head, "let's just about anything else."
"Well, I could tell you a story," Kurt commented.
"I'm all ears," I told him as Tina handed me a soda.
"I am older than I look," Kurt began. "I was born in what is now West Virginia, in the place that's where the border would be in 1816. The country was fully ensconced in the Antebellum era and my family was...as pro Antebellum as they come. I never understood the reason or need for slaves. I loved working outside in the fields and cooking in the kitchen. My mama hated it. She also hated that I was interested in my sister's corsets and dresses. She died when I was eight and my father who didn't share her concerns remarried a woman who shared his view but she came with a brother who took up my mother's mantle. So my life got a little...hectic when he caught me kissing Colonel Maddox Blanchard of the 300th Rifle Regiment out of Louisiana in his carriage in 1833," Kurt told me.
"So what happened?"
"My father sent me way. Not because he was ashamed but because he feared for my safety," he answered. "Homophobes have been around for a long, long time. My Uncle-in-law as it were, was sure to tell the whole town especially his fellow homophobes. So I moved to Pennsylvania with my Aunt Junie Hummel. A retched woman. Snobby and greedy but she didn't care about the whole I liked to kiss boys thing because I could sew the hell out of a dress," he said with a chuckle. "One night in 1834, three days before my 18th birthday, I had just come from the merchants with some bolts of fabric I had ordered for some elaborate thing Aunt Junie wanted when the my horse got spooked. I fell to the ground and watched Watson, that was my horse, run off into the woods. It was growing dark and I was without a lantern but I had to find that damn horse."
"You couldn't have gone back toward town for help or something?" I asked him.
"No. I was closer to home than I was to town at that point," Kurt explained. "So, as I was in the woods calling for Watson, I was approached by a tall man who was a bit on the bulky side but didn't seem all that menacing to me. He asked me what I was doing in the woods this late because it was dangerous. I told I had lost my horse and I was in search of him. He told me that he would aid me and I thanked him. I proceeded in the way that I was but when I got about 50 feet from our meeting spot I was knocked to the ground and the burning started," Kurt said, tearing springing to his eyes. I grabbed his hand. "When I woke up he told met that my Aunt had presumed me dead and that I was a vampire. He told me some basics and he left me to fend for myself."
"I'm sorry, Kurt," I said rubbing my thumb across the back of his hand.
"It's ok. It was a long time ago," he said dabbing his eyes with the hanky Blaine had handed him. "I met Blaine in 1899 in New York on Broadway where he was starring in In Gay Paree."
"I saw him from center stage," Blaine swooned. "He was the most handsome man I'd ever seen."
"You too," Kurt cooed as he put his hand on his mate's cheek.
"I had been a vampire for about ten years when I met Kurt. Being on Broadway allowed me to have a night time schedule and I could just...convince...my producers to give time off in the daytime," Blaine explained. "I have always been a sucker for a pretty face and the pretty face I fell for this time, changed me during sex. He left me with the same basic information Kurt got and then I had to fend for myself. I went around for a long time lying about my age but when Kurt and I met Will and Emma in the 20's all that changed. We were just free to be who we were. No lying necessary."
"I'm sure that was an awesome change," I said smiling.
"It was. Living in your truth in any capacity is awesome," Blaine smiled back.
"Thank you guys for sharing. It means so much to me that you trust me enough to share so much with me," I said getting up and hugging them both.
"We love you and you're going to be one of us soon," Kurt said. "We want you to know everything about us."
I smiled at them. The more I got to know the Schuesters the more I knew that I was making the right choice about my life. I would figure the rest out later but for a little while, I was going to be selfish and I was going to live in my truth. With Sam. Forever.