Espada Vacation
Chapter 10: To the Bahamas! Part 1-On the Way
Quick AN: To the Bahamas! will have three parts. Yeah...I don't know why I had to tell you this. Oh, and to Silver Dragon: the cruise line was Carnival. The ship I went on was called Carnival Sensation.
~Szayel's POV~
When I had stumbled back into the room last night, I found my stupid, un-perfect, son of a mother brother sprawled out on MY bed, drooling on MY good pillow. I was suppose to have the bed! And after getting duct tapped to the side of the ship, I was not going to just crawl up into that bunk bed and go to sleep! You know why? Because I am a higher rank. Because I am perfect. And because I am perfect and hold a position among the Espada, I don't have to give a reason. Because I can!
...Also because that bed was smaller, and if I sat up, I would hit my head against the damn ceiling. The bed just overall looked uncomfortable.
"Ilforte, you bastard, get up this instant!" I yelled at him while throwing his stupid lumpy pillow at him. The blond groaned before propping himself up on his elbows groggily.
"The hell, Szay? I was just sleeping," he half heartedly shot a glare.
"I know you were just sleeping! On MY bed, at that. So please be a brother dear and get off." Like any smart person, I wasn't surprised when he didn't listen.
"Why should I listen to you?" he questioned before laying back down. "I'm older, so I don't gotta listen to you," he mumbled into my good pillow.
"For one, I am a higher rank, AND I'm smarter then you." Grimmjow's stupid fraccion ignored me. "Listen to me, dammit!" It was a miracle I didn't kill his face yet. After a solid minute of standing there, raging silently and forging revenge that would've shamed him into jumping into the ocean with the anchor tied around his neck, Ilforte turned over with a happy little smile on his sleeping face...while drooling on my before mentioned good pillow.
"Dammit, Ilforte, stop drooling on my good pillow!" I yelled while chucking the case for my spare glasses at his head. He groaned before tiredly giving me the finger.
"Chill, Szay, just go to sleep," he yawned before flipping himself over onto his stomach, giving me a view of his imperfect ass in the process.
"I will not chi-oh, God, are you sleeping in my boxers? Dammit, now I have to burn those!" I scowled. I like that certain pair too! Nnoitra thought it would've been funny to get me underwear where the words 'FOR RENT' were printed on the back for my birthday. A laundry accident, caused by Gin, which meant it probably wasn't an accident, messed then up, and oddly enough, there were pink splotches here and there, with one in the back that sort of resembled a pair of lips. I myself found it rather funny, and it was comfortable, so I didn't think it was necessary to rid myself of them.
In response, my hopefully adopted from a family of idiots brother smirked before resuming to drool on my pillow.
~Lol Szay's pretty angry, and Forte's using his weird underwear for only Aizen knows why~
When I woke up in the morning, I was greeted by my good pillow. Usually, that would be a good thing, except for the fact that it had still slightly wet drool on it, courtesy of Ilforte.
It was bad enough that I was forced to sleep on that damn bunk bed, but waking up to seeing a happy Ilforte, strutting around in MY boxers, was just asking me to shove him into the ocean. With a bloody steak glued to his ass.
"Rise and shine, bro!" he called energetically from the window. "Grimmjow just came by a few minutes ago and said we're gonna arrive at the Bahamas around noon!" he grinned to himself as he rummage through his suitcase, pulling out his clothes for the day.
"Be a dear and go suffocate yourself with your own dirty socks," I replied before sitting up. My dickhead of a brother only laughed when my head made contact with the ceiling.
"Karma, bro!" he laughed before walking to the bathroom, pulling on his shirt as he went.
"Whatever," I mumbled as I rubbed my head. Ass. I slid/jumped down and put on my glasses before frowning. "Ilforte, you better dry clean those before returning them," I said when he reappeared, toothbrush in one hand, my Ilforte stained underwear in the other. After Gin had ruined my favorite lab coat, I did my own laundry in my lab. If that couldn't be done, dry cleaning was the only option.
He responded by flipping me off before throwing the undergarment, which, of course, landed on my head.
"GAH!" I stumbled around, managing to get my sleeve caught on the door handle while I tried, in vain, to get the now disgusting article of clothing away from my face. "Fu-!" the door was pushed open, slamming me into the wall with a loud thud. It got the offending piece of clothing off my face at least.
"Hey," Ilforte lifted his hand for a short wave before Tesla and Mai stepped into view from my crumbled state on the floor. The door swung back into place, taking a piece of my sleeve with it.
"Aizen-sama wants us all to come down to breakfast together," Mai informed us. "He wants us all to meet him at the end of the hallway in ten minutes." Ilforte nodded with a smile before asking her what she planned to do once we got off the ship.
"Szayel-san, why are you on the floor?" Tesla asked, turning to me after he lost interesting in their conversation.
"It seems gravity likes me a bit too much," I responded dryly before pushing myself up off the ground. I didn't bother to wait for the fraccion's response before grabbing my clothes and heading to go change in the bathroom.
~Le scene-o el change-o~
Luckily, Tesla warned me of the words that bitch Harribel wrote on my forehead before I actually left the room.
The place where breakfast was wasn't nearly as sophisticated as the dining room. It was basically a really big cafeteria. A few of the others who didn't want to explore the ship sat in here yesterday while I was out there losing my paycheck. According to Ulquiorra, the line for the food was longer earlier. Considering the fact that most of us woke up half an hour after Aizen wanted us to meet, we were part of the later crowd, meaning the lines were nearly nonexistent. An argument with Ilforte, an apple to the head, and a near wedgie from Nnoitra later, I had my pancakes and seated myself outside near the spot where Grimmjow and Nnoitra flung themselves "off the ship" yesterday afternoon. I was planning to eat by myself when Ilforte sauntered over with his own tray, Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Tesla, Ulquiorra, and Mai following. Though I had chosen a small table, the fraccion all pulled another table over so that everyone could be seated together.
"Hey, bro, you look like a loser out here by your lonesome self, so we're gonna join you," Ilforte smirked as he sat down to my right. Nnoitra sat next to him with a smirk.
"Don't look so down Szayel, now ya at least LOOK like ya got friends," he cackled before shoving a spoonful (how ironic) of colorful cereal into his mouth.
Tesla seated himself across from his master, Grimmjow sat across from his fraccion, Mai sat herself across from me, and Ulquiorra took his seat at the head of the table, between myself and his fraccion. We all ate in silence for a minute or so before Grimmjow flung a spoonful of his sugary cereal at me. I grabbed my brother by his collar and pulled him in front of me, a human shield if you will.
"Damn you!" when I let go, he slapped my head.
"Don't even know why you bothered, Granz," Grimmjow snorted before chugging his chocolate milk. Ilforte continued with his string of curses, ignoring Tesla who was telling him to please stop because a lady (I'm assuming he meant Mai) was present. "You're so short it would've gone right over your head," he laughed before biting into his doughnut.
Ilforte continued with his gentlemanly cursing. It seems that a combination of milk and cereal got in his eye. Nnoitra helped by cackling the whole time.
I pushed up my glasses, "Height would have nothing to do with it. If it went over my head, it would've meant that you have suckish aim, because I am the same height as you are," I stated before finishing off my pancakes.
Once my stupid brother finished being oh-so-gentlemanly, he gave me a disbelieving look. Either that or a depressed/constipated look. It was hard to tell because his eye was a little red from rubbing in the milk and cereal.
"You are not! That would mean you're the same height as me," he said before shoving a piece of waffle into his mouth.
"I am, actually," I pushed my plate forward. A crew member came by and collected it quietly, almost unnoticed by our group. "Six foot one, just like you, Grimmjow, and Ichimaru," I said. Being the only professional doctor figure in Las Noches meant that I did the checkups, physicals, and surgeries whenever needed. Whatever medical information you need about ANYONE among the Espada, including their fraccion and Aizen, Gin, and Tousen, I'm your guy.
"Dang," Grimmjow shoved more cereal into his mouth as if to finish his thought.
"Compared to me, yer all short," Nnoitra gloated as he reached over and took a piece of Ilforte's waffle. The Quinta towered over us at seven feet.
Grimmjow scoffed. Ilforte smirked behind his cup of apple juice. Tesla smiled as if he were proud of his master's height. Mai stayed silent. I rolled my eyes. There was no beating Nnoitra when it came to height (unless you're Yammy). Interestingly enough, Ulquiorra stayed quiet. It was well known that he wasn't a talkative person, but I noticed that his quietness had a different air to it this time.
"Why so serious, Ulquiorra?" I asked, just slightly sounding like the Joker. "Vacation is meant for relaxing and having fun. While it is a well known fact that you don't do much that can be categorized as fun-"
"He's probably staying quiet 'cause he's the shortest Espada," Grimmjow smirked after shoveling the last of his cereal into his mouth. He looked like a deranged chipmunk. Though barely detectable, I managed to catch the fourth's reaction. If you looked closely enough, you can just see that he pursed his lips slightly. I chuckled inwardly at this.
Mysteriously, I was in a rather good mood. I sighed with a little smile, deciding to help out the Cuatro against the annoying Sexta.
"Actually, Ulquiorra is the second shortest Espada," I adjusted my glasses that did not need adjusting. Force of habit I guess. "Barragan is, if you don't count Lilinette."
"Nuh-uh!" the Quinta said disbelievingly. Why was it that no one believed me when it came to these things?
"Ulquiorra stands at five foot six," I explained, ignoring his "and a half". "Segunda-san over there is five foot five." By the looks on their faces, I was willing to bet my paycheck (only problem was that I already lost it to Ilforte) that they were expecting me to say Harribel was the shortest.
"Huh..." Grimmjow grinned after a moment. "Ha, you're shorter then Harribel!"
Ulquiorra closed his eyes calmly. I'm sure if his aspect of death wasn't nihilism, he would've groaned, and then punch the Sexta in the face.
~Noon~
The ship was to arrive at the Bahamas in two hours, so after breakfast, Aizen made us attend a short meeting that was held in the hot tubs. They were small, but we managed to get two that were next to each other cleared. All we had to do was let Nnoitra and Grimmjow loose and they were empty within two minutes. I guess they got to terrorize children after all.
After we were dismissed (you have no idea how many strange looks we got; apparently people have never seen a hot tub meeting), most of us hit the pool or water slides. I myself decided to lounge by the pool. Lilinette had dragged the Primera towards the water slides instead of letting him sleep by the poolside. Zommari, Nnoitra, Tesla, and Yammy joined the two. You could hear their screams and yelling from this part of the boat.
Barragan and Aaroniero stayed in the hot tubs with Tousen and Aizen. Everyone else was either by the poolside or in the pool itself.
"Hello again, Harribel," I smiled charmingly, but it quickly faded when an icy glare was given as a response. Okay, so maybe I should avoid the third for the rest of the summer. Or hit her over the head with a frying pan and hope for the best.
"Get away from me, Octava," she said before turning and applying sun block.
Before she could freeze my ass off, I scooted over about five chairs. Of course, I bumped into Ilforte. He smirked after shoving me onto the deck.
"Burn!" the blond laughed, "She, along with every other woman in the universe, will never love you." I scowled as I pulled myself off that filthy deck.
"Forte, be a dear and do a favor for me?" I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck before plopping myself down onto the chair next to my hopefully adopted from a family of retards and devils brother.
"Whatever you need, Szay-chan," he replied with fake sincerity. He smirked as he tied his stupid, sissy blond hair into a ponytail.
I sighed wistfully. "Please go and throw yourself into the ocean, brother dear," I laid my hand over my forehead. "Please! Do it for me, dearest brother!" I let my voice hitch at the end, pausing dramatically. When I was done, I glanced over at him from the corner of my eye with a smirk of my own.
Surprisingly, he responded with his own little performance. "Anything for you, dear Szayel! But the only favor I ask, before I do so..." He had his hands clasped against his chest at this point, fake tears were shining in his eyes. His hair, oddly enough, fell around his shoulders dramatically, his hair tie having disappeared mysteriously. Ilforte rested a hand on my shoulder gently. "...you first," suddenly, the fake tears disappeared and he was tying his hair up again.
"Bravo, brother," I said mockingly before pulling my glasses off. "But woe to you, my performance was much better."
Someone scoffed. We both looked up to see Grimmjow standing here with his arms crossed. "Whatever you two are doing, it looks gay." He grinned when I glared at him and Ilforte smirked. "But Ilforte's was better."
"Thanks, man," he stuck his tongue out at me before catching the bottle of sunblock that I chucked at his face. Damn. I needed that.
I sighed, "What do you want, Grimmjow?" The Sexta wasn't exactly my to-go person and I didn't really want to hang out with him. Any friend of Ilforte's was a retard.
"Just need some sunscreen." His fraccion threw the bottle at him once he was done. "And I was wondering if you guys've seen Mai anywhere." He squeezed the bottle and proceeded to rub the substance on his arms.
"I haven't seen her since breakfast, bro," Ilforte got up and followed the Sexta over to the pool. I sighed before deciding to follow them. Hey, what else was I supposed to do? Wait for Harribel to shove me into the sea?
"Whoever can make a bigger splash wins!" declared Grimmjow as he got a running start. With a leap, he gracefully launched himself into the air before pulling himself into a ball and making a splash (literally). The very well executed cannonball caused a few children (along with one rather sissy man) to squeal and swim out of the way.
While I may not really like the Sexta, I must give his cannonball a ten, along with style points and credit for the big splash that soaked Harribel.
Ilforte smirked and backed up a few feet before running forward. He leaped up, did a rather impressive flip, and landed in a half upside down cannonball. Ulquiorra watched curiously from the other side of the pool. Grimmjow had to move out of the way or he would've been landed on. Because I hate my brother, he gets a zero.
When they surfaced, they both came up coughing and sputtering. A few mothers shot them an angry glare when their string of curses started, causing a few children to giggle and copy them.
"GAH!" they both swam over to the edge and shut their eyes tight as if they were in pain. "What the hell?!"
Ilforte was able to stop rubbing his eye for a moment to explain. "This is salt water!" When the sting died down, he scowled. "Who the fuck does that? Salt water in a pool? That's retarded!" He got an angry glare when a little girl giggled and repeated what he said. "Christ, that stung like shit," Ilforte mumbled. Grimmjow nodded in agreement.
"Sucks for you," I smirked. "Meanwhile, I didn't do anything so impulsive, therefore I didn't get salt in my eye." I lifted my hand to push up my glasses, only to realize I wasn't wearing them. "And there's a good chance that I won't get kidnapped by an angry mob of parents in my sleep. You two, on the other hand, should sleep with one eye open tonight."
"Impulsive?" The blue haired Sexta laughed, "Like how you pissed off Harribel last night?" He laughed when I ignored him.
"Seriously, it's jumping into a pool, bro! You don't think about it!" Ilforte turned around so he was floating on his back.
"Yeah!" Grimmjow chimed in, "Pools usually don't have salt water in them!" I simply laughed at them, one for the pain, two for their slightly red and watery eyes. "Damn, salt in the eye really hurts!"
I laughed again, "Well, while you two splash around, I'm going to go check out the water slides. Nnoitra texted me earlier and apparently, the smaller slides give you quite a wedgie."
They both laughed, but stopped and cursed when they hit the water with their hands (or in Ilforte's case, laughed so hard he started sinking), causing the salt to spring into their eyes again. I laughed even harder at this.
Their response was grabbing me by the ankle and flinging me into the pool.
"Shit, that stings!"
~Soo...After They Get The Salt Out Of Their Eyes...Lol, Anyone Else Catch The Slight IGD Reference...?~
"Why didn't we just go back to our rooms?" asked Ilforte after we rinsed the salt out of our eyes.
"Because it's probably getting cleaned, and considering the slob that you are, that might take a couple of hours," I replied before leading everyone to the water slides. Grimmjow had decided to come with us to the other side of the ship ("...not because you two are going and I don't wanna be alone, no way...because Nnoit's there and I wanna see Szayel get a wedgie."). Ulquiorra decided to follow us out of boredom or curiosity. I didn't mind; the fourth wasn't really a bother to me.
Upon arriving, we saw quite an amusing sight. There were two blue water slides that were placed next to each other. They were half the length of the winding yellow and blue one that was closer to where we were standing. At the top of the shorter slides, Starrk and Lilinette were positioned, ready to let go of the bar and slide to the bottom. The crew member at the top gave them a signal, and they both let go. Starrk must've been half asleep, because once he started going down, the Primera looked absolutely bewildered. Lilinette, on the other hand, squealed and laughed the whole way down. Once she reached the bottom, she jumped up and cheered.
"Yay! I beat you, Starrk!" She laughed when he stood up and mumbled something, probably about the wedgie he got.
"Dude! I am so racing you down!" Ilforte and Grimmjow grinned and ran over to the stairs, narrowly avoiding the crew member that was yelling at children to stop running or else they'd slip and get hurt. Ulquiorra was left standing behind me, observing the scene curiously. I stood there for a moment with my arms crossed. This was more like a children's area. For every one person that was over sixteen, there were probably five children for them. Grimmjow and Ilforte, not so surprisingly, just barely fit in with their childish grins and antics.
"What're you two standin' there for?" asked Nnoitra as he came up to us. He had on a black speedo with the words "Menos Grande"* printed across his front. I laughed inwardly at this.
"This place looks childish," observed Ulquiorra as he followed us over to a small table. I set down my stuff before turning to the Quinta.
"So how's it been so far?" I asked. "We could hear you from the pool area." I'm sure the mobs of angry mothers would violently berate him if they had heard half of the things that he said.
"Eh, fine," he jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the big slide. "That slide's a pansy. It goes way too slow," he scoffed. Now that I was over by the railing, I could see that a small portion of it jutted over the ocean. It would suck if it were to break when someone was going down. "I think you'd like it though," he grinned, "You too, Ulquiorra." The green eyed Espada nodded, absent minded, he was was watching Grimmjow and Ilforte, who were positioned at the top of the blue slides. We all looked over just in time to see them slide down, screaming energetically at each other, all the while scaring children when they reached the bottom.
"YEAH!" They both yelled. While Grimmjow had reached the bottom first, he had gotten a bigger wedgie, so Ilforte saw this as a victory for himself. Idiot. The two laughed and got up, high fiving before trotting over to us. "That was awesome, bro! You guys GOTTA try it!" The blond sounded very enthusiastic about it. Nnoitra and Grimmjow went off to race each other, dragging off the fourth telling him that he faced the winner. I had to laugh at this. Ulquiorra looked horrified at the thought, yet he managed to seem stoic at the same time.
We watched as they led/dragged the reluctant Cuatro to the bigger slide first. They shoved him through, and I swore if he wasn't so emo, he would've been screaming the whole way down. A bunch of seconds later, he appeared at the bottom, calm, not a facial expression in sight. He got up and before he could make a run/quickly paced walk for it, the two grabbed him again and dragged him up the stairs to the blue slides. The whole time this happened, Ilforte sounded like he was choking because he was holding back his laugh.
"Shut up," I said as we headed up to the blue slides ourselves. "Now come, brother, I am going to beat your ass down that slide."
"As if." He scoffed and flipped his tied up hair. He looked absolutely ridiculous, but I'm sure if this was an anime, he would've been surrounded by sparkles. Those girls over there (who I'm sure had terrible eyesight) giggled to themselves when he glanced over at them. Dickhead.
We reached the top, which was clear of children. I'm assuming this was Grimmjow and Nnoitra's fault. As the two headed down, they both laid down, which surprised me. I didn't think they were smart enough to know that lying down would reduce their air resistance, therefor causing them to go faster. In the end, Nnoitra won. That wasn't much of a surprise. He was heavier then the Sexta and had a slight advantage with his longer legs. Nnoitra proceeded to give the lower ranking Espada a noogie as they raced up again. I sighed as I sat down, preparing to shame Ilforte in the art of water sliding.
"Prepare to be shamed so much that you'll throw yourself into the ocean, brother dear," I smiled before pulling my own hair into a ponytail. Some little kid pointed and laughed from the bottom, causing me to scowl. Because I am better then my brother, I didn't flip the child off and threaten to dissect him where he stood.
"I'm already shamed enough by the fact that we're related," he smiled back before turning to wink at the life guard that stood on the platform between the other slide and these ones. She blushed before smiling back. I scowled. Damn him. "And that you had the nerve to put your hair up. God, you look like a pansy."
"Right back at you, brother dear." The crew member said 'go' and we pushed ourselves down. I flattened myself and sadly, my brother caught on and did the same. We yelled and cursed each other during the short slide down, but sadly, it ended in a tie.
"You cheated," he said simply when we both got up.
"As if, Ilforte!" I scowled when he reached over and smacked my head. I walked away and proceeded to get rid of my wedgie. Why didn't he have one? Stupid brother.
"...Are you scratching your ass?" He laughed when I shot a glare at him. "Who's the gentlemanly one now?"
"I have a wedgie, fool!" He only laughed harder. I turned away from the buffoon to watch Ulquiorra and Nnoitra face off. This ought to be interesting. The fourth paled, if it was possible, as Nnoitra dragged him onto the platform. After a struggle, the two managed to force the shorter of the three to sit down. He seemed horrified at the sight of the slide, considering it was faster than the slide he just went on.
Upon getting the signal, Grimmjow pushed the Ulquiorra down with a harsh shove. Limbs flailing, head thrown back, the Cuarto somehow beat Nnoitra to the bottom, despite the Quinta's advantages. I'm quite sure that he was making strangled, pained, I'm-having-difficulty-with-idiots sounds by the way his face was oh-so-slightly scrunched up. When he had reached the bottom, he had stood up, visibly shaken to the very trained and un-naked eye. As he walked over to our table, I noticed he moved a bit awkwardly. The whole time, Nnoitra and Grimmjow were laughing and shoving each other as they followed him.
"Why so distressed, Ulquiorra?" I asked with a slight Joker smile. He was not amused, as I could tell from the slight glare he gave.
"My shorts..." he mumbled. Poor Ulquiorra, he's never been given a wedgie. Actually, he's never been through much pain has he? Damn high speed regeneration.
I chuckled while Ilforte turned away. He was laughing so hard, he was silent, crying, and couldn't breathe at the same time. He was being smart for once in his life by turning away. If he didn't, I'm sure Ulquiorra would've cero'ed him to death. "Oh, Ulquiorra-kun..." I held my hands defensively when he shot another glare. Okay, so he doesn't like being called that**.
"I-I can't believe that-!" Ilforte sat down because he was laughing so hard. He held his sides before continuing, tears still streaming down his cheeks. "T-that, Mister Cuatro Espada-(insert insane laughing here)- Ulquiorra Cifer...has a WEDGIE!" he bursted into another fit of howling laughter, causing said Cuatro Espada to purse his lips ever so slightly. I was rather amused by the inane sight.
"Well believe it, brother," I say, imitating his voice as I smirked. "Now why don't we go down the slides again? I'm sure I'll beat you so badly, you'll be shamed into jumping into the ocean, brother dear."
Insert the mad scientist grin right here my friends, because Ilforte Granz will always remember the day where I pummel his ass down that slide! The day where his wedgie is so bad, he'll need it surgically removed! The day where he comes crawling to me, forced to ask me to remove it for him! (Seriously, I'm the only surgeon in Las Noches.) And when I reject him, he'll be shamed into throwing himself into the ocean! Yes! Today, is the day where Ilforte will finally fall!
I grinned and laughed darkly, earning some strange looks from the others.
"What the hell are you laughing about, Granz?" asked Nnoitra as we all headed up the the slides again.
"Oh, nothing," I grinned before positioning myself the top of the slide. "Nothing at all."
"Stop actin' weird and let's go, bro!" Ilforte grinned when Nnoitra and Grimmjow cheered and started chanting his name. Assholes.
"Of course." I smiled and tightened my hair tie. "Let's go, brother dear."
END CHAPTER
*…I got that from deviant art somewhere…I don't remember who drew it, but it was Aizen with the 'Menos Grande' speedo thing.
**Not Be, But Be reference! (Ulquiorra's past comic strip that Kubo drew reference)
Yeah...I don't know why I added that bit of madness at the end. Szayel's aspect of death IS madness y'know?
Well...school starts in less than a week... I shall keep this updated, hopefully at least once a month! ...Don't be surprised if I disappear until Thanksgiving or Christmas though...it's my freshman year and I'm sorta nervous, ha...
Please review! They make me happy and will help calm my nerves, even if it's just a bit!
Yeah...happy summer and happy school days everyone...wish you all best of luck this year...
~Amaterasu Ai