A/N: This chapter is a little longer, but I hope you'll agree that it was all needed.
I need to see you.
I want to see you too, but where?
I'll figure it out.
It's not like Nashville here, you know. Paparazzi everywhere.
Yeah. I'll figure it out.
It was true. Nashville was known as a place where the locals left celebrities alone and paparazzi was non-existent. But even there, they'd been careful. LA was a different ballgame. And Connie was certainly well known. It was agonizing, being in the same city yet unable to see each other. They had been texting almost daily, unable to stop themselves. She had suggested her house, but the paparazzi thing made them decide against it. He was beginning to think he'd have to wait until after the first of the year when they were back in Tennessee.
The missing her had been excruciating. Sometimes, in the middle of being with his family, he'd want to break down and cry. But he couldn't. He threw himself into pre-holiday activities, chatted up friends and smiled at parties until his face hurt. He went to bed every night with an ache in his heart. It had taken him a little by surprise at how much she filled up every space in his heart. He wondered some days if he could get through it.
He was at the mall the Thursday before Christmas with his daughters when he got her text. I've got a place. He waited until they stopped and he responded. With my girls. Tell me when/where. He couldn't help but smile as he hit send and then looked up to see his oldest daughter eying him.
"That Mom?" she asked.
He froze for half a second, then shook his head. "No. Work."
She looked puzzled. "You're on break."
He swallowed. "Just letting me know when the next script arrives." He reminded himself there was no reason for any of them to suspect anything. And he had actually gotten an email earlier that morning letting him know the script would be arriving at his home in LA. It made him grateful to have had as much training in improv as he had, letting him react quickly.
There was another buzz on his phone and he glanced down just long enough to see an address.
"Dad." Taylor was frowning. "It cannot be that important."
He shook his head and forced a smile on his face. "You're right. It's not." He walked up to them and put an arm around each. "Let's go finish shopping."
It hadn't even been a little bit hard getting away. He'd have to stop somewhere and buy something to cover his story of a last minute shopping need, but he figured that was a small price to pay. He followed the directions, heading up into a more secluded area of Hollywood Hills. Connie was right, the trees were thick and canopied the streets and the houses were set farther back from the road. He turned at the very discreet mailbox and then drove the winding driveway to the back of the house. There was an SUV he didn't recognize parked at the carriage house in the back, which he assumed was Connie's.
He parked. He put his hand on the door and realized he was more anxious than he thought he'd be. He'd kept an eye on his rearview mirror on the drive over to make sure no one had followed him. He'd tried to seem nonchalant about leaving the house, but he hadn't sensed any suspicion. For the first time, though, he wondered if this had been wise, but it had been more than three weeks and he needed her.
He got out of the car, took his sunglasses off and put them in his pocket, and looked around. It was the house of one of Connie's friends, who she said was away for the holidays. He looked up at the sky for a second, then quickly ran up the steps to the door.
It was just a moment after he knocked that the door opened and there she was. She smiled and he smiled back. "Hey," she said. She was wearing a short skirt and a tank top and her feet were bare. She had on her glasses and no makeup and her hair was draped over her shoulders and back in waves. He just drank her in, his heart practically beating out of his chest.
"Hey," he said.
She stepped back. "Come in." He did and she shut the door behind him. Then she walked back around and looked at him. "I'm so glad you're here," she whispered. He crossed the one step between them and put his arms around her, literally picking her up off the floor and kissing her like he was a drowning man finally getting water. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him back, almost desperately. He finally put her back down and she looked up at him. "How long can you stay?"
A lifetime, he wanted to say. "Not long enough" is what he did say.
She took his hand. "Then we should make the most of it," she said, as she pulled him across the room and into a bedroom.
She was propped up slightly on a pile of pillows. He was laying on his stomach, one hand behind her shoulder, the other smoothing her hair off her face. She reached out and ran her fingers down his arm. They just stared at each other, enjoying the moment. She ran her fingers through his hair and then smiled at him. "I do believe that maybe rivals the very first time we were together," she said.
"Really?" She nodded. "'Cause I thought it was sort of grabby and awkward." He made a face.
She frowned. "You really thought so?"
He looked at her very seriously and then laughed. "No, I don't really think so." He scooted up a little and kissed her. "I actually think every time is better than the last."
She grinned. "Well, all I can say is that maybe we should not see each other for several weeks at a time, just so it's this good when we do."
He shook his head. "I'd rather not do that again."
Her smile faded and she looked pensive. "But it's gonna happen."
He scowled. "I don't want to think about that. Especially not right now." He let his face smooth out. "Not when I have you in my arms like this."
She looked off to the side, then back at him, her fingers making lazy circles up and down his arm. "How much time do you have?" she asked with a sigh.
"A bit." He moved to sit up next to her and looked off into the distance. "I don't know if they'll come after all," he said.
She scooted up further, clutching the sheet to her chest. "Why not?" she asked with a frown.
He looked over at her. "Taylor's balking still," he said. "Senior year and all."
She leaned back against the headboard. "I understand that." She reached down and touched his hand. He looked down and then he turned his hand over, threading his fingers with hers. "I'm not sure what to say."
He squeezed her hand. "You can say what you really think." He looked at her again. "I think I know anyway." He gave her a tight smile. "There's a part of me that would hate it if they stayed. There's a part of me that would…be glad to get to keep spending time with you." He felt a hole in his heart just thinking about it. "I'm selfish, Connie. I don't want to give you up. I don't want to lose this."
She nodded, a serious look on her face. "Sometimes I think about what we're doing – what I'm doing – and I think I have no right to feel the way I do. To want to be with you the way I do." He watched as she picked at the sheet with her other hand. "I feel selfish too, Chip. I don't want to give you up either." She looked up at him and he could see the conflict in her eyes. "What happens if…."
He breathed in. "I don't know." He lifted her hand to his lips. "I feel like I'm keeping you from, I don't know, not having to hide this. Or that you feel like it's wrong." He frowned.
She bit her lip. "I'm here, aren't I?" He felt a lump in his throat and nodded. "I'm where I want to be. I guess people would say it's wrong, but what we feel, I don't know, it feels right somehow, anyway. You and I feel right." She let go of his hand and turned on her side. "I've never felt like this about anyone else. Ever. It's scary, almost, what I feel."
He turned to face her, putting his arm around her waist. "Don't be scared." He put his fingers under her chin and drew her in for a kiss. "I'm gonna have to leave soon."
She looked deeply into his eyes, then pushed the sheet away from her. "Then one more time before you go," she murmured, as he caught his breath. He took her in his arms and pressed his lips on hers, before rolling her onto her back.
He only heard from her a couple times during Christmas week. She'd texted him on Christmas, even sending him a picture of Yoby with the toy truck he'd given him and a picture of her with the single pearl necklace he'd slipped into her purse when he'd left her friend's carriage house. He thought that it shouldn't have worried him, not to hear from her, but it did anyway. There had been several times, just after New Year's, when he'd written out a text, but then deleted it. When he got back to Nashville, he finally sent a text letting her know he was back in town, but strangely didn't hear from her. He didn't have a lot of time to think about it, because he had a busy day on set, but when he got back to his apartment that night, there still had been no response.
He knew she was back, that she had flown back that day, and they would have some of the scenes around the NYC concert the next day that they'd both be in. He sat on his couch looking at his phone, wondering if he should call, feeling a little bit of panic setting in. He looked at the time and realized it would be around the time she was putting Yoby down, so he waited. He tried reading, turned on the TV, but he couldn't focus.
He got up and walked over to the kitchen, opening the fridge and getting out a beer. He opened it and then tipped it up to his mouth, taking almost half in one swallow. He picked up his phone again and then finally called her.
"Hey," she said when she answered, sounding a little distracted.
"Hey." He paused. "You get my text?"
"Um, yeah, I did. Sorry. Yoby was kind of wild today so I just haven't had a minute to myself."
Suddenly he felt like he didn't know what to say to her. "Just wanted to, you know, check on you."
She sighed. "I'm just tired, Chip. The holidays were pretty hectic and I'm sure you remember how it is with a two year old. And I have an early call time, so, you know."
He wasn't sure what to make of it, but he didn't like it. He wasn't going to get into it over the phone though. "Well, okay, then. Guess I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, I guess so."
He waited for a second, but it didn't seem that she was going to say anything else. "Well, good night then."
"Yeah, good night," she said softly and then she disconnected.
Filming went slowly the next day. They had only two scenes together – the one where he was on the side stage with Lennon and Susan and one other with Lennon and Connie. He couldn't keep his eyes off Connie though. She looked amazing, really inhabiting the role of Rayna onstage. They were doing the filming at Bridgestone, which was always a fun place to shoot, but he couldn't get any time alone with her there. Their face-to-face scene was meant to be a little tense, with that forced breezy feeling between two characters trying to act like they were moving on, and it definitely felt that way. He didn't like that feeling and hoped they'd have a chance to talk.
When they all got back to the production lot and got out of the van, she headed straight for her trailer. He stood in the parking lot, watching her walk away, watching the sway of her hips and how the moonlight caught her hair. He stood there until he saw her walk up the steps to her trailer and walk in. He waited another couple minutes, but it was chilly and he needed to see her. He looked around and didn't see anyone else, so he hustled over to her trailer and walked up the steps. He hesitated for a second, then rapped on the door with his knuckles. He didn't wait for her to answer, just opened the door and walked in.
She was standing at her vanity table, taking off her jewelry, and turned when he walked in. She laid her earrings down and gave him a tiny smile. "Hey."
He just stood there, his hands in his pockets. "Hey."
She was still wearing her Rayna clothes and he couldn't help but think she looked stunning. The strappy heels were sexy as hell and her black bra peeked out of the sequined top she wore, with the deep cut neckline. He breathed in deeply. Her eyes didn't leave his. "So, how was the rest of your holiday?" she asked.
He widened his eyes. "Is that what we're doing?" he asked.
She frowned. "I don't know what you mean by that," she said.
He breathed out, not really sure what to say next. He pinched his nose with one hand and then looked at her. "I don't know. I just, you know, didn't hear from you and you didn't text me when you got back and…."
She rolled her eyes. "I told you, Yoby was crazy. It was Christmas and he was bouncing off walls and seriously, Chip, you have to remember how it is for little kids at that time of year." She put her hands on her hips. "And I was trying to be respectful of your time with your family, especially after…that afternoon." He saw tears in her eyes. "I'm feeling guilty, you know? Guilty as hell." He felt bad then and started towards her, but she shook her head and held up her hand. "Don't." She breathed in deeply. "I just need a minute." She looked at him. "And by a minute, I mean a little bit of time." She put her hand over her heart. "It's all just a little…close, I guess, right now."
He wasn't really sure what she meant by that, but he understood she needed him to leave. He swallowed hard, then nodded. He could feel the tears in his eyes. "Okay," he said quietly. "Just let me know what you want to do." Then he turned and started for the door. I can't just walk away. He stopped and turned back. She was facing the vanity, her hands on the edge, her head down. "I know I can't promise anything," he said, and she looked up at him. "Not right now anyway. But this" – he waved his hand back and forth between the two of them – "is really, really good." He took a deep breath. "I want to give you everything. Just know that." Then he turned and walked out the door.
He was in his kitchen cleaning up when a knock came at his door. He wasn't expecting anyone, so he walked over and looked through the peephole. He opened the door and just stared. "Hey," she said, with a shy smile. "I hope you don't mind that I just dropped by."
He shook his head and then reached for her hand, pulling her in the door. He closed the door behind her and then just looked at her. Her face was a little pink, maybe from the cold outside, maybe from something else. He didn't care. He was just glad to see her. "I didn't expect to see you," he said.
She shrugged. "I couldn't leave things the way they were last night," she said. She sighed, then looked at him, her eyes hopeful. "I'm sorry." She fidgeted with her hands. "I really was telling you the truth. Yoby was kind of hyper after Christmas. He just was sort of overwhelmed and I guess I was too. It's the first Christmas for him to really kind of understand everything. And then it made me think about, you know, you and your kids." She spread her hands out. "I don't want to hurt you. Do something to hurt you. And them."
He nodded. He'd had a restless night, tossing and turning as he'd considered the two of them. "I get it, Connie," he said. "I wish I could uncomplicate it, make it easy, but it's not." He took a deep breath. "Maybe when it's worth fighting for, it's just never meant to be easy, I don't know. I don't want to hurt you either, though."
She took two steps closer to him. "It's messy. It'll always be messy. Until it's not." She shrugged and then smiled. "I decided the last time I just showed up at your door that I'd rather live with messy than live without it." She took another step closer. "I still do."
He closed the gap between them then and pulled her into his arms.
They were laying in the bed facing each other, the sheet down around their waists. She had a dreamy look in her eyes that made him hitch his breath. Her hair was a tangled mess around her face and shoulders, her lips puffy from kissing. She was breathtakingly beautiful, gorgeously sexy, and he could feel himself getting hard again already. It was getting to be a problem, actually, how little it took for him to go from nothing to huge erection, whenever he was around her. What made it worse – or actually more exciting, if he were honest – was that she always knew.
He reached out now and ran his knuckles over her cheek. She smiled lazily. He let his hand drag down her jawline and then her neck, until he was grazing her collarbone. She took in a sharp breath and her tongue peeked out of her mouth and touched the rosebud of her upper lip. He got harder in an instant, but he wanted to prolong this. He had decided he wanted foreplay to be their thing. It was something he missed, that lazy playfulness before sex, the getting so aroused that the sex was explosive kind of prelude. He suspected she would like that too.
He ran his index finger down over the globe of her breast, feeling the velvety smoothness of her skin. He could tell she was holding her breath, her eyes darkening with arousal and desire. She put her hand on the sheet covering his waist. He told her with his eyes to wait and she touched her tongue to her lip again, as though she understood what he was asking. He trailed his finger to her nipple, which puckered up almost instantly. She made a little noise in the back of her throat. He kept his eyes on hers as he leaned forward and touched his tongue to her taut nipple. She opened her mouth slightly and her eyes closed halfway and she moaned softly. He swirled his tongue around her nipple, occasionally nipping it with his teeth, and she arched her back slightly, pressing her breast against his mouth.
He cupped her breast with his hand and then opened his mouth wider, taking in more of her. He shifted slightly as his erection got harder and more insistent. He wanted to be inside her, swallowed up by her heat, but he wanted to wait a little longer. He sucked on her breast, pulling his mouth out to her nipple, flicking it with his tongue, then sliding back. She had raised up the hand on his waist until it was just her fingers fluttering there, and her moans were more frequent. He looked up at her face and saw that her eyes were closed, her mouth open, and her breathing shallow and fast. He was so incredibly turned on by her he almost didn't want to wait any longer, but he made himself.
He pulled his mouth from her breast, lingering at her nipple one last time, flicking it, then nibbling it, and then he let it go. Her eyes flew open and she got a dreamy smile on her face, but he shook his head slightly. He let his hand drift from her breast and then trailed his index finger down her abdomen and under the sheet. She caught her breath. He lingered for a moment, then dragged his finger down to the point between her legs. She let out a guttural moan and tilted her hips towards him. He could feel how wet she was and he had to breath in and out deeply to control his own desire. Her forehead wrinkled a little as she insistently pressed herself against his finger and made a little impatient noise.
He trailed his finger across her and she let out a strangled cry of want. He waited and finally she opened her eyes and looked at him. He let a smile play across his face. "You have a choice, Connie," he said, his voice low. Her eyes widened slightly. "Which is better? One?" He slid one finger inside her and she moaned. "Or two?" He pulled out, then inserted two fingers inside her and she groaned. He pulled his fingers out, then inserted just one. "One?" He repeated it with two fingers. "Or two?" He pulled them out and hovered, looking at her expectantly.
Her face was flushed and she was breathing hard. Her hand clenched the sheet into her fist and she swallowed. "Two, please," she begged, her voice ragged.
She started to close her eyes. "Eyes on me, baby," he said.
He reinserted two fingers and swirled them around, watching as she struggled not to close her eyes, but to keep them on his, her breathing hard and fast, a flush spreading across her chest. God, she's so fucking sexy. He needed to be inside her then. He couldn't wait. He pulled his fingers out and she whimpered. He rolled her onto her back and then he crawled on top of her and thrust into her hard. She cried out and then arched her back, drawing her legs up as he pumped in and out of her with reckless abandon. She matched him stroke for stroke, clinging to his biceps and making noises that told him she was as aroused as he was.
When she cried out and bucked up against him hard, he stopped to watch her in the throes of her orgasm. She moaned over and over and he could feel her pulsing around him. And then, almost without warning, he came as well, his eyes squeezed shut, with one last hard thrust, as he shouted out, "Oh, my fucking God!" Finally he breathed out and opened his eyes, looking down at her. Her hair was spread out around her head, her mouth was open, her eyes dark and burning. He collapsed on top of her, burying his head in her shoulder, and she reached up and threaded her fingers into his hair. She rocked her hips, squeezing him gently, making little murmuring sounds.
He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. She gave him a tiny smile. "Wow," he said.
She laughed softly and he could feel it all the way down to where they were still joined together. "Oh, absolutely wow," she said. "Like wow to infinity." She slid her hands down to his shoulders. "I'm not sure I even have enough words.
He grinned, then kissed her. He started to roll off of her, but she quickly slid her arms around his back. "Don't," she said, with a little frown. "Stay here. As long as you can. I like feeling you inside me." He was so overcome with emotions and desire for her, all he could do was nod and then relax into her. He laid back on her shoulder, his mouth against her neck. "I always imagined it would be like this." Her voice was so soft and low he almost wasn't sure he heard her words, but she squeezed her arms around him, holding him closer to her, and he knew he hadn't misheard.
Nothing in his life had ever felt quite like this. And he knew then, for sure, that he would never experience anything this perfect with anyone else ever again.