A/N 1 - This comes with some explanation. I have rewritten this after some discussion of the lovestory going too fast, which I was inclined to think. At the time, though, I couldn't think of anything to stretch the time or the reasoning of where Chlex was going. So, you will see some changes in chapters order and wording that will be different.

A/N 2 - If you are on N-S, remember this story will become more involved on that site. Therefore, if you belong there and read this one, make sure to read the one there as well since this one will be toned down. And I beg of you to review both versions or at least there if you are a member. There, I'm done.

Grieving – Chapter 11

Lex sat across the aisle from Chloe on the trip home. He instructed the one servant on the jet to stay out of sight. Chloe tried to keep attention on the ground that peeked out under the clouds. She watched as Lex pulled his laptop out and started going through email was her best guess. He said nothing, didn't look in her direction; she wasn't even there.

Upon returning to Metropolis, Lex's demeanor didn't change. He was back to the cold, almost heartless man that she hadn't seen in a month. Offering his hand to her getting out of the car, he gazed into her eyes. His lips were flat and stressed, and his expression made her shiver. She worried about him, hoping self destruction would not come to his mind.

"Lex," she almost whispered. She looked at him and rubbed her hands down his arms and held his hands.

Letting go of her and handing her bag to her, he grimaced, "I'm fine." He watched as Chloe got in her car at Luthorcorp and looked back in his direction. He halfway nodded before turning to enter the building.

Returning back to the mansion, he looked in the office and set his stuff down. He walked through the side entrance and walked into the nursery where the nanny just put Julian down. He pulled the rocking chair over to the crib and sat in front of the slats, watching Julian sleep. He looked up to see the nanny cleaning up around the room. "Leave. I'll take him on weekends. I will see you Monday at 5." The nanny nodded, picked up her things, and left, closing the door behind her. Lex slid his hand through the slats and took Julian's tiny hand in his. Bracing his head against the side of the crib, he felt the hot tears run down his face.

He woke the next morning to the sun streaming into his face. Looking in the crib, Julian was batting his feet against one of the mobile figures and gurgled. Lex rubbed the back of his neck and head, realizing the additional groove he had added to his head. He was covered in a blanket and figured one of the night watchmen had checked on Julian and saw him. He leaned over the side of the crib and let Julian grab at his fingers. "Hey you," he spoke softly. He picked him up and took a deep breath. He could do this.

Lex had made it through the first weekend with Julian alone fairly well. The servants had been more than accommodating trying to help him out, especially those that had children of their own. He had learned a lot in one weekend from people he had previously assumed didn't know anything. He sat down in his office chair and turned on the computer. He smiled, looking in the direction of the playpen and other toys and blankets that didn't match the rest of the décor. Getting out of his seat, he walked over to the bar. He poured himself a glass of scotch and looked at it. He was tired, frustrated, sad, and tired. Really tired. Since returning from the trip, he had slept three hours between being daddy and CEO and depressed.

He sat back down at the desk with the glass decanter and his glass. He ran his fingers along the edge of the glass, briefly making the crystal sing. He closed his eyes and cussed under his breath before taking a drink. It felt bitter and unusual; the taste was the same but unfamiliar. He put the glass down and pressed a button on his desk.

"Sir?"

"I need you to take the bar out. Find a nice piece in the basement that can be recreated into a refrigerator." He watched as the man started working on the bar. "No, not right now, but while I am gone tomorrow. I want the refrigerator and maybe a microwave installed while I'm gone tomorrow." The servant had almost made it to the door. "Wait, what do you do when you can't sleep?" Lex had always resorted to pills and alcohol, but he was willing to make a move to overhaul his entire life since Julian already turned it upside down.

"Sir? You want something to take?" The man looked oddly at Lex when he shook his head. "I tend toward warm milk, but my wife takes chamomile with honey or sometimes peppermint. Occasionally, I also will take an herbal supplement."

Lex got up and handed his glass and decanter to the servant. "Bring me the tea and the herbal treatment to my room and pour those out." He walked past the servant and went to his room to change. Upon coming out of the bathroom, he found that his request was already filled. The files he had brought to the room with him had been moved to the dresser and replaced by a Hemingway novel. He crawled into bed and admired his staff's insistence in changing his habits. Opening the front cover, he read the post-it-note from the staff, 'she left it here.' Pulling the post-it-note off, he saw Chloe's name scrawled inside.

He hadn't even called her that weekend. Looking at the clock, he knew she would either be asleep or studying. She had been his anchor all week, and he hadn't even thanked her. Taking the small capsules, he leaned back and put the book down. He thought about how she had held him and felt his chest tighten, realizing that was the first time he had really cried since his father had hit him after finding his brother.

She had let him cry without making a judgment on him. His father had seen it as a sign of weakness and never allowed his mother to see his sadness. But Chloe just held him. He felt a twinge in his back and his head, remembering where Chloe had wrapped her hands around him. He had never felt so low than crying in front of the college student.

Thoughts floated back and forth between two blondes. Catherine would have loved to see Julian's smile that each day grew more pronounced. He wondered if he had ever looked that happy. He could have been happy with her; she had never expected anything from him or their awkward relationship but a few nights of passion and drinks in exchange for her help. There were no long term strings, no plots, just their companionship. He breathed a sigh and slid down on the pillow.

He looked at the other side of the bed and rubbed his hand across the pillow. No one had been allowed there since Helen. She had broke him, made him believe he could really love someone just to be hurt and deceived. Part of an elaborate plan that kept him alone and distrusting until this day. And now he had a child and no mother. Thinking briefly about calling one of his normal weekend conquests, he thought about Julian and realized that was never an option again. Catherine had now broke him with Julian's help. He didn't want a physical relationship; he wanted a family.

Then Chloe happened, as fast as she had exited his life, she was back. He had invited her and against probably her better judgment, she gave in. She was young and now under her exterior more wary of him than before. She had been on the wrong side of Luthorcorp projects one too many times since she went into hiding, and he had let her down. He didn't deserve her. A nice young man that didn't mind the strong will of a powerful woman in a relationship would be a better fit.

Yet Catherine had nudged him repeatedly, and then she had talked to Chloe. He didn't know what exactly they talked about, but he remembered her gaze when he saw her come out of Catherine's bedroom. Compassion that he had never even seen when she thought about Clark was evident. He had heard her cry when she went to bed; she didn't know Catherine – she had been crying for him. She was shouldering his pain, and it wasn't fair for her. He felt a tug at his breath thinking about her. What had he done this morning?

"This is Chloe," she answered chipper.

He took a deep breath. "I just wanted to apologize for cutting you off this morning."

Chloe gasped at the call, remembering the number showed up as private. Looking at the clock, she was sure he would have been working. "It's ok; I understand."

She really did understand; he could tell by her voice. "Thank you for going. You were a big help."

"You need me to go to the funeral?"

"No, the doctor has cleared Julian to fly so I'm taking him. I think his great-grandmother would appreciate it." He heard Chloe chuckle and a smile broke across his face. I made her laugh, not just smirk. He suddenly felt better. "I should let you go. Goodnight Chloe."

"Get some sleep. Goodnight Lex." He heard her click her phone off and he closed his eyes. The feeling of hearing her say goodnight cracked a smile across his face. He put his phone down and pulled the other pillow into him. Suddenly, he wasn't as lonely as he thought. She genuinely cared for him and for right now, that was as complicated as he wanted it.

Thursday came quickly to Lex. He felt like he should have been arrested by the amount of neglect Julian had experienced in the last week. The nanny was useful, but he needed to be with him. Lex pulled up to the small seaside cemetery with Julian in his arms. The trip would be quick, but he needed to be there for Catherine, even if Julian would never remember.

The ceremony was simple as expected, not the circus his father had planned for albeit being in prison. The pastor spoke simply about the little girl of the island. Robert talked about her passion for the beach and for the law. He looked directly at Lex, attempting in his way to punish him for her death. Lex knew he had bent the rules, leading to probably progressing her illness with stress. Walking away at the end of the ceremony, a woman grabbed his arm. He had seen her but wasn't quite sure that she wanted him there.

"Mr. Luthor," the old woman spoke as she shook hands gently and took Julian from him. Julian cooed and grabbed at the woman's glasses. "We're having a little early dinner back at the house." Her grandmother was cordial and he motioned her to the car.

The other family members back at the house took him in like he was not expecting. Even the somber occasion didn't dampen the affections of the people in attendance. They said they were actually grateful that she had met someone that could take care of her. She had told them he could take care of her. Cousins, aunts, uncles, and the bitter grandmother all passed Julian around and took pictures. Lex sat at a picnic table watching a cousin feed Julian when Dave slapped him on the back.

The man wore jeans and a shirt that made him looking eerily like Clark. He nodded. "He's got her smile. Catherine kept trying to convince us that he was better off with you and we never believed her." Dave, Catherine's cousin, looked over at his wife feeding Julian and controlling their own child tugging to see him. "You're doing a good job. But just in case, or perhaps just where we can come visit him when you two are settled," Dave didn't finish but handed him his business card for some fish market. Dave's wife handed Julian back and said their goodbyes. Lex took Julian and bid everyone goodbye. Riding back on the plane, he pulled his business email up and grinned at the photo they had taken at the dinner. He had experienced his first family reunion so to speak, and it felt satisfying.

The rest of the month, he felt he barely saw Julian. He forced time in between phone calls to just run and feed him. More and more time was spent in Metropolis for the reason secrecy. Having meetings without worrying about a baby crying in the background began to eat at him. One night, he walked out on a guaranteed multi-million dollar merger meeting for a call from the nanny about his coughing. Julian was fine, but the merger didn't fare so well.

He continued to dig himself deeper. He traveled to Mexico, Indonesia, and Italy in three weeks. But at the end of the three weeks, he was fairly proud of himself. He had consciously kept his promise to the nanny to care for Julian on his own every weekend, upsetting a few clients and losing a business deal in the process. He now understood his father's need to work, his obsession with the finer things and Lex realized it wasn't that important. He had not taken a drink since the night he got back and after a couple of close calls at private parties, he always returned to his hotel room alone.

The last one was the hardest one; his playboy lifestyle was one that still dug at him. On one particular night, Lex had the woman, another brunette, in the elevator. He had his keycard out, his hand on the zipper of her dress, and his lips on her neck when the phone beeped. He opened up the message and saw a picture of Julian leaning up eating his first cereal. He politely zipped up the woman's dress and escorted her back down to the lobby without explanation. The nanny afterwards actually suggested the web camera in the nursery. Now, he sat almost nightly on his trips working on paperwork and watching his son sleep, eat, or play and pretended he was right there with him. And most nights, he fell asleep thinking about how she was.

He wanted to see her; he had spent almost a month jetting all over the world in between jumps from Metropolis and Smallville. He didn't know what time it was anywhere, just it was time to see her. He had grieved, he had worked, and now he wanted to slow down. He looked at the clock and counted the time zones from Japan. "Screw it," he said and dialed.