A/N: Happy Tuesday everyone! Welcome back to the Education of Asgardians, the story where I make Thor, Loki, and occasionally some of the other Avengers do silly things because... fanfiction! Today I've decided to bring back She-Hulk because it was convieniant and some of you wanted to see her in more stories. The story suggestion came from Earial13 and I thought it would be super fun to do. Thank you everyone who suggested an idea, I can't wait to get to some of yours and hopefully do them justice. Any more ideas would be lovely. :)
In the cement jungle that was New York City there were not many lawns to be found. If you wanted grass you went to a park. However, Jennifer Walters (aka She-Hulk aka Loki's love interest) lived just out of the city where lawns were lush and growing. Jen was renting a lovely little house in Queens and the yard was becoming overgrown from lack of mowing. The lawyer was always much too busy to get out and mow the yard herself. Eventually the yard got so ridiculously long that Jen's neighbors began to complain. Their complaints didn't change the fact that she still barely had time to sit down in the evenings and eat her dinner - let alone do some gardening.
So, who do women turn to when they don't have time to mow their own lawns? Their boyfriends of course. Jen got home from an exhausting day in court and flopped down onto her couch. She was big, green, and tired, but that lawn needed mowing. Picking up her cell phone, Jen dialed her cousin, Bruce Banner. After two rings he answered.
"Hey Jen," The doctor greeted, "What's up?"
"Hi Bruce," Jen said tiredly, "Say, what's Loki up to lately?"
On the other end of the line Bruce wrinkled his nose. "Why?"
"Oh come on Bruce, I can hear the disgust in your voice. Don't be like that. I was hoping my boyfriend could come over tomorrow and mow the lawn while I'm at work."
"I could mow it for you…"
"Nope." Jen snickered.
"Why not?"
"Because I was thinking that I'd come home for my lunch break and he and I could have a picnic date."
Bruce sighed heavily. "I'm assuming you want to talk to him?"
"Would you mind handing the phone to him?" Jen smirked.
A few grunts and minutes later another voice answered the phone. "Who dares to disturb Loki of Asgard?!" Loki snapped.
"Jennifer Walters of Midgard requests your services, oh Tricksie One." Jen thundered back, holding in giggles.
Loki almost dropped the phone she said it so loudly. He quickly recovered with a smooth smile, even though she couldn't see it. "My dearest Jennifer!"
"Hey Loki, sorry I 'dared to disturb' you if you're busy, I just had a quick question."
"I'm never too busy for you. How are you?"
"Tired. I've had quite an interesting case for this guy with spikes growing out of his arms. Someone is trying to sue him for frightening some children he walked past. Clearly it isn't his fault, but it's a tough case to argue," Jen yawned a little, "How's life with Earth's Mightiest Heroes?"
"Tolerable, though since you've last visited Thor has gone through five toasters and broken two laundry machines. Stark has been irritating to no ends, Barton has eaten most of the food in the refrigerator, and Romanoff accidentally punched a hole in the gym wall." Loki groaned.
"And how's Bruce?"
"Your charming cousin asked me to help him with an experiment a few days ago. Hoping to get on his good side, I stupidly agreed. As a result of his dislike for me and my idiocy I now have an aversion for chocolate chip cookies."
"Oh dear, what was wrong with the cookies?"
"I'm not certain, but currently my hair is as blonde as Thor's."
Jen laughed for a moment, with Loki silently fuming on the other end of the line. Once the jade giantess had finished laughing she remembered her purpose for calling Loki in the first place. "The reason I called you was to ask a favor."
"Anything for you, milady." Loki smiled.
"Would you mind coming over tomorrow to mow the lawn for me? I've got to work and the neighbors are complaining about my yard. I was thinking that we'd have a picnic afterward, during my lunch break."
"Consider it done. What time shall I arrive tomorrow?"
They discussed the details for a while and then chatted some more. As they said their farewells Bruce snatched the phone away from Loki and said his own goodbye to Jen. Then the scientist hung up and walked away from the Asgardian. Loki rolled his eyes and then went in search of Iron Man.
Tony Stark was in his laboratory, fiddling with a small robot, when Loki found him. Tony glanced up from the robot and stared at Loki's hair.
"What happened to you?"
"I invoked the wrath of Dr. Banner, and found out that he doesn't always turn into the Hulk when he's angry," Loki picked up a screw driver and examined it, "Stark, might I ask you a question?"
"Uh huh…" Tony mumbled, picking at a circuit board on the robot.
"What does it mean to 'mow the lawn'?"
"It means you cut the grass in a yard with a lawn mower. Why?"
"Jennifer has asked me to come to her house and mow the lawn to appease her rude neighbors. What is a 'lawn mower'?"
"Hold on just a second, you are going to go mow a lawn? Like, do actual work and get covered in grass stains and sweat and all that? You?"
"Yes, why not?"
"It just doesn't seem like something you'd do, even for your girlfriend." Tony shrugged.
"In any case, what is a 'lawn mower'?"
"A machine for cutting grass. It can either be one of the push-mowers where you walk around and push an engine and spinning blade across the yard on wheels or a riding-mower which is the same thing, except you ride on it like a tractor. I've never actually done it, but I wouldn't be surprised if Cap has. You could ask him."
Loki nodded and rode the elevator up to the penthouse, where he found Steve polishing his shield. Captain America gave Loki his customary scowl as a greeting. He set down the polish and flipped the shield into the air - no doubt in some kind of hollow threat.
"Hello Captain Rogers," Loki smiled as sincerely as he could, looking a bit like the Joker, "I had a question Stark told me you might be able to answer."
"What?" Steve snapped.
"How do you mow a lawn?"
The good captain blinked in surprise, that was not the question he was expecting. Perhaps something about the weakness of human beings or the frozen waffle status.
"Um, you push the mower over the grass until it's all the same height."
"Well that sounds so simple even a child could do it! I don't know what I was worried about. Stark made it sound as if it was complex." Loki laughed, leaving before the captain could explain anything else about the art of mowing the lawn.
When Loki arrived at Jen's house he was already tired from biking the whole way there, but that would not stop him from completing the mowing action to the best of his abilities. Jen was stuffing papers in her briefcase when he knocked on the door. She flashed him a quick smile and put a few more things in the case.
"Good morn to you, Jennifer." Loki smiled at her. His hair had been washed enough times by now that it was no longer blonde, just kind of a weird gray color.
"Hey there, the mower is in the shed out back, it's full on gas and ready to go. If there is an emergency you can call me from the landline in the kitchen. I'll be back at noon, okay?"
"Sounds lovely, have a good day at work and don't worry about a thing."
She gave him a worried look. "Are you sure you can do this? It's a big yard and I…"
"Jennifer, I am a god. Cutting the grass will be a simple task."
She laughed and bent to give him a kiss on the cheek. "If you say so. I'll see you at noon!"
"Farewell!"
"Bye!"
Jennifer adjusted her suit jacket over her green skin and got into her car. As she drove off Loki waved with a smile plastered on his face. Once she was out of sight he spun on the heel of his boot and found his way to the back yard. The grass came up to his knees and wildflowers grew everywhere. Large trees shaded the yard and nearly hid a crumbling shed from view. The whole scene resembled something out of a fairytale book and Loki wondered why the neighbors were complaining. He waded over to the run-down shack and tried the door. It was locked by a heavy padlock.
After a moment of thought Loki used his Asgardian/Jotun strength to simply rip the lock off and fling open the doors. A large spider web covered the entire doorway, but Loki didn't see it until he'd walked straight into it. He squealed like a young girl and swiped at the stringy web.
"Aaah! Get it off! Back, back you beast!" Loki ordered, twirling around through the web. Once he realized it wasn't going to hurt him he grunted impatiently and straightened his vest, "Right, just a cobweb. Where is that blasted mower of lawns?" He spotted a device in the far corner of the shed that looked like what Stark had described as a "push mower". A few broken lawn chairs, a twisted old bike body, a rake, and a shovel blocked the path, but rather than pick them up Loki just gripped the mower's handle and tried to yank it through the mess. Everything fell off of the lawn mower in a loud clatter. One shovel fell against an old wooden shelf and knocked a terracotta pot off, which Loki lunged to catch. The pot landed in his hands, but it slipped through his fingers and crashed onto the wooden floor.
"Oh that's just brilliant." He murmured, shoving the broken pot pieces aside with a sweep from his boot. He finished pulling the lawn mower through the rubble and into the yard. It nearly disappeared under the grass. The Asgardian kneeled to examine the device and found only one button. He pushed it, but nothing happened. He held the button for a little while and still nothing happened. He kicked the machine lightly and still nothing happened. He found a cord on the side and recalled a dance move Stark had once shown him called "Starting the Lawn Mower" that name never held any meaning before, but now Loki wondered if…
The Asgardian gripped the cord's handle and pulled it back gently. He heard the motor starting a little, but it did nothing more than purr. Maybe if he pulled harder. Using all of his strength he yanked the cord, holding down both bars, and the lawn mower roared to life. The cord snapped off of the mower, but he'd deal with that later. For now the mower was going and he fully intended to mow. He pushed the mower over a patch of grass and the blades of the mower chopped the greenery with satisfying speed. He cut down more parts of the yard, leaving uneven and splotchy looking work. He didn't care, he was too busy mowing.
Soon he got into a sort of rhythm. All was going well until he came across a stick in the yard. Figuring he could go right over it and turn it into woodchips, he ran over the stick. There was a disturbing clunk noise and the stick flew out from underneath the mower and right toward Loki's face. Ducking quickly, the stick flew over his head and embedded itself in the wall of the shed. He swallowed nervously and made sure to swerve around any other sticks he saw.
Loki finished the backyard in the time of an hour and left behind very shoddy work. He was proud of his mowing skills and went on to try the front yard. As he forced the mower over the tall grass he started to daydream about the lovely picnic he and Jen would have when he finished. He was no longer paying attention to the yard as he worked and some petunias faced the spinning death-blades of the mower of lawns, as well as a few pieces of litter, which were shredded and spread over the whole yard. He kept on going and bumped a garden gnome, which fell over and broke it's head open on a brick decoration. Loki continued his mow of terror nonetheless. As he was daydreaming he forgot to keep a look out for sticks and a rather large one found its way into his path. The mower did a decent job of chewing up the stick and leaving the remains in the yard, but one splinter was ejected from beneath the mower and shot toward the distracted Asgardian. The wood piece sunk into the flesh of Loki's index finger and he howled in pain. He finished the last strip of grass and then shut the mower off.
"Ow!" He hissed, looking at the drop of blood squirting from his finger. He sucked on the wound in hopes to pull the splinter out that way, but to no avail. A tear threatened to fall from his eye, the pain was so great.
As he lamented the certain amputation that would have to be performed on his poor finger Jennifer's car pulled up and she got out. The sight before her was hard to understand. Her front yard was covered in shredded, paper, flowers, sticks, and garden gnomes. The grass was a mess and very uneven in places. Her boyfriend was kneeling on the ground, clutching his finger and muttering darkly.
"Loki? What happened?" She asked, wondering if he'd managed to cut off his finger or something equally terrible.
"An injury has been inflicted upon me by the accursed mower of lawns!" He grimaced, holding out his finger for her to see.
A tiny little splinter poked up from his the pad of his finger and there was a single drop of blood. She-Hulk put her hands on her hips in a mocking sort of way.
"You poor baby," She cooed, "You got a boo-boo."
Loki's eyes darkened. "Jennifer! This is serious! I could bleed to death from this wound, or be infected, or any number of terrible things could happen! Do you think they'll have to amputate?"
"Loki, you're being silly! It's just a splinter. Here, lemme see." She grabbed at his finger, but he pulled away defiantly.
"No, no! I think it would be better if a physician took a look at it."
"Loki Laufeyson, you are being a child!" She-Hulk pulled some tweezers out of her purse, "Here, I can take it out right now."
"Are you a trained medical professional?" Loki sniffed arrogantly, "I think not."
"Would you rather we drive all the way back into the city and have Bruce take a look at it? Hmmm? You really want him to look at it?"
"Well no, but…"
She reached again for his hand but he pulled away. Fed up with his immaturity, Jen tackled him and wrestled his finger into the sunlight so she could see it. Without any ceremony, she grabbed the splinter with her tweezers and yanked. It came right out. Jen released him and dusted the grass cuttings off her skirt.
"Was that really so bad?"
Loki muttered something under his breath about "rudeness" and "infections" and then he dusted himself off. "No, it wasn't as… horrifying as I thought it would be. Still, do the world a favor and never become a nurse."
"Deal. Now, let's talk about my lawn."
Loki beamed, very proud of the work he'd done. "Yes? What about it?"
"You know, I saw some of the damage you caused during the Battle of New York, but that's nothing compared to what you did to my front yard," Jen whistled, fully taking in the mess he'd made, "What did you do? Call up the Chitauri and ask them for an encore?"
The trickster winced and his face fell. "So, you don't like it?"
Seeing the despair on his face she decided to cut him some slack. She smiled at him. "I've always liked the abstract look," He smiled back and they both laughed, "I think all of your hard work merits some food, eh?"
They took some food from the inside of the house and set a blanket out in the back yard. Jen winced at the weird patches where Loki had swerved to avoid sticks. It was a mess. She sighed happily, Loki could make a mess out of everything and frankly, she found it adorable.
"Is that a stick jutting out of the shed wall?"
"Yes, that one nearly took off my head, but I ducked just in time." Loki explained. He continued to tell the dangerous tale of his first lawn mowing experience and Jennifer listened with rapt attention. The most important thing was that the lawn was mowed and everyone was still in one piece - also, that they had some lovely cake for dessert. Really, cake was the most important thing to them... besides each other.
A/N: Well that got really cheesy right there at the end. Oh well. One last thing before I go, does anyone have a ship name for Jennifer and Loki? I just thought I'd ask. :) Have a good week!