Again, don't forget to check out my new story called Taken to the Grave. If you like the whole cheating, mystery, drama deal that story is for you. I also forgot to mention if you listen to Two Black Cadilacs while reading, it'll really get you in the mood. That's how i wrote it. Or if you know any other song about revenge or cheating, that works too. And i hope you enjoy chpt 10. i know it took me a while but i've been extremely busy and will probably get even more so be patient. Enjoy!
Chapter 10
Nessie's point of view
I've escaped death over vampire royalty, almost died die to jealous, spiteful vampires and one half vampire hybrid. I've almost been shredded to pieces by a natural, true werewolf. I was being strangled by some mysterious vampire who just down righted hated me. I cheated on my future husband with his right hand man. I told my family to stay out of my life. I told the same man that was my fiancé that I didn't want anything to do with him. I've did a lot of stupid things in the first four years of my life. If I listed all of them, we would be here till I turned seven.
They all seemed easy to get through though. They were easy to face. I thought realizing I was pregnant when I didn't want-or when I wasn't ready-for children was hard. I thought when I visited Nahuel and Roxanne was hard when Roxanne started shouting in my face to leave when I told her my news. I thought beginning my mother for forgiveness was extremely hard. I thought getting a hateful phone call from Rachel was hard. I thought coming to the facts about my condition was hard. That this child might not be a normal baby. Where everybody would be excited; but with me puking almost every hour, I was a little bigger than a three month pregnancy, and we had no clue what it was wouldn't be a celebration. Especially when my chance was so slim that I could basically give up on it.
All that seemed difficult at the time but I got though it. It was easy now when I'm facing the man I cheated on, rejected, was horrible, loved, and was the father of the unknown creature I carried inside me. All that seemed to be easy compared to what I'm facing now. He looked like he wanted to break down, scream, cry, phase, or bolt. Maybe all of them put together.
When I opened my eyes from my restless sleep, I saw him right in front of me. I was confused at first. Who was he? How did he get here? Why was he here? Then something in my heart changed. It was like a steel cable snapped my heart to the man's standing right in front of me.
I stared at this man's eyes. They looked so familiar to me. It hit me then that the gorgeous so dark brown they were almost black eyes that I loved so much was Jacob. Who was the father of my baby.
I've been emotional since the day I found out-or came to terms-that I was pregnant and alone, so it was no surprise when my eyes filled with tears. At least I wasn't the only one. Jacob looked like he was about to break down any minute. He looked like he wanted to run but also wanted to stay. He wanted to touch me but couldn't. He looked horrible and I did that to him! I wanted to say something but only a gasp came out. There was no way I could talk when I was so close to showing weakness and vulnerability.
"Jacob?" I managed to project to the different Jacob than the one I fell in love with. The one who's heart I broke. The one I still had a different connection with. The one I was still in love. This wasn't him. This was Jacob who was recognizable. I knew it was him. They both had the same eyes. Only my Jacob's was warmer. He knew how to smile. This one's eyes had a cold, deadly look to them. But I knew he was in there somehow and somewhere.
Jacob looked like he rarely slept, it looked like he rarely ate. He had bags under his eyes and his cheeks were slightly sunken in. He looked like he needed a good shave. His hair had grown out enough that he had it tied back. I wonder how worse he was in the inside.
His thoughts were all over the place so bad I couldn't even make sense of what they were. I had to put a mental block up so I wouldn't have to read them. I wished I could do that with my heart.
"It's me, Ness-I mean Renesmee." he answered in a strangled voice that sounded like he was holding back tears.
He was in pain or sick. I noticed he had a painful, uncomfortable look on his face. He was breathing heavy and his hands were clenched into fist that balled up his muscle shirt. Tremors went through his bulging biceps and went down through his whole body. He vibrated so bad that he shook the couch I was laying on. I knew the first thing I had to do was get of his was so I couldn't get hurt when Jacob exploded into a wolf; but I couldn't help but gawk at him. He was hideous but so beautiful. I guess we have the same thing in common.
I kept my hand on my small, rounded belly as I set up. Jake stayed kneeling. I couldn't help but reach out and attempt to run my hands through his silky black hair. When my hand got next to his face, he glared at me. I was prepared for him being angry. Not that he wanted to kill me. I guess this was his new of being in shock. I couldn't blame him. I had no clue what to say either.
"I guess you found out about my news, huh?" I showed Jacob, trying to get him to smile.
"You sucked at hiding it." he answered, not meeting my eyes.
I debated whether I should show him everything but I don't think he's ready for that. I wasn't ready to relive those memories. I debated on whether I should keep my guard up. I know he his. Maybe my worst fear was right. Jacob didn't love me. He despised me. He hoped I would die. He realized that being with a stubborn, feisty, pregnant four year old-who looked older than that-with mood swings was not for him. Or at least that's what I hoped he would tell me. I hope he would say hateful things to me like Roxanne did, like Rachel did. Like I did to him
"Am I…" Jacob breathed as he was not able to finish.
"You're the father." I answered. That made him drop from his knees and onto the floor. He leaned against the couch and put his head in his hands. I thought it would feel awkward if I went over to where he was so I stayed where I was sitting. "I'm three months." I continued, knowing what question he was going to ask next.
"When? You-you know…"
"Prom. Typical for a modern couple, isn't it?" I joked. Jake growled and hit the floor in aggravation. I jumped. Okay. Guard is going up.
"Look, Jake, I know we both have a lot going. I know it's my fault; but you don't have to be here for me. You can yell at me, say how much I was stupid, or whatever. Then we'll both go back to whatever pathetic, stupid life we had." I said, trying to sound cold.
Jacob jumped up from the couch and looked down at me angry. I scooted to the edge, scared. "You think I came here just to yell at you?" he growled at me.
"It looks like it." I projected. He got in front of me and yanked me off the couch. I could see in his eyes that all he saw was pure rage; and I wasn't stupid enough to read his mind.
"It's because of that thing inside of you." I shivered when he said the word thing when he was talking about our child. Yeah, I'm not happy about it but I child should never be called that. I would know. "I came here to get answers on why you rejected me. I came here to tell you how much I loved you. So that I can know for myself that you're happy. I needed to be a man and not listen to you. I came hoping that by some small chance me and you could…Bella said that you needed me."
"Well, I don't!" My big mouth shouted in his face. "I don't need you! I was perfectly fine without you. (Lie.) You want to know why I left? I didn't want two, big-headed, pathetic, hopeless romantic men think they have a claim on me. (Another lie) If you thought you could come in thinking you could yell in my face then you should leave. I've head enough of yelling to last me a lifetime. I don't need a man in my life. I can be a single mother." I growled. Tears pooled my vision. "If you say you love me then prove it."
I realized I was pressed close to him. His face was inches from mine and kissable. For a minute it seemed everything was normal. I didn't leave him. We were married. We were happy. But all that faded away when Jacob grunted in pain and backed away from. He looked at me again with rage. This was not the Jacob who I would have let back in my life without a second thought. Or better yet-he wasn't the same man who would let me back in his life without a second thought sounded better. This was a man who said he was Jacob. He had my Jacob's eyes but it wasn't him. I was scared of this man.
"Don't be stupid, Ness, if you think you can do this by yourself." The Jacob look alike said with a cold laugh.
"I'm not being stupid. I knew since the day I found out I was pregnant that nobody would be there for me. Not even you." I projected. I didn't hate Jacob when I told him I did. Now I do. I hated the monster I created. I knew he had a temper before. I knew it would be worse after he was bitten by a vampire. I found out his temper was even worse than after I left. I should have sucked it up and told Kaleb to stay out of my life instead of Jacob. I should have just said I do and continue being pregnant with Jacob's child.
"So you're gonna run back to Kaleb?" He smirked/growled.
"Maybe. I might decide to be with him. I'll let him raise your child." I screamed. I knew I should get out of here. I shouldn't be in a place I would be around stress. I knew every I said would anger the mysterious man even more. I'm shocked he stayed human this long.
I wrapped my arms my swollen belly and back against the wall. "Go phase!" I showed the Jacob look-alike.
"I can't. Believe me, I want too." he answered.
We stood in slice with him angry and me scared. He looked at me again and closed his eyes. Jacob took several deep breaths before everything calmed down. I had no clue what he was thinking of and I didn't want to know.
Jacob stopped vibrating. Only his hands were shaking and his breathing was heavy. He still had the uncomfortable look on his face. He looked in pain. He tried to hide it but he was unsuccessful. Either Jake was calming down for my sake or he was freaking bipolar. I just knew if we stayed in the same room together any longer, we would get nowhere. Maybe it would have been better to have Kaleb in front of me instead of this monster I created.
I slid down against the wall and onto the floor, my hands still wrapped around my abdomen. I guess you can say that this is my first act as a mother. Protecting my child I haven't even met yet. Although I wasn't happy about all of it. I wasn't sure if I wanted it. With all the stress I already was dealing with, I couldn't picture myself raising another human being. I was just bluffing when I told Jacob I could do this on my own.
Jacob slowly walked over to me, crouching down. He saw the look on my face and scooted back a few inches. I wished he wouldn't have. His scent seemed like it was the antidote to stop my queasiness. But I didn't want to think about that the child was when I haven't even decided what my next move was.
I didn't bother speaking so Jacob did it for me. "I guess I didn't think that it would be as much a shock to you as it is for me." he said, balling his hands into fist. A tear slipped down from my eyes and fell down my cheek. That's all I seem to do is sleep, cry, and throw up.
"I was meaning to call you but…" I whispered then regretted it.
"When did you find out?"
"About a week ago. Or came to terms about it I should say." I mumbled then groaned. Jacob moved so that he could help me but I shook my head no. I didn't want him to feel like he was made to be here.
"What do you mean?"
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and sickness. Maybe I should show him everything after all. But I was not ready, though, to open up to him. I didn't want to hurt him again.
I just showed him how I've been sick all the time when I visited the Amazon coven, Kachiri asked if I was with child. I told her no, but when I put on a bathing suit to go cliff diving I noticed a small, little bump. I denied it and told myself I was crazy.
When I left, Zafrina seemed revealed. When I when to visit Nahuel, Huilen, and Roxanne, she seemed tense. It was like Jacob. She wanted to bold and get away from me. When I finally admitted to myself that I was pregnant, I told her. She shouted in my face to leave and to never come back. She tried to use her gift on me but it was like she couldn't.
That's where I stopped. I didn't want to tell everything when my guard was crumbling as we speak.
"I knew I should have never trusted that leech." Jacob growled. He got up and walked to a window that overlooked part of the beach.
I didn't answer. Roxanne was a lot like Rosalie in the children aspect. After my mother had me, Rosalie accepted that fact of not starting her own family. Yes, it still hurt her that she couldn't have Emmet's children, but he was there for her no matter what. Maybe Roxanne and Nahuel will be like that one day. She'll accept the fact that there isn't a possibility to have children. Maybe they'll do what Grandma and Grandpa did and "adopt."
"How's everything on the-" I started but stopped when I felt I would be hanging my head over the toilet pretty soon.
Jacob looked at me as if asking if something was wrong. I put my finger up and covered my mouth. I got up and dashed to the closest bathroom I could get. I barely made it as bile came up from my stomach. I felt warm hands wrap around me and let me lean against him. How can he want to stay away from me one minute and but he'll touch me the next? His mood swings were really getting old quick.
"Don't touch me." I mumbled between breaths. He took his hands off of me.
"Morning sickness?" Jake attempted to joke but I didn't see no humor in it.
"More like all day sickness." I snapped, getting up to wash my face.
I couldn't stay in the house any longer. I walked out onto the patio porch then onto the white sand. Jacob breathed a sigh of some as he made it outside.
"I'll be right back." Jacob said, sprinting off somewhere.
Fine. Two can play like that game.
I walked all the way to the water and let it lap over me. I walked further until it came up to my hips. The tide was low and the moon was coming up into the sky. Pretty soon it would be September tenth and it'll no use for celebrating. Maybe I could celebrate how horrible I've messed things up.
Why does Jacob act like he can't stand to be around me then he's the complete opposite? Why do I have to be the same way? Oh, that's right. I'm pregnant and can't decide on what my next step will be. Why do I have to push away Jacob when he was every right to be here. He's the father and he's my imprinter.
I imagined what I would say to him when he gets back. I'll ask him about his weird mood swings. I'll take away the mental block so could see what obvious damage I had done to him. I'll show him about Henry, and the Children of the Moon destroying Allistar and almost me. I'll tell him about Alexander and Ian, how for some reason Finn hates me. I'll tell him how I think they are more hybrids out there than we know of. (Not to mention the one I'm carrying.) Or I could just completely blow him off and leave. The latter seemed the easiest.
"Nessie!" I heard Jacob shout. I realized I walked further out than I planned. I don't even remember moving.
I partially walked partially swam back to shore. Jacob just stood there looking at me. He was smiling. He was smiling like he just won the lottery or something.
"Yeah, I didn't need help. I was perfectly capable of swimming to the shore pregnant!" I grumbled. Sometimes men just really get on my nerves. Especially with Jake and his crazy, bipolar attitude.
"You said you didn't want me to touch you." Jake shrugged.
I plopped down on the sand and he plopped next to me. I noticed he only wore the oil stained shorts he showed up in as he stretched out his legs. He was shirtless which didn't surprise me. He only wore them when he had to.
I couldn't help but notice his sculptured chest, how strong and muscular he was. I wanted to slap myself. I was suppose to be pushing him away. Not drooling over him like a teenager would a hot celebrity. Plus what about Kaleb? I've got him to think about. And what about the little creature I'm carrying inside me? I have to think best for it too? Although it'll learn quick that I make dumb decisions and everybody has to pay for them if it goes wrong.
"What's up with your mood swings?" I asked. Jacob looked at me for a few minutes. He must have realized that I wasn't planning on reading his mind.
He sighed and put his head in his hands. His hair covered his face, which somehow came loose. I thought about reaching out and running my hands through it like I tried before. I was just afraid if he would try and shy away again.
"It's hard to explain." he whispered. "That's why I was wanting you to read my mind."
"Well I'm not so you're just going to have to find the words for it." I spat then bit my lip. We were close enough to the water to get wet. I picked up some wet sand and let it slip from my hands.
"I think that the um…it is going to have a gift. Or something like that." Jacob saw my confused face and continued. "You know how I was before I um…yeah, when I was a jerk? I had this urge to get as far away from you as I could get. It felt like I wanted to phase but I couldn't. The longer I was around, the more painful it was." he answered. I was even more lost.
"What does that have to do with our baby?" I projected. I noticed Jake tensed up when I said our baby. Both of us have to come to terms on it. Jake was the father. My family would try to kill Jacob. Jake's side would hate me. Kaleb would try and mess with anybody's head and say he was the father. My head included.
And most importantly, we have no clue what it was or what danger would come to us if I kept it. I mean it's my life. I'm the one risking it. I have the most say in its future and mine.
"It would be easier if you weren't chicken enough to read my mind. I mean, you know what I've been though." Jake said, looking at me.
I did. The dream. He had the same one I did. I didn't remember much about it but I knew I made his life miserable. Looking at him was clear evidence I literally killed him.
I laid down in the sand, subconsciously putting a hand on my small, swollen belly. Did I really want this child? Could Jake and I really be good parents when we couldn't have one conversation without one of us snapping at each other-mostly me snapping at him. Could he forgive me so easy? I know I could easily love him again. I am now; but would he love me back? What if I hurt him again? What if he hurts me without meaning it?
"Get back to the subject at hand." I ordered. I didn't mean to sound so snappy with him but I was in no mood to beat around the bush.
"What I'm trying to say is maybe the, uh, baby has a gift. Maybe it could stop another gift or something. Didn't you show me Roxanne and Zafriana had the same feeling I had." I nodded at his question. "I know I'm not a leech but I felt better one I got away from you and phased."
"You weren't gone that long." I said, laying my other arm over my eyes.
"I was gone long enough for it to help a little." Jake answered.
I wished he was just go ahead and say that he didn't want me. Do I need to make it even more clearer that he didn't have to be here because he was forced.
"Do they know?" I asked, hoping Jacob would take the hint.
"No. I told them to have the night off before I could think about it." he answered.
"Kaleb?" I pressed. "Wha-what about him?"
Jacob muttered something in Quileute and growled. " He can rot in hell for all I care."
A tear slipped down my cheek. Why do I have to be so vulnerable right now? I wished I had never brought it up.
I sniffled and put both hands over my face. I turned over and tried to fight back a sob but failed. I was soaking wet, sand all over me, I felt miserable, I had no clue what I was going to do, nauseated, and pregnant. Cut me some slack okay!
"Of course when I show up you push me away, but when I bring up the jealous idiot you cry over him! I guess you can say I'm use to it by now but I'm not." Jacob said as he attempted to make a joke out of it but I could clearly hear the hurt out of his voice.
I sat up quick and glared at him. "You suck when it comes to women, you know that right? Especially when their pregnant with your child." I yelled then regretted it when everything got worse.
I stood up anyway. Jacob copied my movement. He had the same uncomfortable look on his face but I could see the heartbreak in his eyes that stood out the most.
"You suck when it comes to men who are trying to tell you that he regrets letting you walk away. That's begging you to stop pushing me away because I can't take loosing you again! I don't care if you don't love me or not. I…I just want you to understand that I'll take death just to keep you safe. I would rather die than loose you." Jacob said, his face full of emotion. He swallowed hard.
I stayed still. I didn't answer at first. I couldn't speak. "We both need to have time." I showed him. I had to protect him. I had to protect…my child. I had to protect them from the worst monster of them all.
I had to protect them from me.
Jacob nodded but I couldn't see him clearly to know for sure. The sickness kicked in to high gear. I felt sick to my stomach, dizzy, and my vision blurry. For all I knew, women who were three months pregnant didn't feel what I felt now. They felt excitement. Joy. My pregnancy isn't like the normal, lucky women who are able to have normal babies.
I felt myself fall but then felt strong arms wrap around me. He grunted in pain but stayed close to me and I let him.
"Renesmee? Nessie! Talk to me, please! Do I need to call Carlisle? Is something wrong? What can I do?" I heard Jacob say.
I pressed close to him and his scent made me feel better. But I couldn't remember what happen? It felt like I was having one of those outer body experiences. I didn't remember to push him away so I let him in this time.
"I'm fine. Just extremely tired and stressed out is all." I answered.
"You practically fainted! No. Wait. You did faint. Ness, maybe we need to suck it up and tell your family. We need to get it under control before it gets out of hand." He acts like I have some disease.
"And have my family make everything much harder between us? No!" I showed him.
"So you're actually going to try?" Jake asked, excited. I could see it in his eyes behind the pain and exhaustion. I guess I would. I owe him that much.
"Well you lasted longer than I expected. You were a total jerk to me before but you had a right to be."
I know it was stupid to pull him back in when I was going to push him back out. I was to weak and to tired to care. Tomorrow's a new day and I'll think about it then.
I loved Kaleb but I've realized now that I loved Jacob more. I felt like I was home when he was around. I had no clue on how I was going to explain it to them both without confusing them. I knew I shouldn't let Jake get his hopes up. I shouldn't make promises I couldn't keep. Jacob wouldn't be able to be with me no matter what.
As I listened to his heartbeat I realized it matched mine-which was a shocker. His heart normally beats faster than mine. Now it went with the same rhythm.. I was getting my hopes up too. I loved Jacob but was afraid. Just down right afraid.
Jacob laid down in the sand with me still in his arms. I wanted to tell him that I agreed with him that our child was going to be powerful with that one gift, but there was also something else there. I just couldn't pinpoint it. I wanted to tell him everything that went through my head but I didn't. I had no clue what to say or what to project.
I just knew we both fell into a restless sleep
~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~
I was in a dark room. Rain was pounding hard. I was in immense pain. Something ripped from inside me and I screamed What was going on? Why did I feel like I was being ripped apart? I couldn't breathe! Somebody help me! PLEASE!
I screamed again and this time a dark figure appeared in front of me. At first I saw Jacob, then Finn then back to Jacob again. I couldn't figure out who it was.
"Sshh, it's okay. You're going to be okay." I heard a British voice soothe.
"What's going on?" I breathed.
I opened my eyes to find Jacob. His eyes were hard and cold. "You'll be fine." he answered.
Something ripped out of my skin and I coughed up blood. "Finn!" I shouted, thrashing around. I curled to the side and coughed up more blood. My heart was failing and I knew I would not live to see my dark angel or this mysterious, unknown creature that grew inside me so quick, that I didn't have time to prepare.
"It's okay." I heard Finn soothe in a hard voice.
I heard a baby cry as he held up the child. His eyes hardened and looked at me, licking his lips and swallowing hard. He bent his head toward my neck and bit down. I tried to fight him off but he kept drinking my blood in his frenzied state.
I started to slip slowly away when I saw Finn's eyes fill with heartbreak. For some reason, even though I was dying, I still loved him. He was my dark angel and I could still love him.
"I'm so sorry, Katherine." Finn begged.
Before my eyes the man before me changed to Jacob then back to Finn. I changed from Nessie back to mysterious Katherine. Two different lives. Two different men. Two different deaths.
I opened my eyes again to see that I was in a jungle with rain pounding down on me. I was stumbling as I tried to find shelter. I clutched my gigantic stomach as pain rippled though me. I prayed somebody would find me because I doubted I would find something before my baby came.
I tripped and just laid there, my tears blending into the salty rain that hit my lips. I felt warm hands pick me up and carry me off somewhere. When I opened my eyes again I was at Isle Esme. Jacob was leaning over me, yelling in my face how I ruined his life. I knew this was the look alike Jacob that hated to be in my presence. Just like Finn.
I shouted for somebody but I felt a hard slap across the face hard. I wanted to run but I was paralyzed. I thought I could trust Jacob; but how can you trust somebody that tried to kill you?
I opened my eyes for the third time, seeing that I was in the same place. I couldn't wake up from this dream!
I felt the queasiness kick in and I got out of bed quickly, rushing to the toilet fast enough so Jacob or Finn, or whoever else was going to torture me, could hurt me.
I was tangled in something as I tried to make it to the bedroom. I tried to get myself out of the tangle in my half asleep state, but only tripped over something and fell to the floor hard on my stomach. I cried out in pain and that made me throw up. I really hope that this pregnancy thing gets a whole lot easier.
I felt somebody wrap their arms around me and I jumped, screaming out. After I was finished puking I felt the arms wrap around me tighter, pulling me against their chest. Still half asleep and scared, I bit down on their arm hard. I heard the person suck in a breath as if he was shocked or in pain.
Blood got in my mouth and instinct kicked in. I locked my jaw and didn't let go. I knew that it would make me sick afterwards but I didn't care. I couldn't handle drinking blood, or even the smell of it or my stomach would roll, making me sick. So I suspect I would need to make it to the toilet real soon.
I felt the arm rip out of my mouth. "Ness! It's me! Jacob!" I heard a voice soothe. My breath hitched as I heard who it was. Jacob!
The smell of blood got to me and I moaned. "That's-" I stopped short when my mind suddenly went black. Which scared me since it was something I rarely did. I forget every now and then but never mid sentence. And I could forget the simplest things too which I never did! I just hope it's because of not eating, dehydration, exhaustion, and stress.
"What? Tell me, Renesmee!" Jacob begged, but I just laid my head against his bare chest and breathed in his scent. I had to control when I was going to throw up before I say or do anything. Maybe my baby will be like its daddy more than its mama. I hope that's what happens.
Due to Jacob's slow healing blood still dripped down his arm from where he ripped it out of my mouth. I know he was just trying to help. But most of the time his efforts weren't that good. Maybe it's the awkwardness between us and we don't know how to act around each other.
I moaned again and tried to get up. I walked slowly to the window and opened it, trying to get the scent of blood out of the room. Jacob sighed and got up, walking to the bathroom. I heard him clean up the mess I made. It seemed like he's always doing that. He needed someone who won't make him clean up the destruction she makes. That somebody wasn't me. I've caused pain for him, his family and friends, and mine. Now I've brought a child into this mess too.
I looked down at my belly. I knew if I kept it I would get bigger. It might be like my mother's pregnancy and I would get bigger than my body in months. Or it might be the regular pregnancy-which I knew I couldn't get that lucky. It might be a mixture of both. I was bigger than the average three month pregnancy, but it wasn't enough to be all dramatic about. Maybe a little since there was no way I could hide it.
I heard Jacob come up to me, bringing the smell of blood with him.
"What's wrong?" he asked again. He touched my shoulder but I shied away from it, holding my breath.
"Bad dream." I projected. "How did you get here so fast?"
I turned around to face Jacob. He still looked the same as he did when he showed up, but he looked like he had just woken up and his eyes were bloodshot red. Obviously from crying.
"I slept on the floor beside you." Jacob said, motioning to the spot where he slept.
I looked down at him arm. He had it covered with a towel but it was bad enough for it to bleed through and down his arm.
I scooted closer to the window, trying to get away from the smell. "Why?"
"You've been sick all night. It was getting so bad I thought I was going to have to call Carlisle."
Anger flashed through me. My family could not know over the phone. They would make assumptions and make it worse. They would decide my fate and my babies before I could even think about it.
"You better not have called!" I growled, storming out of the room. If Jake called, I swear he could bleed to death for all I could care.
"I didn't. I just said if it got any worse I would have. You don't remember?" Jake asked, grabbing my arm to stop me. And suffice to say, he used the arm that I was trying to avoid.
I didn't remember. I barely remember the one I had when I was half awake. I only knew that Finn was the main reason for his love's death. All because of his blood lust; and he blamed it on the child. He was the one who got her pregnant.
"You don't." Jacob said, his face full of uncomfortable concern. He looked down at my stomach-or glared was more like it. I knew he was the one who wanted children after we got married, but I told him to wait until everything calmed down even for us to try. He agreed. Now he needs to learn from me and to be careful for what you wish for.
As I stared at Jacob, a horrible thought popped up into my head. The more I thought about it, the more it wouldn't go away. What if Jacob wasn't the father? What if Kaleb actually was? That would make things more complicated. But I also had this deep feeling that the man in front of me was the father of the little creature I was carrying. I was carrying Jacob's child. It was something I dreamed of doing. We knew it would be impossible, but now it's not. The dreams I have. They look like Jacob.
"I only remembered when I woke up." I breathed, still staring at Jacob's eyes. I wanted to give in. I told him that I need time to decide-that we both do. I wanted him in my life but I was afraid I would hurt him.
"Yeah, you got tangled up in the sheets and tripped over me. Sorry about that." he whispered as he took a step closer to me.
"The blood…" I trailed as I felt nauseated again. Even though I tried to hold my breath, just the thought of it dripping down his arm was sickening. The thought of me having a violent birth made me sick.
"Is it bothering you?" Jake asked and I nodded. "It's okay. Just hold your breath. It'll heal in a few minutes." Jacob said quickly. Does my child have a gift? Does he feel better when he phase? I didn't want to think about that, though, my baby will be powerful.
"Not like that. It's making…" I couldn't even finish my statement. Only a growl of aggravation. "I can't stand the smell or the sight of blood." I managed to finish.
I suck at when it comes to pushing him away even though one of us-wait. Both of us getting hurt is more likely to say. How can he trust me after all the stuff I did to him.
"So that's why you look like you haven't hunted?" I tried hunting once but that was a big failure and a even huger mistake. A few minutes I sucked my prey dry it came right back up, and I would stop until I get away from the smell.
I shook my head no, showing him my adventure of hunting while pregnant. He laughed but his face turned serious when he saw my face. "Do I need to get a trashcan because I'm not leaving. Un-unless you want me too. See? I quite bleeding." Jacob said, trying to calm me as he went to grab a trashcan for me. It didn't matter if he quit. I still had the thought in my head.
He handed me a trashcan to hit. Since I had nothing in my stomach, nothing came up I just coughed and gagged painfully. Jacob pulled me against him and held my hair back. Why is he doing this? Why is he making it so hard to hate him? I need to hate him. He needs to help me!
Jacob rubbed my back as I tried to catch my breath. I couldn't do this much longer. My heart tells me to stop pushing him away. To get on my knees and beg for his forgiveness. But something also told me Kaleb should be here too.
"Why are you doing this?" I showed him, trying to push him away but was too weak to try. Both physically and mentally.
"Doing what?" he asked. I rolled my eyes. He knew what I meant.
"The reason why I left was to protect you! You're making it so hard for me to push you away!"
"What's so bad about that?" He was back to the Jacob I fell in love with. The Jacob I was falling in love with again. I didn't know what love was before. I don't know now. Love wasn't something that was easy going that you see in the fairy-tales a parent reads to a child. Love in the real world was tired, hard, and cruel. But in the long run it was worth it. I'm willing to learn what love is now. Before I thought I had it down pat but I don't.
And to think that this all happened because of a single moment that ended up with a child.
"Because…we're going to hurt each other one way or another." I answered.
"How?" he pressed. "Is this about the dream you had?" I nodded shamefully. "Tell me."
I decided to open up to him about meeting the British coven. How Finn blamed me for Katherine's death when it was really his fault. I showed Jacob my dream of Katherine's death. I shamefully showed him how the dream of him and I ended.
Jake growled and hit the side of the couch, making me jump. "One, I don't like any of those British, bloodsucking, demons. Two, I swear if I see that Finn, I'll kill him. And three, Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I will never purposely hurt you!" I noticed Jacob said purposely. He's realized that he can hurt me. With him it would only be accidental where I can do it both ways.
I didn't answer because I knew the one remark would set him off more. I needed to go ahead and tell him I didn't mean what I said when I left him. I had so many things to apologize for.
"Why?" Jacob asked, moving closer to me.
"I told you." I answered, knowing what he wanted to know.
"Yeah, but we both not angry, and I'm not as much as a jerk."
"I thought you couldn't stand being around me?"
"It's uncomfortable to be in my own skin. I still feel like staying away." That answer proved he was here because he felt like he needed to be.
"If you hate being around me so much then go. Don't let me be around you stop you from doing that." I mumbled, looking down at my stomach again. Amazing how it can bring us two together and we complicate things.
"You didn't let me finish. It's getting better to be around you because your presence is so addicting. It's like a drug I can't live without. What I said over the last voicemail, I meant. I will you support you though anything. If you want Kaleb then so be it; but just so you know you will fall in love with me. We'll take it slow. We'll start off as friends, figure this pregnancy ordeal out, and take it from there. I'm sorry for showing up here and scaring you. I just know with being with you more, it'll get better. Just please, for starters, stop acting so prideful and let me in. Admit that you need me and move on. I can't handle another rejection from you. I'd rather take death than that.
"Renesmee Cullen, as Alpha of a bunch of immature grown men, the Chief of a tribe, your best friend, your best friend, your imprinter, the father of your baby, please, please, please let me in. I can't loose you or this life would kill me."
I saw the Jacob who's been angry and confused fall away. Now before me, inches from my face, I saw the Jacob who was scared and had a heart. Tears trailed down his face because he knew that there was a high possibility I would say no. I could but I didn't have the energy to. Or that I didn't want too.
"Slow." I agreed. "We have a lot more to worry about now than just us."
Jacob gave me a confused look so I pointed to my stomach. He swallowed hard, continuing to look at my belly. I decided since we were taking it slow to show him my adventures.
I showed him my true feelings, my fears, the places I've been, Henry, Allistar being destroyed, the werewolf, Finn, Alexander and Ian. My trip to the Amazons, then to Roxanne and Nahuel's. the time I found I was pregnant and Jacob was the father. I was even brave enough to show him Rachel's phone call.
I stopped and bit my lip. Jacob looked lost in thought. "It's amazing how she tells me that you love me and then she yells that I don't deserve you. I can say I'm disappointed. She's lucky she's an imprint." Jake growled.
"She's right, though." I mumbled.
Jacob took my hand but didn't say anything. Maybe because he agreed with his sister. He was able to have a life. He's the Chief of the Quileute reservation. He can go to collage and become successful. I was the baby momma who was holding him back by being knocked up with his baby.
I realized I was sitting in Jake's lap. His whole body was tense. I tried to move but his arms tightened around my waist. He grabbed a loose ringlet and twirled it his finger. "So a human thought he could go up against two mythological creatures." Jacob joked, changing the subject.
"Yeah, I guess he thought he could. I don't even know how he is." I attempted to say despite the pounding in my heart. I hoped that separation would have pushed us away, not bring me closer to him.
I realized his face was closer to mine than before-and was getting closer. He was going to kiss me and I was unsure if I wanted him too or not. Oh! Who am I kidding? I wanted too! I wanted to kiss him!
"I thought we were going to take it slow." I showed him, moving my head away.
He huffed and moved back, biting his lip. "You're right." Jacob said. "We are.
We stayed silent. I asked him about Marcello and he answered that he couldn't find anything. So now I just looked at him. His long hair, his, rough face. He was still confused as much as I was. He was beautiful.
"What?" Jacob finally asked after a while of me finally gawking at him.
"Why did you let your hair grow out?" I blurted.
"Why did you let your hair fade back to it's natural color?" he joked.
"Because I had nobody to impress anymore."
"Well then you have your answer. I'm the Alpha and chief so I can do whatever I want. They don't care what I look like. All that matters is if I'm doing the job at hand." he answered.
I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know how we could take it slow when we have to de3cide the fate of somebody else that we brought into the this mess. It was getting pretty obvious that Jacob was not ecstatic about this. But was I? I didn't know what to feel. I was terrified to bring it up with the man across from me and I think he was too.
My stomach growled as if I haven't eaten in a long time-which I hadn't-and I wrapped my arms around it as if I could hide it. Jake only laughed and got up.
"Sorry." I said, getting up to follow Jake but he pushed me back down.
"Since it's your birthday, I think it's my job to cook for you." Jacob said, walking into the kitchen. I followed him and sat down on the chair that faced the island. He started rummaging through the kitchen. I started pointing things out and mentally thanked my mother for calling to make sure she had this packed of food for her pregnant daughter. No, she didn't know of my condition but she did know I was coming here.
But the funny thing was, I was confused. Why would Jacob say it was somebody's birthday? Why couldn't I remember where everything was?
"Birthday?" I asked, confused. Jacob looked at me in disbelief.
"Today's your birthday, remember?" he answered. I didn't remember and that made me more confused. Today was my birthday?
"You don't remember. Tel-tell me what day it is then?" Jacob asked me, his voice frantic.
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I blinked a few times to clear my mind and nothing still couldn't come out.
"September tenth! That's today! That's when your birthday is!" Jacob yelled.
I jumped. "I don't see what's so important about me forgetting my birthday. People do it all the time. Especially when their under stress!"
"But you're part vampire. You're kind never forget anything!" Jacob said in aggravation. He grunted and balled up his fist. He looked to be in serious pain.
"But I do." I whispered pathetically. We were doing so good for all of it to be ruined.
"How old are you?" Jake asked. No answer could come out of my mouth.
"How many months along are you." Again. No answer.
"What happen between us? Who were you protecting? What are we now?" Jake quizzed, his voice getting louder and rougher with each question.
I got scared and ran back to the bedroom. I slammed the door in Jake's face and locked it, tearing off my tank top and shorts. I slipped into the gigantic bath tub that was every pregnant woman's dream I felt horrible.
Inside and out.
As I scrubbed my long hair and body to get rid of the sand and other gunk off of my body. I thought about what was the big deal of forgetting stuff. It was no big deal. I'm under a lot of stress and this is my body's way of getting rid of it.
I slipped down further into the tub. Right now I hated myself. I hated Jacob. I hated everybody. But I couldn't bring myself to hate the little creature inside me.