Chapter 10

Talking is Hard

Here I stood, staring at Jackson and that random girl kiss right in front of me.

What. The. Fuck.

I wasn't even aware that Jackson had a girlfriend; I mean he said he dated, but none of them worked, so if none of them worked then why is this girl kissing Jackson?

I watched them as Jackson put his hands firmly on the girls shoulders and pushed her back.

"Kristy?" Jackson said, sounding a bit surprised.

"Kristy?" I questioned him sounding a bit surprised. Jackson looked over to me while shrugging.

"Jackson! You would think I would go three whole months without you? I mean it was hard, but I needed to see you!" The perky girl draped her arms around Jackson's neck, pressing her body against his.

"But Kristy…" He started with his eyes looking at me.

I cringed at the sight. So he does have a girlfriend, a girlfriend he didn't want to tell me about. I see how this is.

"Um… I'll leave you two alone." I forced a smile on my face.

I rolled my eyes and closed the door. I left the couple there and went inside of the living room, moving over to Lauren. She was awake by now and so I picked her up and walked into the kitchen.

I didn't know what to expect by now. Not five minutes ago, I was kissing Jackson, thinking we would finally do something intimate and there his girlfriend comes in and it's like what the hell?

Are we going to play that game again?

I mean, with Emily it was different because it was a mistake and he was going to break up with her, but now he's going behind this new girls back and makes out with me. It doesn't make sense because he never once mentioned him having a girlfriend now. Well, I never asked, but he still could've told me when we'd kissed or when we'd talk.

Ugh, now I feel like we're both full of secrets and lies. I don't want to be in a relationship like that.

What if he's doing this to get back at me for having sex with Oliver and getting pregnant? That was totally unintentional though! Does he want to screw up my life even more for cheating on him when I didn't mean it? That so called present was supposed to be for him, but instead I thought Oliver was him and I was freaking drunk! What the hell was I supposed to do? Turn on the light and make sure that it's Jackson before jumping in bed with the dude? Seriously, I told him to come up but he didn't!

I sighed in frustration.

This is stupid and I can't think about this now. What happened last year is something I told myself I wouldn't think about at all.

I shook my head and made Lauren a bottle to feed her with. I glanced at Lauren who was now rubbing her face with her little mitten.

I sighed. Jackson didn't exactly break that promise… where he would never forget me which he didn't. He dated, sure, but he has a freaking girlfriend! And he was the one who made the move on me!

I could hear someone's footsteps come from behind me and pursed my lips, only to move away from the spot I was standing in and opened the fridge.

"Lilly?" I could hear Jackson say.

I froze in place and blinked a few times before replying to him.

"Mhmm?"

"I'm going to go…" His voice trailed off and soon I felt hands on my hips. "I'll see you soon." He whispered with his lips lightly brushing my temple.

"Whatever." I muttered while staring hard at Lauren.

"I promise I'll clear things up." He said and sighed. "Bye." His hands dropped from my hips and I could feel him walking away from me.

I let out a shaky breath, feeling my chest burn. My mouth went dry and I closed the door of the fridge. I walked into the living room, sitting on the cough and watched as Lauren stared up at me, wide-eyed.

I raised my hand to her forehead, running my finger from her forehead down her cheek and to her lips. I lightly kissed her cheek and moved back again.

I don't know why I feel so bad now. Its not like I was actually going to get back with Jackson, after all I am with Oliver. It just seemed too much for me. Jackson made it like we were going to get together for sure. He kissed me and he said so many sweet things to me. Why would he not tell me of his girlfriend? Is he yet another idiot boy who thinks he can get away from everything? It just doesn't make sense.

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The following day, I hung out in my room with Leah while sitting on my bed talking. I've been itching to tell her about what happened yesterday, but I just couldn't for some reason. Damn it, why must life be so complicated, I swear, I don't think I will ever meet someone who will have an even more complicated life than mine.

"Ugh!" I inwardly groaned and threw my fists against the bed, making it shake.

"What other dramas does my dear sister have today?" Leah asked as she moved closer to me.

"It's nothing okay." I told her and stared at the crib right in front of me.

"Lilly, you know you can tell me everything right?" Leah asked as she put her hand on my knee.

"Yes, I know that."

"Well, that is about the 500th time you made that sort of noise and I'm starting to think that there are already problems in paradise, in other words, with your private boyfriend."

I rolled my eyes at her. "What you don't know won't hurt you. You don't need to know every detail about me Leah." I warned.

"Well, I just want you to know that I'm here. I know you're busy with the baby and Oliver and right now I have the feeling that you wish that you have never met Jackson or had the baby at all. What's wrong?" Leah said.

I hate it when sisters are always right. They know when something is wrong with you and sometimes it's almost as if they can read your mind. Only about a year ago did Leah start to actually acting like a sister. This is just too weird.

Screw it, I might as well tell her more of my screwed up life.

"Jackson has a girlfriend and I'm so fed up with guys!" I finally said.

"Jackson has a girlfriend?" She questioned, retracting her hand from my knee.

"Yes, and I swear if I ever meet another idiot like Jackson or Oliver, I'll go crazy! If this is how most guys are, then... I'd rather be with a girl or something!" I shouted.

"Shh." Leah warned, reminding me about the infant sleeping in the room.

"Oh gosh Lilly, you don't know how many times I went through that phase."

I stared at her. "You've been with girls?" I gasped.

"No!" She rolled her eyes. "Where you're torn between two great guys and the one guy you really like is the jerk who decided to keep their other girlfriend a secret."

"I'm just so sick of boys lying." I sighed. "I just wished my life wasn't so complicated." I frowned deeply and cupped my cheeks.

"Everyone wishes the same thing; you've just followed the wrong pathway." Leah took a deep breath. "I never wanted that abortion, but I knew that mom would probably make me do the same thing she's putting you though." She sighed.

"You never fully told me why you did that abortion." I furrowed my brows and lifted my right leg, tucking it under myself, and turned to Leah.

"Abortion." She sighed. "I would've kept it, but Junior was against it. He told me to get one at an instant and I knew I wouldn't have a life with him. Actually, now that I think of it, I knew we weren't truly in love, like you and Jackson, to begin with. Before I get myself pregnant again, I want to be with someone I want to live my life with, and at first I thought it was Junior, but I was wrong." She narrowed her gaze.

"Junior is immature and a complete idiot. He'll never learn from anything and he only used me. I should've known that. I wasn't financially stable and I was going to be a single mother, which is something I can't do so in the end, I got an abortion." She frowned. "And now I'm afraid to be with a guy or have kids because I did something I'm totally against."

"You're not going to have kids? Leah, you have to!" I said and she shook her head.

"After seeing what you're going through is making me even more scared. Right now, I'd prefer to just take care of Lauren because she's an easy baby." She smiled and looked at her hand. "She only cries at night and during the day she sleeps."

"Wow. Maybe you'd be a way better mother than me." I said and she laughed.

"Never. You're perfect for Lauren and I do hope that you do choose someone soon. You're being untrue to Oliver while you're with Jackson."

"And Jackson is being untrue to me for hiding his girlfriend." I pointed out.

"Yeah, well… I don't want to meddle, but you should pick someone soon before it's too late." She weakly smiled at me.

I nodded. She's completely right.

My phone started to ring and I got it from the side of me. It was a text from none other than Jackson himself.

Meet me outside ASAP pls.

I rolled my eyes. "Jackson wants me to meet him outside."

"Go for it, I can handle Lauren." She said and got up from the bed, walking over to the crib.

"I don't want to go."

"You shouldn't ignore him. He got back and you need to know the truth from him. Knowing the truth from him would make everything easier."

I got up from my bed and nodded. "Fine, but I swear…"

"Trust me Lilly; this is the easiest thing to do." She replied and reached into the crib for Lauren.

-----

When I got outside I saw nothing at all. I sighed and sat down on the porch steps. So much for meeting him as soon as possible, he's not even here.

I sighed loudly and closed my eyes. Damn boys. Boys who make girls feel like this should die.

"Damn it." I said under my breath.

Nothing is fair, I swear.

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Hey you."

I opened my eyes and saw a blurry figure walking toward me from the side of the house.

"Why are you there?" I asked. "I thought you were going to meet me ASAP?" I raised my eyebrows and he chuckled.

"I thought it would take you longer to get down here and so yeah, I went around back just incase you came out there. I thought Oliver was home since I see another car." He pointed to the driveway and there beside my car was my mom's car.

"Oh wow, I didn't even know my mom's home." I said and shrugged.

She usually comes home unannounced and falls asleep. She gets really busy at the hospital which kind of sucks, then again, I have to remember she's helping me out with Lauren with money and things that would help me out.

"So your mom is here." He nodded.

"What did you want to talk about? I have to get back to Lauren if you don't mind." I told him feeling myself grow restless.

"Okay, I'll just come out and say it." He sat down next to me and sighed. "Yesterday… that girl Kristy, she isn't my girlfriend."

I sighed in frustration. "Damn it Jackson will you stop lying to me?"

"Why would I lie to you? I dated her, sure, but I broke up with her and our relationship wasn't even strong." He said. He raised his hand to his hair and started to scratch his head.

"I really don't know what to believe."

I'm not going to lie or anything, I'm just going to tell how I feel and I'm sick of everything!

"Believe me. I could care less about her. She's just an obsessed girl Lilly; I thought you knew me better than anyone else." He said.

"That's before I found out you had a girlfriend!" I exclaimed. I got up from the steps. "I really don't get you." I shook my head.

"Why are you being so hard on me?" He got up, took a hold of my hand, and lifted it to his chest. "You're the only girl I want, but you're stuck with an indecisive, irrevocable, idiotic boy who thinks he's your everything. He doesn't even see that you're unhappy with him and when you're with me, I know for a fact that you want to be with me too."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Do you want to be with me?"

I looked away from him. He is completely and utterly true, but I just can't admit to that. I pulled my hand away from him and walked back toward the door of my house. As I went to reach for the doorknob, Jackson took a hold of my shoulders, spun me around and pushed me against the door, forcing a kiss on me. His hands tightly gripping onto my hips as his kisses grew even harder and passionate.

I was hesitant at first, wanting to just push him away. I placed my hands to the nape of his neck, getting ready to pull at his hair to let go of me, but instead, I found myself responding to the kiss.

It wasn't long before Jackson finally decided to get away from the kiss and talk.

"Please Lilly." He whispered as he kissed my cheek.

"I don't know." My eyes were staring passed him and at the road, just in case Oliver decided to come home now. I was getting nervous; it was almost time for Oliver to get home.

"Think about it." He said and planted a kiss on my other cheek.

I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath. "I will."

He placed one last kiss on my lips before he finally pulled away. "I'll leave you time to think. I'll see you soon." He said and dropped his hands from my hips, walking down the steps and onto the sidewalk in the direction toward Emily's house.

I sighed and leaned against the door.

Damn it Jackson, why must you do this to me?

I frowned and went inside of the house. As I closed the door, I heard my mom's voice from behind me.

"What did you do Lilly?"

I turned toward my mom's voice and saw her inside of the living room, sitting on the couch, and watching TV.

"I needed some air." I replied softly and walked inside of the living room, sitting next to her.

She sat on the edge of the couch and wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

"How have you been?" She asked and I shrugged.

"Confused. Very confused." I sighed and leaned against mom. I closed my eyes as she held me close.

I just want everything to get better, but now I'm stuck with so much choices and it sucks.

A/N Hope you liked this chapter :D

Hopefully I'll have my updates faster. I finally wrote out the whole idea for the fic so that it would be a little easier on me since yeah…

Thanks for the reviews and reading!