They're not mine but I do love to take them out and play with them from time to time. Happy reading.
That week's session with Dr. Engelmann seemed a little easier to Martin. Engelmann wanted him to talk more about his parents, his mother especially. He hesitated at first but then began telling the therapist about her treatment of him as a child, how she never wanted him around and rarely spoke to him except to criticize. The more he talked, the more he remembered her coldness and disdain. All of it seemed to pour out of him, the pain of being Margaret Ellingham's son. He told Engelmann about being looked in the cupboard under the stairs and how most of the time she didn't even tell him why. He shared a few attempts at trying to connect with the woman and even explained the details of her two visits to his home in Portwenn, especially her first visit and her rejection of him since they had talked about her last visit before. By the time he was finished talking and answering the few questions the doctor had, Martin was exhausted. He felt as if he had been carrying a heavy weight around forever but now it was lighter. As the session concluded, Martin looked at the therapist. "I told Louisa the other day that our son will have an advantage that I didn't."
"Oh?" Engelmann looked at him, intrigued.
"Yes, I said that our son has her as a mother." He paused and then added, "I wish my mother had been more like Louisa, caring and involved. He is a very lucky boy… and his father is a lucky man."
"Have you told her that...that your boy is lucky to have her and so are you?"
"Erm...I'm working on it."
Louisa actually had two scans the following week, one of her head and one of her clavicle. The shoulder was mending nicely but would require the sling for another week or two. The scan showed Martin's work was holding and after a few more weeks of caution, it shouldn't bother Louisa ever again. Both Ellinghams were satisfied with the results.
As they got into the car to leave the hospital, Martin paused. "It is past time for lunch and you haven't eaten all day. Perhaps we should stop some place to eat?"
Louisa looked at him and smiled. "Martin Ellingham suggesting we eat out?"
"Er…um…yes. You need to eat and I am rather hungry as well. And…." His eyes cut to her expectantly.
Louisa looked at him curiously. "What Martin?"
"I thought…perhaps… a celebration of sorts?" Martin was very unsure of this new territory; he wasn't accustomed to celebrations. Edith had told him once she could tell when he had something to celebrate because of what he prepared for dinner. He wanted celebrating with Louisa to be different ... better.
"That would be nice…yes, a celebration. Now we can better plan our honeymoon," she replied.
"Yes," he said as he started the car. "I remember a place near here; hygiene practices were tolerable and the food was acceptable."
"Sounds nice." Louisa tried not to smile too much at his critique; he was after all just being Martin.
The restaurant was very nice, Louisa thought. Martin, of course, ordered fish but encouraged her to order whatever she wished, within optimal nutritional values. She decided on chicken. He even managed not to grimace when she ordered a small sweet for dessert. He ordered fruit, so she wouldn't have to eat her dessert alone, he explained. Even in his quirkiness, this was the Martin she loved so dearly, Louisa thought as she watched him from across the table.
"I um….I was thinking… about our honeymoon," he said softly, somewhat embarrassed.
"Yes?"
"Well, um…we could go to Scotland; you said far away. Or…I thought, er…emmmm…. Maybe we could…um…" He both looked and felt like the words were sticking in his throat.
Louisa looked at him sternly but with a glimmer of mischief in her eyes. "Out with it Martin; where are you thinking of taking me?"
"I thought… er…. Um…perhaps London?"
"London?" Louisa couldn't believe what she was hearing. For a romantic get away he wanted to take her to London?
"Yes, well…perhaps it isn't such a good idea. I just thought…"
Pushing back her initial reaction, which was frustration, Louisa looked at him more closely. There was something more to his thinking, she realized; more than he wanted an excuse to go to London. "What did you think, Martin?" She tried to sound calm, neutral even.
"There are so many things to see and do there, galleries and museums, opera or perhaps a show. And there are other things, places I'd like to show you."
"True, there are many things to do in London," she said smiling. "Perhaps that would make a nice trip for us sometime later but on our honeymoon, the only thing I want to see or do is you, Martin Ellingham."
His eyes widened with surprise. Surely she couldn't really mean that. He enjoyed their times together and thought she did as well, but surely… "You… you can't mean that," he scoffed uncertainly.
She looked directly into his eyes, her own bright with anticipation. "But I do. I want us to have that time for us to be together, alone Martin; just us. We need that, I think."
His insecurities battled with his overwhelming desire for just that, making him afraid. "But…"
"You don't want to be alone with me?" she asked carefully.
"No, I do…er…it's just…um, I'll… ruin it," he mumbled dejectedly.
She reached across the table to touch him and he took her hand gratefully. "No, you won't. You were perfect at the lodge before all the smoke… so considerate and sweet…and even funny. It was nice and I want more of that Martin; the real Martin that hides most of the time. We seem to do better when it is just the two of us and we're alone, no one interrupting."
He looked at her in utter adoration. "I enjoyed that as well…being with you and yes…I want more of that too."
"Then, no London. Scotland would be alright. Or we don't have to go that far away; just far enough away from Portwenn that no one intrudes."
"Yes… that would be good." He tried not to look too excited but the thought of several days alone with Louisa after what she had just said had him spinning. She wanted to be alone with him, all alone…just them, and she said he wouldn't ruin it; she trusted him not to ruin it.. He decided that he would do whatever he had to do not to spoil it, even if it meant not saying a word during the entire trip. But no, that's not what she wanted either; after all, she said he had been considerate and even funny in that short time before their wedding night had been ruined. He would seek Dr. Engelmann's advice, he thought.
They drove back to Portwenn, Louisa's hand in constant contact with him, either on his thigh or in his hand. She leaned closer to him as well and the feel of her so close was intoxicating for Martin. The atmosphere had deteriorated between them so much in that last months, largely due to his behavior he acknowledged, that even though they slept in the same bed, he had felt they were worlds apart. But in the car that afternoon, he felt the closeness again, the warmth that was his Louisa.
"I um…I asked Morwenna is she would watch James until dinner," he confessed as the car rolled through Portwenn toward the surgery. "She said she would take him to her house and I told her that would be fine. She wanted to prepare a meal for Al apparently."
"So we have another hour or two before we have to collect him?" Louisa asked.
"Um yes, possibly, if you want to wait."
"I do. I think we have some celebrating to do still," she said with a wicked grin.
Martin gulped at the implications. "Er…um, yes. Perhaps you are right," he replied, suddenly hot and uncomfortable in his seat.
The last few months, as things had worsened between the couple, Martin had found sleeping next to Louisa difficult for several reasons. For one, she was a large source of his fear that seemed to bubble up into his dreams. At first when he had awakened in the night, he'd been tempted to wake her too simply from sheer need of her reassurances. But she needed her sleep, so he tried not to wake her and would leave the bed and even the room as quietly as possible. Consequently, the assurances never came and his fears grew. His withdrawal from her included withdrawal from moments of intimacy, which led to the other reason why it was so difficult to sleep next to her; Louisa was too enchanting for him to merely sleep. He needed to touch her, hold her, to make love to her. But he had been too afraid.
A few minutes later they stood toe to toe in their bedroom, their eyes locked in loving gazes, savoring the closeness they felt. Careful of her arm, he began to caress her tenderly but after months of denial, Martin found his self control weakening. It didn't help when Louisa let out a soft moan before attacking his lips.
They took the better part of the two hours left to them, reacquainting themselves with the enjoyment of one another as they became one. Not wanting to leave the new warmth they'd created in their bed but knowing that he must, Martin showered quickly and left to fetch James, leaving Louisa soaking in a soothing bath, both of them feeling more fulfilled than they could have imagined just a few weeks ago. Martin contemplated the afternoon as he walked to Morwenna's house. His mind jumped forward in happy anticipation of the honeymoon with just the two of them and he felt as if he were walking on clouds. He couldn't remember ever feeling this good about anything in his life; no worries, no remorse, no…anything negative entered his thinking. By the time he made it to Morwenna's, he was smiling broadly, a sight that neither she nor anyone else in the village had ever seen before.