You Lost Me

Chapter Nine - Discovery

Minutes seemed to be longer than the years he lived as a vampire. He couldn't bring her to his arms, he just laid her in the damp mixture of grass and mud as he waited for anything that would let him know she survived. Because in case she didn't and the damage couldn't be fixed by his blood he didn't want her to die in his arms. No matter how poetic it looked, it'd crush him. But who was he kidding? Her death would probably break him beyond no repair no matter where she was. He has been an idiot to think he didn't care about what happened to the girl lying in the dirty road as he stayed kneeled in front of her unmoving body. But then he finally heard it. A stronger heartbeat and then other and other and each one stronger than the latter. He just then realized his cheeks were wet from his massive tears and that he was holding a breath. It didn't take more than a few more minutes for her to finally open her eyes.

"Are you insane?" he yelled at her the moment her eyelashes fluttered.

"What happened?" her voice was hoarse and she even choked a little, probably with the rest of his blood on her throat.

"Your childish and stupid actions almost got you killed Elena. Can you imagine how long would Stefan torment me if you died because you were running with your car after mine? It'd have been the little push he needed to kill me" he stood up and thought about leaving now that he knew she was alive and in the next few minutes she was going to be completely healed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I just couldn't let you go" she tried to sit down but her body still hurt too much and she fell on her back again.

"Are you stupid?" he hid the concern in his voice as he saw her falling down. He should know that if she woke up she was out of danger but it seemed like all rationality died out.

"I don't know what I am, okay? I'm lost, I'm confused and I need a friend" she cried and there were actually tears while she yelled at him.

"You have plenty of them. Caroline, Bonnie, Matt, your brother, your aunt and last but not least Saint Stefan" he was mad; he was fuming at her not because she told him she needed a friend but because she could have been killed and still she didn't have a good reason for it.

"But I only needed one" she whispered and looked at him like he's never seen her. It was tender but it was also pleading and desperate. It was like she needed him more than she could put into words and he couldn't be any more right.

"The one you made very clear you didn't want around anymore. The one that has lost you forever. Forever is a very long time for a vampire Elena, you should know that as you're in a relationship with one" he reminded her not because he wanted to hurt her, but because he was hurt that she had cut him off of her life. It still hurt to know that he has lost whatever they had, even if she has tried a few times to keep at least a civilized relationship with him. It was actually one of the reasons that he kept pushing her away. Maybe he'd handle how to be her friend, but only her acquaintance that she despised most of time? It was almost impossible to him and it was what led most of his actions.

"The one I wasn't ready to lose, even if he killed my brother, the only family I've had left" her tone didn't change but her gaze was even more intense and revealing. He was going crazy trying to understand what was going on. Elena could be really confusing, as any other woman, but now it was nearly impossible to decipher her.

"I already told you I'm sorry. There's nothing more I can do to fix it Elena. He had the ring, he came back and I know I couldn't have fixed it if he hadn't but I don't have a lot of words for you here, only those. I'm truly sorry about what I did" he felt suddenly guilty knowing that part of the reason why her look was so intense was because his actions that night still hurt her profoundly.

"You could put a little bit more of effort explaining me what happened. You tell me that Katherine annoyed you and you think that I'm supposed to know what it's that supposed to mean? I didn't know by then the games Katherine played. I thought she was just a mean bitch that has turned my friend for the same reason you turned Vicky all those months ago. Just for fun, out of boredom. You sounded like a nine-year-old boy apologizing to his mother saying that he only hit his little brother because he took away his favorite toy!" Elena blurted. She didn't know what hit her but it's always bothered her that he just said those words to her expecting her to know what Katherine was capable of doing with someone's mind no matter how much he and Stefan repeated those words but never cared to elaborate.

"Did you want me to beg, Elena? Sorry but it's been more than 145 years since the last time I pleaded I don't quite remember how to do it" he was enraged by her behavior. He couldn't believe that she expected him to go to the great lengths of humiliation to show that he was truly sorry. Why couldn't his honest words be enough to her?

"No Damon, I didn't want you to beg for forgiveness. But you could have told me the whole story. Why didn't you tell me what she told you? Why didn't you explain me how she operates?" she fired back also losing her patience with his persistent sarcasm.

"Are you really trying to convince me that if I had given you a long speech about how you had used the same words she did a couple of hours earlier you'd forgive me? Did you want me to tell that yet again someone was making it clear that it's always been Stefan and it'd always be Stefan? That I've lived the past century and a half after someone who never loved me and when my heart finally tingled again after being a cold stone for so long I was yet again doomed because I'd never have a chance as long as Stefan was around? That I didn't deserve to be loved? That I wasn't good enough to anyone? Was that what you wanted to listen, Elena? What difference would it make?" he hissed and although his words were filled of venom she could tell he was opening his heart in some twisted way because his eyes never matched his tone.

"I don't know what it'd do then Damon but I know what it does now" she took the final steps that were separating them and standing in front of him she reached for the sides of his face and brought his lips to hers.

She couldn't take the sight of him saying those words and not reacting. He deserved to be loved. She loved him as a friend and although she knew for sure that what else she felt for him as a man wasn't love and maybe it'd never be but in that case only because her heart was already Stefan's when she finally got to know the real Damon. She didn't know what would have happened if she had knew Damon truly before she fell in love with Stefan. But as her lips touched him she didn't know if falling for him was such a remote possibility even with all the strong and solid feelings she had for his brother. It was magical the feeling of his lips on hers. She never felt so much passion and love as she felt in his touch.

It wasn't only the way he moved slowly, involving her mouth with his. It was about the way one of his hands moved to the side of her face, his fingers well stretched as he slid them down, as if he was checking if she was real or not. And then they curled a little bit around her skin. She didn't need Isobel's or anyone else's words. She had her answer about how Damon felt about her with just one kiss. She's never lived something as intense as that.

Damon felt like the world has stopped around him. He didn't think about anything but the taste of her lips on his. He didn't know why she did it but whatever reason she had he was happy she did it. He had to touch her; he had to know she was there and that she was really doing it. He could see now how much of a fool he was thinking that it was her in the porch that night, with Katherine. Of course Elena would feel like something surreal and totally different of everything he's taste in his life because his own feelings for her weren't something that he's ever experienced in his existence. They were transcendental and regardless of how she'd react, his heart would know, his body would know when his mind has been too much floored by exhilaration to actually realize what his body was saying him. And what his body said by then was that it wasn't Elena because if it was her he'd feel like he's been taken to another dimension where it'd be only the two of them or maybe just her because all he could see now was her.

She tasted different. It wasn't what he's expected and he couldn't quite describe it. He expected her to be sweet as innocence itself but there was something spicy about her too but his exhilaration was soon gone when they broke apart and he could see guilt and regret wrote all over her face. His heart broke again in his chest but before he could say or even think about something else someone made their presence known.

"Bad, bad move, Elena. Not happy with having one brother you're growing greedy to have the other too? I guess we do have more in common than it first seems" Katherine smirked as she came behind the car's wreckage.

"Katherine" Damon hissed under his breath. Having to deal with Elena's reaction was as bad as it could be, he didn't need the devil itself to come now.

"You don't seem happy to see me, Damon. I'm hurt" she pouted faking her painful feelings.

"Damon…" Elena ignored the she-vampire's presence and acknowledged the man in front of her. She thought she knew why she kissed him but now she couldn't react the way she imagined she would.

At first it was just to prove him he was loved somehow and that she was sure the man he became ever since he came to Mystic Falls made him more than deserving of receiving a woman's love. That was what she wanted to prove him but somehow she was the one that got something proved. She had feelings for Damon and he definitely had much stronger feelings for her. Maybe even stronger than Stefan's. And his feelings just seemed to intensify hers and she never felt what she did when he kissed her. She never felt so adored, loved, worshiped as she did with just a brief, but still intense, kiss.

But she couldn't handle that now, not when Katherine was there making comparisons about the two of them. The last thing she wanted was to be like the vampire who has destroyed both brothers. Of everything Damon said to her ever since they lost each other what certainly hurt the most were the parallels between her and the evil woman a few steps away of her. She wouldn't be like that.

"Is it the time where you admit that he was right, Elena? That there's something between the two of you? Or is it the moment where you make it even more clear that you only love Stefan and that you ever will? Because I can't say which scenario would be more amusing and I surely want to stick around to see it" Katherine crossed her arms in her chest and actually held an amusing expression on her face, as she titled her head to the side.

"Damon, please don't go. We need to talk about what happened here. I need you around even if you despise me, even if I'm irrelevant or useless for you. I don't need you around because of what you can do for me. I just need you" Elena reached for him and moved her hands to him, her eyes pleading for him to change his plans. She was being honest with him. She may not have everything figured out and she surely wouldn't be making any promises but as he's said before they had something going on and she wanted to figure it out. That was what he deserved, what Stefan deserved and what she deserved. She wouldn't be like Katherine and if she was in love with both men then she'd be alone and make up her mind about them because she couldn't be with any of them if the other held any part of her heart.

"Hmm, that's not very conclusive now, is it? I guess it could be either way, don't you think Damon? Maybe she needs you around to finally be with you or just so she'd know that her true love is really Stefan but you're her true best friend. That'd be flattering too, if you ask me" Katherine shrugged her shoulders and checked her nails briefly.

Damon tried to ignore Katherine's words as much as he could but she was right. Elena wasn't clear about why she wanted him to stay. He wouldn't be around her and his brother building their love chest while he kept nurturing such deep feelings for her. But he wouldn't waste any chance he'd ever have with her, even if the smallest.

But he couldn't be around the two of them now for totally different reasons. Katherine's mind games were just making this whole situation harder to bear and he didn't want to let the vamp ruin whatever could come out of that kiss. Also he wasn't ready yet for Elena to clarify what she meant because in case she'd show any regret, pity or even worse accuse him of anything, he'd be too heartbroken. He had to prepare himself for the potential upcoming disappointment.

"I may not want to play with Damon anymore but it doesn't mean he isn't mine as well" Katherine was suddenly all of serious, breaking the silence between the pair that was lost in their thoughts.

"I'm not yours, Katherine. Actually I'm no one's and as such thing, I'm out of here" he turned on his heels and headed to his car. He was about to turn around to offer Elena a ride when the she-vampire spoke again.

"You make it too easy sometimes, Damon" Katherine smirked sarcastically and the next thing Damon heard was Elena's bones snapping and looking around quickly he could still see, stunned, the woman he still loved fall on the floor, lifeless.

AN: So Elena lived! Only to be killed by Katherine... but not before finally opening up a little bit her heart to herself and to Damon.

I'm not Elena's biggest fan ever, let alone this season, but I understand where she comes from. More than anything else she doesn't want to be Katherine. That's more important than any of her feelings for the brothers because she knows she loves them both too much to break their bond all over again. She does love Stefan, like really does and she does love Damon as a friend and this little spark that's been there since the first time she saw him could make her fall in love with him. This is Elena and she was just trying to fix Damon when she decided to kiss him briefly and softly - this wasn't a romantic, mind blowing kiss. It was more for the first kiss you ever had when you were barely a teenager. But still it held too much emotion for both of them.

And Damon... poor boy, always in that same position. Any questions about how much he's going to regret turning his back to Elena - even if he planned to face her again just a few steps after? Prepare yourselves to read guilt on its best and plenty of angst because of it.

Next: Elena turns into a vampire... or not? And what damage it'll make to Damon/Stefan friendship?

Thanks a lot to my so amazing reviewers: MsMaeve18; xxxMrsDamonSalvatorexxx; bluestriker666; Nejlla; Vampgirl144; tsukivamp; Avecia; niadk; lizzie; natitasha; WhiteLines; xLoveRyanx; shadylady21; Addie and Kat. You guys are just awesome! Keep them coming.

Talk to you soon

Babi

PS.: were your minds blew away with tonight's episode? Because I'm yet to recover for it. The best episode I've ever watched on TV.