Chapter 10

Sully's words still echoed through the room. Mr. Baker looked at the young man with new interest; it was the first time that he saw him showing any emotions. Obviously, he was quite angry with the doctor and his glare didn't soften while he was staring at her. Charles suddenly became aware that there had to be some kind of relationship between Dr. Quinn and his architect; after all, she was raising his daughter. And she had mentioned that she was engaged, which complicated things for sure. He didn't want to be in Mr. Sully's shoes, having this beautiful woman unreachably around him all the time… Growing intrigued, Charles decided to ask his daughter when they were alone if she knew more. Directing his gaze at the young woman across from him again, he recognized that the doctor was trying hard to keep her temper under control and had to smile. This was very interesting indeed.

Michaela was furious; of course she agreed that Sully and she had to talk but the way he demanded it in front of strangers, well strangers for her anyway, made her angry beyond all measure. Already being on edge all day, first with her mother on the stagecoach, then the way she found out the truth about Sully's new friend and on top of it General Custer mocking her, made it almost impossible for her to not yell back at Sully. Taking a deep breath to steady her voice enough to talk to Mister Baker, she eventually looked up at the older man's face, asking, "So we will do it like arranged with the wagons for the army?"

Seeing him nod she continued, "Thank you again. As I said, I'll stop by in the morning to examine your daughter once again and bring the medicine I mentioned. But for now, please excuse me."

Michaela turned to leave but Charles stopped her by holding his hand out to offer his goodbye, "It was a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Quinn. I hope you will change your mind and we will see each other at the ball. I know that several people are looking forward to meeting you in person."

Astonished, Michaela looked up at him but had no intention of finding out what he meant with his last remark. She gave his hand a final squeeze before she grasped her bag. Without looking at Sully, she brushed past him and at last reaching the door she advised Catherine, "You should be in bed, Miss Baker."

Not waiting for a response, she left the room and walked towards the stairs. Knowing that Sully had followed her she informed him, "I want to see Hannah first. Where is she?"

"She's sound asleep, no need to disturb her."

His growling told her that he would lose his temper any second but she didn't care; she wouldn't leave this house before she had convinced herself that her daughter was all right. That was why she shortly stopped in her tracks, turned around to face Sully and glared at him. This was enough for him to hold back his emotion for a moment; he didn't want to make matters worse. However, "Third floor," was all he said and pointed with his chin upstairs.

They ascended in icy silence; Sully always two steps behind Michaela. Noticing that she never looked around to admire her surroundings, it suddenly dawned on him that she might be used to being in houses like this one. It had never occurred to him before; she lived in his house as if she had never known better conditions. In comparison to such a building, the homestead really looked like a shack as David had named it once. Suddenly, a large amount of his anger dissipated and an unknown insecurity engulfed him. Even the house he had planned for them looked poor next to a brownstone. Could he really give her the life she deserved?

Once on the third floor, Sully preceded Michaela to Catherine's room. As they reached it at the end of the hallway, he just silently opened the door for her to step in. He remained on the threshold watching how she approached the large bed. Even inside of the room, Michaela never looked around but made a beeline towards their sleeping daughter.

However, it wasn't so that she wasn't interested; Michaela just had other things on her mind. How did it come to be that Sully was so familiar with Catherine's room? And he already knew it well before he showed it to Hannah; he had told her every single detail about it. Her own room in Boston had been her sanctuary and she would have never allowed a man to enter it. Was it that what he wanted, a woman who didn't think about propriety? Miss Baker had lived most time of her live in a way that Sully liked. The scene she had witnessed at noon came unbidden to her mind again. Sully had enjoyed that a woman was cooking for him, sitting with him on the ground. With her, those occasions would be exceptions; she had a clinic to run.

With this thought, she had reached the bed. Looking down at her little girl, her heart swelled with love. With her hand barely touching her, she stroked the blond locks and bent down to place a light peck on her cheek. Seeing Hannah smile in her sleep, she suddenly felt a large lump in her throat. Would she lose both, the man she loved and this child she considered her daughter? She lingered for a moment with her lips on the soft skin and momentarily closed her eyes. She knew she had to acknowledge the fact that had already crossed her mind in the afternoon; this wasn't her choice but Sully's. Silently sighing, she finally straightened again.

As they descended the stairs, they did it in silence again; only this time the ice in the atmosphere had changed into an inexplicable sadness that pulled them together as soon as they had left the house and stood on the empty street. Looking in both directions of the boulevard, Sully tried to figure out where to go, but wherever he looked he saw nothing but brownstones. Feeling trapped between the lines of houses, he felt like a caught wolf, wanting to run, but of course he knew he couldn't do that. So they kept standing in front of number 33, unaware of an open window right above them with a young woman hiding behind the curtains.

Since both Michaela and Sully had had a moment of insecurity about their relationship only shortly before, the mutual desire to yell at each other had left them for the moment. Tentatively, Sully moved so that he stood in front of her and reached for her hand. Seeing her wince at his touch his heart saddened, it wasn't supposed to be this way. He wanted to pull her in his arms, feeling her soft lips beneath his own… However, he knew he couldn't give in to his desire because first, they had to talk and it was important to find the right start. That was why he only lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to its back.

Michaela closed her eyes, just for a second. She had been so looking forward all morning to fall in Sully's embrace, hear his voice but the events of the afternoon had once again shaken her confidence, not as much in him but in herself. Raising her eyes to finally meet his gaze she was surprised to see the same insecurity written on his face.

Sully noticed how her look changed and prevented her from speaking first, quickly asking, "M'chaela, how 'bout we pretend you'd just arrived now?"

Nervously waiting for her reply, he watched whether her strained features would soften. Finally detecting the faintest spark he had ever seen in her eyes, he dared curl up the corners of his mouth ever so slightly.

Michaela let out a long breath. She had hoped for this to be a happy weekend, and they had decisions to make. But how could she tell him now that she had to leave soon? She had held on to the hope he would come with her when he learned about the urgency for her to go to Boston within the next few weeks.

Finally being in tune with her again, Sully felt her anxiety. Still holding her hand, he gave it a gentle squeeze and his voice was low as he encouraged her, "Tell me."

Recognizing the man she loved talking to her, Michaela finally allowed herself to relax somewhat. She put her medical bag down next to her feet and admitted sighing softly, "Oh Sully, I really wish we could start over again but…"

"Shh…" He stopped her with the fingertips of his free hand on her lips, "Lets try it, alright?"

Michaela heard his love for her in his voice and there was nothing she wanted more than to throw herself into his arms, feeling safe again but as much as she wanted to, she couldn't forget the events of the afternoon and so she didn't follow her heart. However, at least she found herself able to talk to him again. She looked up at him while his fingers still lingered against her mouth. Sully removed his hand the moment he could see in her eyes that she would tell him what he wanted to know.

Michaela started with the things that were easy to talk about such as the invitation and her appointment with Dr. Bernard. A little more difficult was it to inform Sully about the reason why she had to struggle with General Custer, and of course he grew angry, first with the army and then with Custer and at last with her because she had gone there alone.

"Ya should have told me!" His voice rose and so did hers as she replied, "Why? You've been occupied, remember?"

Growing extremely frustrated with her renewed accusation he glared at her, "Ya know that I would've wanted to help!"

Michaela only shrugged though, "I've managed."

As Sully heard her saying that, his composure, held up only with effort, crumbled. Staring at her he suddenly knew what had made him help Catherine so willingly and his tone was strained as he told her his conclusion, "You never need anyone, right? The great Michaela Quinn is able to do anything by herself!"

Instantly knowing what was on his mind, she huffed back, "Fortunately you already found someone else you can take care of!"

Startled because Michaela jumped to the wrong conclusions, and this time it was his fault, Sully tried to take the sting out of his words, "That's not what I meant, Michaela."

He couldn't remember when he had let go of her hand and so he grasped for it again, wanting the contact with her. He didn't succeed though and so his hand fell uselessly down next to his body. Being aware that it was essential for their relationship for her to know that she was all wrong with her thoughts about him and Catherine, he made a new attempt.

"Michaela..." he stepped closer again and laid his hands on her shoulders. This time, she couldn't put a distance between them and so he looked down at her beautiful face, burning his gaze into her mismatched eyes. "Michaela, all I want is to be there for you. I just wished you would tell me at least for once that you need my help."

Feeling the warmth of his palms seep through the thin fabric of her summer blouse and drowning in the blue of his eyes, Michaela felt her heartbeat quicken. She couldn't explain it and she had never experienced that before, but every time they were close to each other and Sully looked at her the way he did right now, she lost her ability to think coherently. All she wanted then was to be in his arms, hear his heart thump against his ribcage. The slow but steady and powerful rhythm always calmed her in a way that made her knew she could let go of her sorrows or fears or what ever lay heavy on her soul at that moment. This was more worth than any help he could offer, didn't he know that?

Still peering into her eyes, Sully recognized a vulnerability surfacing from the depth of her being he had seen there once before. It had been after he had saved her in the woods. This time, he didn't wait for her to ask him to hold her; he just pulled her into a tight embrace and felt her immediately relax against him.

They stood this way for some long moments, neither speaking one word and Catherine, still lurking behind the curtains, grew impatient. She couldn't let them make up; she had to search for George. What she had learned while eavesdropping made her smile. She had already noticed that Sully willingly helped when he was asked. He wanted to feel needed? She would make sure that he would. With a satisfied smile on her face, she left her place in search for the butler.

Outside the door, still in Sully's arms, Michaela knew she had to confront Sully with her or better said their main problem yet. Lightly pushing her hands against his chest, she bent back to look up at his face. "There is something else."

Seeing that his gaze still affectionately lingered on her face, she broke the news to him. "I have to be in Boston within the next few weeks. I have to meet a deadline if I want to get Father's inheritance. You were already back here in Denver when Mother told me about it."

Michaela watched the change on Sully's features and grew nervous because she couldn't read his thoughts. However, she had to know whether she could count on him and asked the question that had lain on her chest all afternoon, "Will we go as a family?"

Sully let his arms drop from her and took one step backwards, replying, "I can't do that, Michaela, not now. You know that."

She was still calm and full of hope as she gently reminded him, "You could do it in Wells; here you have even more time to prepare your departure and you can come back to this place after our return."

Sully felt trapped again, and this time, it was not because of the lack of freedom for his eyes. Why couldn't she understand? He was needed here! Although everything went well so far, his task here was more difficult than it had been when he built a wooden house for Daniel. On top of it, he wasn't sure how his sudden departure would affect Catherine; he felt responsible for her making progress. Maybe Michaela didn't want him to…

With renewed anger rising inside of him but not knowing how to voice his arguments, his response was short, "This time it's different."

Feeling his distance to her, Michaela added to it by taking another step away from him. With her look challenging and her chin raised, she asked, "Why? Because of her?"

Finally releasing his pent up emotions, Sully lashed out at her, "What if she were your patient, would you just leave her? I thought you'd understood that she's been through terrible things!"

But this wasn't the right argument to calm Michaela down and her reply, "In case you forgot: she is my patient!" met its target.

The angry fire her eyes shot at him took Sully aback. Growing a little less self-confident, he reminded her, "I thought we agreed that I'm kind of her doctor."

"If you want to be a doctor, Sully, then you should act like one. How often have you said what should be done? I'm sure if you think about it you will see that it is rather you who took her suggestions. Or did you actually ask her if you could sit with her? Did you ask her if she would cook for you and stay with you at the building place?"

As if arranged, the entrance of the Baker's house opened and the butler emerged telling Sully, "Miss Catherine wishes me to ask if you can come inside."

Sully was puzzled for a moment, "Why? Has she become worse again? The doctor is still here."

George instantly assured the young man he had grown fond of, "Don't worry, sir, she's just a little anxious and you have promised to sit with her. You know how easily she gets worked up."

Nodding, Sully sighed and turned to Michaela. Seeing the way she had raised her eyebrows as if to say I've told you, his agitation returned but simultaneously with it his insecurity. He was torn about what to do; on the one hand he knew that he and Michaela were far away from having settled their problems but on the other hand he didn't want Catherine to possibly get another fit. Deciding that at the moment, Catherine's health was more important than his argument with Michaela, he asked his fiancée for her understanding, "I think it's better for me to go in, can't we talk tomorrow?"

Staring at him, Michaela contemplated what to do. Obviously, he hadn't listened to her a moment ago or he would have understood the irony of the situation that had just proven her right. And it has only been a few minutes since she had thought they were in tune with each other! Suddenly feeling exhausted beyond all measure again, she didn't reply but bent down to pick up her bag. She was tired of arguing for today but couldn't hold back to tell him, "I hope you don't forget your daughter as you already did earlier. She is alone in a room that is new to her, she might be scared when she wakes up."

Michaela didn't feel strong enough to look at Sully again right now, that was why she just pivoted and walked down the cobblestone street. She wouldn't take Mr. Baker's offer to send her a carriage that would take her to her hotel; she remembered that it wasn't too far away. A feeling of a déjà vu engulfed her as she saw herself in Boston, when she went home in the evenings, after another day of hard work, alone. At least her father was still there back then. Although she was engaged, at the moment she felt as if there was no one who cared for her.

Should he offer to escort her? It could be dangerous for a woman alone on the street at night. But he didn't want her to know him, not yet. He decided to continue to watch her and if she needed help, he still could come out of the shadow.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It hadn't been a good night for Sully and it was not because he had made his bed on the floor. He could look through the open window from his position and judge the color of the sky; it had to only be shortly after dawn. Since he didn't want to rouse his daughter yet, he remained lying on his back on the thick carpet that covered the wooden planks.

The events from last night had deprived him of his sleep. When he had entered Catherine's bedroom, he had expected to find her in a bad condition and had been taken aback because she didn't look sick at all but smiled at him. She must have read him because she hastily had assured that it was only his presence that helped her. He had been made such a fool of! Why the hell hadn't he listened to Michaela, she had seen through Catherine's charade right from the start! And he had let her walk away, alone in a town she hardly knew! After he had recognized that Catherine didn't have any problems besides that she didn't want to be alone, he wanted to go after Michaela but not even knowing in which hotel she was staying, all he could do was to at least be with his little girl. His only hope was that he could repair the damage he had done to their relationship, once again as he had to admit. Michaela would come here after breakfast, and he just had to make sure that she listened to him. He would tell Hannah that they would have to revise their plan about going fishing in the morning… Feeling a little better after this decision, he relaxed somewhat and didn't even notice that he drifted off.