AN: This is the last chapter. Do you think ten pages will be enough to keep the expedition members alive? The guide can't be too thick, because otherwise the teams will not be able to take it with them off world… And of course there's the fact that I feel like I've used every part of the first three seasons to work with.

I'd like to thank all of you for reading and reviewing this fic. I can't believe how many reviews I've received and I am very grateful to all of you. Your suggestions, bonuses and messages have made me a very happy person. I can't thank you enough for that.

A special thanks to Lady of Summer Haze; for the first suggestion, TWISTed-angel033; for giving me inspiration for the second tip, sparklyshimmer2010; for sending me the third suggestion. And last, but not least, thank you saphiretwin369; for giving me the fourth suggestion and the first two ways.

Because this is the last chapter, I have added a few extra tips. Thanks for sticking with me, everyone!

5 ways not to…

… Accidentally activate an Ancient machine

1) Do not touch anything within Atlantis or any other Ancient outpost/warship/base/facility/etc.
2) Do not have the Ancient gene.
3) Do not lean against the 'on-button'. Or any other buttons for that matter.
4) Do not think (AN. Most technology takes a mental component, so thinking your colleague is a jerk, might just get him electrified)
5) Purposely activate an Ancient machine.

… Be a pessimist

1) Do not presume Sheppard dead after one of his suicide missions
2) Do not give up your search for ZPM's, just because we never find any.
3) Do not think that you are going to die every time a Wraith Armada is on its way to Atlantis.
4) Do not be worried each time Dr. McKay tells you that the situation is impossible and that he can't fix whatever it is that's broken or has gone haywire. He will fix it (AN 1. Signed by John Sheppard) (AN 2. I don't know whether to be pissed or honoured, Colonel)
5) Do not for one second believe that you will never see the dead again, because they always return (AN. Somehow, someday and someway…)

… Lose a chance to speak with an Ancient

1) Do not try to seduce (or be seduced by) them.
2) Do not allow for them to send you away from Atlantis.
3) Do not accuse them of being dangerous aliens.
4) Do not have Ronon lead the conversation.
5) Do not position yourself into a pod for 10.000 years if they have offered to take you with them to Earth.

… Become one of Dr. McKay's crushes

1) Do not have short blonde hair.
2) Do not be a scientist or smart at all.
3) Do not be understanding to his weird habits.
4) Do not be a botanist.
5) If you are female: avoid him like the plague (AN 1. Oh har har, my side… By the way, who says I don't swing both ways?) (AN 2. You are just saying that to freak me out) (AN 3. No really… You think? You are quite the genius, Mr. Mensa) (AN 4. Oh my, an error coming from your end: I never joined, remember?) (AN 5. Gentlemen! Do I have to put you two on laundry duty?)

… Get buried alive

1) Do not piss off Kolya
2) Do not give anyone the impression that you would like to end up like that.
3) Stay away from holes, gapes and ceilings that look threatening.
4) There are so many things to choose from when you are alive… why would you even consider getting buried?
5) Make sure to be dead before it happens.

… Get lost

1) Do not take Lt. Col. John Sheppard with you off world.
2) Use a map.
3) Or a navigation system.
4) Or a really long rope (AN. Tie one end to the Stargate and tie the other end around your wrist)
5) Don't go dwelling through the corridors of Atlantis and you are not to play hide and seek.

… Lose this Guide

1) Do not end up in water, fire or anything harmful.
2) Do not allow for Lt. Col. John Sheppard to keep it in custody for you.
3) Tattoo the text onto your body.
4) Do not take the guide off world.
5) Implant a locator beacon onto it and have Hermiod beam it into you.

AN 1. That was it, folks. Now remember: stick to the rules. We didn't go through all the trouble of writing them down to see you all waltz into these situations. Besides, we're the ones who will have to save you afterwards and we'd rather not do that. Oh, and welcome in Pegasus by the way. Enjoy yourselves and stay alive.

Lt. Col. John Sheppard, Dr. Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagan and Specialist Ronon Dex

AN 2. Dear newest addition to our expedition team, I wish you welcome in this galaxy and I hope SGA-1 didn't scare you too much. Fact is, they are right about most situations. They have given me more grey hairs than I care to admit, and I would like for you to act like responsible explorers. I look forward to working with you. But please stick to the rules. I know from first hand experience that you will be better off if you do so. Thank you,

Dr. Elizabeth Weir

The end