I didn't go back inside, and Near didn't come out after me. I heard him follow after me down the stairs, but he didn't try to stop me. He probably knew that this was something that he couldn't just wave off like it was nothing; I had to hurt first.

Mello was out there somewhere, and I was intent on finding him. So I started walking. I tried to think of all the places he had to go, but I could think of one that he would run away to. I decided that if he was going to be alone out in the world, than I would be too. I had a pack of cigarettes in my pocket, although I'd left my Gameboy in the room. Oddly enough, I didn't even feel like playing videogames right now.

Why hadn't he come to me? I'd always figured we would end up leaving Wammy's together, eventually. I never really knew what we'd be doing outside of the house, but it would be something together. Now I was without my better half, and helpless to do anything about it.

I ended up smoking my way through the pack of cigarettes in the first evening. I was so anxious, I felt worse when I didn't have a fag between my lips. It helped calm me down a little. But then it was dark, and I was all alone in the middle of Winchester, without any cigarettes. Mello was in the the same position as I was though—minus the cigarette problem—and that curbed the pain and fear. Even if we were apart, at least we were in the same boat.

I found a park bench and slept, feeling homeless and alone.

The sun woke me up the next morning. I had to squint against the brightness, missing the shield of my goggles. Everything was so vivid, each line cutting and precise. I'd never looked at the world like this before, and I wished I could go back to the way things were.

People were giving my bench a wide berth, I realized, as I watched people bustling to work. I was just some homeless kid to them. (I had just showered yesterday; did I really look that bad?) No one stopped to ask me if I was okay, or offer me a helping hand. I suddenly understood what it felt like to be alone in a crowd.

I needed a cigarette.

I wondered idly what Mello was doing right now. Had he slept out on the street like I had, or did he have a place to stay? Maybe he went back to the house! No, I quickly squashed the glimmer of hope. He wouldn't do that. Mello wasn't the type to say he'd do something, and then change his mind just because things got tough.

A few days slipped by. I had already spent all my money on a meal at a diner the second day. So far, I'd only been able to bum two cigarettes off some pitying person. I was having withdrawals, especially since I was under all this stress to find Mello.

I considered stealing someone's wallet—that's what Mello would do. I thought better of it though, and just continued to get by as best I could. I was thankful the weather was so nice, and I realized one day that the morning crowds were absent. It was Easter.

I went to church. No, seriously. There was this church that Mello went to, maybe twice a year. I'd walked by it a few times, so I knew where it was. I was surprisingly clean for having been living on the street the past few days, but I was still afraid that they wouldn't let me in. They didn't refuse anyone though, it seemed.

I guess my real reason for going to church was I had hoped that Mello would be there. It would be like those corny movies where two people meet up after so long an absence, (three days was damn long to me, okay?!) and their eyes would meet across the room. They would run to one another, embrace, cry, and then live happily ever after. The only changes would be that there would probably be no crying, and I'd be the one hugging Mello until he hit my upside the head and yelled at me to let him go. But other than that, it would be completely the same.

The church was pretty on the inside, and the alter had all these beautiful spring flowers around, bushels and bushels of them. I wondered if it was this way all the time or just on Easter. I sat in the back, and tried to figure out what was going on in the readings. Mello wasn't there.

After the service was over, people started to file out of the church. It was a slow process, people stopping to talk to the priest and to friends. Everyone was dressed so nice, I felt out of place, but no one seemed to notice my lack of formal wear. My pew was soon empty, and I leaned down to pull down that little cushy kneeler on the back of the pew in front of mine. I got down on my knees, folded my hands, and tried to remember what Mello had done the few times I'd seen him pray.

I closed my goggleless eyes, because it seemed like the respectful thing to do, and I was quiet for a long while. I don't know what I was expecting, perhaps God to tap on my shoulder and say, "Go on," but nothing came. I wasn't struck by lightning, or divine intervention for that matter, and I still felt alone.

"You were supposed to keep him with me." I mutter aloud, because I didn't think God would get the message if I just thought it in my head. There were so many thoughts mixed up in there, how would he know the prayers from the nonprayers? Nothing happened, so I continued, keeping my voice low and my eyes closed. "What am I supposed to do now?"

Just a moment later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. My heart soared; maybe God really did care about me. My eyes popped open, but it wasn't Mello standing there beside me. I couldn't keep my face from falling as I saw the last possible person I wanted to be there. Near.

"I thought you might come here for Easter Vigil." He said, his face blank as ever.

I pulled myself up from the kneeler, sitting down on the pew once more. The church was almost empty, apart from a few stragglers. Near sat down beside me, despite my look of distaste. Finally, I said, "How did you know I'd be here?"

He didn't even hesitate in his reply, "Because you're predictable, Matt. Right now you're without direction, and it's easy enough to see that you're grasping for whatever's left of Mello."

"I am not!" I said, louder than intended. A few people turned to glance at us. I lowered my voice. "I am not." I said again.

"Mello's not coming back." Near said, seeming indifferent in his own assessment. "He needs to do this on his own; it's not anything personal Matt. He was just friends with you all this time because it was convenient for him. It's no longer convenient."

"You fucking little liar!" I was already on my feet, grabbing Near by the front of his white shirt and dragging him up as well. I didn't care that we were turning heads now. "We're best friends! Just because you're an apathetic jerk doesn't mean that every relationship around you is fake!"

"Boys?" I looked up, and there stood the priest who had presided over the church service. "Is everything alright?"

I released the front of Near's shirt, clearing my throat. "Yeah, we're fine." I mumbled. "That was a great service father; we're just leaving now." Near followed me out without prompting; I could feel the priest's questioning eyes on my back.

Parked at the curb was one of Wammy's limos. I looked the vehicle with distaste; I hadn't eaten today, and here Near was driving around in a damn limo. "I want you to come back with me." Near said.

I must have looked at him like he was crazy. "You want me to go back to Wammy's?" I repeated.

"I want you to join me in searching for Kira."

"Fuck off Near."

He was unfazed. "This is serious Matt. Mello is looking for Kira too; we'll be on the same paths. You might run into him."

I considered this for a moment. Near might be a good steppingstone to getting back to Mello. It made sense, but I still didn't like the idea of working with my best friend's greatest rival. I shook my head no. "I don't think so Near."

"Then what are you going to do?" He prompted. "Live on the streets? That doesn't get you any closer to Mello. Are you willing to just throw your life away, over this? It's a great opportunity Matt; I could use your computer skills and you could use my connections. We're a perfect team."

"You know that I'd just be using you." I deadpanned.
"And I'd just be using you." Near agreed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out my goggles, extending his hand.

I looked at it skeptically for a moment. Finally, I reached forward, taking the goggles gingerly and started to pull them back on over my eyes. The world was once again dulled by the film of yellow; reality dimmed. I nodded. "Let's go then."

I climbed into the limo first, and we returned to Wammy's. The house seemed different, cold and empty. No one was about. Wammy had been gone for a while, but now I knew he wasn't coming back. Mello was gone. There wasn't anything here for me now. "You'll probably want to eat something, and then I can debrief you on our plans." I just nodded, only half paying attention.

I went to my bedroom—not ours any longer—and it was just as I had left it. I had a spare pack of cigarettes in my bedside drawer, and I immediately lit up. I'd never had a problem with being alone before. Now it was just…wrong.

My Gameboy was where I'd left it on my bed, and I turned it on and started to play. I wasn't hungry, so I had no intention of eating like Near had suggested. Half an hour into the mindless videogames, my power light turned red and I saved before turning the game off. I leaned over to open my bedside drawer and retrieve some fresh batteries, peeling the battery cover off the back of the game system.

There was a note stuck over the batteries, scrawled on a green sticky note with a blue pen, folded over once to fit in the small space. "Sorry Matt. –M"

I just stared at the note for a minute, the numbness that had settled over me ebbing away and leaving the raw pain of abandonment that I had tried so desperately to suppress. I started to cry for the second time I could remember. This was a lot worse than losing my Gameboy.

AN: For whatever reason, this chapter was a lot easier to write than the last one. Don't question my logic. One of my wonderful reviewers brought it to my attention that Mello left in December. My first thought: "Oh, his birthday's in December. That makes sense. Ah, shit." Okay, I'll tell you my logic behind picking springtime. For starters, I rewatched the anime where Roger is telling Mello and Near that L is dead. It was totally bright outside! Now, I figured, since it was sunny, it had to be either Spring or Summer. (L would be proud of my deductive reasoning.) Since they live in Winchester, you know, it's not really going to be nice weather in the winter. I considered going back to the last chapter and changing it to be accurate now that I had acquired the correct dates, but here's the thing: Then entire story would be ruined! Matt would have frozen to death on a park bench when he ran off for a few days, Mello would find out and kill himself, Kira would win and the world as we know it would end! So you can see why Spring is obviously the better choice. Yeah. Like I said, don't question the logic. Thank you for bringing it to my attention though. =) Sorry if the it bothers some people that it was inaccurate, I never intended it that way! Just...pretend? I claim creative license.

And it's not that I don't like Near; it's that I find it annoying that he gets to live when all the cool characters die. Little prick. Next chapter might be another time skip-ish thing. Eh. I haven't decided yet.

Reviews save my sanity, and get you quick updates! Winners all around.