Chapter 10 Wedding Day
It was the biggest event in the history of Lima. I'm not going to even profess to explain the difficulty in planning a wedding for over 8 couples; 4 being exceptionally high maintenance. Most wedding planners have it basic, me, I was stuck planning a wedding with a wide assortment of materials like whips and chains, feathers, glow in the dark weather gear, pom pons, and insane amounts of sanitizer. This does not even explain the futile attempts I made trying to get one of the brides Brittany to do more than put her hands on her cheeks and say, "there's just too many choices to make".
The first wedding would be Will and Emma. Gossip aside, it was whispered to me on a occasion that Will had won Emma's heart over chocolate and a certain part of his anatomy that he can shake pretty well. He used a combination of both to make even the cleanliest of clean, Ms. Pillsbury, do the nasty. Their wedding wasn't that hard to plan but no amount of convincing could get Mr. Will to forgo his custom made disco suit and ball for the wedding reception.
I do wish them the best. They are such a lovely couple but after meeting Emma I see a fleeting picture of them on their honeymoon having a romantic bath in sanitizer. I cannot even explain the difficulty I had making a table piece centered with soap bubbles.
The next couple Brittany and Jacob chose to have a cheerleading slash techno feel for a wedding theme. The biggest challenge in planning this wedding was that I had become a living and breathing dictionary for the bride. My body still shivers remembering trying to explain to Brittany the difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork which led to a late night ER visit. Don't even get me started on this one, I have the battle wounds to prove it.
The third wedding, Santana and Jesse St. James was by far the most challenging. There was so much emphasis on staging and spotlighting the couple that it seemed more like a publicity stunt than a wedding. After wising up, it became relatively easy to plan, just paste their picture on anything imaginable along with mirrors every 4 feet or so and they were content. It did take some time however to get the bride to not sound like such a bitch when reciting their vows. Imagine having to practice showing emotion on such an important day. But, in the end her hard work ethic prevailed and her lovely rendition of her vows made even my eyes water.
The fourth couple Matt and Mercedes had a Jay Z and Beyonce type wedding theme, very R&B. Mercedes wore a glittery silver dress and Matt a pin striped tuxedo with a hat. Adorable couple and I can't even begin to imagine the talent of their future offspring with her chops and his dance moves. The best part of the wedding was when Mercedes wailed her big fat yes I will marry you at the very end of their wedding vows.
The next happy couple was Puckerman and Quinn Fabray. Rumor had it that Puck had to literally kidnap the bride-to-be for about two weeks before he finally convinced her the seriousness of his intent to marry her. All I can say, is I would be rich if I could concoct a serum that could mask the high potency of Mr. Puckerman for males 40 and over. I would literally make a killing. He displayed great hands on skills with Ms. Fabray in many different locations like the laundry room, utility closet, coat room, and bathrooms.
Puckerman chose to sport his signature Mohawk and James Dean attire, complete with a leather jacket and torn jeans. The bride Quinn was a vision and very classically beautiful in a traditional white wedding dress, strapless, with a long flowing veil. They had the most charming bridesmaid Beth. Though I have to admit that I never met a little girl with a Mohawk, cute to boot, and could curse like a sailor. I can still see the image of Quinn in her wedding dress climbing on Puckerman's Harley. Believe me that girl would be sore working it on her honeymoon.
My next wedding to plan for wasn't legal but would eventually be legalized in the state of California on a later date. Lima was still behind the times when it came to same sex marriages but nevertheless Kurt and Sam had decided they wanted to have their marriage amongst friends. Sam was such a treasure to work with, easygoing and congenial. His other half of the equation not such a picnic. Never thought the day would come where I would see a pink tuxedo covered in bird feathers. There was not a dry eye in the house when Sam uttered his words of love to Kurt. According to sources, their glee-intervention inspired the wealth of marriages that day.
Tina and Artie's marriage had a darkness theme. The bride wore a strapless black dress covered with metal hooks and a hoop underneath that made the dress pop out from the middle. The groom wore an 80's inspired gray tuxedo complete with pointy alligator shoes. Their wedding cake had blood red frosting that seemed to make one of the guests, Principal Higgins very nervous.
Harry and Charice had a wedding of orient affair. The bride being so tiny wore a red kimono with white orchids. Harry wore a white tuxedo. My eyes misted watching him dance with his lovely bride. A very lovely couple. They by far were the easiest to plan for.
The last wedding required a rain making machine which had to be tinkered with many times before producing a light drizzle to mist the bride and groom on their way out the door as husband and wife. The bride was absolutely breathtaking in her simple white gown. Such a lovely girl, barely any makeup and boy, she lit up the room with that amazing smile. Her groom was just as charming with his boy next door looks. To see them standing by each other gently holding hands, their looks of joy barely contained, jumping out of their skins was highlighted even more so by their innocent smiles of love. It was by far the loveliest of all the weddings. It did however take a lot of convincing to convince the bride that singing "Don't Rain on my Parade didn't coincide with the effects of a drizzle machine.
My wedding planning services now are complete and yet they still require my services at the Lima district court. Oops, did I forgot to tell you that I've been subpoenaed in court to testify against Sue and Terri who tried numerous times to sabotage the weddings. Oh, well, Lima small as it is so Lindsey Lohan.
(One more chapter guys..hint, there is a football jersey involved)