Chapter 9: Learning To Save And Be Saved

"Although my body breaks, my heart is still yours,

Although my blood may flow, my soul has bonded with yours.

There is nowhere I would rather be than with you,

There is nothing I want to feel but you."

A month after the incident and the world was still buzzing with the news of Jared and Jensen. Everything was a blur for Jared's PR team. Jared himself had been strained to breaking point for the first two weeks of Jensen being in the hospital, but everything had gotten better.

Private hospital, private doctors. Confidentiality papers, a little under the table bribing. Everything was normal after the four weeks. …or not.

Jensen fidgeted in bed a little, fingers twitching and brows knotting together. Before a second had passed, Jared was there, stroking Jensen's hair and taking his hand. "Jen… Jen, hey, wake up," Jared said quietly and slowly Jensen opened his eyes. There was fear as Jensen looked up at Jared, but the fear dissipated as he realized it was only Jared. He smiled a small smile and sighed. "Sorry…" he mumbled, but Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen's forehead. "It's alright," he said, "I'm here."

The nightmares had lessened over the last two weeks, now happening about three times a night, but the fear never left Jensen's eyes. It had been an absolutely heart-breaking time for Jared. When the doctors had explained the extent of damage that had been inflicted on Jensen, Jared had lost it and punched a wall until his hands were bleeding. When Jensen woke up and started screaming for help, Jared had spent the next hour sobbing in a bathroom stall. When Jared was finally able to be alone with Jensen, his heart broke and mended on regular intervals as Jensen reacted differently every time something happened.

Sometimes a monitor would beep and Jensen would be perfectly fine, but sometimes a door would close halfway down the hall, barely making a sound and Jensen would cringe and clench at the sheets. Jared almost never left Jensen's side anymore. during the physiotherapy or the psychological therapy, Jensen wanted Jared to be there and Jared wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else on the planet.

Jensen was grateful to have Jared there. He thought that Jared wouldn't want to be with him. So many awful thing had he thought when he was being held captive. So many scenario's of Jared telling Jensen hat he was dirty, that he was no good, a piece of dirt; but none of that happened. Jared had always been there for Jensen – taking his hands up when he needed it, hugging him close, drying his eyes when he cried, offering a smile and an encouraging nod when Jensen was unsure of himself.

There were small instances, subtle looks or moments when Jared's face would sink, when Jensen would see the hurt underneath. He felt so guilty for putting Jared through this, but he didn't know how to say it. Every time he tried to talk about it; about how Jared was feeling, Jared would smile, pat his hand or kiss his cheek and tell him that he was fine – that there was nothing to worry about.

But Jensen worried silently anyway.

Two months later and things were finally dying down in the media world. One or two magazines and a few newspapers were still keeping up with Jensen's health, but most saw the story as having run dry.

Jared officially came out to the world the month before, making a statement at one of the interviews that he had done. He had told the world that he was indeed together with Jensen, that he loved him and that he was staying with him. Rumors had exploded, ex-girlfriends questioned, family bombarded with the media.

Everyone had dropped everything they were doing for that piece of golden news. Everything erupted, but Jared kept Jensen safe through it all. Jensen had told Jared one day that he wanted to say something to the media, but Jared had objected, telling Jensen that he was in no condition for it, but Jensen was relentless. Finally, one October evening, Jensen came through the hospital doors supported by Jared and one of the doctors. The media had been assembled outside the hospital and had been given strict instructions not to bombard or harass Jensen with questions, but when they saw him, they had gone wild.

Jared had expected Jensen to not go through with it, but Jensen had stood fast against the surge of people. With microphones shoved into his face and camera's blaring, the still battered-looking Jensen made his statement:

"Most of you know me as the Jared Padalecki's lover – the one that he saved. …My name is Jensen Ackles. Yes, Jared saved me from whatever those guys would have done to me and I'm pretty sure my death; but for the sake of his mental and physical health, I would appreciate it if the media would grant us a leeway of three months so that he and I may recover from this ordeal. It is a lot for anyone to handle without the glare of the media. IF this leeway is granted, I promise that I will answer the questions that I'm sure many of you have. Thank you."

Questions had been screamed at him then, but everyone that wasn't Jared or the doctors had given Jensen plenty of leeway. Later that night, Jensen had collapsed, having had completely exhausted himself. The next day, the corridors were silent, the street outside was clear and traffic flowed normally. On the news, recordings of Jensen's statement ran tirelessly on every TV station. Jensen had blushed furiously at his image on the screen while Jared had beamed proudly at him. "I'm proud of you, Jen," Jared had said, "You've said the one thing that every famous person never says."

Jensen had just smiled at Jared and held his hand while looking back at the screen.

Now, three months later, Jensen had been staying at Jared's apartment for the past month. However, everything was still so new. He had been afraid to touch anything or to say the wrong thing to Jared's house-help, Maria, when he first arrived. Maria was a kind woman, motherly and immediately treated Jensen as one of the family. Jensen loved her because he felt like she was the closest thing to a real mother that he ever had. The living room alone was twice as large as Jensen's apartment had been and he felt extremely vulnerable in the open space, but he grew accustomed to it.

Slowly but surely, Jensen had become relatively comfortable in the apartment. There were many things he missed about his old life, but too many things he found new and interesting. Jensen had always known that there were many things he didn't know either how to operate or how to manipulate, but he was learning.

At first, he felt humiliated when he had to ask Maria how to properly toast a piece of bread. She had looked at him surprised, but did not say anything, just showing him how to plug in the device and work the buttons. After that, much to Jensen's embarrassment and delight, she told him that she would teach him how to do more things. He spend the day learning about the blender, the stove, the oven and the kettle. Then she brought him into the laundry room and taught him how to start the machine, turn the dryer on and how to measure the soap out.

It may have seemed like the most mundane tasks, but Maria saw the acute concentration in Jensen's face as she explained everything. She smiled and encouraged him on when he got something wrong and always told him that he was doing good. Jensen's self-consciousness eroded eventually and by the end of the day, when Jared got back from seeing his PR team, Jensen spent the night with him, telling him all the things he was taught.

Jared listened to him and although he smiled through the whole thing, he stabbed himself internally. He wondered how Jensen didn't know how to do all these things; then it hit him. he never asked Jensen about his life.

All this time, they had been getting over what happened together, they had been planning interviews and talking to various people about things such as protection and returning their lives to stability, but Jared realized that never once had he asked about Jensen's past. He always assumed that Jensen would tell him one day, but the revelation came as Jensen was talking so animatedly about his day: he would have to ask him about it.

"Hey, Jen," Jared said, slowly stroking Jensen's arm later that night when they were curled up carefully in bed. "Hmm?" came the reply. "You've never talked about your family… is there a reason why?" Jared asked tentatively.

He felt Jensen's relaxed body stiffen a little and he sighed. "Jen, there are still so many things I don't know, I wish… I wish you would let me in," Jared said and turned on his back, looking up to the ceiling. A minute later, he felt Jensen turn and rest his head on Jared's chest.

"I will tell you, Jay. But not now, okay?" Jensen said and reached his still stitched hand up to Jared face and made him look down at Jensen's face. "I promise I will."

Jared smiled and carefully took Jensen's hand in his. "Okay, Jen. You take your time."

He would tell Jared when he was ready. No doubts.