Freudian Slip

My friends all wonder what's come over me

"So…"

"So…"

"We never got a chance to talk yesterday," Lorelai continues.

"No, we didn't," Rory agrees.

Lorelai picks up a piece of her pop tart from the kitchen table, but sets it down again. "So…"

"Yeah." Rory is making patterns in a drop of water left by her coffee mug, not daring to look up at her mother.

"God!" Lorelai exclaims. "This is so much more difficult than I thought it would be."

"You try being me," Rory mumbles.

"Hey!" Lorelai protests. "I'm trying to be the cool mom here, but I'm not sure I can do it…"

"Are you mad?" Rory asks tentatively.

"No."

"Ok," she nods, fidgeting with the hem of her pyjama shirt. "Good."

"A little scared, I think."

"Me too," Rory quietly confesses.

"Oh," Lorelai frowns. "What are you scared of?"

"This. Talking to you about…it," she starts. "And…well…" she trails off, not able to formulate her thoughts into words. "What are you afraid of?"

Rory can tell her mother really wants to hear what she left out, but she still answers. "Losing my baby girl."

"Oh," she mumbles, "That's not going to happen."

"I know, logically, but that's not how it feels. You're growing up, and soon you won't need me anymore, and it scares me sometimes.

"I will always need you, mom."

"Good to know."

They sit in silence for a few minutes, and once more it's broken by Lorelai.

"It's soon."

"I know."

"Really soon."

"Yeah."

"You haven't even known him for more than a month."

"And a half."

"What?"

"A month and a half."

"Right."

"It's just…he makes me feel things I didn't even think were actually possible. Well, at least not in the real world, outside of books and movies. I…when we, you know…"

"Kiss?" Lorelai suggests.

She nods. "Yeah, when we kiss…I feel wonderful."

"Wonderful, huh?"

Rory smiles. "Yeah. And…" she hesitates.

"And…" her mother gently prods.

"And…" She gathers her courage. "I think I love him."

"Huh."

"Mom?"

"Wow."

"Mom…" she tries again, getting anxious.

"Wow…so, love huh?"

"Yeah," she confirms, not able to stop the smile that takes over her face.

"This is serious."

"It is."

"You really love him?"

"I do."

"Butterflies in your stomach, knees go week, can't stop thinking about him kind of love?"

"Yes. All of that." She can feel herself blush, but the words are certain.

Lorelai breaths in deeply, then nods. "Ok then."

"Are you ok with that?"

"I…well, I don't know."

"Oh," Rory says quietly, feeling strangely disappointed.

"But," Lorelai continues, "that's partly because no matter how old you are, you'll always be my little baby girl, and hearing you tell me you love this boy, it's frightening, because it feels like I'm losing you a little bit."

"You're not losing me," Rory quickly assures her once more.

"And you just had to go and fall in love with the hoodlum? There are plenty of nice boys in this town, and instead you have to get the snarky, sarcastic and perpetually rude bad boy."

"He isn't really like that, you know."

"Could've fooled me…" Lorelai quips, but Rory can hear there's no real conviction in the words.

"He's actually really sweet, but don't tell him I said that, because he'd absolutely hate it."

Lorelai arches an eyebrow. "Sweet, huh?"

Rory smiles to herself, remembering the way he looked at her the night before. "Yes."

"Well, I can't really wrap my head around that concept, but I suppose I'll just have to take your word for it."

"You should," Rory says with conviction.

"So," Lorelai continues after a moment. "I assume you haven't told him?"

"No," Rory shakes her head. "It's been close a couple times."

Lorelai smiles at her. "Close?"

"Well...sometimes, when he's said or done something, I just get this wonderful feeling in my whole body, and the words are just...there."

Lorelai nods, the smile lingering. "Why haven't you?"

She falters for a moment, not sure of the answer. She hasn't really thougth it through all that much, or tried to figure out why she's stopped herself.

"I don't know. It's just...soon. I don't want to..."

"You don't want to scare him away?"

She nods. "Yeah, something like that."

"You think he would freak out?"

"Well...I sure did when Dean told me he loved me," she mumbles, and finally realizes where her hesitation comes from.

"Oh." Lorelai nods beside her. "Do you think he would...freak out?"

"I don't know." She shakes her head. "Sometimes when he looks at me, I get this feeling that he wants to tell me something, but doesn't quite know how."

"Well, from what we know about his life before he came here, I don't think he's exactly used to sharing his feelings."

Rory nods sadly. "You're probably right."

The room turns silent again, Rory thinking about the small pieces of information she has of his past.

"You want to tell me what more you're afraid of?"

She looks up, startled. "I…what?"

"You implied that there's something else you're afraid of," Lorelai reminds her.

"Right." She hesitates, and then takes a deep breath. "I'm afraid of…you know…I mean, I don't know anything, basically, about…it, and he's…well, you know he's done…it before, and when we're kissing, it feels like he really knows what he's doing…and what if I can't…"

She stops abruptly when her mother places a hand on top of hers, effectively stopping her from fidgeting with her sleeves.

"Rory," Lorelai says gently.

"I don't want to disappoint him," Rory whispers.

"Oh, honey, as much as I don't really want to say this to my almost 17 year old daughter, I don't think that's possible."

"Why not?"

Lorelai takes a deep breath before answering. "Because, I think he loves you too."

Her eyes widen, and she blushes. "You do?"

"Yes."

"Why?" she asks, a smile tugging at her lips.

"The way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching, the fact that he agreed to be your escort to that stupid coming out thing, because, even though he really didn't want to, he still answered all of my questions the other day, except that last one."

"You think he did all of that because…he loves me?"

Lorelai shrugs. "It's the most logical explanation."

"Ockham's razor," Rory mumbles.

"I don't know what that means, but sure."

"It's this theory that the simplest solution…" she mumbles, then shakes her head, and smiles. "You really think he loves me?"

"Yeah."

"Wow…I…" she trails off, her smile turning into a silly grin.

"Well, how could he not? You are, after all, my daughter."

She laughs. "That's true."

"And we all know I'm very loveable."

"That is how people would describe you," Rory giggles.

Lorelai turns serious again. "So, love?"

"Yeah," Rory smiles. "He told me I'm perfect."

"Perfect, huh?" her mom says, an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah." She's blushing again, looking down at the table, biting her lip.

"Wow," her mother lets out. "You're really serious about this."

She nods, smiling.

Lorelai is quit for a moment. "I suppose there's nothing I can say that would make you change your mind?"

"Mom…"

"Just kidding."

"Not funny."

"So…you're ready?"

"I am." Rory nods in confirmation, daring to look up at her mother.

"Like now ready, or in a month ready? Or how about a year? Or ten?"

"I'm not sure. Soon, I think."

"Soon?"

"Yeah, maybe," she nods, then thinks better of it. "Probably."

"Ok."

"Yeah."

"So, we should get you an appointment, to get you all set then…"

"That would probably be a good idea," Rory agrees awkwardly.

"We'll go get condoms later today too."

Rory blushes. "Right."

"Or…we could just forget about all of this and you can become a nun and move into a cloister somewhere for the rest of your life," Lorelai suggests, hopefully.

"I don't think I would make a very good nun," Rory protests.

"But you would be a pretty one," Lorelai beams.

"I don't really think that's an important prerequisite."

"Why not?" Lorelai protests. "Don't think God likes pretty girls?"

"Mom!" Rory giggles, "That's so completely inappropriate."

"What?" Lorelai grins.

Rory just shakes her head. "Forget it."

"Hah! I win!"

"Whatever you like to tell yourself."

"Then I definitely win."

"Ok then," Rory agrees. "I'm still not becoming a nun."

"Damn, and here I was hoping I'd win you over."

"You're crazy."

"It's part of my charm."

"Yeah," Rory mumbles.

"Hey, Rory? You ok?"

"I'm kinda nervous," Rory confesses.

"Well," Lorelai says, turning serious again. "That's normal, honey."

Rory nods. "I suppose."

"Just don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with."

She keeps on nodding. "I won't."

"So," Lorelai says slowly. "We're going out shopping later today?"

"Yeah," Rory confirms. "It's good to be prepared. Right?"

"It is," Lorelai agrees.

"Mom…" Rory says tentatively.

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

Lorelai frowns. "For what?"

"You know…not freaking out about this."

"Well, I am the cool mom, remember."

Rory smiles. "You are. Still, thank you."

"You're welcome."

They're silent once more, but this time it's less awkward.

"So…" Lorelai once more breaks the silence. "He knows what he's doing, huh?"

"Mom!" Rory sputters, shocked.

"What?" Lorelai defends innocently. "It's a fully relevant question."

Rory is blushing dark red, but there's still a smile tugging at her lips.