The sun is setting as the camra comes down on two figures standing in a yard, one of which is pushing a lawn mower.

"That's it Tommy, don't you cut up those shrubs now." One of the figures mumbles, spitting a black, gooey substance on the pavement.

Suddenly the he spins around towards the camera.

"Well Howdy there, I'm Sheriff Hoyt, this here's my boy Tommy, or may know him as Leatherface, you also may or may not remember us from the smash hit fanfic An Eye 4 An Eye, or the movie, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I was the foul mouthed sheriff and Thomas killed people and made masks out of their faces, but I just want you as...airholes to know that all that's about to change, you see we done got a part on that Sunny in Mexico show or whatever the hel...heck it's called, and I promise, as a "mall" Sheriff of these here parts of Tex...New Mexico, I will no longer be swearing pro-li-fic-ally...I knew I'd get that right, I will no longer be drinking...on the job, and I will no longer be shooting people or animals...with a real gun, a tazer and/or stun gun however, I'm afraid my blood will not allow me to make any gureentees, now, I will no longer be a "camera whore...CAN I SAY WHORE?...WAS THAT A YES?..OK! I will no longer be a camera..."prostitute" and I will let me nephew Thomas take over." He tipped his hat and stepped aside.

"Go on Tommy." He nodded, gesturing for the large man pushing the lawn mower to take his place.

He hesitated at first, seeming scared of the camera, but slowly walked in front of it, never taking his eyes of the ground.

"Go on Tommy, just do what Ryan taught ya." Hoyt patted his back as Thomas scanned the ground, trying to avoid looking at the camera directly.

"Mmmmm..." He almost purred.

"BOY THIS AIN"T OPEN MIC NIGHT AT THE APOLLO, YOU FINISH YOUR GODDA...GOSH DARN LINES, I WANNA GET HOME, PRETZEL TOWN'S GIVIN AWAY SAMPLES TONIGHT AND IF YOU DON'T HURRY IT UP, MOMMA AIN'T GONNA SAVE US ANY!" Hoyt screamed, tossing his hat on the grass-covered sidewalk.

Thomas cringed at his tone, but straightened up and looked at the camera.

"Mmmm...yy...name...Th...Th...oh...mme." Thomas stumbled in his speech, but finally finished his sentance.

"Good Thomas, see now Ryan's really taught you well." Hoyt nodded.

Thomas looked up at Hoyt victoriously and Hoyt patted his back.

"Hey guys whatcha doing?" Ryan asked, walking up with a soft pretzel in hand.

"Well I was just tellin our great readers here how I ain't gonna cuss anymore and Thomas in learnin how to speak properly." Hoyt nodded.

"Ohhh, we're on the air?" Ryan asked, looking at the camera.

"Why of course we are my unprepared friend." Hoty said, trying to stall.

"Oh...of course we are, and i'd just like to remind all of are viewers that President Bush eats puppies, and nobody likes a puppy eater, so vote for Hillary Clinton, the right(wo)man for the job." Ryan grinned and gave a thumbs up.

Suddenly Leatherface pulled out two red and blue sparklers and confetti began to fall from the sky as the national anthem begin to play.

"Wrong advertisement..." Hoty mummbled through gritted teeth.

"Oh, my bad, ok here we go." Ryan nodded, tossing away the pretzel.

"Hi, Ryan Evans here, and this is my good buddy Jared, you may know him as that guy from all the Subway commercials." Ryan nodded, with no one standing next to him.

Hoyt looked down and shook his head.

"Well Subway sandwiches contain three times the meat or cheese of a Quiznos sub or Mcdonalds burger, and yet three times less the calories." He held up the other sandwiches.

"Subway..." He began.

"EAT FRESH!" Thomas shouted, throwing his arms in the air.

Ryan and Hoyt stared in amazement as Thomas went back to playing with a beetle he had found.

"Wow...I didn't know he could say that." Ryan mumbled.

"Neither did I...and look, he made a little friend." Hoyt grinned as Thomas picked the beetle up.

He held it in front of his nose, then popped it into his mouth.

"GODDAMN IT TOMMY!" Hoyt screamed.

Leatherface and Sheriff Hoyt join the the crew in just 3 days...

Shows Leatherface on the sidewalk throwing up.

"I told you, people's ok, dog's, cat's, anything but beetle you can eat." Hoyt grumbled.

"Psh...beetles won't make you throw up..." Ryan said, popping on in his mouth.

"See, I'm perfectly..." Before he could finish his eyes began to bleed.

"OH MY GOSH WHAT HAPPENING?" He shouted.

"That ain't no bettle you just ate, it was a carnivorous earwig, mostly found in the native regions of Europe." Hoyt nodded, checking his watch.

"WHAT DO I DO?" Ryan asked.

"Accept Jesus into your life cause you've got about ten seconds..." Hoyt chuckled.

End.

And if your wondering about the diary story(I'll explain why it's taken so long in the next chapter,) I'm working on it right now, I just thought I'd remind everyone that IASINM returns in 3 days, and how could I resist...

In season 3: img403. imageshack. us/img403/7513/wtfik1. png (Put together)

Come on now, is that not the most kick ass thing ever, and if you don't know who that is, kill yourself, go ahead, put a loaded gun, into your mouth and pull the trigger.(Just be sure to get it on camera though)