Chapter 10: Divided.
Tegan POV:
The sun burns my eyelids, I toss and open my eyes. Memories of last night fill my mind. I start to smile to myself. I turn over, expecting to find a sleeping Sara, but shes not asleep, shes wide awake, on her back, staring at the ceiling. I look at her and she has a blank exspression on her face.
"Sara, whats wrong?"
She looks at me.
"The doctors called, Joe woke up." She says with no emotion.
My eyes grow big and I wonder what Saras thinking. Is she thinking this whole month was a mistake?
"Well thats good, hes okay."
She starts to shake her head.
"Its not . . ."
"Why isn't it good?"
She looks at me again and I see a tear sliding down her cheek.
"Does it make me a bad person, If I want him to stay asleep, because I want to be with you."
She drops her head and my heart sinks.
"No, it doesn't Sar. You can always leave him though."
I feel guilty, Im taking away someone elses love, for myself. Its different though, I've always been the person to sacrafice many things, just to make others happy, but not this time. I wont let Sara slip away from me.
"I told you I can't. . . Im going to go to the hospital, okay?"
I nod my head. I understand what Sara is saying. Even though I want her for myself, I let her take the lead of this relationship.
She gets out of bed and so do I. She strips the sheets and blankets. I watch her in pain, I hope she doesn't leave me. I have fallen head over heals for this woman.
I finish getting dressed and so does she.
"Ready?"
I nod and we walk downstairs. She grabs her keys from the dresser, by the front door and we lock up her house. She pulls out of the driveway and 15 minutes later, We pull up to my house.
"Alright, Im gonna go."
She nods and kisses me.
"Okay, Ill call you tonight."
I nod and start to open the door. She grabs my wrists and turns me around.
"I love you Tegan." She smiles at me weakly.
I quickly lean into her and embrace her, I kiss her lips with all the passion in me.
I pull away and she moans, I rest my forhead on hers and look her deep in the eyes.
"I love you too Sara Miller."
She smiles. I get out of the car and she waits for me to get safely inside, before she leaves. I go up to my studio and work.
Sara POV:
Im on my way to see Joe. Im nervous as hell. I walk into the hospital and go to Joes floor. I get in front of his door, and Ana, Joes nurse stops me.
"Hey Sara, Excited?"
I nod and she laughs.
"Well the doctors in there so go on."
I smile and walk into the room.
I see talking. I can't see Joes face, its covered by a long blue and white curtain. I close the door and Dr. Mike looks at me.
He smiles and motions me to come closer. I walk slowly and pull back the curtain. Joe turns his head and looks at me.
"Sara . . ." He says weakly.
I nod and walk up to him, I grab his hand and link it with mines.
"Hey Joe." I feel a tear start to fall.
"Hey baby."
I sit down on his bed and look at the doctor.
"Well he's doing just fine, I also have some good news."
I nod and he continues.
"Usually when people are in comas, once they come out of them, we keep them for 2 weeks, just to monitor them. Since Joe is responding very well, he can go home in a week."
Joes turns to me and smiles. I want to smile too, but I can't. No more late nights with Tegan or eating chines food and watching Netflix with her. No more love making with Tegan. No more . . . Tegan.I feel my heart start to race at the thought of losing her.
"Also Im going to put him on bed rest for a while, I know a great nurse, she's very cheap, she can stay during the day while you work Sara."
I snap back into reality and look at him.
"Okay."
He hands me a card and looks at Joe.
"Very lucky man you are."
Joe turns to me and rubs my hand.
"I know." He replies.
I feel horrible. Im hurting this man and he doesn't even know it.
"Okay I'll be back in a while, Im going on my lunch."
We both nod and he leaves. Joe and I are alone, for the first time in a month.
" Hows work?" He smiles.
"Its good, lets not talk about that okay?" He smiles and put his head back.
"I can't wait to go home, our home, with my beautiful wife to be."
He looks at me then down to my hand.
He looks at my engagement ring and a tear slide down his cheek.
"Sara, I love you."
I look at him and I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.
"I know Joe, I know."
Tegan POV:
Its 11:00 and I Sara still hasn't called. Im sitting on my kitchen counter, sucking on an orange. Im nervous and sad all at once. Im happy that Joes awake,cause no one deserves to be in a coma, but Im sad because whats going to happen with Sara and I? I know she loves me, I feel it, but is love always enough?Im cut off by my phone ringing.
I quickly retreive it from my pocket and look at the screen.
I answer it, without hesitation.
"Hello?"
"Tegan"
"Hey Sar."
"Can you open the door."
I get off the counter and start to wonder. I walk to my door and peep through the little hole. I see Sara standing there with something in her hands. I open the door slowly and end the call. She looks sad and tired.
"Hi." She says.
I hear the sadness in her voice.
I grab her arms and pull her inside. I close the door and lead her up to one of my spare rooms. I open the door and we step in. I've never showed anyone this room, Its my music room. I have my guitars on one side, and keyboards on the other. I sit down and she lays down. She rests her head on my lap and looks up to me.
"How is he?" I ask her.
"Fine, there letting him go home by the end of the week."
I nod and look away.
"Tegan, nothing is going to change between us right?"
I look at her and shes pleading with her eyes.
I shake my head and she smiles. I want her all to myself, but maybe she'll leave Joe one day.
1 week later.
Since that little talk, Sara and I have hardly seen eachother, she took a week off of work to stay with Joe. We have only seen eachother twice, and it was only for 5 minutes. I miss her. I hope Joe comming back won't mess this up, Or mess her up.
Sara POV:
Im on my way to pick up Joe from the hospital, My whole drive consists of me thinking about Tegan, I've only seen her twice this week, sure we text but, there is nothing like the real thing. I pull into the loading area and see Joe sitting in a wheelchair. I get out of the car and help him into the car. Once I've loaded all of his things, I drive back to our house.
I pull into our park way and turn off the car. I look at Joe and hes smiling.
"No place like home."
I chuckle and get him out of the car. We walk slowly into the house and up the stairs to our room. He lays in the bed and pulls me on top of him.
"I missed you." He kisses my cheek.
"So did I" I peck his cheek and get up, off of him.
"Im going to make you dinner." He nods and I head down to the kitchen.
I look in my fridge and find alot of Tegans food, fruits, vegetables, and some leftovers. I look in my cabinets and see the ingredients to make soupita. Tegan taught me how to make soupita. I smile at the memory of her teaching me. I made the soup perfectly, but we ended up on her kitchen floor, naked, making love. I sigh and pull the stuff out, I start the pot and fill it with water. 20 minutes later, I take the soup up to Joe and he looks at it.
"Whats this?"
"Soupita." I smile.
He puts the spoon filled with the little pasta stars in his mouth.
He makes a gross face and hands it back to me.
"I can't wait to start cooking again."
My jaw drops and I look at him.
"Seriously Joe?"
He nods and lays back down. I set the soup on the nightstand and leave the room. I walk down to the living room and sit on my couch. I start to sob, Im unhappy. I don't want to be around Joe. I pull out my cell phone and scroll through my contacts. I press my trackball and put the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" Tegan says all froggy..
"T- Tegan."
I try not to sob and Im sucessful. But Tegan knows me better than that. I know she can hear it in my voice.
"Sara, whats wrong?!"
I start to breakdown.
"Tegan, Im not h-ha-happy."
"Shh babe, don't worry, want me to come over?"
"Joes upstairs." I say through sobs.
"Oh, okay. . ."
I start to miss Tegan, and her gentle hands. I haven't see her and I want to.
"You know what come over, He should be going to sleep soon."
"Okay, Call me or text me when hes out."
"Okay."
I hang up the phone and head back upstairs. I peep my head into the room and Joe stares at me.
"Sara, Im sorry."
He says fiddling with his hands.
I bring my whole body into the room and look at him.
"I know Im not the best cook but you can't treat me like that." He nods and motions for me to sit on the bed. I do and he pulls me on top of him. He positions me to where Im straddeling his waist. I feel uncomfortable and I try to move off of him. He sits up and positions his face in front of mines. I stare at him and wonder what I ever saw in suddenly kisses my lips, then I realize what I saw in him, I saw me never being alone. I pull away and get off of him.
"Go to sleep Joe."
"But Sara, I have been for a whole month."
I nod and leave the room. I walk back down to the kitchen and grab and orange. I suck on it and wait for Joe to fall asleep. I look at the time on my clock and it says its 11:45. I wait for 30 minutes then go back up stairs to check on Joe. I creep into the room and see him spread out on his back, eyes closed, mouth open, and snoring. I turn off the lights and close the door. I walk downstairs and open the front door. I step outside on my porch and sit down on the steps. I pull out my phone and text Tegan.
15 minutes later, I see my favorite Cherry Mustang pull up in front of my house. Tegan gets out of the car, shes carrying a guitar casee and I feel the butterflies start to wake up in my stomach. She walks and I admire her body. Shes wearing a cute striped T-shirt, black skinny jeans, black and white Vans, and a converse jacket. I smile and she smiles back. She walks up to me and places the guitar on the floor. She takes the spot next to me and looks at me.
"Hey Beautiful." She kisses my cheek and it leaves a burning sensation, missing her lips already.
I blush and lay my head on her shoulder.
"Hey."
She wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me into her. I start to shiver and she notices. I see her take of her jacket and hand it to me.
"What about you, your going to be cold." I tell her taking the sweater.
"Im actually not cold, but your shivering." I smile and put the jacket on.
I take in the scent and my mind flutters. I snuggle into her jacket and she pulls me into her.
"Better?" She asks.
"Much."
We sit there in silence for a while, not needing to speak. I finally break the silence and ask her the one question thats been burning my mind since she got here.
"Whats up with the guitar box thingy."
She chuckles and I pull away from her. She bends down and opens it. I met with one of the most beautiful guitars I have ever seen. She picks it up and puts it on her lap.
"Oh, I um wrote you a song?"
She gives me a gummy smile.
I can't help but turn a shade of tomato red. No one has ever done that for me before.
"You did?" I ask on the verge of tears.
She nods and start to play with the back of her hair.
"Yea, I haven't perfected it yet, but Im getting there." She smiles nervously.
"Are you going to play it for me?" I ask her.
She nods again.
"Yea but don't make fun of it okay?"
"I wont."
She says a quick okay and start to strum the strings.
Take a chance
Its not just romance,
Baby I know how you feel.
Lets take a ride.
forget all your sighs,
Baby I know just how you feel.
Lets fly up High,
We'll rule the sky,
Tell me, Is this how you feel.
We'll maybe we'll be fine,
Well maybe your pain will heal.
Lets go to the sea,
Do you love me?
Tell me baby, Just how you feel.
Cause what you say,
Can realease me.
Cause what you feel can decease me.
I'll make you feel fine,
My love will make your pain heal.
Baby we'll be fine,
We have all the time,
I'll show you just how I feel.
What I say, Will release me,
What I feel, will decease me.
She strums the last notes of her guitar and Im frozen. She sang it with so much feeling. I feel my cheeks catch a draft and I touch them, There wet. I didn't notice I was even crying. She looks up to me and sees me crying.
"Did you like it?"
I stare at her then I start to smile.
"Tegan, you really wrote that for me?" I ask, still in disbelief.
She nods and I take her guitar from her. I set it down in its case and I embrace her. I hug her as tight as I can, I snuggle my face into her neck and I lightly kiss her.
"Im in love with you." I whisper to her.
I feel her lips on my neck start to rise.
"Im in love with you." She whispers back.
She pulls away and looks at me.
" What ever I did to deserve you, Im not going to questions it."
I quuckly attach my lips to hers and kiss her gently. I moan in her mouth, I haven't felt her lips in a couple of days. She cups my jaw and I wrap my arms around her neck. All of this is sending shocks to my core. Her slightest touch could kill me, she had that power over me. I pull away from her and I stand up. I reach out for her arm, she grabs mine and I lift her up. I grab her guitar case in my other hand, and lead her to my backyard. I open the big wooden gate and feel my way around my pitch black place. I set down her guitar on the table and tell her to stay put. I walk back up to the patio and find the exstension cords. I plug all of them together and the christmas lights come to life. This was the only place that Joe would lets me decorate, out of the whole house.
I look at Tegan and Shes standing under the canopy, thats has lights, around it. I walk back up to her and place my hands on her hips.
"Sara, this is amazing."
Tegan POV:
I look around again and see all the flowers and trees, Saras back yard is huge. In the middle is where we are. A huge white Canopy, With christmas lights on all the bars. I see the little pond on the corner of her house, I hear the water running smoothly and it relaxes me. I look into her eyes and see a look that I've never seen before, in anyone.
It was the look of lust and true love, mixed together.
I lean in and lock our lips. I moan into the kiss and so does she. I start to move my hands around her whole body, I end at her thighs. I grip them both and pick her up. She wraps her arms around my neck, and her legs around my waist. I start to walk to the big Tree, covered with lights, and lanters hanging from the branches. I stop and slowly put her down on the grass, under the tree. I lay between her legs and start to kiss her neck. I trail the kisses from her neck to her collar bone. I look at her and her eyes are closed. I know whats shes thinking. I play with the hem of her shirt. I start to slowly push it up, the bunched up material ending on her collar bone. I unhook her bra and lift it up. I take one of her nipples in my mouth and she arches her back, fully up in the air. She puts her hainds in my hair. and I move to the other breast. I swirl my tongue and gently nip at her nipple.
"Ahh Tee."
I kiss it and sooth her. I kiss all the way down to her pants. I slowly unzip them and she reaches for my shirt. She pulls it over my head, exposing my bra-less chest. I take off her pants, and see that shes not wearing any underwear. I drop them to the side and stand up. I take off my pants and boxers. I get back down and put my face in front of Saras core. I take in her scent and my nostrils become clear. I slowly start to lap at her clit. I slide my tongue up and down her slit. She moans quietly. I look up and see her biting her lip, her eyes still closed. I start to suck on her folds, getting all of her juices I can get. I lick her one last time and climb up to her body. I place my thigh between her legs. I climb her legs and she moves her thigh closer to my core. I brush the bangs out of her face and look at her beautiful face.
"Open you eyes . . ." I whisper to her.
She slowly opens them and smiles.
"I love you." She says.
I start to grind my thigh into her and she tilts her neck up. I want to see her eyes, I want to see the want in them, I want to see the lust in them, I want to see me in them.
"Look at me Sara." I whisper to her again.
She looks back to me and I see a tear fall from the corner of her eye.
I start to grind my hips into her more, my thigh applying her preasure. She grinds her thigh into me and I close my eyes.
"Tegan, now its time for you to look at me." She whispers in my ear.
I open my eyes and see her. I kiss her, our eyes both watching eachother.
I start to move my thigh faster and so does she. I fee my walls start to tighten.
"Im cumming too Tee." She says softly.
We both start to thrust our thighs harder and faster. My breathing is rugged, but the feeling is worth it. Im on the edge and I know Sara is too.
"Sara." I drop my head into the crook of her neck and she snuggles hers into mines. Seconds later we cum at the same time.
"Sara."
"Tegan." She bites down on my shoulder, the pain makes me react and I bite down on her neck, hard enough to leave a bruise.
We catch our breath and I lift my head. Her eyes are closed and shes smiling very softly.
I smile and kiss her cheek. I climb off of her and put my clothes back on. She pulls her shirt back down and grabs my boxers before I can put them on. She pulls them up and then pulls her pants over them. I chuckle and sit down, my back against the tree.
I motion for her to sit down between my legs. She holds up her hand and runs inside the house. After 10 minutes of sitting by myself, Sara finally emerges with 2 steaming cups and a big blanket. She hands me both cups. She sits down between my legs and pulls the blanket over us. I quickly accept the warmth and hand her, her cup.
I take a wiff of the smell and sigh. Coffee, A beautiful backyard, A warm blanket and My beautiful girlfriend, Everything is perfect. She snuggles up into me and places the coffee cup to her lips. I see her eyes close and it runs down her throat.
"Mmmmmmm." She hums.
I smile and let out a little chuckle.
She stops and looks back to me.
"You always laugh at me, why?" She asks smiling.
I look at her and remember all the times she did adorable things, that she never noticed she does.
"I'm not laughing at you, I just notice all these little things about you, and they drive my crazy, but their so adorable that I can't help but giggle."
"Oh really, what have I done that only you notice.?" She ask in a funny face.
"Well, when you haven't eaten for days, and when I cook for you, the first bite, you always roll your eyes back into your head. Second, when you drive my car, you always have the big adorable goofy smile on your face. Third, when you drink coffee, you hum. Also when your shy, you tend to move your bangs out of your face."
She looks at me amazed and talks.
"No one has ever noticed those things about me before, except you."
I nod a flash her a gummy smile.
She smiles back and turns her head back around. I lean my lips right to her ear and whisper.
"Its because I love you." I place a simple kiss, yet it shows how much I love her, under her ear.
She leans back and rests her head on my chest.
We sit there until the sun comes up. We watch the sun rise into the morning sky. I check my phone and see that its 6:36.
"I have to go baby, I have plans with my family today."
She nods and gets up. She collects the Two cups that I just noticed say Mr. and Mrs. on them.
I chuckle and kiss her.
"I love you and I'll miss you okay?"
"Dido."
I kiss her cheek, grab my guitar and walk to my car. Sara waves to me goodbye and My heart breaks. I don't want to leave her. I climb into my car and drive back to my house.
Sara POV:
Last night was perfect, It was simple, yet amazing. The song Tegan wrote for me was beautiful.
I keep hearing one line over and over again in my head, "Cause what you say can release me." I know what she ment by that. She wants me all to herself. The thing is that I have devoted all of me to her. Even though we've been together for 1 month and 2 weeks, I know what I want. I have never been so sure of anything in my whole life.
I go upstairs and check on Joe. Hes sound asleep, I go downstairs and make myself some quick breakfast. When Im done eating, I straighten up the house. By the time Im done its 9:30. I walk into my room to find Joe just waking up.
"Hey hunny."
"Hey." I say.
I walk to the bathroom and start the shower. I return to my room and look in my closet for todays outfit. I pull out a pair of black skinny jeans, one of Tegans band T-shirts that she left here one time, and a pair of black and white chucks. I lay them out of the bed and grab a pair of underwear and a bra.
"Sara, did I do something wrong?"
I turn around and see Joe looking at me. He has his head down. I walk to the bed and look at him.
"No, you didn't Joe, Im just tired." I tell him.
"Then why haven't you kissed me since I've been back."
I feel like My heart was just ripped out of my chest. I lean in slowly and place a kiss on his lips.
He deepens the kiss and I try to pull away.
"Sara please." He begs.
"I need you." He pleads.
I don't want to hurt him, I can't hurt him.
"Okay Joe."