I shouldn't have been there. Dean had told me to stay at the car, to avoid being any closer than I had to be. But something was wrong, I could tell, there was a twist in my gut and a thumping in my head, and the vague nausea I'd felt before was back. Cas had promised to come back every so often to keep me updated. He'd came once to say the town was full of Reapers, then he'd never came back. I heard the explosion and I just knew, Ellen and Jo... So I'd gone in.

Inside the town, the Reapers had ignored me, and all the Hellhounds had done was sniff at my legs as I walked by. There was a force in the place, pulling me out towards a field at the edge of the derelict town. I stared ahead of me as I walked; there were people falling to the ground, a huge group of them, once after the other, I could see Sam… and Lucifer.

I tried to turn back, only managing a few steps before bile rose in my throat and I vomited over the road. It was pretty clear - the only way I was going was forward. I watched as Cas disappear with Sam. I slowly approached him. I took a deep breath, tried to steady myself. He was right there. "L-Lucifer" I said quietly.

He spun on his heels. "Mavriel" I hadn't seen him in reality yet, not up close, not like this. There was manic joy in his eyes. He was still blond, with shorter hair now, still tall - still capable of looming over me.

I nodded, trembling, trying to keep my terror to myself. "I'm here, Lucifer, I'm here"

I'd barely blinked and he was in front of me, his hands on my arms. I flinched but he didn't seen to notice, "Oh my beautiful, beautiful lamb. How I've missed you." I could barely look him in the eye. I was shaking. "Hush, hush, it's alright - everything's okay. We're here, together, me and you, like before. It's okay, relax, relax" I met his eyes, and started to breath slower. "There we go." He said as he brushed his thumb over my cheek. He wanted me to relax, he'd told me to - so I had. I didn't want to relax.

I studied his face now he was so close. His vessel was strange to me, but his mannerisms were familiar - the pattern of his voice, what words he chose, they way he moved, they were all him. He wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me against his chest. "So beautiful" he whispered, leaning in to me, his hand cupped the back of my neck and he kissed me, softly. The power surge that ran through my body sent shivers down my spin and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I could feel it, the energy from Hell rushing into me.

There was a sound from behind him and he pulled away, taking a step back trailing his fingers over my cheek. He turned and smiled, but I couldn't see what at because he was standing in my way. "Oh hello Death" he said.

My heart skipped a beat.

There was a flash of light and Castiel appeared beside me, before I could call out, react in anyway, he put his hand on my arm and teleported us out. As he did I saw Lucifer look over his shoulder and smirk.

I now stood in Bobby's front room, frozen, arms by my side, my eyes unfocused as they stared down. Sam stood across from me, Cas stood beside me. I was trembling ever so slightly. I'd given in. He was so close, I'd felt him, and instead of running I gave in to him. I had no chance of escaping him. I suddenly realised I was going to vomit, "Get me a bucket" I chocked out, trying to hold it back. Immediately Cas was pushing a bucket into my hands. I puked violently into the bucket.

"Mav? She's back?" I heard Dean's voice from the next room. He came storming through and I saw him frown at my expression; lips parted, staring at the floor, stock still. Cas clicked his fingers and the bucket full of puke disappeared. Dean grabbed my shoulders, "What did I say?! Stay at the impala! What did I tell you?! What the Hell happened?!"

I had flinched, hunched my shoulders, leaning back slightly, "Cas hadn't came back." I said quietly, not raising my head to look at him, I was still trembling "I was worried, I heard the explosion." Dean winced, his arms dropping to his side, cautiously I looked up, "I knew Jo and Ellen had… I had to go in."

"Lucifer had trapped me" Cas said, "He knew you'd come if you got no word - he was drawing you out"

I turned sharply to look at him, pulling out of Dean's grip, "Well it worked then, didn't it" I spat, stepping away and sitting down on the edge of a chair, hunched forward I rubbed my face.

Bobby had been standing at the door with Sam, now he came further inside, "What did he do?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked with a sigh.

Bobby folded his arms, "When you were with him, what did he do to you?"

I shook my head, "Nothing - he told me how much he missed me, he didn't do anything to me"

"Mav, I can see your wings" Bobby said softly.

"What?" I stared up at him. No-one saw my wings, no human could unless I showed them - angels were slightly different, but Bobby shouldn't be able to...

"I can see them too" Dean added.

"Me too" said Sam.

Cas stepped forward, "There is an energy coming off you, Mavriel. An energy from Hell, more than there ever was before" he said darkly.

"So what?"

"Well why is it happening?" Bobby asked, forcefully.

"How am I meant to know?!" I half shouted. Everything in the room trembled. I froze in shock, having sat back I stared around.

"Did you just…?" Sam stared.

"I- I didn't mean to…" I stared round the room. "I- I... I just need to calm down a little" I breathed.

"Mav, you've never done that before - we've seen you pissed. This isn't normal" Dean said, standing back slightly.

I growled, "You have never seen me pissed - you've seen me irritated. I haven't killed anyone in centuries, not in the way I could." I took a breath, "Dean I'm fueled by the power of Hell, I can use that to kill but I don't because I can't control it properly - I could wipe out an entire city if I used it, especially now" Everyone was staring at me, preparing for the worst. I tried to slow my breathing, calm down. I closed my eyes, bowed my head, trembling. "It's Lucifer…" I breathed.

"What?" Dean crossed the room and knelt in front of me, "What did he do to you?"

I looked up at Dean and he looked me in the eyes, "Dean, I… I think being near him, maybe because he touched me he transferred more energy into me, I don't know."

"He touched you?" he growled.

I recoiled, shaking my head, "Dean-"

"Come on," he said steadily, calmly, as he stood up, "Let's get you outside, take a breather" I nodded and stood, taking Dean's hand and following after him outside, not meeting anyone's eyes as they stared at me. Dean shut the door once we went outside. "Are you okay?" He asked seriously, holding my arms gently as he looked me in the eye.

"No" I answered quietly, my eyes watering.

"How do I fix it?" he asked genuinely, a plea in his eyes.

"I don't- I don't know"

Dean sighed, walking away a short distance, rubbing the back of his neck. "What's happening to you, Mav? You've seemed off recently - something's not right with you"

I pushed his hands away, irritated by his inability to understand what was going on, "You think?! Dean, Lucifer is here, on Earth. Lucifer who created me and has power over me is on Earth, here, with me and I'm freaked, okay. I'm not going to lie, I loved him and he loved me but seeing him again, Dean it's obvious he's lost it! He's insane and- and he wants me back. What am I meant to do about that? He has control of me! He can control every choice I make! And I'm scared! Dean, I'm scared!" I gasped for breath, trembling where I stood.

Dean looked at me, full of sympathy. "You said he touched you" he said quietly.

"Yeah, and?" I said as my lip trembled.

"Mav, he's Satan, the Devil - did he hurt you?" Dean said protectively.

"No, no he wouldn't hurt me, Dean. Not me... wait, no... I'm... I'm getting confused. I- I'm... he has hurt me, but- but not then... he..." my head was pounding - it was like he was there, inside my mind, getting me to tell lies, making everything seem okay. It was terrified.

"Then what did he do?" He stormed across to me, standing right in front of me.

"He kissed me Dean, kissed me and hugged me, that's all..."

"You let him?" He asked quietly.

"...yes"

"Why?"

I growled, rambling angrily, "It's Lucifer - you know, my creator, first Love, only person who can make me do whatever he wants me to just by saying so! Do you honestly think I could find a logical thought being so close to him? Because I couldn't! All I could think was 'he's back, he's back' - I couldn't process it! Couldn't take a second and think, 'no wait this isn't right'. Do you think I'm that stupid?! I can feel my control fading when he's near, I know I couldn't stop him if I tried."

"He's manipulating you!"

"He doesn't know he's doing it! Or he does... I don't know, I don't... it's so confusing" I whimpered, "No! He doesn't know that I'm going to do what he wants because I can't say no! He just thinks that's who I am - loyal, dedicated to him and his cause. He doesn't know he's doing it to me!" The ground shook beneath my feet, the stacked cars began to tremble, their windows cracking. I stood frozen, watching. "... I don't know what I'm saying... I don't know what's happening... Dean..."

"Mav, Mav, calm down, okay - calm down, relax"

I was gasping for breath, my vision became blurry, "Dean?"

~x~x~

I woke up lying across Bobby's sofa. I glanced around but there was no-one around. I sat up stiffly, looking down at the cuts and scratches all over my arms. What had I done?

"Mavriel" I twisted to see Cas, walking in, "How are you feeling?"

"Sore... What happened?" I asked reluctantly.

"You… um, you sent a high pressure wave of energy out from your body, it was… destructive."

I sat up, wincing in pain, "Is Dean okay?"

"He was hurt, but he's recovering well"

I panicked, "What happened? What- what did I do to him?"

Mavriel, listen to me - you did nothing to Dean, this was no your fault... He was thrown back into a car and broke some ribs but I healed him, he is sleeping now"

I cringed, screwing my eyes shut for a moment, "Okay, okay... Is everything alright? Did anyone else get hurt?"

"No, no-one else was hurt, the windows at the back of the house were broken and a few cars were crushed but that was all. Everyone else is asleep, Mavriel - it's 4am, I think you should go back to sleep now."

I sighed. "I'm sorry"

"What for?"

I looked up at him, "What happened, I'm sorry, it- I did this. It's on me"

"No, no it's not" Cas sat by my side, "This is Lucifer's fault, not yours. You are a victim in this, don't blame yourself, Mavriel" I couldn't look at him, instead I stared at the carpet, my eyes following the pattern. "Mavriel" Cas said again, slowly I began to look up, "please do not put blame for Lucifer's mistakes on you, they are not yours to take. You are innocent of Lucifer's sins." He hesitated a moment but reached out and held my hand.

"Thanks Cas"

He smiled kindly, "You're welcome, just please stop feeling guilty because of what Lucifer has done."

"I'll try"

"You should sleep. I shall watch over you"

"No, Cas, it's fine"

He insisted, "You were sleeping fitfully before, I will make sure you get some proper rest."

I sighed, but smiled, "Thank you Cas" He hugged me close. I ended up curled up on the sofa, on my side, resting my head on Castiel's leg. He put his coat over me and within a few minutes, I had quickly fallen asleep again.

XXX

The next day I spent most of the time trying to regain my strength. I tried to explain what had happened from my perspective, but... even my thoughts and memories were mixed up from then. Dean held no grudge, of course. Cas did what he could to heal me and make me comfortable. Sam spent most of the day by my side, looking after me, keeping me company, helping me try to figure out what had happened.

We stayed a few days at Bobby's before I urged Dean to go out on a hunt. I felt trapped in Bobby's by what had happened, Jo and Ellen, and me going to Lucifer and the damage I'd caused. I needed out, and I knew the boys did too.