Rule IX: We Don't Say Goodbye

Outside, Niles shivered. He hated night time. The darkness, the cold. Quickly, he disappeared into his car. His heart beat too fast, but it was slowing down now that he felt somewhat safer. His fancy car and his slim figure were always putting him at risk for a crime. And this paranoia distracted him from what was really going on in his mind: Roz. For Niles her sending him away just didn't make any sense. All he knew was that it hurt him deeply. But that wasn't all there was to it; it made him angry, too. Without realizing it, he stared at her closed windows. There was no light inside. She probably went right back to sleep. Niles on the other hand couldn't imagine peaceful sleep at the moment. He didn't even know what time it was and he realized he wasn't wearing his watch. He had left it at Roz'. So Niles finally started the car. The little clock appeared and told him that it was 4.42 a.m. He sighed deeply. Sleep was out of the question now, since he would have to get up at 7 anyway. He craved coffee and a good, sophisticated conversation. As he steered his car away from where he really wanted to be, he decided that his big brother would have to get up early today, too.

Niles used the key to Frasier's apartment. Given how often he visited them, he didn't use the key very frequently. Someone was always home. In the past, he had almost always shown up when he knew Daphne would be there as well. This time he had to use the key. The apartment lay silent and Niles felt like an intruder. He should have considered going home first and not just because he was wearing last night's clothes. Emotionally exhausted, he sat down on the couch. Deep down, he knew why he had come here: he didn't want to be alone. But he was. They were still asleep or maybe not even home. Who knew where Frasier had gone with his date and Daphne might have spent the night at Donny's. Unprotected by Roz, Niles couldn't help but think about the looks he'd exchanged with Daphne the night before. Maybe she wasn't happy with Donny. Not too long ago this thought would have almost made him happy, because it would have given him hope. Now it just hurt; he wanted her to be happy. Just like he wanted to be happy himself. As it seemed, the concept didn't seem to be in his future.

"Dr. Crane?" An uncertain voice; the sound of an angel. Niles turned his head to see the silhouette of Daphne. It was still too dark here as the sun had not yet come up.

"Did I wake you?" He asked in a whisper.

"No, you didn't," she admitted. She came closer and Niles saw that she was wrapped in a bathrobe. As he saw him looking at her, she pulled it closer around herself. Niles blushed and turned away.

"But what are you doing here, Dr. Crane? Are you- is everything alright?" Her accent was thicker in the middle of the night. Niles was certain he had woken her and he felt the familiar bile of guilt come up inside of him.

"I'm so sorry I woke you, Daphne. I know I shouldn't have come here, I just-"

"You didn't wake me."

"But why else would you be awake?" She didn't answer. When it came to her, Niles was always more perceptive. Watching her for years, he had come to interpret every little thing about her. He had always tried to see a grain of hope for them, but in the end he had gotten to know her. The secret her, the woman she didn't want everyone to see. She didn't know he knew her like that. With a little distance, he suddenly realized what a terrible coward he had been all these years.

"I couldn't sleep." Daphne told him truthfully. Suddenly, she was no longer sitting next to him. It seemed as if she couldn't.

"Do you want a coffee? A sherry maybe?" She asked, standing in front of him as if she were a maid who was required to cater to his every need.

"No, no, thank you. Sit back down, Daphne. It's the middle of the night." With some reluctance, she did as he said. In the darkness surrounding him, Niles' senses were heightened. His nose and memories formed an ally – against him. He was no longer able to control his emotions, to distract himself from feeling what he'd been feeling since the day he'd first seen her. Images burnt before his eyes. She was in all of them. Her scent filled his nostrils and he could hardly take it.

"Dr. Crane, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Daphne." He choked out. He was anything but ok. Why had Roz sent him away? He never would have come here if she hadn't. They could have started something beautiful; they had already started it, but she had put it on hold. Now his memories were betraying him; Daphne with her beautiful smile, her tantalizing scent.

"Why aren't you…" She didn't finish the sentence, because she knew it wasn't her concern. Nonetheless, Niles knew what she was asking without her saying the words. What he didn't know was why. The memories piled up inside of him. They made him turn to her, but all he saw was her silhouette. All he saw was what his mind was telling him. Her scent, the years they had spent together as friends. The years he had hoped for something more. They all came tumbling down on him now. Why had Roz sent him away? Why was Daphne here with him now?

"Do you think it's… strange that Roz and I are dating?"

"No, no of course not." Her answer was too rushed to be truthful.

"Why?" Niles simply asked. He wasn't sure whether he could say more words. Outside the darkness fought with the beginnings of a new day. It was true what they said, he realized: it's always darkest before the dawn.

"I-I don't know what you mean, Dr. Crane." She stumbled over the words and the instinct to just run away intensified. Something held her back; maybe it was because she hated keeping a secret and she despised feeling this confused. When she'd seen Niles and Roz dancing, she'd felt a sense of loss. Things had changed. Before last night she hadn't known; the possibility of Dr. Crane feeling anything but friendship and loyalty for her had not made it itself consciously known. Then the movie of their years together had started playing and suddenly the puzzle had turned into a clear image. She'd seen the whole picture but – had she really? The need to know was stronger than anything else.

"It just happened, you know. We didn't plan it. But I guess love –" Niles chocked on the word; he hadn't meant it, now, had he? He wasn't in love with Roz. He was in love with Daphne; he had been ever since he'd first laid his eyes on her.

"You love her." The words constricted Daphne's throat. This was her answer, but still she couldn't leave. Outside, the battle between darkness and light was still going strong. Inside, Daphne feared the darkness had already won.

"I-I-I don't… know. No, I don't love her I- it's complicated."

"Feelings aren't complicated, Dr. Crane!" The outburst came violently and quickly. Daphne felt the rage inside of her.

"You know what's in your heart and then- then you tell the person you love."

"Daphne, are you ok?" In an instant, Niles was next to Daphne. Whatever conflicting emotions he had in his heart, he cared for her deeply.

"I'm – I thought I saw something last night. I-I don't know how to explain it." Daphne stole herself away from Niles' close proximity. She crossed her arms in front of her, defensively, but the bad feelings had already found their way through every shield of amour she could yield. In her attempt to get away from him, she had stepped in front of the balcony. And she was caught between the early rays of light out there. Niles finally saw her. Saw the turmoil that was keeping her up; similar to his own, he figured, but he couldn't understand why.

"What did you see?" He asked carefully. In his mind, he replayed the evening. The memory of her looking at him – through him – was still fresh on his mind.

"I was tired, Dr. Crane. I guess last night reminded me of a little bit of the Snow Ball."

"Me, too." He answered without hesitation. His heart led him closer to where she was and trying to find the right words, she didn't think of moving away. As if on instinct, Niles leaned in and caught a whiff of her scent. This time he noticed and she startled.

"I knew you'd love Roz in that dress, because it was so similar to the one I wore that night," she took a deep breath; this was the moment of truth and she needed the status quo just a moment longer. It could end everything, because where would this lead? What beginning could come out of this? "I thought it was the dress – that night. I thought everything you said was a lie, because if I had allowed myself to believe it…"

"You could have believed it." Torn between a statement and an expression of wonderment, Niles' reply hung in the air for mere seconds. A moment later he had to know; had to find out if there ever could have been more. Maybe he had been wrong all those years and Daphne wasn't the love of his life. The moments he'd shared with Roz could have been a beautiful distraction, or the real thing. Either way, he was about to find out. In the darkness, in the sanctity of this confined space, Niles leaned forward and captured Daphne's lips with his own.

TBC