The group of pranksters argues onstage.
"I was the first one to reach 5 points!" Dani says.
"No you weren't! We were!" Millie says.
"Hey, I got first place with that airhorn thing!" Beck says.
"That was mine!" Wendy says.
"QUIET!" Stan shouts. They all look to him in silence. "I was obviously the one who won since I got you all with the dollar bill gag!"
"That was barely a prank!" AJ says.
The uproar starts again. YOSO walks up behind them with an airhorn in hand.
"How many times do I have to use this thing?" she grumbles to herself. She points the airhorn to the ceiling and holds the button, effectively getting everyone's attention. "Oi! Enough with the arguing!"
They all looked to her, their faces showing bemusement.
"In case you all have forgotten, I will tell you that you have reached 5 strikes." YOSO says in a scary-calm voice. "Which means that you have once again disrupted the show and agitated your fellow cast members. Unfortunately for you, that means you must face repercussions for your actions."
The others give each other sideways glances... then burst out laughing. Millie and Ian look around nervously.
"You really had us going there for a sec." Dani chuckles.
"Nice 'Scary Mistress' act." AJ laughs.
"Do you have any idea what I'm like," YOSO says through gritted teeth. "when I'm mad?"
"Nice! You even quoted Bill!" Stan snickers.
YOSO's face hardens.
"And to answer your question," Beck continues. "Yes, we do know what you're like." He laughs a bit more as he says "You hang people from the ceiling."
YOSO's face right then: ಠ-ಠ Challenge accepted, fools.
25 minutes later...
"Aaaaaah!"
"Ma-a-ake it sto-o-op!"
"We're sorry!"
"Let us out!"
"We won't do it again!"
"Please!"
Cries for help ring out in the studio as the troublemakers get their just deserts.
Millie hangs upside down from the ceiling like Spiderman. She is suspended above a pool of roaches, which attempt to climb towards her due to the syrup on her hands.
Ian has his arms strapped to a chair and is being forced to watch the 'Aliens' movies. Dani is getting similar treatment, except she's watching 'Twilight'.
Beck has his arms and legs tied up into one bundle and is hanging above a pit of snakes.
AJ has his hands and feet tied to each other, which stop him from taking off the headphones that are playing Justin Bieber's music.
YOSO surveys them all with her hands on her hips.
"Please!" Millie yells. "We've learned our lesson!"
"It's gonna eat me!" Ian shouts, kicking frantically at the chair in an attempt to escape.
"NOOOO!" Dani screams, jolting the chair and nearly falling over. "They're kissing again!"
"Let us go!" Beck yells.
YOSO puts a hand to her chin in mock thought. "Mmm, how about... no." She walks to the rope that suspends Millie in the air.
"Are you going to let me down now?" Millie asks hopefully.
"Okay!" YOSO loosens Millie's rope a bit so that she is closer to the bugs than before.
"That's not what I meant!"
YOSO shrugs. "Then you should have worded your request differently." She then walks to Millie, and picks up the remote. "How about I slow the movie down? It'll last longer and it'll be easier for you to take in."
"PLEASE NO!" Dani cries.
"What was that? 'Please yes'? Well, alright." She presses the button, making Dani cry out in anguish and a few tears fall from her eye. Next, YOSO goes to Ian. "Not really sure how I can make your torture worse..."
Ian sighs in relief, but is still scared stiff from the movie.
"...except this." She reaches into his pocket and takes away the keychain.
"NOOO!" Ian shouts, shaking the chair as he tries to free his hands to take the puppy back.
She waves in front of his face then puts it in her pocket and walks to where Beck is. She looks him over, then leans on the edge of the pool holding the snakes. "What to do with you..?" she murmurs.
"Leave me be!" Beck says, trying to climb up the ropes.
YOSO snaps her fingers. "Here's something." She flicks his hat, making it fall into the pit of snakes.
"NOOOO!" He struggles against the bindings, causing one of the ropes to snap. He looks up apprehensively, then down at the snakes he is now closer to. He gulps, eyes wide in fear.
"Next up," she says as she walks away. "AJ." She looks down at him as doctor would her patient.
He shakes his head wildly in an attempt to get the headphones off and to make the music stop.
YOSO reaches for his headphones, but instead of pulling them away, she increases the volume.
"You're evil..." AJ mutters darkly, slumping on the ground and glaring at her.
YOSO smiles cheekily, moving on to the next victim: Stan, who is wearing virtual reality goggles while being trapped in a box, similar to the one he put 'The Cheapskate' in.
"NOOOO!" he yells, reaching out for an invisible object. "Why would you burn cash?!"
"Such is life, Stan." YOSO sighs, closing her eyes remorsefully. She looks to Stan's box and grins, she climbs up the ladder on the side of the box and changes the setting on his goggles.
"Not the thousands! Not the thousands!" he screams.
YOSO slides down and makes her way to Wendy, who sits next to the projector and watches the music video for the song 'Straight Blanchin''... on a continuous loop.
"Why?!" she shouts. "This song is so stupid its not even funny!"
"Yes, agreed." YOSO says, sitting down cross-legged next to her. "But hey," she says, shrugging, a wicked smile growing on her face. "I'm not the one stuck watching it for the next few hours."
"Hours?" Wendy says, aghast. "Hours?!"
"With onscreen lyrics!" YOSO says triumphantly.
She messes with the projector for a bit, then sits walks away as the lyrics for the song play onscreen alongside the video and the music.
Scores
AJ - 5
Beck - 5
Dani - 5
Ian/Millie - 5
Stan - 5
Wendy - 5
YOSO - 500 ಠ⌣ಠ
"Hello and welcome ba-" YOSO gets cut off.
"Can we go now?" Dani asks.
"No."
"Then when?" Millie whines.
"I am leaving you punks like that overnight!" YOSO shouts to her left, arms at her sides.
"What?! Why?!" they all shout.
"Because thanks to the lot of you, the rest of us no longer have a place to sleep!"
Silence falls over the set. YOSO simply glares at them.
"Nobody wants to own up for it?" she asks.
More silence. She glances at the camera, and after another glare at the group, she faces it once more.
"Well, I guess I have to explain what happened now..." She clears her throat, nodding in the direction of the rooms.
The camera pans 90 degrees to the right to show a wall of foam, then back to YOSO.
"Bottom line, chemistry in small spaces is a bad idea." she says, making her voice louder to speak pointedly to the pranksters. "And Dipper and Mabel disappeared, too, so there's another problem to-"
She stop talking as Laina walks onstage and whispers something to her.
"They're where?" YOSO mutters to her. "You're kidding... Oh no..."
Laina waves at the camera briefly then runs in the direction of the rooms.
"There's been some new development to this story," YOSO says slowly. "We now know that Dipper and Mabel are...um...in some rather 'deep' trouble..." she trails off, looking at the wall of foam with a calculating expression.
The camera pans back to the foam, where Nick and Gabs now stand.
"Blow torch?" Nick asks.
"I'm thinking something more along the lines of hairdryer." Gabs says.
"Hang on, what's this stuff made of again?"
"I don't actually know..."
Ford walks up to them, holding a test tube containing a sample of the foam. "It appears that the reaction has made a new chemical, one which is highly flammable and extremely explosive."
"... You're kidding, right?" Nick asks.
"Sadly, no. We will have to be very careful while removing this substance from the premises."
"Would a vacuum work?" Gabs asks, poking the foam with her foot.
"Heat in general could set off a chain reaction which could annihilate us all." Ford pauses a moment, his gaze shifting to the blob. "So you might want to watch how close you stand to that thing."
The others step away awkwardly. The camera goes back to YOSO, who stands with her hands clasped together and disbelief etched in her features.
"Hello, Problem #14..." she mutters. She looks back to the camera. "We're gonna need another break. Cut to commercial!"
Is your vacuum not doing its job?
A young adult Stanley holds up a state-of-the art vacuum with a frown.
Is it leaving behind those annoying dust splotches on the rug?
He spills a bucket of dirt on the ground and rolls the machine over it (without plugging it in).
Well, then you should try Stan Vac
An old, beat-up looking vacuum shows up on screen in front of a shiny background. The dirt-collector bag has a green sash over it with the words 'Stan Vac'
StanVac: It sucks more than anything!
"We're back and we're gonna move on now!" YOSO says cheerfully, adjusting the strap of the satchel on her shoulder.
"Finally!" Laina says from far away, exasperation evident in her voice.
YOSO counts off on her fingers. "We've taken care of the blob, Dipper and Mabel have been rescued, the pranksters have been let go, and the next segment's ready." she says in one rushed breath. She grins toothily, before calling out "All characters to the stage!"
The characters shuffle onto the stage, even Bill, who makes a big show of dragging his arms behind himself and occasionally rubbing his eye, before floating up like he usually does.
"I'm just going to read out the rest of these ships Dipper's a part of." YOSO says, taking a rolled up paper with a string around it out of the bag. She unravels the string, making the paper open up and unroll halfway to the floor. "As you can see, there's a lot." She clears her throat. "So I left off at... BillFord, right?"
"It was DipFord!" Carol calls out tiredly.
"Right right. So... the rest of the list has... DipFord," She takes out pictures as she reads the paper. "Dipcest, Bipcest, Dipper X Tyrone i.e. Double Dipping, Dipper X Robbie..." She looks up from the page and yells over her shoulder. "Hey, do DipStanwich and MaBillDip count as shippings?"
"No, they're harems." Beck says.
"Oh. I'm just gonna..." She stuffs the pages back into the bag and takes out new ones. "Let's get onto Mabel's shippings."
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Eris asks.
YOSO smirks a little, as she looks to the ceiling then to the right, where Eris's voice came from. "No, I don't think I have."
"Really? You sure you haven't forgotten a certain very in-demand shipping?" Laina says, putting obvious emphasis on the last few words.
"Which one?" YOSO asks, feigning being clueless and tilting her head to the side. "I'm sure I got through all of them."
"How could you already forget Dipcifica?" Leela asks incredulously. "Everyone's been asking for it since you started!"
"Hmm, not ringing any bells." YOSO says, making sure all the straps on her bag were set, and glancing towards the exit.
"Are you kidding us right now?" Dani asks, stomping onto the stage. "Just show Dipcifica! It's literally the only thing I ship in GF so come on already!"
"Well, you see...I would, but..." YOSO smirks, looking at the characters slyly. "It's not like Dipcifica is canon or anything."
The studio pretty much erupts at this point, the sound of the entire cast bugging out at once very clear. "WHAT?!"
YOSO takes this moment to run, dodging the items being thrown at her from the crew. "Hey, if you injure me, I can't show Dipcifica!"
All firing stops for a moment.
"Take the satchel!" Gabs shouts.
YOSO stops in the middle of the stage, the characters stepping away. "You'll have to catch me first!" She pulls a ball out of her hat and throws it to the ground, making a cloud of smoke.
-Please stand by, we are experiencing technical difficulties-
"Well, blah!" YOSO says, sticking her tongue out at someone offstage. "Because it's hilarious." She sighs. "Ah yes, listen to that sweet sound of people yelling at me to get on with the show." She manages a straight face for another 5 seconds before bursting out laughing. "Oh man, your faces!" Her satchel gets thrown at her. "Alright, I give." she says, rolling her eyes. She puts the satchel on and walks to the opposite end of the stage, finding the characters sitting there boredly. "Pacifica, please come forward."
The aforementioned tween stands up and makes her way forward.
"Pacifica," YOSO says, taking a sheet of paper out of the bag and keeping turned towards herself so they couldn't see it. "You appreciate Dipper, correct?"
"Well, yeah." Pacifica says. "He fixed that whole ghost problem."
"And your little personality issue."
"That too." she says meekly.
"Let me ask you something. You ever dream of this?" YOSO turns the paper around so that only Pacifica can see what's on it.
Pacifica blushes a little. She glances at the camera. "Do I have answer this in public?"
"Yes, because they already know."
"Oh... well, so much for my own thoughts." Pacifica takes a deep breath. "I admit, IhaveaslightfondnessforDipper."
YOSO surveys the crowd until she finds the familiar hat; the boy wearing it leaning against the wall. "Yo, Dipper!"
"What?" he asks, a little annoyed.
"Come over here." She nods for him to come closer.
"If it's about shippings, I'm fine right where I am." He pulls his hat over his eyes.
"Come on! It's the last one, I promise!"
Dipper looks up. "No more shippings?"
"Well, there'll still be shippings, just not any more that have you and the other characters."
"Good enough." he grunts, weaving through the crowd to reach the girls.
"So, Dipper. How do you feel about Ms. Northwest here?" YOSO gestures to Pacifica.
Dipper looks at Pacifica critically. "Is there a specific way I'm supposed to feel?"
YOSO coughs out "Yes", then continues speaking. "Sorry, had a little something in my throat. So, you don't think she's a little, I don't know... cute?"
"I don't know..."
YOSO facepalms. "You must have patience with this one." she whispers to Pacifica. She addresses Dipper. "Well, you're being shipped with her."
"..."
"What, nothing?"
"That's not too bad, actually."
"Okay, there." YOSO shoves Pacifica towards Dipper. "Make with the happy."
"That's a little forced, don't you think?" Millie says, walking up to them.
"What am I supposed to do? We don't have time to put them on a date or anything, and they're probably going to do all that when they finish up with Weirdmaggeddon."
"Make them friends first."
"Forget that." Beck says, joining the group. "Just have them make-out now."
"Agreed." Dani says, also joining.
"You do realize they're just 12, right?" YOSO says.
"So? They're perfect for each other." Leela says, walking up.
"YOSO's right, they're too young for that." Nick says.
"Thank you." YOSO says, leaning back on one foot and crossing her arms.
"...but that doesn't mean we can't set them up on a date."
"Am I talking to myself here?" she says, throwing her hands up.
"All in favor of setting up Dipper and Pacifica on a date, say 'Aye'!" Beck says.
The entire cast, even the ones offscreen, join in a chorus of "Aye!".
"Guys!" YOSO says.
"What? It's not like we're making them do 'that'." Dani says.
"Uh, guys?" Dipper says.
Him and Pacifica sort of shift awkwardly in their places.
"She's nice and all, but I barely know her." Dipper says.
"She knows you well enough to have developed a crush on you." YOSO says, unimpressed.
"YOSO!" Pacifica says, shocked.
"He had to find out at some point."
"Good thing they're gonna forget this, am I right?" Millie whispers, nudging YOSO with her elbow.
"True that." She clears her throat. "You two can go get to know each other if you want, I have to get to Mabel's shippings."
"Okaaay..." Pacifica says hesitantly.
"Oh, I know the perfect place." Millie says. She takes Dipper and Pacifica's hands, pulling them behind her as she runs.
"Your turn, Mabes." YOSO calls, rummaging through the bag.
Mabel skips to her, slight determination on her face, as YOSO pulls out a scroll and begins reading.
"Mabel, you are part of the following shippings: Pinescest, Stanbel, MaBill, Mabifica, Mabideon-"
"Hold up." Mabel says, holding up her hands to indicate the other should stop. "Mabifica? Mabideon?"
"Yeah, don't ask how Mabifica got started-"
"One person said that the Mabifica pairing started during 'Double Dipper', and 'The Golf War', and I quote, 'Only added to the flames'." Nick shouts from somewhere offstage.
Mabel facepalms. "Whatever happened to the difference between 'rivalry' and 'friendship'?"
"Check 'BillDip' and you have your answer." YOSO says.
"And Mabideon?"
"That's more of an AU sort of thing, but I think that's subject to change, considering how Gideon rode off to fight Bill for your sake."
"Wellll..." Mabel looks at Gideon in appraisal. "No, not happening."
"Maybe in a few years-"
"Sorry, no."
"Okay, fine. The other shippings are Fordbel, Candy X Mabel, Mabel X Mermando-"
"But..."
"Yes, I know Mermando left, but the argument here is that he could somehow escape the marriage contract."
"But, I-I just got over him, h-he-" Mabel stutters out nervously.
"Calm down, Mabel." YOSO says, patting Mabel on the back. "Let's just move on to other shippings, hmm?"
"Yeah, yeah sure."
"Okay, all that's left is Mendy and Mobbie."
"That's all?"
"Yup. You can go now."
Mabel walks off, a bit dazed.
"Stanley, it's your turn." YOSO says, searching for his scroll.
Stan trudges up to her. "It's the principal's office all over again." he grumbles.
"Your shippings are..." She pulls the scroll out and begins reading. "Stancest-"
Stan takes this moment to fake a heart attack. "I-I see the light!"
"Man up, would you!"
"Even you hurled when you showed us!"
"Which is why I'm not looking again or showing you." She shudders. "But that image is still haunting me."
"We need a change of subject here."
"Agreed. Next, there's Stanbel-" She takes a bundle of pictures out and shows him the first, but gets interrupted before she can show the next.
"Booo!" Stan jeers, interrupting her.
"Stoos-"
"Boooo!"
"Stendy-"
"Boooo!"
"StanDip-"
"Boooo!"
"StanBill-"
"Booooo!"
"FiddleStan-"
"Booooo!"
"And Starla."
"B- Henh? Starla?"
"Yup, Starla. It's more of an AU sort of thing, but still. The idea that you and Carla would get back together is rather heart-warming." YOSO gives Stan the picture, who looks at it somewhat longingly.
"This has restored my faith in the fandom."
"This ship is better part of the Grunkle4Grandpa AU, where you are actually the twins' grandpa, but you gave their dad away to Shermy so they think he's their grandpa."
"Much as I like the little gremlins," Stan says, looking up from the page. "I'm gonna have to say that's not true."
YOSO shrugs. "Figured as much." She clasps her hands together. "We're done with all of your shippings." She mumbles "At least the ones with the other characters."
"Alright then." he mutters, before walking away, not having heard that last thing she said.
"Ford's turn." she calls out, biting her lip to avoid smiling.
"And what torture am I to be subjected to?" he asks, pushing his glasses into his hair and pinching the bridge of his nose.
"The usual. You're not really part of a whole lot of shippings, so this is a fairly short list." She clears her throat and reads off of the paper. "FiddAuthor, Stancest, Fordbel, DipFord, and BillFord."
"I heard about the Fordbel and DipFord when you mentioned them to the twins, but BillFord?"
"There is something akin to a theory that when you and Bill first knew each other, you got romantically involved."
Ford remains stoic. "I am torn between laughing and cringing."
"One more ship, one more ship." YOSO snickers. She searches through the bag, until she finds a small piece of paper. She gives it to him, laughing a bit more at his confused reaction. "Meet Ford X Hand Witch."
"A hand witch?"
"The Hand Witch."
Ford stares at the paper blankly, while YOSO just about falls over laughing.
"Okay, okay." She wipes her eyes, and recomposes herself. "That's all for now, Ford."
Ford walks away, still puzzling over the Hand Witch.
YOSO checks her watch. "Hmm, this is taking a while." She calls out to Wendy. "Hey, Wendy!"
"What up?" she replies.
"You already know all of your shippings, right?"
"Mendy, WenDip, and Stendy, right?"
"Okay, good. What about you, Gid?"
Gideon crinkles his nose in disgust. "Dipeon. An' Mabideon. That's all."
"And Gidifica."
"Mah' heart belongs only to Mabel."
"Alright. Who's left? Bill!"
"What?" Bill asks, clearly annoyed.
"How many ships have you heard?"
"MaBill, BillDip, BillFord, StanDip."
"Okay, okay. Umm...Soos! Your list of shippings, if you please?"
"Just Stoos, I think. Does my relationship with Melody count?"
"Of course! Nobody should ever forget MelSoos!" YOSO exclaims, stomping her foot for effect. "I think we've gone through all of them now. Yup, we're done." She waves at the camera. "So long, guys! I'm off the clock!" She takes her satchel off and tosses it over her shoulder, then walks away.
Ian pokes his head onstage, looking at the satchel. He sits down next and starts rifling through, then dumps out all of the contents, which include enough paper to build a house, a notebook, and a camera. He sorts out the items until he finds his keychain, takes it, whistling as he walks away.
"Sorry 'bout that everyone." YOSO grumbles through gritted teeth. "I didn't discuss the 'Character X Reader's and OC shippings."
"Keep going." Ian says, his voice carrying from somewhere behind the camera.
"Come on! I'm tired, they're tired," She motions to the left, indicating the characters. "Can't we just call it a day?!"
"These are shippings too, so you have to do them."
"They're not even proper shippings." she groans.
"Too bad, so sad, have to do it or they'll be mad." he says as if reciting a poem.
"I didn't promise anyone anything about those!"
"Just get it over with."
"Fine!" She stomps to the right of the stage to retrieve the satchel, then crosses the stage to the other end and shoves all the characters to the middle. "Guys, last few things have to be done, so bear with me on this."
"This better be quick." Bill mutters.
"Aside from being shipped with each other, you're also shipped with various characters that are either from different fandoms or that fans themselves have created. These are called OCs and... there's nothing else to say about them. They're just characters that people make and put in stories with you, along with possible romantic intent."
"That it?" Dipper yawns. "I'm getting kinda tired."
"Last thing. There's also reader inserts, where people can put themselves into the stories. Usually, these stories are romance based, so people who have fallen for you can just sort of imagine themselves there. Any questions?"
Mabel raises her hand. "So we're being shipped with just about everyone on the planet?"
"... I guess you could see it that way."
"See, Dip?" Mabel says, nudging Dipper with her elbow. "You're lovable."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm the 'hot guy' that every girl dreams about."
"You are in some ways." YOSO says.
"I was kidding!"
"This fanart isn't." She takes a picture out of the satchel. "If this is any sort of indicator, you've got a bright future ahead of you."
"Huh."
"Got something to look forward to now, don'tcha, Dipdop?" Mabel teases.
"Har har, very funny." Dipper says, rolling his eyes. "All done now?" he asks YOSO.
"Hopefully." she says.
"To Dreamland!" Soos cries.
"Yeah, go to Dreamland!" Bill agrees, a wicked glint in his eye.
The characters all make their way to their rooms, leaving YOSO by herself on the stage.
"Thank you for tuning to another episode of 'What Do Ya-" She gets cut off by a yawn. "Sorry, an episode of 'What Do Ya Think?'. We'll see you again next week."
Links are on my profile!