Thanks for reading! I do want to warn that this chapter contains a brief flashback with child abuse.
I'm a man, no worse than any man
"The First Attack," Les Misérables
Kaneki slips into drama, sitting next to Touka. She hunches her shoulders, chin high and pulse throbbing in her neck as if she's trying desperately to pretend she hasn't done anything wrong.
He gives her a small smile. Her eyes narrow. The auditorium stretches wide, red velvet curtains hanging over the stage that a kindly donor must have paid for years ago. The seats are a matching shade of red, plush and comfortable. It could easily sit hundreds of people.
"I heard today's the day we'll find out what play we're doing," announces Shirazu as he saunters over to them. Kaneki smiles. Saiko bounces as she heads over. Mutsuki slips into the seat behind Kaneki, gaze perpetually lowered. Urie scowls as he sits next to Mutsuki.
"Dorm Blocks 6 and 2 are doing The Lion King," reports Saiko. "And Itori's got them doing some sort of joint art project with Uta. And Dorm Blocks 16 and 9 are doing Fiddler on the Roof, and working with Houji on some sort of history tie-in. So I'm guessing we're gonna have a lot of tie-in work to do too." She drops her head onto the back of Touka's chair, moaning.
"Not everyone can sing," complains Urie.
"Most of us aren't bad," opines Shirazu. "And they'll need some people for props and such."
"Why do they think forcing us to do drama is a good idea? Shouldn't it be an elective?" whines Aura as he appears.
"I think it'll be fun," sings Hide, slapping Kaneki's shoulder. "And we'll have the rest of the year to practice."
"I think they do this because they want us to bond," says Hsiao, rolling her eyes. "But according to what I've seen, people usually wind up chewing each other apart."
Kaneki's stomach feels cold. Touka cringes but doesn't contradict Hsiao.
At least we won't be doing another play interpretation like with Faustus, Kaneki thinks. Those have been torture.
"Good afternoon!" booms Itori, walking onto the stage. The din dies down. "So you're all eager to hear, I'm sure." She draws in her breath.
"Is she expecting a drumroll?" mutters Saiko.
Whether she expected one or not, Itori plunges ahead. "And I'm pleased to announce we'll be performing Les Misérables."
No one says anything.
"Eto has agreed to study the novel with you in your literature class later in the semester," Itori adds.
Hide winks at Kaneki, and he smiles. This won't be so bad. He's never read it, but if it's supposed to tie in with their literature class—
"So are all our classes from here on out going to be spent rehearsing?" questions Kimi, her hand in the air.
"The vast majority of them." Itori beams, tossing her long red waves over her shoulder. "And I'm going to see this year if Matsuri Washuu will let us invite the community."
"No one's gonna want to see a play put on by delinquents," mutters Touka. "They'd all be clutching their wallets expecting us to steal them."
Kaneki gulps. She's not wrong.
But the smile on Itori's face gives him hope. Maybe if they could come—could see—
Itori holds up several sheets of paper. "I'll be handing out scripts, but first—Hinami, dear, come help me past these out—here is the cast list. If you don't see your name, assume you've been assigned to prop making. And, in assigning parts, I kept in mind a variety of attributes, including singing and performance ability, but also including your personal character."
"I'm uncomfortable," Hide whispers.
"Which isn't to say I think you're like your characters in any respect," Itori adds with a giggle as Hinami takes the papers, handing them out along the rows. "There are only a few solo parts, but several of you have two, three, or four ensemble roles, so if you see your name with a number next to it, assume that is the number of singing roles you have and look for the other places your name appears on the list."
Kaneki swallows and rubs his chin. I have to be one of the prop-makers, right?
Or the ensemble.
Hide gets the stack first and his jaw drops.
"Hide, pass them!" snaps Touka, clearly as agitated as Kaneki.
He hands them out. Kaneki takes it and his eyes bug out.
That's my name.
Single Roles:
Jean Valjean: Ken Kaneki
Javert: Koutarou Amon
Fantine: Akira Mado
Thénardier: Shuu Tsukiyama
Madame Thénardier: Kimi Nishino
Éponine: Touka Kirishima
Cosette: Hinami Fueguchi
Marius Pontmercy: Tooru Mutsuki
Enjolras: Ayato Kirishima
Ensemble Roles:
The Bishop of Digne ("Prologue"): Kanae von Rosewald (4)
The Factory Foreman ("At the End of the Day"): Shinsanpei Aura (3)
The Factory Girl ("At the End of the Day"): Kurona Yasuhisa (3)
Pimp ("Lovely Ladies"): Takeomi Kuroiwa (4)
Old Woman/Hair Hag ("Lovely Ladies"): Saiko Yonebayashi (4)
Bamatabois ("Fantine's Arrest"): Seidou Takizawa (4)
Fauchelevant ("The Cart Crash"): Hideyoshi Nagachika (3)
Imposter Valjean (nonspeaking) ("Who am I?"): Kanae von Rosewald
Young Cosette: Chie Hori (2)
Young Éponine (nonspeaking): Yoriko Kosaka (5)
Gavroche: Juuzou Suzuya (2)
Grantraire: Kuki Urie (4)
Courfeyrac: Ginshi Shirazu (4)
Combeferre: Miyuki Mikage (4)
Feuilly: Keijin Nakarai (4)
Joly: Muzurou Tamaki (4)
Jean Prouvaire: Ching-Li Hsiao (3)
Lesgles: Hanbee Abara (4)
Thenardier's Thugs:
Brujon: Seidou Takizawa
Babet: Takeomi Kuroiwa
Claquesous: Touma Higemaru (4)
Montparnasse: Nishiki Nishio (4)
Other Ensemble Roles:
Chain Gang ("Prologue"): Kuki Urie, Keijin Nakarai, Muzurou Tamaki, Miyuki Mikage
Farmer ("Prologue"): Nishiki Nishio
Laborer ("Prologue"): Hanbee Abara
Constables ("Prologue"): Shinsanpei Aura, Touma Higemaru
The Poor ("At the End of the Day"): Seidou Takizawa, Keijin Nakarai, Muzurou Tamaki, Miyuki Mikage, Hanbee Abara, Kuki Urie, Ginshi Shirazu, Chie Hori, Juuzou Suzuya, Takeomi Kuroiwa, Nishiki Nishio, Yumitsu Tomoe (3), Kuramoto Itou (3), Ikuma Momochi (3)
Factory Workers ("At the End of the Day"): Yoriko Kosaka, Ching-Li Hsiao, Saiko Yonebayashi, Ayumu Hogi (4), Misato Gori (4)
Sailors ("Lovely Ladies"): Hideyoshi Nagachika, Touma Higemaru, Ginshi Shirazu
Whores ("Lovely Ladies"): Yoriko Kosaka, Ching-Li Hsiao, Ayumu Hogi, Kurona Yasuhisa, Misato Gori
Drinkers ("Master of the House"): Kuki Urie, Ginshi Shirazu, Takeomi Kuroiwa, Touma Higemaru, Hanbee Abara, Keijin Nakarai, Muzurou Tamaki, Miyuki Mikage, Yumitsu Tomoe, Kuramoto Itou, Ikuma Momochi
Beggars ("Look Down"): Seidou Takizawa, Yoriko Kosaka, Kurona Yashuhisa, Ayumi Hogi, Misato Gori, Shinsanpei Aura, Saiko Yonebayashi, Kanae von Rosewald, Hideyoshi Nagachika, Nishiki Nishio, Kuramoto Itou, Ikuma Momochi
Army Officer (offstage): Kanae von Rosewald
Mourning Women ("Turning"): Kurona Yasuhisa, Saiko Yonebayashi, Misato Gori, Ayumu Hogi, Yoriko Kosaka, Yumitsu Tomoe
"That's you, Kaneki!" shrieks Saiko. "You've got the lead!"
"That is awesome," Hide tells him, and Kaneki can only shake his head. This isn't happening.
This can't be happening.
"Congratulations," Shirazu tells him. Kaneki peers over his shoulder to see Mutsuki wringing his shirt.
Who are you again? Kaneki checks the sheet. Oh. "Mutsuki."
He looks up, brows pinched and lips hovering open.
"Congratulations," Kaneki croaks. "You'll do well."
Mutsuki's eyes widen. "Th-thank you."
"You're gonna be awesome, Tooru," Shirazu declares, ruffling Mutsuki's hair. Urie even gives him a smile.
"Congratulations," Touka whispers to Kaneki.
He swallows.
"You nervous?" chirps Yoriko. "All my roles look so small. It's gonna be great."
"I don't—know." It hasn't sunk in. A flutter of excitement surges through his stomach. Itori thinks I can do this?
"I'm screwed," Touka says flatly. "I'll never pull this off."
Kaneki frowns. Hide cocks his head.
"Éponine's a great role, though," Yoriko says.
"Great. Then we can trade." Touka crosses her arms.
"No trading's allowed, Kirishima!" calls Itori from the stage. Touka's face reddens.
"You'll have to be in love with Mutsuki!" crows Shirazu, slapping his leg and guffawing. Mutsuki shrinks. "And you'll be in love with Hinami, Tooru—"
"Just pretend," whispers Mutsuki. Touka looks as if the idea terrifies her, and he remembers her mentioning how she wants to study hard this year, make up for the years when she slacked off, get into a good school. She can't afford a bad grade. Or what happened with Mado to follow her around.
"You can do it," Kaneki blurts out.
Touka frowns.
"I know you can," he tells her, heart racing. "I'll help you. We can rehearse inside the dorm—I promise I'll help you."
"I'm sure you'll have lots of rehearsals together," Hide comments, leaning his cheek against his fist. Kaneki's lungs constrict.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Touka barks.
"It's not like that!" Kaneki insists.
Hide opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, Nishiki storms over. "Did you guys see that Kimi's supposed to be married to Tsukiyama? They'll have to rehearse together and—"
"Don't worry; I'm sure those will be traditional rehearsals," Hide says.
Nishiki's eyes bug. The curtains to the stage, deep red and velvet, sway as Itori plays with them. "Huh?"
"Itori has to let that be swapped," Touka insists.
"Why?" asks Saiko.
"It's okay," says Kimi as she approaches. "I can—we can—he won't try anything else. I hope."
"I'll have a word with him," Nishiki vows, slamming his knuckles together.
"I'll go with you," Kaneki says quickly.
"Fine."
"Did you really mean it?" Touka calls as Kaneki gets to his feet. "That you'd help me?" Her hair covers one of her eyes.
He nods. "Of course."
She studies him with a frown. "I'll help you, too, then."
Her words cut through his armor. Oh. He nods, because he doesn't trust himself to speak. He feels uncomfortably naked.
Nishiki weaves his way out of the seats and Kaneki follows. "Hey, Tsukiyama," Nishiki hisses as they approach the stage.
"Hm?" He turns around and beams at them. Kanae scowls and heads in their direction, Chie on his heels. "Bonjour, Jean Valjean and—who are you playing again?"
Nishiki's face swells. "You better listen to me. If you so much as breathe wrong in Kimi's direction, or look in her direction when you don't have to, I swear I will—"
"I have no interest in Kimi," Tsukiyama says, bored. "Calm yourself, Nishio."
A flash goes off. Kaneki jumps and sees Chie holding her camera.
"Did you get a good shot of him threatening me?" Tsukiyama croons as Itori talks to a frowning Hinami. "Good job, Mouse."
Chie grins and Kanae scowls. His eyes fix on Nishiki and Kaneki in a silent return threat. But Tsukiyama seems to have no interest in bothering them. He flashes Kaneki a toothy smile.
Not gonna work. Kaneki hurries off. He glances over his shoulder to see Tsukiyama's face fall.
Mutsuki wraps his arms around himself as he heads to economics, leaves crunching under his sneakers. Kaneki's voice, his eyes, as he told Mutsuki he could do it—that set Mutsuki's chest on fire. You care. You really meant it.
And then he remembers the smile on Kaneki's lips, his cutest smile, when he told Touka that he would help her, and the way Touka's gaze followed Kaneki when he headed off with Nishiki. Black despair seeps through Mutsuki's chest, sticky and staining.
Who would like me? He shouldn't be surprised. The names his own brain spits at him strike him familiar, but he can't place from where. My memory really is terrible.
You're insane.
Useless…
A face floods Mutsuki's voice, and he stops in front of the classroom, stomach churning and windpipe paralyzed. Daddy? His nostrils burn like water's shooting up them, and then he sees the blurred white porcelain of the bathtub in his childhood home, feels the water rushing into his ears but he can still hear that voice, feel the hand with its rough callouses pinching his skin, clutching the back of his neck, Mutsuki's skull too heavy—
Furuta warned him. He told him, but Mutsuki tried to push it away. I don't remember, so what does it matter?
But now I remember…
"Excuse me, Mutsuki," snaps a voice.
I'm at school.
Re Academy. Economics… He lifts his head and sees Hachikawa scowling down at him from next to the whiteboard. "Are you ill?"
Mutsuki shakes his head. If he tells, they'll send him not to Banjou, whom Mutsuki actually likes, but to Furuta. I'm mentally ill.
I'm insane.
"Then do you plan on entering my classroom or dawdling in the doorway for the rest of the period and getting an absent instead of the tardy I already marked you as?"
Tears prick Mutsuki's eyes. He scurries into the classroom, dropping down into the empty desk between Saiko and Urie. He can't look at either of them. His cheeks burn, and he hears Aura snickering.
"He's probably still in shock," Shirazu offers.
Panic jolts through Mutsuki. How do you know? Shirazu's mouth opens to keep talking and Mutsuki wants to leap over Urie and shove his fist into it. Shut up, shut up, shut up!
"We just came from drama, and Mutsuki's playing a major role in Les Misérables," Shirazu finishes, beaming at Mutsuki as if he's proud of him. "He's Marius."
Oh.
"He is?" Hachikawa's mouth curves. "That's a mistake, but then again, Itori always makes them."
Saiko gasps. Mutsuki's eyes sting, but no tears come. Shirazu flips the teacher off when he turns away, and Urie scowls. Mutsuki twists his baggy black shirt again and again. I'm not going to be any good.
I'm God's mistake.
"I guess your meeting with my dad is off today," Akira says stiffly after the last bell rings and students rush to gather their books and stream out of the classroom. The sun shines dull and dying through the windows lining the math room. Noro wipes problem sets from the board. The eraser squeaks.
Amon nods. "Any updates?"
She shakes her head, checking her phone again. He notices that her background is a picture of a fluffy white cat. "Is that yours?"
"Maris Stella," Akira says. "Shinohara said his wife would take care of her while Dad's in the hospital."
"What do you guys think of the play assignments?" asks Seidou, weaving his way out from the back of the classroom.
Amon winces. In truth, his first thought was… well. "I have to try to arrest her." He nods at Akira.
"I have to assault her," Seidou admits, rubbing the back of his neck.
Akira shrugs. "I get to slap him," she says, jerking her thumb towards Seidou.
"Get to?" Seidou exclaims.
Akira smirks. Seidou's jaw drops.
"Your character's interesting," Akira says to Amon.
"He's righteous," Amon says. "According to the description. Obsessed with doing what's right."
"Except he loses track of what that is," Akira says. "It's probably more accurate to say he's obsessed with following the law. I read Les Misérables two summers ago. Everything he thinks is right—well, it turns out what's right's a lot more complicated than he'd like to believe. It's a good story." She bites her lip. "There's a lot to think about."
Maybe I'll be able to relate to Javert after all, Amon thinks, his cross heavy around his neck. Although what Akira's saying makes him uncomfortable. I'm hardly perfect.
He remembers a cleaver, and blood. And the smile of a man he thought of as his father, a proud smile he still can't see any trace of a lack of sincerity in.
Why do I still miss him?
Mado would be ashamed of me if he knew. And he's lying in a hospital right now, and if Amon wanted, if Amon was anything like Mado, he would get the truth out of Kaneki. No matter what.
Why can't I do it? Is it just because he went through so much at the beginning of the semester?
"What they've been through doesn't matter," Amon remembers Mado telling him. "Every man must choose his way. Or woman, her way. Your past doesn't dictate what you can choose." He leaned back in his chair, a grin drooping over his chin. "You're the perfect example of that, Amon."
You'd probably like Javert, Mado. Except Javert's the villain, isn't he? Or is it, like Akira says, more complicated?
"My father won't be thrilled to hear I'm playing a prostitute," Akira says, staring at her cat's photo again. No new texts that Amon can see. "But I like her song."
"You'll be great," Seidou assures her. "Not—I didn't mean it like—whatever."
Akira snorts. The script weighs down Amon's backpack as they head out of the classroom. When he gets to his dorm room, he pulls it out and flips through it. Itori attached a list with key information about their characters from the novel and full (non-school) edition of the musical.
He was born inside a jail?
They do have a lot in common. We're from terrible places. Amon flops back. And I'm redeeming myself.
He hears Hide warbling next door, trying to get Kaneki to sing along, and guilt scratches him.
Will you be disappointed in me?
He's not sure whom he's asking.
Thanks for reading! Next chapter, Mutsuki and Urie discover that struggling with chemistry can lead to chemistry.