It's Never as it Seems
Jacqueline wondered why it was taking so long for her to die. She had been lying, surrounded by darkness, for about an hour. She didn't want to be here anymore. Why was God teasing her? He had given her life back, just to yank it away again. Was she only saved so that she could give the twins life? Or did he just do this so that she could see what she would miss out on? She couldn't think that. She wouldn't believe that God was that cruel. There must have been a better explanation than that. She didn't have time for any more thoughts, though. All of a sudden, an extremely bright light appeared, making her squint at the sudden change from the previous pitch black. Here I go, she said to herself I just hope I was good enough here on earth to be reunited with Maman and Papa. She worried for a moment that God might have disapproved of her plan for justice but the sound of her name silenced her thoughts.
"Jacqueline." That didn't sound like God. It sounded more like "d'Artagnan?" "Finally. I thought I'd lost you. I mean, we. I thought we'd lost you." That was odd. Why did he sound so awkward again? It was almost as if they were simply brothers-in-arms again and not man and wife. Jacqueline opened her eyes again, slowly adjusting to the sunlight that had been thrown across the room and the bed, temporarily blinding her and making her believe that she was finally in the presence of God. She looked around and took it all in; the wooden table at the bottom of the bed, the rose-coloured bed sheets, the blue-painted walls. Wait a minute. Blue walls? Something was not right. She looked over at d'Artagnan and gasped. He looked so dishevelled. His face was pale, his hair uncombed, and his frown aged him a couple years. But there was still something missing.
"D'Artagnan, where are Noah and Lily?" d'Artagnan looked positively confused. "Who? Oh no, Jacqueline, have you lost your memory? Maybe I should get Doctor Joseph back in here to look at you." He stood up and hurried to the door, obviously distressed. "D'Artagnan, you mean…never mind. Don't get the doctor; I'm fine. I promise." He looked a little sceptical, but relieved at the same time. She could tell that he did not totally believe her, but he wanted to. "Wait a minute! I thought the doctor's name was Muir." d'Artagnan looked worried again. "No," he said slowly. "We had to stop at a hospital in Roseburg. You were shot, do you remember? You have been unconscious for about four days. Are you sure you're alright? I really think I should call-"
"No. I'm fine. Really." He looked at her like a parent would a child. A child who had just gotten into big trouble and was now denying taking any part in the charade. His face was stern and unsmiling. She felt her insides crumbling. So it had all been a dream. Gerard, Maq, Gabe, the twins…him. It had all been an unconscious woman's fantasy. She couldn't believe it. She was devastated. She had tried so hard to convince herself that she really was living it all, just to find out that it was all fake.
But maybe it wasn't. She remembered something from one of Brother Antoine's volumes. Sometimes, the thoughts we have while we are in a coma were really just visions of what is to come. Not a dream; those were different. Maybe she had been right and God really was testing her. Maybe he was showing her what could be and it was up to her to make her wishes a reality. Maybe it was a sign that d'Artagnan felt the same way she did. But there was nothing she could do about it right now. I'll tell him, she decided but not until I'm boarding the ship. That way, I won't be hurt when he refuses me. I just need him to know the truth.
That's why, two days after awaking from the dream of all dreams and only a day and a half after being released from the hospital, Jacqueline and d'Artagnan were once again on their way to the ship. D'Artagnan had long missed his visit with his father, but he didn't care. Jacqueline's health was more important to him than anything else and there was no way that he would have been torn from her side. Not even an earthquake could have moved him. Ok, maybe an earthquake, but he would have taken her with him, so that didn't count. He looked across the carriage at her. She looked so pretty in her satin green dress and matching earrings. Her hair was let down, teasing him endlessly. He wanted so much to climb over beside her and run his fingers through that hair. That's why he stationed himself across from her. He had thought that it would refrain him from doing anything he might later regret. But it wasn't working. By sitting across from her, he could see her every move. He found his eyes coming to rest on her face so often that he was sure she had noticed. But she didn't say anything. She didn't even look up. She never tore her gaze from the window. She couldn't even if she had wanted to. She wasn't really seeing anything; she just couldn't face him. She knew what would happen, and she didn't want to get hurt. D'Artagnan couldn't feel the same way that she did. She was sure of it. They were almost there, though, and then she'd tell him. At least then she could jump aboard the ship and never see him again.
"Arriving at the pier, monsieur, mademoiselle." Jacqueline let out a sigh of relief. That made d'Artagnan worried. Was she glad to finally be rid of him? That must be it. But why? Had he made her uncomfortable? Had she noticed his gaze? That had to be it. He too felt relieved that they had arrived. There would be no more awkward silence, at least, just a nice goodbye between two good friends. But is wasn't that simple. Ten minutes later, the two stood face-to-face before the dock. They had been at it since the carriage pulled away. D'Artagnan had decided to spend the night at the inn, saying it was too late to go back home now. In truth, he just wanted to have an excuse to watch her ship until it disappeared beyond the horizon. He still could not believe that this was it, that this was the last time he would ever see her. He looked down at the trunks in his hand and held Jacqueline's out to her. She took it and her fingers brushed his. For a moment, both of them could not move. They just looked at the spot where they had touched and remained silent.