A/N I do not own Junjou Romantica

~Usagi

My backed ached, and my mind won't stop wandering on the ceiling.

All I've done was lie on the couch ever since I've gotten back from the hospital. I didn't even know how many days have passed.

I didn't know what to feel.

I've gotten two of the worst news delivered to me straight to my face and I felt like I had truly lost myself.

Misaki was gone.

Takahiro took him away even while he slept.

I never got to say goodbye.

I just couldn't accept the fact that I couldn't be able to see him anymore, and that he only had a few months to live.

That was all I could seem to think of every day, and it scared me.

The sun came up, and it dropped back down, the moon taking place, and after a while, it left me again. The cycle continued, but I never moved.

But it broke one day when I heard a knock on the door.

I didn't bother to get it, and I didn't feel like answering to people anyways, but the knocking came louder.

"Geez! If no one answers the door then leave!" I shouted, frustrated.

It stopped for a minute. I thought they've left, and continued to sulk on the couch. But all of a sudden, a heard a sigh of annoyance and the shuffling of keys.

I thought of Aikawa-san who had spare keys to this apartment.

That couldn't be Aikawa-san, I thought. I've given her all of my work through e-mail so she would leave me alone and not intervene.

I looked up, curious, and watched the door as the knob turned.

When it opened, the whole apartment suddenly changed atmosphere, and my heart stopped all at once.

Misaki came, bags in hand.

I sat up slowly as he closed the door and put his things down.

For a moment, we just stared.

I couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't think it was real. None of what I've gotten lately seemed real!

He looked at the ground, and back up to me, revealing a trying smile.

"I'm home," he whispered.

I didn't get it.

I wasn't ready for this.

The ultimate surprise came then hit me as I saw the person I thought I'd never see again stand right in front of me.

I couldn't speak. Looking at him, he seemed nervous too.

His hands shook as he fumbled with them, and I could see he was trying so hard to keep that smile on his face.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

That blew me back.

SORRY? SORRY? Who was he apologizing too? AND WHY?

All at once, every single kind of emotion came flowing back to me after I had just pushed them out of my mind, and my mouth began to move on its own.

"Shut up!" I cried.

Misaki's face was heartbreaking. He looked like he was about to cry. I couldn't explain it, but it looked like he was afraid. I was surprised at myself too for suddenly exploding.

But I couldn't hold back my anger and my sadness.

"Just shut up Misaki! Do you think I want to hear apologies from YOU?"

I let my mind control my words as tears dripped down my cheeks.

"MISAKI!"

Everything was too overwhelming. His scared expression. My voice. My tears.

The happiness I felt among the anger and sadness.

In a flash, I pushed myself from the couch and hugged him. I crushed him with my embrace, pulling him so close to me that there were no spaces between us. I heard him gasp in surprise as I bent down to bury my head on his shoulder. The familiarity of the way we were, his touch, and the way I held on to him as I cried, reminded me of our first kiss out in the snow.

"How could you even apologize?"

No words could express how I was feeling right now. I was confused and relieved, happy and angry and sad all at the same time.

"How could you even apologize…" I repeated, as we fell on our knees.

He wrapped his arms around my head.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle through the tears.

Even though there was no way of getting rid of this sadness, I was happy.

Truly and selfishly happy to have him back in my arms.

We sat on the floor still in embrace as we talked.

"Why are you here?" I asked, my face still on his shoulder.

"Because I chose you."

I lifted myself off to face him. He still held that quivering smile of his.

"Brother told me everything, and I told him about us."

At first, I was shocked and heartbroken to know that Takahiro had to be the one to tell Misaki about his life, and then surprised that Misaki had the guts to tell his brother so soon about us.

I smiled and kissed him on the lips.

He finally confessed that he loved me.

"Thank you for choosing me."

I was happy. Beyond happy. But as we sat on the floor facing each other, my hand on his cheek, I couldn't help but wonder about what he was feeling.

Misaki. Whose smile hid everything.

I had to know.

"Misaki, are you scared?"

His eyes widened in shock as I saw through his terrible disguise. It was painfully obvious.

He looked at my eyes for a moment, hoping to find the courage to speak. Then, he nodded slowly.

"Yes…" I could see him shaking, still trying to hold back even though he knew he was scared.

It was another painful moment for me to know how much Misaki was hurting. He never burdened anyone with his emotions, and took care of people other than himself.

It hurt to know how blind I was to the feelings he hid from the world.

"Then go ahead and cry,"

And in that moment, Misaki finally let out all his fears and sadness, instead of crying for others.

I pulled him in my arms.

I held him tightly as he cried his heart out. It was the only kind of comfort I can give him. This was his moment.

His cries were fragile and silent, a reflection of himself.

He needed to understand what was going to happen in the near future.

And I had to accept it.

"It's okay to think about yourself…" My voice shook as I struggled to keep myself from losing my head in all this sadness.

I didn't ever want to let go of him ever again. I held him tighter, and once again felt the humming of his heartbeat.

I stroked his head like a child's and kissed his cheeks, down to his neck.

"I'm here, Misaki…"

~Misaki

I allowed myself to be selfish.

It was a feeling of great relief, and I felt a huge pressure was lifted from my chest.

I was holding everything in from the very beginning.

I cried because I was scared.

Because I was sad,

And because I was happy to be able to be back in the strong cold arms of Usagi-san.

A/N T_T Reviews are helpful and welcomed!