A/N: Thanks to Tazmy, Marie and Briana for their support and beta's at varying stages of this story. Hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I have writing it. Cheers.

Rest of chapter 10

Ronon had heard tales of Rodney's heroism before and since he'd come to Atlantis, and the longer he'd known him the more he'd begun to understand the man. The prickly exterior and scathing words were a wall - something the man had built up around himself. Only a select few were allowed to see behind the wall. Ronon was unsure whether the barrier was just stubbornness or a carefully constructed barrier created since childhood. Ronon enjoyed baiting him and seeing the man underneath.

Finding him again had been a cause for celebration and sadness; he'd not been the man they once knew, having forgotten them and his life. Ronon had seen this happen before. He'd wanted to help with McKay, but history had interfered. The last time he'd participated in helping someone to remember it hadn't turned out well. He had the scars as a reminder. But he knew these people had hidden strengths, and by the fireside he'd provoked Rodney, the mantra of "never leave a man behind" echoed in his mind. He hadn't wanted McKay left behind.

It had been turning out well, but as the Pegasus galaxy goes Ronon knew it had been too good to be true. Once again Rodney was lying in the infirmary, and they were keeping a bedside vigil. Sheppard was sitting in an uncomfortable chair watching the gentle rise and fall of Rodney's chest, while Ronon was standing a little further away watching them.

"Dammit."

"Colonel?" Carson stopped fussing with Rodney's IV and turned to the exasperated man. Sheppard was staring at Rodney with pained eyes. His hair was still damp as he'd showered after the debrief before coming to the infirmary.

"Does this galaxy have it out for us?"

"We've all had our share of troubles, Colonel." Carson rounded the bed to sit next to Sheppard. "His brain hasn't had a good time of it. Between the complex and this, it's a wonder he's functioning at all. To make matters worse he remembered things when he came back from the complex. Memories that weren't his. I know he never told anyone about it or I would have had the man in here in a heartbeat. So I have to ask myself why?" Carson paused. He knew Rodney's disappearance had affected Sheppard hardest but he wasn't sure of the reason. "You know what I think? His mind was invaded. Plain and simple. He would have been a little scrambled with all those memories: feelings and notions that weren't his own." Carson looked at the still man lying on the infirmary bed. "Rodney knew a similar thing had happened at the SGC, but fortunately for Dr Jackson, they were able to extract the memories as they had access to the device that had performed the deed. Unfortunately for Rodney, he knew the complex and his own memory transfer device had been destroyed." Carson let that sink in before continuing, "I don't know why I wasn't able to pick this up on any of the scans I ran on him, but Rodney must have found a way or been trying to find a way to help himself. Maybe he didn't say anything because he knew he wasn't able to fix it. The part of his body he thinks is the most important to us."

"He was hiding away." Ronon added.

"Must have thought he'd be shipped back to the SGC." Sheppard wiped a hand over his face. "I knew there was something wrong with him, but I did nothing. Thought he'd snap out of it, and then, during that last mission, he froze. I yelled at him and he disappeared." He snorted and looked at Rodney lying prone on the bed, "Just as well he's not awake; he'd say I sound like a girl."

"No, you sound like a friend," Carson declared. "One he's going to need to get through this. You know what Teyla told me?"

Sheppard looked at him. They'd already had this conversation hadn't they?

Carson sat next to the bed and his shoulders hunched. "She told me that Rodney thought he was a murderer."

Sheppard frowned. "Murderer? Why the hell would he think that?"

"All he remembered were bits and pieces and what they painted weren't pretty. Knowing Rodney he filled in the missing pieces and jumped to the wrong conclusions. From his angle he thought he was responsible for some fairly heinous crimes." Carson reached over to the bed and patted Rodney's still hand and shook his head slightly. "He didn't want to be fixed because he was afraid that his memories were true. He was trying to start over."

Ronon walked closer to the men and stood at the end of Rodney's bed. "The 'sum of our experiences' is what he said by the fire."

Sheppard looked at Rodney astounded. "So that was what he meant by giving up. He didn't push to remember because he would then have to reconcile his memories." Sheppard hadn't thought that the man who mouthed off to Koyla would back down that easily. The machines in the infirmary beeped and hissed while Sheppard leaned back in his chair. "How long before he wakes up?" He and Rodney were going to have that talk and there was no way it was going to be put off this time.

"Everything looks good. I'd say in the next twelve hours. I want him to get as much rest as possible." Carson stood up. "You both need to get some rest."

"No, we'll stay." Sheppard looked determined and Ronon nodded.

"I'll have to insist. There are other patients in here and you need your rest too. He's safe here. I'll get the staff to page me if he wakes up."

"You're not staying?" Sheppard asked.

"No. I have to get some sleep before Rodney starts berating my lineage and certain animals."

Sheppard chuckled and tried to cover it up with a not-so-subtle cough.

"Now off with you." Carson made shooing motions with his hands.

Sheppard stood up and started to walk away but stopped when Ronon remained by the bed. "Hey buddy, time to go."

Ronon took one last look at Rodney before joining Sheppard and walking out the infirmary doors. He had a word on his mind. Tomorrow.

OoOoOoO

Teyla waited beside Rodney's bed. Even though it was quite early in the morning she'd been there for over an hour. She was an early riser and she felt this day was going to be a turning point. For them all. The past was going to be laid to rest. John and Ronon had come to see her to talk about Rodney. They had discussed the past year and what Rodney had told her. They had developed, what John called, a game plan. Sheppard and Ronon had yet to appear but until then Teyla was there watching over Rodney.

While she waited for him to wake, she replayed the few conversations she'd had with Pathee. The demons that had been tormenting her friend and the tales of their travels.

Pathee had contacted the Alpha site not long ago, to find out any information about Rodney. She'd been relieved to know that he was on Atlantis and had told them what Rodney had done. She'd also left a forwarding address if Rodney wished to contact them. Teyla marvelled at Rodney's strength. Radek had told them what the device was when they'd first come back and Carson had added what toll it had taken on Rodney physically. Teyla had not doubt that Rodney would recover. He had overcome a lot in the past year but she hoped he would talk to them about it. Allow them to help him heal. The plan would only work if Rodney wanted it.

She let her thoughts drift and returned to the magazine she had borrowed from one of the marines.

OoOoOoOo

Rodney had been drifting. He supposed it had been ten minutes since he'd woken up and he was absorbing the sounds and smells; squeaking shoes walking on the smooth floor and the smell of the antiseptic and feel of the crisp sheets. His mind was clear and the clarity of his thoughts…his thoughts made him feel like he'd won the lottery even though the odds of winning the lottery were miniscule. He was getting off track. What he was most happy with was that he remembered. That device must have triggered something, he was sure Carson could voodoo explain it, and he felt like him. Dr Meredith Rodney McKay the chief science officer on Atlantis. All the memories from the past year floated in his mind, swirling about until the pieces slotted into place. He remembered his time in the complex, the extra memories, a blonde haired woman, Damon, his last mission with Sheppard, Pathee, the nightmares, Kolya, the wraith, coming back, the devices…he was relieved. He was the genius of two galaxies and damned happy to remember. Letting out a soft breath he opened his eyes and attempted to focus on his surroundings. Flashing lights, white sheets and bright lamps assaulted him. The harshness forced him to close his eyes.

The eye action had not gone unnoticed by Teyla who placed her hand on his arm. "Rodney," she spoke softly.

Rodney opened his eyes again and looked to the speaker. "Hi." He coughed slightly and Teyla offered him water. Rodney lifted his head and drank greedily. He hadn't realised how thirsty he was until now. "Thanks." He lowered his head back to the soft pillow.

"You are welcome. How are you feeling?" Teyla enquired. She placed the cup of water back on the nearby table.

"Better than I have been in a long while." He admitted and smiled crookedly. Attempting to sit up his stiff bodily protested. Teyla saw his struggle and pressed the bed control to allow Rodney a better angle. "Thanks again."

Now that he was more comfortable Rodney noticed the absence of a few individuals. Teyla did not miss his wandering eyes, "The others are sleeping. I have come to keep you company and to talk to you before the others arrive."

Rodney shifted uncomfortably on the mattress. "I-"

"No. Please listen." Teyla interrupted and looked at him seriously.

Rodney acquiesced and slowly shifted onto his side so he could face her.

"Pathee and I talked about you." At Rodney's narrowing eyes she continued, "Please do not take it as an intrusion into your life but as a friend trying to understand what has happened. I know there are some things that cannot be shared but there are some things that should. You are a good person Rodney and no matter what ever happens, remember that."

Rodney frowned, "Don't you want to know?"

"Know what?"

"Why." Rodney knew he'd pulled back from them after the complex. The memories left over from the complex had frightened him. Yes, he Rodney McKay had been frightened he had been fighting a losing battle. The one thing depended upon in Atlantis was going to get them killed. He'd been unable to function at times when the experiences had overwhelmed him. He'd drift off into another person's experience. It had first begun slowly and he had been able to fool them for a while but he'd known it would have been only a matter of time before it exploded in his face. But a little voice in his head spurred him to keep on going. He had a legacy to fulfil. A city to save. He couldn't let them down. He'd spent hours searching the databases on Atlantis for a glimmer of hope. After that last mission he'd been going to come clean, legacy be damned, but then the decision had been taken out of his hands.

Teyla shook her head. "It is in the past and this experience will make you stronger."

"That's the thing. I should be able to fix everything and I feel I've let you guys down."

Teyla stood up from the chair and leaned over the bed. Rodney struggled to sit up and Teyla put her hand on his arm. "Rodney, we are your friends and you have not disappointed us. We are glad you are back."

Rodney smiled slightly but was overwhelmed by the gesture. She may not want to know but the others surely would. Elizabeth and Sheppard would have a fit. He should have told them. Trusted them to help but a little voice had told him to wait. He had a job to do and he couldn't go back to Earth. Trying to change the subject he asked what magazine Teyla was reading.

Teyla grabbed the magazine from the nearby table and lifted the cover for Rodney to see.

"Who gave you that…that…" He whirled a hand in disgust.

"A friend." Teyla smiled wistfully.

Rodney couldn't believe the junk people brought with them. The headline glared at him. "Aliens helped me have Elvis' baby."

oOoOoO

Sheppard strode through the infirmary. He was feeling good.

"…but I feel okay Caaaa-rson."

The doctor looked exasperated. "Ah, good you're here Colonel. You can take him off my hands."

"Are you annoying the nice doctor Rodney?"

"Nice? He hasn't stopped poking and prodding me. I think sheep get better care in this place."

Sheppard smiled on the inside as he didn't want to incur the wraith of the Scot. Carson glared at the soon to be released patient and waved his hands in the air. "He's all yours," and strode off muttering.

"You know he's going to find the biggest needle for your next visit."

"As if he hasn't sucked me dry already. I'm a pin cushion." Rodney stood by the bed, smoothed down the creases in his scrubs and narrowed his eyes. "You didn't bring any clothes with you."

"No. I gave them to Carson a wee while ago."

"Oh." Rodney realised the folly of his baiting and scratched his arm. He leaned against the bed a little lost, his outburst finished. "You don't think you could…"

"Sure. Just be a moment." Sheppard walked towards Carson's office and poked his head in the door. "Hey doc. Can I get Rodney's clothes?"

"The blighter is in true form. Not sure if I should hold them to ransom."

Sheppard couldn't help but chuckle. "I know you missed it."

A smile tugged at the corners of Carson mouth. "Never let him know that though. Ask Julie for them." The doctor turned to the mountainous paperwork on his desk.

Sheppard lingered watching the man for a moment. "You did good Carson. We got him back."

Carson sighed and lifted his head up to look at the colonel, "A second chance for all."

Sheppard wasn't sure how to answer that. They were all lucky to have the opportunity. "We'll get out of your hair." He found Julie and asked for Rodney's clothes. When he got back the man was still by the bed looking at his slightly tanned arm. "Twelve months ago I could tell you how many hours I had been exposed to the deadly rays of the sun." He stared at Sheppard. "I don't know now. It's incalculable – well I could probably calculate it to a certain degree…" Rodney drifted in his thoughts before collecting himself. "Argh. There is so much that I have missed."

Sheppard was prevented from replying as Julie returned with a bundle of clothes. As Rodney went to the bathroom to put on his clothes, Sheppard noted the changes in Rodney. Changes wrought from the last year. He'd lost a little weight and there was the permanent reminder of this adventure: the scar on his forehead. But for all the subtle differences he was here in one piece. A testament to the sheer determination and stubbornness of the man.

Rodney appeared from the bathroom wearing a dark t-shirt and trousers. He'd riled Carson so he could leave but he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do now. They'd survived without him for a year.

Sheppard nodded towards the exit. "Let's go."

As they walked towards the infirmary doors Rodney's stomach grumbled. "I'm looking forward to real food. No tava beans or mystery meat. Maybe an MRE."

Sheppard chuckled, "There's the Rodney I know."

OoOoOo

"Why am I here?" Sweat dribbled down Rodney's neck and wound its way down his back. He moved back away from the threat.

THWACK.

"Are you trying to kill me?" Rodney rubbed his red hand. "Ouch! Are you trying to put me back into the infirmary?"

"No." Ronon held the sticks in front of him in a fighting stance. "Again."

Rodney dropped the fighting sticks on the floor and raised his hands in surrender. "We have been doing this for half an hour and I don't think I got any better at this while I was away."

"Oh come on McKay. Pathee told us you practiced with the Kano." Sheppard countered walking into the room.

Red-faced Rodney walked over to the water bottle that was resting on the bench near by. Ronon nodded at Sheppard then twirled his sticks waiting for Rodney to come back.

After taking a swig, Rodney wiped the sweat off his face with a towel, "Did she tell you that they kicked my ass too?"

"Uh, no." Dropping his bag onto the bench beside him, Sheppard took out his own sticks.

Rodney spluttered, "If I can't beat He-man there, what makes you think that I could beat you too." He sat on the bench in defeat.

Sheppard gave the sticks and experimental twirl. "I was hoping that I would have a better chance today if you wore him out first."

"Fat chance. I was built for brains not brawn. That's your job."

"Never hurts to practice."

"Okay, show me how it's done then." Rodney smirked and took another swig of water from the bottle.

Sheppard strode into the middle of the floor. He faced Ronon and as soon as he had raised the sticks the battle began. Ronon and Sheppard danced about the floor, the sticks and extension of their bodies. Ronon didn't go easy on Sheppard, unlike he had with himself. Sheppard got in a few good hits but Ronon had the upper hand with his sheer strength. It wasn't that Sheppard was lazy with his moves but Ronon was deceptively fast. But there was something different about Sheppard's movements. They were purposeful and focussed. He was more focussed than he could remember, zoning out his environment. Sheppard was fighting as if his life depended on it.

Rodney was so engrossed in the two men fighting that he missed Teyla's entrance until she sat next to him.

"He's been like this for over a year. Ronon stops before it goes too far."

Rodney had thought Sheppard was showing off his skills. But now, as he studied him, he saw the determination in his face. The same deadly resolve he saw when the Genii invaded Atlantis a few years ago. The sticks clashed and the sound echoed in the room.

"Why?"

"Sheppard blamed himself for your disappearance. That we left you behind."

"That ridiculous." He winced as Sheppard dropped to his knees, hard, to block a shot.

Teyla watched the Sheppard roll to the side to avoid Ronon's next attack. "He insisted you were still out there but resources were stretched and we were unable to keep searching for you. John did not agree on listing you missing in action. It caused much tension between Elizabeth and himself."

Rodney was silent. He didn't realise how many ripples his disappearance had caused.

"So what's next?"

"Next?"

"I'm not much for the girly talking thing but I don't think I can sit here and watch Sheppard getting beaten to death."

Ronon lunged at Sheppard pushing him to the ground. THWACK. Rodney stood up and yelled. "If you two numbskulls are finished…." They turned to look at him, "Teyla wants a turn."

Rodney collected his things quickly and looked at Teyla. "Sorry I can't do this." He walked out into the hallway and headed off to his room, for a shower and to collect his thoughts. He only made if a short distance before a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Where are you going?" A small trail of blood was winding a path down Sheppard's face.

"What were you trying to prove in there? That you're a military grunt?"

"Just practicing."

Rodney was fuming. The nonchalant attitude was grating. "Please. Ronon was beating the crap out of you. And you should really try to preserve what brain cells you have left."

"What crawled up your butt and died?"

"I don't know. I suppose maybe I've a bad year. Had memories downloaded into my brain that almost made me feel like I was going crazy. If I hadn't disappeared I would have probably killed someone. How about you?" Rodney crossed his arms and stood defensively.

Well two could play at that game and Sheppard countered. "My friend disappeared because he didn't trust me."

Rodney was somewhat hurt at that comment. "Oh, 'course I trust you."

"You do? Then why didn't you come to me for help? Why didn't you tell anyone?" Sheppard's voice increased until he was shouting at the end. Pent up feelings from the past year bubbled to the surface.

"I couldn't." Rodney was quiet. Too quiet. He didn't look Sheppard in the eyes and turned away. "There was nothing you could do."

Sheppard put his hand on Rodney's shoulder. "We would have tried."

Somewhat resigned, Rodney nodded. "I know you would have."

"So what was the problem then?"

"I can't explain it. But something was holding me back."

"One of the memories?"

Rodney shrugged. "Sometimes I didn't feel in control. Sometimes I blacked out."

Sheppard hadn't realised it was that bad. What the hell had happened in that complex? "And now?"

"That feelings gone and Carson's given me a clean bill of health." Rodney tapped his head. "No more boarders left."

"It's amazing they were able to fit at all with all the information in that head."

Silence filled the hallway and the men stood awkwardly in the lull. Rodney broke the peace. "Everything okay with you?"

Sheppard grinned. "Never better."

"Right." He looked the man up and down. Sheppard's head had stopped bleeding but the knuckles on his hand were a bit raw. "You stop getting beaten up by Ronon on a daily basis and I will tell you a few things I learned while with the Kano. Deal?"

Before Sheppard could reply Ronon popped his head around the corner of the door. "You guys finished yet?"

This hadn't been part of the plan but the outcome was just the same. They'd cleared the air. "Yeah."

Rodney wasn't sure if the answer was for him or Ronon, or both But he took it for a sign that they were okay. "Come on. Lets go see Carson before you bleed to death."

OoOoO

Rodney stood at the threshold of his room. He'd been here for the past ten minutes contemplating the walk through the hallways to see the others. He was wearing a science uniform. When he'd put it on it felt right - he felt right. He wondered if he should change to something more casual when his earpiece chirped.

"McKay. Haul ass we're waiting for you."

This was going to be their first team night together. Zelenka told him he'd had enough of going off world and now Rodney was back he could get some real work done. They'd had the hand over and after looking through the project work performed while he'd been gone, he'd surprised Radek by telling him that he'd done a good job. That Atlantis had been in very capable hands. Radek had been flabbergasted for a moment before telling him that it was the last time he was going to cover for him and performance reviews were due in two weeks. Rodney chuckled and touched his earpiece.

"Yes, yes on my way. No need to get your knickers in a twist." Rodney swiped his hand over the door panel and he stepped out to into the hallway. A few moments later he was at Sheppard's room. The door opened and three faces smiled at him. Well, Ronon sort of smiled and Sheppard smirked. He strode over to the group and sat on the bed; the floor would make his backache. Rodney was wedged between Sheppard and Teyla. Ronon was on a chair near the wall. Sheppard passed over a DVD case and Ronon leaned forward to pop in the disc into the computer. It was movie night and it was Sheppard's choice.

As the movie started Rodney groaned. "Where did you get this?"

"From Zelenka." Sheppard's smile widened as Ronon and Teyla were slowly clued into the joke.

"So is this where Spock comes from?" Ronon enquired.

"As if the title didn't give you a clue. Star Trek III - The Search for Spock."

Sheppard grinned. "Thought it seemed appropriate."

"Oh har har Colonel."

Rodney leaned back and made himself comfortable. He glanced at the others for a moment and smiled. He was home and that was where he was going to stay.