A/N: One more short one, and then I'll do Tarzan (by request) and Hercules and I'll do Nightmare Before Christmas once I rent the movie and watch it. Random fact that you really don't need to know: if you go to California Adventures and go to the Beast's library, you can figure out which Disney character you're most like. I got the Evil Queen. Hell freaking yeah.

Disclaimer: I don't own LoD or Disney

Me: ACTION!!

Part Nine: Snow White

Cast: Snow White = Shana; Evil Queen = Rose; Prince Charming = Lloyd; Seven Dwarves = Dart, Albert, Lavitz, Meru, Kongol, Haschel, Miranda; Magic Mirror = Zieg

(Once upon a time there lived a beautiful but evil queen who was very vain)

Rose: At least I have good reason too, I mean, look at me.

Male Readers: She's got a point

Rose: Mirror, mirror, on the wall -- who's the fairest one of all?

Zieg: Well, sweetie, you know that I think that you're the fairest of all, but I'm sorry, the truth is that Shana is the fairest one of all

Rose: WHAT?!

Zieg: ::cowers:: I think you're sexy! Please don't hurt me.....

Lloyd: Is that my cue?

Me: No

(Rose orders Shana to be killed, but Shana survives and makes friends with the woodland creatures)

Shana: Aww, how cute!

Woodland Creatures: ::follow her everywhere::

Shana: This could get really old really fast.....

Lloyd: Is THAT my cue?

Me: No. Go away.

(Shana comes across the home of the Seven Dragoon Dwarves)

Dragoons: Dwarves?

Me: Yes ::shrinks the Dragoons::

Dragoon Dwarves: Dammit

(Yes, meet the Seven Dwarves! There's Stupid -- )

Dart: It's the TRANSLATION!!

(Sexy -- )

Albert: Hells yes

(Beefy -- )

Lavitz: I'm big boned!!

Me: I coulda called you worse

Lavitz: That's true

(Crazy -- )

Meru: WHEE!! LOOK AT ME, I'M TINY!!

(Hairy -- )

Kongol: ::grunt::

(Geezer -- )

Haschel: You are one mean, mean, young woman.

(And Bitchy. The mute.)

Miranda: ::flips me off::

Me: And this time, you're NOT getting your voice back!! I have locked it away in Kingdom Hearts!!

Riku and Sora [my jailbait]: Please don't bring us into this

Shana: Hey, I thought I was supposed to live with seven little men

Me: Well, you're only getting five

Shana: Phooey

Meru: You whore

Miranda: ::nods::

(Party at the Dwarves' house!!)

Meru: ::the only one dancing:: Oh yeah! Get down! WOOT! ::does the sprinkler and other strange moves::

All: ::blink blink::

Miranda: ::displays various obscene gestures::

Lavitz: No wonder she's called Crazy

Lloyd: Is THAT my cue?

Me: NO!

(Whatever. This is starting to bore me. Let's bring in the Evil Queen again)

Rose: It feels good to be the fairest of them all once again. So, Zieg, what other naughty things can you tell me?

Zieg: Um, Shana's alive.

Rose: WHAT?!

Zieg: ::cowers:: I'M SORRY! Please don't hurt me, my love....

Rose: I guess I'll just hafta kill her myself...::prepares a poison apple:: This will kill her for sure ::turns to leave::

Zieg: But, won't Shana recognize you? Aren't you supposed to wear an ugly disguise?

Rose: Hell no! If I turn myself ugly, I STILL won't be the fairest one of all! Plus, it's more fun to be evil AND sexy

Lloyd: Now you know how I feel

Rose: ::death glare::

Lloyd: Lemme guess, that WASN'T my cue?

Me: You're good at this game

(Rose carries out her diabolical plan.....)

Rose: Here girly, eat this apple

Shana: ::shrugs:: Why not? ::takes a bite, falls down dead::

Rose: Hmm, that was easy enough

Woodland Creatures: Oh no! ::runs to tell the dwarves::

Dart: What is it?! Timmy's trapped in the well again?!

Lavitz: ::smacks him upside the head:: That's not the translation, Stupid!!

Dart: OW! It was a JOKE!

Haschel: We're wasting time. DEATH TO THE QUEEN!!

Rose: Oh no, I'm sooo scared. I'm being attacked by little people.

Dwarves: ::push her off a cliff::

Rose: Crap. I'M STILL SEXY! ::falls to her death::

Meru: YAY! WE WON!

Albert: As usual

(Guys, aren't you forgetting something? Shana's still dead)

Dart: NOOOOOOOO!!

All: ::rolls eyes::

(Rose miscalculated in concocking her poison. If Shana can be revived by true love's first kiss)

Dart: That must be me ::kisses Shana::

Shana: ::still dead::

Me: Not in this story

Dart: EWWWW!! I KISSED A DEAD GIRL!! ::goes to brush his teeth::

All: ::stands around, waiting for the next line::

Me: ::ahem::

Lloyd: OH! My cue!!

(Enter Lloyd, the Disney Prince with only two minutes of glory!!)

Lloyd: Damn ::kisses Shana::

Dart: ::cries::

Shana: ::wakes up, sees Lloyd standing above her:: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! ::slaps Lloyd::

Lloyd: OW!! DAMMIT WOMAN!!

Lenus: I'll help you, my love!!

Lloyd: Holy shit!! ::runs::

Woodland Creatures: ::circle around Shana, overjoyed to see her alive::

Shana: Dammit, go away!!

Woodland Creatures: ::attack Shana::

Shana: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

All: ::blink blink::

THE END

Lloyd: ::after escaping Lenus, hanging out at Disneyland with Dart, Albert, and Lavitz:: Damn that chapter SUCKED!! I had the smallest part EVER!!

Dart: ::back to his original size:: I'M NOT STUPID!! IT'S THE TRANSLATION!!

Lavitz: I'M BIG BONED!!

Albert: I liked my dwarf name

Dart: Shut it. C'mon I'm hungry

Lavitz: Oooh! ::points to the covered wagon next to Big Thunder Mountain:: McDonald's fries!!

Lloyd: Yeah, that cost twice as much as regular fries!!

Me: ::pops my head out of the wagon:: Hi, how are you? What can I get you......oh shit

Guys: ::fall on the floor laughing::

Me: I told you!! I don't get paid to write these fics!! I need to get car insurance money somehow!!

Guys: ::still laughing::

Me: Grrrr.....that'll be $3.....