A/N: The reviews have been awesome. I am so glad to hear what you think and thrilled that so many of you are enjoying it.

Please read and review...It makes me smile to hear your thoughts on the story ( good or bad..just please don't be an ass)

A/N: This chapter explores what was going on with Rick and Kate during the day on Saturday and the aftermath of her catching one of the kidnappers.

Disclaimer: I own my stuff Marlowe owns his

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Only Love Will Guide You Home

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Chapter 10: Lacrymosa

Out on your own

Cold and alone again.

Can this be what you really wanted, baby?

Blame it on me

Set your guilt free

Nothing can hold you back now

~Evanescence

twelve hours earlier:

Saturday (mid-Morning)

Kate laid in the hospital bed and tried to get comfortable. She wanted to get out of here, but considering her past shooting, and the fact that she had just taken a projectile to the chest, the doctors wanted to keep her overnight. She really didn't want to be here. She really wanted...needed... to be out there smoking Shane out of his hiding place. She had to catch him before he managed to get to someone she loved. But she especially didn't want to be here.

This was the same hospital they had brought Rick the night Shane and his brother had dumped his nearly lifeless body in front of his own loft. In front of his family. In front of her. That night she had been terrified as she rode with Rick in the ambulance to the emergency room.

Today's ride wasn't as bad as the last time…but it was still bad. She wrestled flashbacks the entire way. Not to mention she was forced to listen to Esposito's lecture about how stupid she had been. She didn't need him to tell her that. She knew it was a risky move when she did it. But playing it safe hadn't moved this case along one bit. She did what she had to do. And no, she didn't give a damn about her job as long as her dad and the Castles were safe. Except she did…she didn't want to be fired…but if her actions today led to the arrest of Shane Fergusson…it would be worth it.

She hurt all over. Especially her chest. She looked at the rapidly spreading discoloration under her gown. The impact point of the bullet looked oddly normal. A perfect little diameter of death right below her collarbone….right above her heart. She should be dead. Again.

Where, she wondered, did that kid get rubber bullets in the first place? And why load your weapon with them when you obviously expect trouble…otherwise…why bring a gun? None of it made any sense…and it definitely seemed out of character for what she knew about the brothers.

Voices outside her door drew her attention away from her memories. She was hoping it was the nurse with her ice pack.

Kate caught a glimpse of a uniformed arm as the officer posted at her door held it open for the new arrival. She just wasn't expecting it to be Captain Gates.

"Good Morning, Detective." Victoria Gates entered the room of her most talented and infuriating detective. As she made her way into the room, she took in her pale skin, tight features, and overall exhausted appearance…Well, it didn't take a medical degree to see that Detective Beckett had been ignoring her own health for the last couple of months. "I can't tell you how relieved I am that you were not seriously injured."

"Thank You, Sir" Kate said respectfully. It was best to be cautious…she was on thin ice professionally and she knew it.

"This is not how I planned my Saturday, you know. Visiting one of my own in the hospital." If her smile seemed forced…it's because it was. Gates was genuinely glad that Kate was okay but she was also very angry...she tried to keep a lid on her simmering emotions. "How are you feeling?" she asked as she sat in the chair near Beckett's bed.

"Better. They gave me a couple of pain pills, so hopefully they should start to kick in soon." She couldn't hide her wince as she tried to sit up a bit more.

"Well," the Captain continued in her professional voice, "Since you're on narcotics, we will wait and take your statement Monday morning. You can come by my office first thing," she placed her statement book on the floor beside her since she wouldn't be using it today.

Beckett let out a sigh of relief. "Thank You, Sir. I'm really tired right now." That much was true…Kate didn't remember ever feeling this kind of mental and physical exhaustion before. Not even the first few months after her Mom died. "I'll stop by before my shift starts and write it up."

Captain Gates' response was not quite what Kate was hoping for.

Victoria couldn't hold back the soft bark of laughter at the audacity of this stubborn woman, "I'm sorry, what makes you think you will be at work on Monday?"

Uh oh.

"Sir, the doctors said I'm fine and that I can return to work after the weekend." She assumed that Gates wanted her to rest up longer than just a couple of days…but now that Mike had been caught, Kate knew there would be new leads to track down…a real chance to catch Shane. She needed to finish this.

"I don't give a damn what your doctors say. You've crossed a line, Detective. One that I just can't ignore." Gates leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, "Did you really think you could violate a direct order by interjecting yourself into this investigation, putting your own and other innocent lives at risk, not to mention risking the successful prosecution of this case, all without consequences?"

"Captain, I broke this case wide open…you can't just sideline me now. Please just let me…"

"You were already sidelined!" Gates interjected angrily, "And you chose to ignore that. No, Detective, my decision is already made."

"Captain Gates, please don't do this." Kate pleaded, she was tired and fighting off tears, "I need to make sure Rick is safe. I'm sorry I disobeyed orders."

"Oh, please…you're just sorry you got caught. We both know you would do it again to keep them safe." Gates gave her a look that dared her to deny it.

"And you wouldn't?" Kate shot back, her frustration getting the better of her, "Would you just sit on your hands and do nothing or would you do whatever it took to keep your family safe?"

Captain Gates gathered her things and rose to her feet, the truth of Kate's words softening the edges of her anger. As a wife and a mother, she could understand, but she didn't have the luxury of letting Detective Beckett have her way in this matter. "Kate, you have the strongest drive for Justice of any person I've ever met. But as your Captain, it's my job to make sure that drive for Justice doesn't turn into an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. Detective Ryan could have been killed today. And that would have been on you." Gates was pleased to see that her last statement seemed to have an effect.

Kate dropped her gaze, trying to hide the fresh wellspring of tears that her Captain's remarks brought. She knew Gates was right.

"Believe it or not," Gates continued, "There are a lot of perfectly capable detectives looking for Shane Fergusson as we speak. And they will find him. Yes, you broke the case…so be satisfied with that…and count yourself lucky you still have a job."

All Kate could do was nod.

"I reviewed your personnel file on my way here. You have quite a bit of time accrued. As of now, you are on two weeks' vacation."

Beckett opened her mouth to protest, but the look she got from her Captain had it closing immediately. This was a gift, she realized. Gates could have suspended her again, probably should have…or outright fired her. She should be grateful. And she was…kind of.

Victoria leveled a warning at her favorite detective, "If you so much as think about interfering again…I will bury you. Am I clear, Detective?"

Kate nodded, "Yes, sir. Thank you…for not firing me. I know I deserve it."

"Well, finally we can agree on something," Gates replied. "One more thing. You, your father, and the Castles have each been assigned a protection detail until further notice. Do not attempt to lose them or bypass them or your 'vacation' will become permanent."

No way was she getting stuck with a babysitter. She had things she needed to do. "No! Sir, I can take care of myself." She shook her head, "Reassign my detail to Rick…or Alexis."

"Why, so you can go rogue again? Do you think I'm stupid?" This time Captain Gates' smile was genuine. "I'm afraid I can't do that, Beckett. The Mayor personally called me this morning to authorize it. So like it or not, you're off the case."

Damn. This couldn't be happening…She didn't want to fail Rick and Alexis, but if she went against a directive from the Mayor… she appreciated just how lucky she was to still have a job...maybe what she did today will be enough…maybe.

Gates watched as Beckett finally seemed to accept defeat. Her head fell back on her pillow. And were those actual tears?

She moved closer to the bed and gently laid her hand on Beckett's arm. "Kate, let me give you some advice…woman to woman." She smiled kindly, "Use this time to get your personal life together. Go talk to Rick. Work this out." She winked conspiratorially and smiled slightly, "Besides, I need you both back at one hundred percent…I can't afford to have our numbers drop. I'm still bucking for a promotion."

Kate chuckled a little and wiped her cheeks dry. "I don't even know if he'll talk to me, to be honest."

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Gates said encouragingly. She pulled her purse over her shoulder and situated her binder in her arms. "I'll be going to Mr. Castle's to update him on the developments in the case, later today. Is there a message you would like me to give him?"

Tell him I'm sorry and that I love him.

"No, Sir…..but…could you please not tell him about what happened today…I mean about me and Ryan getting hit. I don't want him to worry. He doesn't need that on top of everything else he's dealing with."

Gates nodded, "Of course. What you choose to tell him is your business. I'll see you Monday." Another quick smile and she was gone.

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Now that you're gone

I feel like myself again.

Grieving the things I can't repair and willing

To let you blame it on me

and set your guilt free

I don't want to hold you back now, love

~Evanescence

Saturday Afternoon

Being in the hospital gave Kate plenty of time to think about how everything played out today…the danger that her recklessness had put her friend in. Ryan trusted her…and she had let him down. Partners deserve better. His wife and child deserved better. Kate looked back over the circumstances of her life for the lasts few weeks…since that damned job offer.

All of this was her fault. If she had just been honest with Rick from the beginning…if she had just trusted that he really meant 'always'. He had never really lied to her, not when it counted. And he was right to doubt her ability to open up. She sucked at it.

But just as she was feeling good enough…secure enough in their bond to begin to believe that she, Katherine Beckett, might actually be able to be in a healthy relationship…Eric Vaughn had shown up…and momentarily shattered her confidence in her ability to be able to commit.

After all, if she could be swayed…even for a minute…by someone else…was it real? Would it be enough to make it through the rough spots that would inevitably come up?

And yes…Rick was jealous of the attention Eric showed her. He even arranged the romantic massage with rose petals and candles to make up for the fact that he had been taking her for granted. Yet he had completely misunderstood what she meant by 'Where are we goin'. Maybe it was the cop in her, or maybe it was because life had taught her that everyone leaves eventually…but she wondered if he was being obtuse because he wanted to avoid the topic of a future...with her.

For someone so quick to pick up on her sub-text and signals, she reasoned…it was odd that he would've missed the opportunity to push her for more, especially when she had so clearly brought it up first. After that, she lost her nerve to bring it up again.

By the time Agent Stack made the overture about the job with the AG's office, she felt paralyzed with insecurity…so she fell back into the habits she had been working so hard to overcome. And it blew up in her face. She suddenly felt very alone. She missed him so much.

She was worried about him…How would he take the news that Mike has been caught…and that Shane had not. Was he still having night terrors? Was he sleeping okay?

She had been driving herself crazy with these same questions for the last month. She hoped he was coping….but she needed to know how he was really doing…and not from his social media updates…which Kate was pretty sure were coming from either Paula or Gina.

No one knew anything. Or they weren't telling her. And she couldn't exactly call Alexis…if Rick's daughter didn't hate her before all this, she surely did by now…and she hadn't heard from Martha since the day after their break-up, when she gathered up her things that had migrated to the loft. That hurt. A lot.

Of course, she hadn't tried to contact any of the Castle's either. They deserved a clean break from her. She didn't want to cause anymore disunity in their lives. She had already come between Rick and his daughter…something she swore she would never do. But she had hoped that Martha might reach out to her.

Kate knew, that for someone as kind natured as Martha Rodgers…for her not to reach out...she must have realized what Kate had known for a long time…she's broken. That she infects every relationship that ever meant anything to her because she has a hard time letting people in.

She must have finally realized that Kate won't or can't change and that they are all better off cutting their collective losses. Nothing else made much sense. And she can't exactly complain…even she knows this is all her fault. They obviously do too and are acting appropriately to protect their family…and she can't blame them.

She had been looking forward to becoming more and more part of Rick's family….sometimes Martha mothered her…And Kate had missed having that calming, maternal, influence in her life since her own mother died. An older woman who had insights that she herself did not…and she had wanted to be that person for Alexis…and any other kids they may have had.

Fresh tears fell, streaking what was left of her make-up, following the drying tracks from earlier. She finally gave in to her emotions. And turning into her pillow, she wept. She was grieving the life she had dreamed of. She knew that the more time that passed without a word from Castle, the more her hope for a happy future moved out of reach. And she had no one to blame but herself.

Kate felt so guilty. She had fucked this up from the beginning. And now it's broken beyond her ability to repair it.

Just when she had begun to believe that she could be more than the sum of her parts….

She finally fell into an exhausted sleep, plagued by dreams of everyone she ever loved walking away, never looking back, and her chasing them...knowing the further she runs toward them…the further she pushes them away…like an invisible wall that keeps expanding in front of her…sweeping them up in its path, inexorably moving them forward…the distance growing between them until they are out of sight.

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I can't change who I am.

Not this time, I won't lie

to keep you near me

And in this short life

there's no time to waste on giving up

My love wasn't enough

~Evanescence

Saturday-later that afternoon - Castle's loft

Rick was alone in his very comfortable, very roomy apartment. The Redheads were doing a girls luncheon, apparently. His mother had left more than half an hour ago and he'd been sitting on his couch trying to figure out how his life had become so complicated.

Without Kate…would it always be this…cold and lonely?

She hadn't tried to contact him. Of course, he told her he would call…and he hadn't. He wanted to, god he wanted to. But he couldn't choose Kate over his only child. If loving Kate alienated Alexis…it would taint the only pure thing he ever made…his child. How can he pursue one relationship at the expense of another? He can't…not when one of those is his daughter. He throws back two fingers of scotch and curses his fate. He was just pouring another drink when there was a knock at the door.

The sudden noise pierced the quiet of the loft so abruptly, it had his heart racing in reaction, he startle so that he very nearly dropped his glass. He took a couple of deep breaths and checked the peephole. His heart dropped to his knees and he pulled the door open in a rush of adrenaline.

"Captain Gates, what are you doing here?" He didn't mean to be rude…but her sudden appearance had his heart sinking.

She had her smile ready when she rapped sharply on the loft door, but it slipped slightly when that door was pulled open so suddenly that the patrolmen that were with her all instinctively reached for their weapons. A frantic and very haggard Richard Castle loomed over her, anxious for a response.

"Uh, Good Afternoon, Mr. Cas…"

"Is everyone okay?...Is sh-," he swallowed hard and repeated, "Is everyone ok?"

"Yes, of course, Mr. Castle," she projected an air of calm confidence, and tried to sound reassuring. "Everyone is fine. May I come in?"

Castle didn't move to let her in, he was focusing on the three uniforms hovering near her. "Why are they here?" he asked, flicking his gaze towards the officers.

"Your friend, the Mayor, sent them." Gates turned and had a quick word with her men that had them scurrying off. She smiled kindly, then nodded towards his apartment, "Please, can we speak privately?"

He opened the door and motioned her inside.

Rick shut the door and quietly turned the lock. The presence of the men outside made him feel uneasy. Even though he recognized all of them and new them to be good men….he still felt nervous.

Flashing what he hoped was a polite look, he turned to face his guest. "So...if everyone's okay, what brings you here, Captain?"

"I'm here to update you. There have been some new developments in your case."

Rick's response was swift, "Have you caught the Fergussons?" His stomach clenched with nerves as the adrenaline hit the Scotch already in his bloodstream.

Gates shook her head, "Not exactly. Do you mind if we sit?" She asked looking pointedly at the stuffed chairs.

Castle snapped into action. "I'm sorry, I've forgotten my manners. Please, have a seat. Can I get you anything?"

Victoria declined his offer as she made herself comfortable on the edge of the nearest chair. He sat on the sofa facing her, clearly anxious for her to get to it.

She cleared her throat and began, "This morning the youngest Fergusson brother was apprehended and taken into custody. We have not located Shane Fergusson yet, however…we feel confident we'll have him in custody before the end of the week. Hopefully sooner."

She was relieved to see he was taking the news well. Probably due, in part, to his experiences with her Precinct and, perhaps in no small part, to the empty glass and open bottle of liquor on the table near her.

"What happened," he asked roughly. He felt scared…and he wondered why…this was good news…he should be feeling relief…and on some level he was very relieved…he just felt…uneasy…all of a sudden.

"Michael and Shane reached out to a relative on Friday, subsequently, Mike was captured at their cousin's warehouse in Queens this morning."

"Why am I just finding this out now?" He reached for his empty glass on the coffee table and poured a measure. "Is that why you brought uniforms? Is Shane after me?" He quickly tossed back the alcohol. Oh god, what if they…HE…came after his family next? What if he managed to get to Alexis…or his Mother. Shit! …They left close to an hour ago…Shane could already have them….Rick lurched to his feet to get his phone from the kitchen.

Gates stood up when he seemed to lose his balance and she could see the rising panic in his face and in his body language. "Mr. Castle," she said quickly, "I assure you, everyone is fine. Your Mother and Daughter have both been contacted by their details and they are safe." Her words seemed to calm him for the moment. As he sat back down, she added, "We've cast a wide net here, Mr. Castle. We are working hard to keep you and your family safe and to catch the remaining fugitive."

Rick knew the NYPD would work tirelessly…he had seen it with his own eyes. He cleared his throat and asked, "Where is Mike now? Has he told you anything?"

"Mr. Fergusson is currently recovering from his injuries at Presbyterian Hospital and all he has done so far is to confirm what we already knew…Shane is still at large and still carrying a grudge. Hence, the security detail. But, as I said, we expect to have him in custody very soon and then everyone can go back to their normal lives."

Of course, Victoria thought, that wasn't all he had said, but there was no reason to upset anyone further. The Department could not do more than what they were already doing, and sometimes when the victims knew too much, it often made the whole situation worse.

"How did he get injured?" He wanted details.

"He was shot in the leg while evading arrest."

"Were any officers hurt?" Was Kate hit? Was she even there?

"No one else was shot," she hedged. She wasn't really shot. It was another partial truth but she was trying to honor Beckett's request for silence on the issue of her injuries.

"So someone was injured…" he concluded aloud, trying to picture how it all went down.

"Mr. Castle, bruises were the worst injuries any of our people suffered today. Let's just say we got lucky and count it as a win." She sees now why he's so helpful during interrogations. Not much gets by him. She should go before he manages to get her to confess. She stood up, her purpose clear.

Rick knew she wasn't telling him everything. Or anything else for that matter…this was Iron Gates after all…and there was no pushing her for the rest of the story. He sighed, "Thank you, Captain. For coming today, I mean...I appreciate you taking the time to tell me yourself."

Gates moved towards the door. "I need to get back to the precinct, Mr. Castle, but I'm sure you know how protective details work. You will have an officer assigned to you at all times for the next few days. If we need to go past the end of the week, we will have to make other arrangements. But I don't see that becoming an issue. We ask that you don't leave this loft without your detail. If you need to go somewhere, an officer will drive you."

Rick smiled as he held the door for her, "Yes, sir. I'll make sure Alexis and Mother follow protocols, too."

Gates nodded, "Then I will contact you when we know more. Have a good day."

He had barely shut the loft door when he realized what his intuition had been trying to tell him. He bolted from the apartment and ran after the Captain.

She was waiting for the elevator to open when she heard him approaching. He jogged over to her, calling her name to delay her.

"Wait, Captain…one more thing..." Rick desperately needed to know who had finally managed to track down his kidnappers, but he was afraid he already knew the answer. "Who caught him?"

Damn the man's curiosity. The elevator doors slid apart.

He was still waiting for a response as she stepped into the waiting car and turned to face him, "Detective Beckett," she answered softly, just as the doors closed with a soft whoosh.

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I can't change who I am.

Not this time, I won't lie

to keep you near me

And in this short life

there's no time to waste on giving up

My love wasn't enough

~Evanescence

Saturday-early afternoon

Kate was running. It was dark and she was in dank warehouse full of televisions of all sizes. As she ran by them, they were each showing images of Rick being beaten and tortured. She kept running. She knew he was in here somewhere, she just couldn't find him. The TV's were so loud….his terrified screams making her blood run cold as they echoed off the concrete floors…the voices of his captors taunting her that she would never make it in time…drowning out his cries for help.

She was like a bat whose sense of direction was being jammed…overwhelmed by the cacophony of noise and running in circles, into dead ends, careening into the screens as she cut corners too close. Sometimes they would fall over and crash behind her…making her scream and change directions.

Kate could see the glow of a strange light at the end of a dark aisle. She ran towards it, past images of Rick being electrocuted with battery cables, past images of him bound and bleeding and begging them to stop. A huge screen was showing him being released from his restraints and collapsing to the floor…The TV wobbled and fell from the shelf as she ran by, narrowly missing her.

She had to get to the light. She didn't know why…but she did. She was weaving through rows of flashing screens of Castle being shot, repeating on a loop. The shots were so loud…and then Rick wasn't moving anymore. A shadowy voice telling her she was too late. She shoved the sets out of her way…and there it was…a glowing junction box…with hundreds of television cords plugged into it.

She frantically yanked them all out…and the cavernous room went eerily silent. Her screams rending the void, "CASTLE! Where are you?" She heard a sound and ran to it…bouncing off cold, black screens that reflected her terrified likeness back to her.

There! Just a few rows away…there was a vertical beam of swirling light…as she got closer she saw her phone…she didn't remember dropping it… but there it was. The tower of light seemed to be emanating from it…but the screen was blank. She picked it up and frantically swiped the surface, trying to get it to work. Suddenly, the screen came alive. She saw herself standing near a swirling void in the floor. As her phone rang…the vibration shook the world where her image was incapsulated…and the version of her that was on the screen fell into the sinister mist. She watched herself fall…her screams chasing her soul as they raced to the bottom.

Kate jolted awake…sitting straight up…choking back a scream as she gasped for air. Finally a buzzing sound penetrated her awareness. It was her phone. With shaking hands, she reached for it.

"Beckett," she replied shakily, trying to shake off the fog that remained from her nightmare.

"Hey," came the voice of her best friend, "I was just callin' to check on you. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," came the terse reply.

"I bet you do," Lanie acknowledged kindly. "Is there anything I can do? Do you need a change of clothes or some company?"

Kate could hear the desire to come see her in her friend's voice, but she wasn't ready. "No, I'm good. My clothes weren't damaged…I can just wear them home in the morning."

"Would you like me to stop by on my way home?"

"Thanks, Lane…but I'm really tired. And sore. I think I'm gonna take them up on some of the pain pills they've been pushing. I won't be fit company after that."

"Oh, okay then…if you're sure."

Lanie was trying to be supportive, but Kate heard the disappointment in her voice. Damn it, Woman! Why won't you let people help you?! Rick's voice mocked her.

"Hey, uh…I'm gonna need a ride home tomorrow, though. Do you think you could come by in the morning and just hang out 'till they release me?"

"Sure, I can do that," Lanie replied happily.

"Okay, great. Thanks Lanie, I really appreciate it." She could feel exhaustion pulling her back down. "I'm falling asleep. I'll see you in the morning, ok?"

They said their final goodbyes and Kate placed her phone back on the tray beside her. She couldn't believe how tired she was. She really wouldn't have been good company, besides…she was still emotionally raw and needed some time to process everything that had happened. She just wanted to curl up in a ball and never wake up.

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And you can blame it on me

Just set your guilt free, honey.

I don't want to hold you back now, love.

~Evanescence

Saturday-early evening

Rick walked over to the coffee table and poured himself a double, maybe a triple. He didn't care either way. Tossing it back he sank slowly to the couch. With shaking hands he refilled the tumbler and took a long drink.

She was working his case.

He thought about everything that implied.

He would bet his next royalty check that the Captain would have removed her from his case a long time ago. So if Kate was the one who caught Michael, then she must have gone against orders…and that could only mean one thing.

She had fallen down the rabbit hole.

No, not fallen, he realized. He knew her.

She dove in.

Tears welled up and spilled down his cheeks as he took another long sip of his whiskey. His heart ached for the woman he loved…because he knew what the rabbit hole did to her.

Rick swiped at his face. He loved her with all his heart but he'd never really thought about what his kidnapping would have done to her.

What kind of selfish bastard had he become?

Of course he'd thought about her…but only in terms of himself. He'd been focused on how much he missed her and how miserable he was without her. Naturally he'd thought about her during those long, cold nights and he had selfishly wanted her to hold him and help him heal.

Who was helping her? It should have been him. Angrily he wiped more tears away and took another swig.

He filled the glass again, sipping thoughtfully. Had she been sleeping? Probably not…he would bet anything she'd lost weight. He knew how she got…closed off, angry…like she was when they first met…only now she'd be protecting a fresh wound…not nursing an old scar.

Slowly, images of what her reality must have looked like over the last few weeks played through his somewhat inebriated imagination. He knew how consumed she got over her mother's case. He could easily picture her not eating, taking foolish risks, working non-stop to put an end to the threat that existed as long as the Fergusson boys were free. Losing herself. Blaming herself.

Rick knew Kate.

And now that he had stopped to think about things, he knew he was right.

The Kate he knew and loved would be devastated by witnessing his torture, probably triggering some of her own PTSD…yet all the while she'd been working behind the scenes, still trying to keep him safe…despite the fact that he told her he would call and he hadn't.

His Kate Beckett was a warrior and he knew first hand that she would do whatever it took to protect those she cared about….and he knew she cared about him and his family.

She's been working his case

He left her…broke up with her….as far as he knew, no one in his family had had any contact with her since they separated…and she's still been working his case.

Knowing Kate, by now she had probably assumed he won't be calling…that they're over. Her actions told him that while she may have given up on them…she hadn't given up on him or his family. Why?

Because she loves you…and because Kate doesn't quit. She doesn't back down. It's what makes her extraordinary.

His chest ached with shame…He loved her too, and here he was…quitting on her while she still had his back.

Maybe he'd given up hope too soon…was there anything he could do to save his relationship with both Alexis and Kate? He dried his face on his shirt sleeve and looked around. It wasn't as late as he had thought it would be.

He finished off the scotch in his glass, grabbed the almost empty bottle and took them to the kitchen. He saw his phone on the counter. He picked it up, sat down at one of the stools and slid his thumb over the screen.

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And you can blame it on me

Just set your guilt free, honey.

I don't want to hold you back now, love.

~Evanescence

A/N: I'm not completely satisfied with parts of this chapter...but I can't put my finger on why. It carries the main plot lines forward...and overall I like it. I hope you did too.

Thank you for taking the time to read and/or comment.

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The stars are aligning...but there are still a few more chapters to go before they fix this.

please don't complain about too much angst. This is an angsty story. So if you're not down with that...please quit reading now. :) ..but I hope you will stick with me. I promise, the happy ending is coming.