Chapter 10: Just Another Normal Night

Another day at school ended just like usual. The hallway was filled with students by their lockers, taking their stuff while talking to their friends. I was the same, putting in my locker combination and getting my backpack with my friends by my side. My last period was Biology with Hannah, so I was seen with her when I got out of the classroom, gathering up with Jesse and Allen on our way to our lockers.

They all looked very tired after a long day of studying, but they seemed very happy and relieved when it was finally time to go home.

I was the same, except I wasn't exactly relieved. There was something that was still bothering me.

The scene from the second period had been stuck in my head for such a long time that I didn't even bother trying to forget it anymore. I couldn't get it out of my head, not even a slightest bit, and I hated it because it had been distracting me from everything for a whole day. I couldn't focus in class. I couldn't listen to the teachers' lecture. I couldn't take notes properly without missing something. I couldn't have lunch in peace. I couldn't have a normal conversation with my friends and classmates.

To sum up, my whole day was ruined just because of that single period.

I couldn't let it go. Until now, I could still feel the tension from when I was called to the white board. My whole body shivered just from thinking about it. I always have that huge fear whenever I was asked to answer a question or solve a problem, especially if I didn't know how. But even if I knew the answer, I'd still be scared when the entire class's attention was on me and me only. It was even worse when I had to solve a problem I wasn't familiar with while Mr. Baldi was right by my side. At that moment, I just wished that I'd had been able to disappear right there and then.

And that look when I snatched his hand away, and his unusual gentleness when he talked to me alone at the end of the period… Why did it hurt so much when I saw that pained look on his face? And why did it feel warm when he showed his care toward me? I needed answers. None of this made sense. It was like reality was trying to mess with my head.

I unconsciously rubbed my hand when I remembered the feeling when my and Mr. Baldi's hands touched as I bent down to pick up the fallen marker.

After Allen and Jessie had gone to the direction of their houses, I was left alone once again. I really didn't want to go back to that house, because I knew I'd just repeat the same old cycle again: go home, have dinner in an either silent or uncomfortable atmosphere, do homework and sleep. I wanted something different, something that would let me relax for a while, get back the positive energy before going home to face my internal problems again. But I was quite new to this town, despite having had moved here since summer, so I really didn't know where to go.

As I strolled a little further, I turned my head to my right when I noticed something from afar. My feet stopped for a second so that my eyes could look at it a bit closer. Across the street was a wide, spacious ground full of tall trees and grass. Had it always been there? It must be, and I just never cared enough to actually notice it. I was the type who didn't go out that often, or notice things that well.

Carefully crossing the street at the traffic light, I could fully take in the beauty of that place. It looked like a park, and along the pathways were beautifully blooming flowers, fresh green grass and benches. Tall trees were also there, making the air fresh and creating a calming sound when the wind made the leaves rustle. I immediately knew this was the place I was looking for when I felt the soothing atmosphere the first second I entered this place.

Taking a seat at the bench, I took in and let out a deep breath. It was almost three in the afternoon, and I could see people strolling through the park. Students were with their friends, and children were with their parents. I just sat there, quietly observing my surroundings. This was definitely where I could sit in peace and properly collect my thoughts. This entire day was really a mess, and a quiet time alone was what I needed...

A strong wind passed by, making million of leaves rustle loudly. I snapped out of my thoughts. It really startled me whenever a sudden loud noise came after a long silence. Looking around, I was still in the park at the same spot. It was still afternoon, but the color of the sky had changed slightly. The sunshine was gentler comparing to before, and the color has a reddish tint to it. I took out your phone, wondering how long it had been since I first came here.

My phone showed 15:41, which mean I'd been here for nearly an hour.

I didn't even realize that was actually how long I had been sitting at this very bench. Maybe I was so caught up in thinking about today that I forgot about time itself. I really couldn't help it, because the air here was so fresh and the atmosphere was so relaxing. If this had been my room rather than the park, then I'd have fallen asleep right there and then.

I figured that I should return home right then. My step-mother's shift ended at 5 PM, and dinner needed to be done before then.

"Welcome home, mother."

I said as I heard footsteps after the sound of the front door closing. I was in the kitchen, busy looking after the hot soup, but I didn't need to turn back to know it was my mother who just got home. But even if I had needed to look back, I wouldn't want to anyway, because I didn't like to make eye contact with her and make the air around my house awkward.

"Good afternoon, April." She said as she walked past the kitchen. "Making dinner, aren't you?"

"Yes, mother." I replied, tasting the soup. "You should change and rest. Dinner will be served soon."

And with that, she went up to her room. I let out a sigh as I turned off the stove and reached up the cupboards to get the bowls and plates. I felt tired, not physically but mentally. Being stuck under the same roof as that woman, I didn't know if this was really a normal atmosphere of a normal home anymore. I secretly wondered what it felt like to be with parents who actually cared for their children's well-being. I didn't know how it was like, but I was sure that it was way better than what I had been going through for years.

As I placed the plate of steaks onto the table, I heard my mother going downstairs. I took a deep breath as we sat down at the dinner table. The whole dining room was quiet, saved for the clanking sound of the chopsticks made on the bowls and plates, so I forced yourself to break the silence which was slowly killing me on the inside.

"So… how was today's work, mother?"

"Well, it was rather fine, saved for some annoying co-workers of mine who wouldn't stop complaining about their patients." She paused to finish chewing the steak before continuing. "Honestly, I don't know why they chose to be a doctor in the first place when they can't handle sick people."

We went silent again before she spoke up once more.

"How about you?"

"M- Me?" I stuttered as I was suddenly questioned. "W- well, the first day of school went… quite well. My teachers… they helped me a lot."

I stopped talking as memories of Mr. Baldi flooded back to me.

"That's good to hear then." She took a sip of the soup. "Today you have homework, right?"

"Y- Yes."

"Remember to do them before anything else, alright?" She said, eyes looking straight at me and my soul. "I expect good things this year. Remember, we don't move here for no reason."

"Understood, mother."

There she went again, talking on about how I should "study hard to achieve great things for my "future". I did try to study hard, to achieve great things. Except, it wasn't for your future, but her high expectations. I had heard those same words again, and again, and again, and they made me lose all hope every time. When would she finally accept that I had reached my limit? And when would she finally understand that if she wanted me to succeed in school, then she had to succeed in supporting me first?

Dinner soon ended, and I went up to my room, eyeing my backpack on the floor. I dragged myself to my backpack to take out my textbooks, notebooks and pencil case before sitting at my desk. I took out my pen, letting out a tired sigh as I scanned my eyes across my desk.

Time for homework, it seemed.

I decided to finish Math homework first, because I wanted to get the difficult ones done before my mind got too tired to focus. I began flipping through the pages…

'Mr. Baldi…'

… until a thought suddenly crossed my mind and my hands unconsciously slowed down.

Every time the subject Math was mentioned, Mr. Baldi immediately came across my mind, in a both terrifying and… oddly endearing way.

When my friends said that Mr. Baldi was known for his scary attitude and way of teaching, I knew that it would be bad, but not this bad. Only when I was in his class, had I truly understood why. Every second in his class was literally mental torture to me. Every move he made and every word he spoke… everything felt like it could get me at any given moment, even when he was just teaching normally like every other teacher. I guessed that it was a fear that would forever remain at the back at my head every time I stepped into his class.

But the second period today really made me think more about my infamous Math teacher. His odd and gentle gesture toward me was… surprisingly warm, and it soothed my mind. His eyes were so full of worries when he realized that he had scared me, and it was quite a sight to behold. Such a supposedly strict teacher like him could actually have a soft side.

But still, that moment had left me with full of questions, even up until now. Why did he act like that? Was it because I was new? That couldn't be the case, because according to Hannah, he never went easy on anyone, even if they were new students who just got into the school. But even if he was being easy on me, I wouldn't expect him to look so hurt. Like I had thought, he must have had students who easily got anxious, so my reaction shouldn't have so much. But why did he look so pained like that? Just why…?

As countless questions ran through my head, my mind got lighter and lighter, slowly drifting away…

"I'm soooo tired…"

I groaned as I rested my cheeks onto the desk, letting my little pigtails fall down as well. My mind felt tired, and my eyelids had already wanted to shut. My back hurt from having been forced to stay up right for such a long time. I let out a loud yawn, taking a look at my surroundings. My tired eyes made the room feel like it was spinning, and I could see that the bright walls full of stickers was also slowly warping.

"Come on, just a little more and we're done."

A voice which belonged to a boy spoke up. Having been too exhausted, I didn't even bother to turn my head to look at him.

"You always say that, and then you never let me rest…" I said, tapping my little finger onto the cold surface of the desk. "You're a liar."

I could hear his chuckle, and I puffed my cheeks. "What's so funny?"

"Haha, it's nothing." He said. "Well, you do seem very tired, so maybe I'll let you play a little."

"Really?"

"Really." I heard him closing the textbook. "Let's go downstairs. Your mom told me that she had yogurt ready for us."

"Yay! Yogurt!"

I excitedly pushed my body up, completely felt like I was revived. I could hear him laugh lightly, and I turned my head toward him.

But before I look at him, a flash of bright light passed by, covering his face…

I snapped my eyes wide open and pushed myself up quickly, looking around. I was still here, in my room with textbooks, notebooks and pens messily scattered all over my desk. I panted as I slowly calmed myself down.

It was just a dream, a very normal dream without anything scary. But it felt so… real. I knew it sounded creepy, but it truly felt so real that it was scary. The room… the desk… my little voice… Everything seemed so familiar. And who was I with? It looked like he was helping me do homework, but I secretly wondered if I knew him, even if it sounded ridiculous in a way.

Speaking of homework, I looked at the mess on my desk and then the clock on the wall. It looked like I fell asleep for half an hour, so I hurriedly picked up my pen and tried to finish my homework before the clock struck midnight.