A/N: So, this is it. The last chapter, the final frontier. I'm grateful for everyone who's been with me on this journey into the heart and soul of Emily Prentiss and who have shown their continued support in the form of beautiful reviews.
Faith is a process of leaping into the abyss not on the basis of any certainty about where we shall land, but rather on the belief that we shall land. (Carter Heyward)
Now that a chapter of her life has ended, Emily takes the time to reflect. She gives in her letter of resignation to the FBI, feeling at peace with her decision. There's no real rush for her to find a new job and she does exactly what she told Hotch – she takes a vacation. She spends two weeks with her parents, alternating between being irritated with her mother because she's the one pushing for Emily to make a decision about the future and feeling loved by her when Ambassador Prentiss actually attempts to cook her favorite meals – but in the end has their maid do it because she's terrible at it. Still, the meaning behind that gesture does not escape her notice and she hugs her mother, impulsively, and possibly for the first time with real, unfiltered love.
She visits her cousin in Pennsylvania, plays with her children, spends a few days in Vermont, strolling through the paths of her childhood that lead to her grandparents' house and later, graves. It makes her feel like home and she hasn't been so content to just be and actually spend time with her family since she was a teenage girl.
And throughout it all, she wonders. Her mind contemplates, sometimes slowly, sometimes racing a mile a minute, and varies all the options in her head. There is a choice to make, or rather confirm, and she knows that the person it revolves around, is in D.C. Emily left with a short letter, explaining her need to take the time off – just so the team, her friends, her other family, wouldn't worry – and they haven't contacted her. And she's grateful for that much.
She's made peace with a lot of it but the question of what's to come is still hanging over her head and the answer seems to be just in reach but not quite achievable yet.
"So, Emily. How was Pennsylvania?"
She is spending the afternoon with her father, as her mother is away on business and it's a nice, agreeable time. There is much her father has given her, most of all the patience to wait for things and the quiet love he offers now only makes her appreciate him more.
"It was beautiful. Very peaceful, very idyllic. I couldn't quite picture Samantha there at first but it was very fitting, actually."
"She's found her place in the world. I wouldn't have imagined her in Pennsylvania, raising three children and not being a high-priced lawyer but I guess it worked out in the end."
She has to laugh at her father's rather blatant attempt at trying to not ask Emily about her life and the choices she will make.
"I guess it always works out in the end, dad. I know you and mom are worried about me but you don't have to be. I'm better."
Her father gives her a look, a mix between fondness and reproach. "Of course we'll always worry about you, Emily. Who else to worry about than our only child? And I know you're better, I can see that."
"Are you going to tell me what I should do with my life then?" Her stubborn streak raises its head, ready to defy everything her father will say; she is averse to anyone telling her what to do.
But he merely chuckles and the look in his eyes remains fond. "Emmy, dear, I don't think anyone could ever tell you what to do, not even your mother, and certainly not me. When it's time, you'll know and your mother won't lament over it anymore."
She smiles. Her father has always understood her, both from how much she resembles her mother and from how little they have in common. There's a strict balance between those two parts of Emily and her father never fails to acknowledge that.
"You've always worked so hard to achieve what you want and I know you always get it, one way or the other. I don't think it always made you happy, so my only hope is that you will find something to make you truly happy now."
Her father's words strike a chord within her and she reaches out to hug him. "Thanks, dad."
The next day, she catches the train to D.C. and arrives at her apartment, still contemplating her life and choices.
The light blinking in her answering machine reminds her that she hasn't checked her messages in a while and she presses down on it, half-guessing what they'll be about.
"Emily. Prentiss. Why did I just see a letter of resignation from you in the system? I'm hoping this is some sort of a flux because you're not answering your phone and I refuse to let it pass without further inspection. You better call me back and explain. Right now."
Two hours later. "Emily. Hotch forced me to put the letter through and said that you'll tell me everything when you're back. Which, by the way, still doesn't explain where you went, why you're not answering your phone and what this resignation is about. But fine. Call me the moment you get back from your mysterious absence." A breadth of silence. "We're here for you, Emily."
Garcia's voice filters through the machine and Emily feels a small stab of guilt at just dropping this on the team. She failed to remember that Garcia would know about her resignation, whether she officially announced it or not, and now it's been out there for three weeks, without explanation, but she just didn't have the necessary strength to explain herself then. So the time for that is now.
She is waiting at their usual local bar after work and thinks through what she'll say. They will be upset and maybe even disappointed but she can't back away now; she won't back away. There's too much at stake.
They arrive almost simultaneously and Emily smiles at the sight; three weeks has been quite enough time to miss them. Garcia is the first to spot her and she all but flies towards Emily, hugging her close. The rest of the team follow and everyone takes the chance to hug her; everyone but Hotch who arrives a bit late when they're already sitting down and Emily gets the idea that he did it on purpose to hide from the presupposed intimacy.
"So, explanations, now. Where were you and what is this all about?" Garcia's voice carries a tinge of worry and confusion and Emily can see it reflected on everyone's faces – everyone but Hotch's who already knows and JJ's who probably can guess quite accurately.
She's decided on the whole truth because they can handle it now. "I was in therapy for a while because I realized that I had to wipe the last remaining traces of Ian Doyle from my world and I couldn't do it on my own."
If she weren't a profiler, she wouldn't be able to see the fleeting looks of surprise, worry and pain flutter over their faces but she is and she can. She can also sense someone is about to say something and raises her hand to stop them; she needs to say it all out.
"And it went very well. I handled a lot of things there and it's over now, honestly. It was great help and I'm better now, so you don't need to worry about that. And after that, I just needed some time for myself, a vacation, if you will."
"Then what's this about a resignation, Emily?" Morgan can't help himself.
"I was offered a job with Interpol in London. It took the therapy to realize that I wasn't going to accept but it also made me realize that I can't stay with the BAU."
She quiets for a moment but this time, no one interferes. "I can't stay because Doyle tainted so much of my life. To move on, I need to do exactly that and leave, to be better. I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't sure and my decision is final."
They look at her, as if disbelieving but finding the conviction in her eyes, no one objects. The psychology of it is understandable, even if they wish they didn't understand it so well.
Rossi is the first one to recover and find his voice again. "In that case, best of luck to you, Emily, in whatever you'll be doing next."
He raises his glass. "To Emily who hasn't failed to surprise me since she translated from Arabic the first time we met as if it was the most common thing in the world."
The others follow suit, raising their glasses and preparing a toast.
"To Emily, who once flashed a badge at Harvard University to get attendance with Kurt Vonnegut and get him to sign my copy of Mother Night." She blushes a bit at Morgan's toast because it wasn't exactly the most legal thing to do but that would naturally be the one occasion he would choose to remember.
"To Emily, who's the only person to beat me at poker and not cheat - as far as I can tell." Reid's quip makes everyone laugh and Emily promises herself to continue playing – and winning – with him.
"To Emily, who never turns down an invitation to go salsa dancing – which reminds me, next Friday? We're going out."
She clinks her glass to Garcia's and accepts the invitation, laughing as JJ takes over. "To Emily, who will always have time to watch Henry and teach him how to play cards – so you better watch out, Spencer."
They're all heartfelt declarations and despite the seemingly trivial nature, Emily can hear what her friends are really thinking and feeling and a part of her aches with the realization that she'll leave them behind, at least in one aspect of her life.
"To Emily, for being one of the most remarkable agents I've ever worked with." Something about Hotch's words irks her, because it seems so much less personal than the others', but she smiles and clinks her glass to his.
They spend the evening reminiscing about their cases and it feels good; it feels like a prolonged good-bye but this is exactly what she needs. Her family will be there for her and that's all that matters.
JJ is the first to leave because she doesn't want to leave Henry for too long. Garcia is next, after making Emily promise to really go salsa dancing, and Morgan leaves with her, sharing a cab. Reid apologizes and makes his way out, with having an early plane to catch for Las Vegas, to visit his mother. Rossi leaves soon afterward, casting a heavy glance towards her and Hotch – a glance she doesn't understand but sees the annoyed look with which Hotch replies. Rossi simply smirks, hugs her briefly and just like that, it's only her and Hotch remaining.
"I will miss them, you know? But I still think it's a good thing to go."
He's been quiet for the most part, preferring to simply watch the team interact and she feels a bit like grasping at straws, trying to draw him into a conversation with her. To her surprise, however, he meets her gaze evenly and smiles.
"I think you made the right call, Emily. They know what they needed to know and you can move on and not feel guilty about leaving. There's no need for that and they'll understand."
"They? What about you?"
The consumed alcohol makes her bold and a bit rash but she refuses to take the words back, even as he noticeably startles at her question. She's confused because she doesn't know what to expect when it comes to him, despite any and all decisions she's made. She was sure before he kissed her and then she wasn't; she was sure when he didn't try to talk her out of anything and then she wasn't; she was sure when he depersonalized her and the words remarkable agent still linger in her mind.
"You know what? I'm going to go home as well." She stands up and moves quickly past him, out the door, into the cool air outside but stops just outside the door when Hotch catches up with her, his hand curling around her wrist and she finds herself unable to move.
"Emily." A part of her is afraid to look at him but she does and the look in his eyes is one she is afraid to understand because it only serves to confuse her more.
But still, she doesn't move, doesn't even blink, only feels the weight of his hand, the warmth of his fingers around her wrist, the smooth and subtle motion of his thumb moving over her pulse point, and that last realization makes a shiver run through her.
"There was so much I could've said and so much I didn't know how to say." He refers to the toasting and she listens, not moving, only focusing on her breathing and on the thumb still circling her pulse.
"So much I still don't know how to say. But let me try."
"To Emily, who once would rather quit her job than tell on me and further her own career. To Emily, who hates politics but is so good at it." His hand moves higher, touching her elbow and still, she doesn't pull away, as she should, captivated with his words.
"To Emily, who held me together when George Foyet shattered my world and didn't ask for anything in return." She inhales sharply, both from the feeling of his hand, now on her shoulder, and from the words that have never been spoken between them and what they imply, what her actions then implied more than they ever have.
"To Emily, who refused to put her team, her family, us, in danger and for that, spent months alone and in hiding and dead but came back."
The alarm bells that should've gone off in her head a while ago, are quiet and she merely absorbs the words, mesmerized by the quiet conviction in them, by the sheer amount of emotion Hotch wouldn't reveal in front of the team but is willing to show her now.
"To Emily, who is remarkable in every possible way."
He steps closer and there's not much space separating them but he doesn't push it, simply stands in front of her, one hand on her shoulder, the other tentatively at her waist and she knows he will never do anything rash, so she gives herself a moment for this all to make sense.
"What does this mean, Hotch?" Her voice is quiet but she doesn't step away, only looks straight at him, confident in the knowledge that he will answer that question because that's the kind of a person he is and because he knows she needs to hear it.
"Very simply, it means that I want to learn everything about you, in the hope that you share the affection I have for you. Hoping that you-"
She doesn't let him get farther than that but leans forward and kisses him, very gently. She pulls away and smiles at him. She doesn't know what she'll do next, she doesn't know if this will even work out but she knows one thing.
"I think you're remarkable too."
A/N: And there you have it. I hope it didn't become OOC; Hotch and Emily are tough cookies to write when it comes to romance but I gave it a shot. Once again, thank you, and please leave a final review!