AN: Thank you all for your continued support. This chapter is heavy on the feelings so please proceed with caution, there is no fluff, what little fluff there is, is overpowered by the darkness. I can't ask you to enjoy it, because you won't, I sure as hell did not enjoy writing it.
Chapter Summary: Regina gets a firsthand look into what happened to Emma.
Trigger Warning: This chapter is very dark. Description of torture.
Chapter Ten
Time
Emma traced her fingers up and down Regina's back as she lay awake staring at the ceiling. She'd been up for a while but she hadn't wanted to wake Regina. She knew the woman was tired. She'd interrupted her sleep for several days now. Emma thought about how quickly their relationship had moved due to the circumstances of her kidnapping. They'd never gotten to sit and have that talk they'd wanted to have that morning at Granny's, they'd yet to have a date, yet they'd shared the bed several times. As far as the entire town knew she still had no memory of who she or anyone in the town was. They'd wanted to keep her recovering her memories secret so that those who'd kidnapped her wouldn't get nervous.
She stilled her hand feeling Regina tense. Feeling the wetness reach her skin she looked down at the woman in her arms. Tears rolled from the bridge of Regina's nose and onto Emma's shirt. Regina's facial expressions were anything but peaceful. Emma pulled her tightly against her, kissing the top of her head.
"Regina." She called. No response. She tried again, this time successful. Eyelids fluttered several times before staying open. The relief in her eyes was instantaneous.
"Good Morning." She smiled sitting up, rubbing her eyes.
"Morning." Emma observed her carefully.
"You okay?" Emma asked.
Regina nodded, spotting the wet spot her tears had left on Emma's chest. There was no denying she'd been dreaming. "Just a dream."
Emma sat up leaning against the headboard. "I've had my share of those lately." She joked. It always amazed her how Emma could downplay the most serious of situations.
"Emma, I don't know what they told you exactly, I'm sure most of it is true. If you've changed your mind…" She hated that doubt was a feeling she felt all too often due to recent events.
"Regina Mills don't you dare finish that sentence."
"Emma."
"No, Regina. Yes, they told me some awful things, they beat and tortured me the same way the Evil Queen had tortured them, but that doesn't change my opinion of you. I knew coming into this that you'd done some horrific things as the Evil Queen, and I accepted that part of you. I know you're not that person anymore." Emma pulled Regina against her.
"You know the whole time they had me all I could think was that I needed to get back to you, to Henry." Regina tightened her hold.
"The entire time they told me about how terrible the Evil Queen is all I could think about was you." Regina tensed. "I was thinking about you Regina, not her. You are two different people. You're not her. Not anymore.
"I was holding on to you so strongly, I would close my eyes and picture you laughing, sending me death glares, kissing me, rolling your eyes when I'd annoy you." Regina smiled imaging all those scenarios she mentioned. "I think that's why I was so drawn to you in the hospital. Something about you was so calming, something inside me told me I could trust you."
"Emma I am so sorry this happened to you, you didn't deserve this." The guilt that Emma had been taken because of her worsened with each passing minute.
"No one does." She sighed.
Regina loosened her hold moving to pull away. She knew this day would come. The day Emma would want answers, the day she'd have to explain her actions.
"Regina, I know what you're thinking and I want you to stop." She held onto Regina. "I meant that you don't deserve it either. No matter what you've done in the past, you've more than paid for your past mistakes. You've had to overcome more than any one person should."
Regina smiled relaxing though she didn't believe she could ever make up for all the things she'd done. She'd been hurt, manipulated and betrayed yes but so had Emma but Emma had chosen to fight and remain good while she had allowed for anger to take hold of her. "Shouldn't I be the one comforting you? You seem to be doing all the comforting."
"You're gonna have to work on that Madam Mayor." Emma teased trying to lighten the moment even if it wouldn't last long.
"Emma." Regina said after some time. "Show me."
"Regina."
"I know you're trying to protect me, but you don't need to, I can handle it."
"Regina." She tried again. She knew showing her would cause her a great deal of guilt and pain. At least by telling her she could leave out details, but she figured Regina knew that and that is why she was asking to see for herself.
"Emma, please." Regina sat up untangling herself from Emma. "I don't know how to help you, you won't talk to me and I know even if you did talk you'd leave a great deal out in an effort to spare my feelings." She knew this because she knew if their roles were reversed she'd do that same for Emma.
"Okay." Emma finally conceded. "You'll tell me about your nightmares?"
"I…Very well." Regina knew she'd have to share if she expected Emma to. Regina's heart raced. She wanted this she told herself, no matter how painful this would be it would help her to help Emma. Emma sat up facing her.
"Are you ready?" She asked. At Emma's nod, she moved in closer reaching for both of Emma's hands leaning her forehead against Emma's.
"Regina, before we start. Just remember, no matter what you see, that I am here. Alive and well." Emma kissed her softly before returning her forehead to Regina's.
Regina nodded taking a deep breath. She closed her eyes, Emma followed suit, she thought about the night she was taken.
The first thing Regina noticed was the overwhelming feeling of happiness as Emma entered her car. She smiled knowing she was not the only one that had been overjoyed at the turn of events that night had taken. The happiness however quickly turned into fear as a man pressed a gun to her neck. Emma's mind jumped to the abandoned house. Regina watched as the man beat her for once again defending her.
Regina subconsciously tightened her hold on Emma every time the man struck her. "Regina, we don't have to do this." Emma prayed that Regina would listen to her. She willed her mind to skip the events that were coming but Regina squeezed her hand not allowing her to move on.
Regina gasped when the knife connected with Emma's back, her scream ringing loudly.
Regina stared on as the man, Adam, explained the method the Evil Queen used to torture those that crossed her. She witnessed her work on the man standing with his back to Emma. She saw the pained look in his eyes. She was sure he was the one that had helped her by the way he looked at Emma. Without fail Emma defended her again. This time holding back the pain she felt as the knife connect with her skin. Regina was overwhelmed as Emma thought about her as a way to distract herself from the pain.
The men left shortly after, Regina wasn't sure how much time had passed as Emma was left hanging from the ceiling. Emma began to doze shortly after doing her best to block out the pain.
The tip of the knife cutting into her skin is what roused her. She hoped they would find her soon, she wasn't sure how much longer she could withstand the pain.
"They won't find you, you know. I'll make sure of it." He told her confidently.
"They won't give up. They'll find a way." Emma's words were strained. Regina will find a way she thought.
"They'll find this place, but we'll be long gone by the time they even realize you're missing." His words planted a seed of doubt in Emma. Regina felt it grow as the man continued to taunt her.
"Not even your precious Regina will be able to find you, where you'll be going no magic will save you." He lifted her chin. Regina saw the hatred that flashed across his features at the mention of her name. "The wolf won't find you either." He continued, his smirk grew at the shocked look on Emma's face. He'd thought of everything. The seed of doubt grew as her hope of being found diminished. "Her track will end here. Your scent, will end here." Without warning or prompt the man behind her moved closer tilting a bucket over her head. The smell was instant, lemon, thoughts of why quickly left as the liquid seeped into her open wounds.
Regina's vision darkened as Emma passed out from the pain. The darkness turned into a blurry image of the tunnels as Emma regained consciousness the whiff of lemon overwhelming her senses.
Emma felt the hard ground beneath her as though she was there once again. Regina searched the tunnels through Emma's eyes hoping to find something she recognized. Emma moved to get up only to fall back. Pain shooting through her shoulder, the memory of the knife running against her skin amplifying the pain she felt. She groaned attempting to get up again only to fall once more. She realized then her arms were tied. She moved to loosen the ropes around her wrists to no avail.
"There is no use trying to cut loose. You won't be going anywhere." She stiffened as he approached her. He bent down pulling a knife from behind his back. He smiled and reached towards her. Emma moved to get away but he held her in place cutting the rope form around her wrists.
"Just let me go. You don't need to do this." She pled with her captor.
"This is for the greater good Emma. You need to see how evil she is. You need to understand."
"How?" She finally managed to sit herself up. "How can you expect me to see how evil she is when you're the only evil I see?" She knew better than to push him but in that moment she had no control over her mouth, the anger and pain she felt outweighed reason.
His hand connected with her face, knocking her to the ground. "Don't forget who made me this way." He finished with a kick to her side. Emma curled into herself.
"You are making this a lot harder than it needs to be. I just need you to listen." He bent down taking her chin forcing her to look at him. "Stop defending her." When failed to acknowledge him he dragged the knife across her bicep. "Did you hear what I said?"
Emma let out a pained breath, nodding. "Yes. I heard you."
"Good. I'm going to tell you a story now, all you need to do is listen and only speak when spoken to. You do that and this will be painless." Emma said nothing as she stared at the man. With the pain she felt all over her body she couldn't remember what painless felt like.
Regina felt a tear slip down her cheek as thoughts of her crossed through Emma's mind. Images she'd mentioned earlier. She could hear Emma repeat her name while the man began telling the story of how his family was murdered. A sharp stabbing pain in her abdomen drew her attention to the man in front of her.
"I asked you a question." When she didn't answer he placed the knife against her stomach again. Emma moved her hand in the way in an effort to protect herself causing him to cut her forearm. "Why must you make this so hard? She's evil. She'll kill you. She will rip out your heart. And if you think this is pain then you've felt nothing." He sneered dragging the knife across her skin once again. Emma tried and failed to hold back the scream that escaped her.
Emma's eyes snapped open, the scream ringing loudly in her ears. She pulled away putting some distance between herself and Regina. "I can't. I can't." she repeated tears running down her cheeks. "You don't have to." Regina slowly moved closer. "Emma. We can stop, okay? We can stop." Emma said nothing. She drew her knees to her chest, resting her forehead on them.
"Come here Emma." Regina opened her arms out to her. Emma noticed for the first time the tears that mirrored her own on Regina's face. Bowing her head she tucked herself in Regina's arms feeling safe once again. "You're safe now." She kissed the top of the blondes head running her fingers through her hair.
"I'm sorry." Emma said wiping at her tears.
"You have nothing to apologize for. I am the one that should be apologizing. I shouldn't have pushed you so soon. I should have waited for when you were ready to talk. Emma I cannot tell you how truly sorry I am." Emma said nothing. She was safe now, she knew that, she survived, she wasn't there anymore.
"I don't want to do that again." She whispered. "It's too real." She shook her head trying to physically remove the images of her captivity from her mind.
"You won't have to. I promise." Regina felt cruel for having made Emma relive her days of captivity. She'd been so focused on wanting to help Emma she'd overlooked the consequences of wanting to see for herself. Her intentions had been purely to help Emma but it seemed she had yet again hurt the woman she cared for deeply. She knew though Emma held no ill feeling towards her by the way she held onto her. Even now Emma was trying to comfort both of them as she clung to her. How someone could be so forgiving, so caring was beyond her. They were few of the many qualities that had drawn her to the Sheriff.
"We will get through this Emma. It's going to take time but we will work through it. I want you to promise you'll talk to me. I want to help you fight the monsters, but I can't if you don't let me. I know you're trying to protect me by not telling me but I can't help you if you don't talk to me." Emma let out a soft okay shifting in Regina's arms. "I'll try."
The two sat in silence for quite some time. Both wanting to forget what they'd seen. The pain Emma had felt was etched into Regina's mind. She couldn't understand the men's plan. If they'd wanted to show Emma how evil she was she was sure there were other ways. Emma had been right. They had chosen the most violent way. She felt the darkness bubbling inside her, thoughts of revenge forming.
"When did they start?" Emma asked interrupting the battle Regina was fighting internally. Regina's arm that had been running up and down her back stopped as she thought about her own fears, fears that transformed themselves into nightmares every time she closed her eyes.
"They started just after we found the abandoned house. I saw the chains, the pool of blood. My mind conjured up the worst possible scenarios. Before you were found in the woods, I dreamt of finding you in a dark room, lifeless. No matter what I tried I couldn't bring you back. In every dream you died." Regina wiped at the tear that fell.
"And after?" At the questioning look she clarified. "You said before I was found. What about after?"
"I dream that you'll leave. That you will see me as the Evil Queen." Emma strained to hear the soft insecurely spoken words.
"Regina." Emma sighed. "You were in my head, did I once think of you as evil?" Regina let out a small 'No'.
"What will it take for you to believe that I'm not going anywhere?"
She shrugged. "Time I suppose."
Time, something they both needed.
AN: Be gentle...This was by far my least favorite chapter to write and probably the hardest hence it took so long. It needed to be done so that Regina can understand the extend of Emma's pain and just how deep her connection to her is….next chapter will be fluff…I promise…