Chapter 10: Confession

Allison lost track of time in the depths of John's bunker. Between sessions with John, meals, rest, and change in guards, she guessed she was in day two or three since she had said Yes. Despite saying Yes, Allie had refused to spill her guts to John Seed.

She paid for that. With pain. And more pain. The Baptist knew just where to dig at her, prodding her on certain topics. She was reminded of when they talked back at his ranch, how he had hit so close to home on how they were like "birds of a feather".

"Mommy and Daddy issues…abuse…drug overdose…just to name a few…"

Part of her knew deep down John must've known exactly who she was, what her past was. It terrified her to think it could come to the surface after all these years.

She refused to give into the physical pain. John was adept at sensing lies apparently, and he'd hurt her more for that.

"You're making this longer than it has to be by being stubborn," John said, pulling up a stool next to her, his eyes hovering over her body at the marks he'd left on her. "You're not helping anyone. I'm not here to judge you, Allison. I'm here to save you. I promise you the sweet release - the freedom from achieving atonement - is worth it. Just give in…"

To Me…

She knew him well enough by now that he wanted to say that, could feel how it nearly dripped off his tongue. He'd almost said it numerous times before.

Allie weakly laughed, her throat so dry and she knew it had been hours since she had any water. "Are you worried you won't get me to Atone in time before your "Gates of Eden" are shut to you? Isn't that what Joseph said?"

His blue eyes flashed dangerously. There was that lack of a mouth filter again. That lack of good sense to shut her damn mouth.

There was something about John that made her want to goad him. He was different from the other Seeds from what she could perceive. He took things more personally, he was more responsive, and had a wide array of mood swings. He was playful, intelligent, scarily gentle, and downright cruel.

Faith had been a manipulator and deceiver, but always calm and cordial until Allie pushed her into a corner, and she lashed out like a scared child in the end, turning everything Allie had worked for back on her. Despite learning of Faith's past from Tracey, and even Faith herself, Allie was sure she'd never know the truth of exactly how much power Joseph had over her or if she had done all those horrors herself.

She wasn't around Jacob for long, but she could tell he was reserved, strategic, probably not near as volatile as John was. Allie was sure he wouldn't be as reactive to jabs like John was either. That he would stick her with a knife instead of play along like John did.

And Joseph, well, the man had infinite patience and charisma with some kind of twisted form of menacing gentleness that confused the hell out of her. She wondered if he could even be provoked, but it seemed as though he was prepared for anything.

John leaned in, his fingers squeezing her knee as she glared at him. She didn't bother tugging at her binds, it was no use and she had given up trying to pull at them a long time ago.

"If I wanted to hurry this along, you would've screamed your heart out to me by now," John uttered. Her skin prickled from those words, the intensity in his eyes always drawing her in like they were oceans. "But Confession is personal…intimate. I won't rush you, but I sure as hell will give you motivation. You've said Yes, but you've yet to deliver on it."

To Me. There it is. He finally let it out.

"Then I will be stuck in this chair forever unless you kill me, because I don't feel like admitting shit to you."

He chuckled, reaching towards her face. There was no use in drawing back from his touch.

"Unfortunately," he drawled, inked fingers closing around her throat. What was with his fascination to choke her all the time? "Killing you is out of the question. But…there are other ways to make you open up to me."

To Me. Again.

He released her windpipe, letting her draw air. He caressed her neck where he squeezed, Allison's nerves jolting with electricity under his touch.

"I told you…I must be cruel to be kind. My methods are harsh, yes, but they are necessary. You'll thank me later."

"Unlikely," she scoffed.

He punched her in the gut. Hard. The air flew out of her and her head went forward with a cry. She coughed for breath, groaning through teeth as her stomach spasmed and bruised.

"That's three," he growled and slid back on his stool with a sigh.

Three? He said something similar to her earlier (Hours ago? Days ago?). But he had said "that's two" last time.

"Three what?" she whined.

"Sins," he answered simply, getting to his feet. Her eyes rose to watch him, breathing harshly out her nose as she recovered from the punch.

He walked over to his toolbox on the nearby table. He meticulously cycled through screwdrivers, hammers, knives, and other painful looking utensils that Allison didn't like the looks of. He was definitely a lawyer. Too big into details.

He chose a knife and turned to her, eying her as he stroked his digits along the sharp edge. His eyes danced as he came back over to her.

"Our pact, remember?" He held up the hand she had stabbed with a letter opener days ago, wiggling his fingers. It was healing, but bruised around the cut. Not much different from Allison's own puncture. "No matter how messy it gets…You're all mine and I'm all yours until you Atone. I'm here as witness before God. I will help you across that ocean of pain and misery. Pull everything from you until your soul is raw, so you may reach salvation. Start pouring your soul out to me, my dear."

Another one. Allison wondered if John was making this personal between them or if he was this personal with everyone he bled confessions out of. Somehow, she doubted it.

"Or what? You gonna stab me again?" Allison mocked.

He smirked. It was different this time. It wasn't playful or charming, but just as scathing as her tone, with a tinge of menace. Despite his quite handsome face, she didn't like it as much.

He put the blade tip up to her ear lobe, lightly trailing it down her throat as he bent over to be level with her face.

"I told you I would pull from you," he whispered. "Everything. You decide on how painful it will be. I will be happy to indulge you. All in the name of the Father…to save you."

The metal doors to the red room opened. Four cultists walked in, the shadows of the bars dancing across the faces. Some fresh air was let into the room from the outside hallway, but the metal doors squealed shut soon after.

One of the peggies carried a familiar looking canister. The yellow-greenish fog of Bliss billowed from the cap.

No! Allie cried inside.

Her fear of the Bliss, the way it affected her worse than others, was soon forgotten when she recognized one of the men that entered the torture room.

"Aiden!"

Aiden looked her over, his eyes scanning nervously over John before he stepped a bit closer. He waved in a shy manner, smiling reassuringly.

"Hi, Sis. Brother John called me here to help with your Confession. I'm happy to oblige. We can be a family again after you've Atoned!"

The fear and sickness that slivered into her gut choked her. It all made sense now. She looked wide-eyed at the Baptist, saw how his smirk was aimed at Aiden as he ground the tip of the knife into his injured palm.

Allison fought her bindings. "No, don't do it!"

Aiden put his palms together, sitting down on his knees before her, a peaceful smile on his lips. "It's okay, Allie. Your sins are my sins too. We can get through them together. I'll help you. Just say Yes and Confess."

John walked around Aiden's back. He patted the young man's shoulder, his blue eyes twinkling at Allison.

"You're such a good boy, Aiden. The Father will admire your selflessness to help your sister Atone for her sins. Are you ready?"

"I'm ready, Brother John."

Before she could protest, water spilled over her head, soaking through her hair and face and clothes. She coughed, the effects of Bliss seeping into her senses and distorting her. She spat the tainted water from her lips, gawking at her brother.

"Aiden, please. Don't do this. It isn't right!"

Aiden closed his eyes. "You will see."

John nodded to the other cultists. They started beating Aiden right in front of her. They kicked, they punched, they used pipes. Aiden's cries echoed in the chamber, but he didn't do anything to fight back or defend himself. He didn't even curl into a ball on the ground as they stomped on him.

Allie tugged on her restraints but they wouldn't budge. All she could do was watch, beg them to stop. She felt John's fingers clench her shoulders as he leaned into her from behind the chair.

"You are the cause of his pain. Give in to me and Confess, and both of your pain will go away, both of you will be free."

He sure had no qualms about saying "to me" anymore.

His voice echoed around her, leaching into her skin and bones. The high of the Bliss warped her vision, tingled every nerve.

"You would defy me? Defy God Himself? To let your brother continue to suffer so you can remain selfish?"

When she remained quiet, resisting, John slammed his fist down on the metal tray near her chair with a crash, temper flaring.

"There's only two paths left! Salvation through the Father or Death! Now Confess!"

She was going to have to do it. There was no choice. She felt sick. She didn't know if it was because of the Bliss or because she was giving in. To him.

Aiden's cries became more ragged, more anguished, as the pain started to become unbearable. The Bliss pulled those sounds off him, vibrating them off her soul and making herself cry out.

"Okay, okay! Stop it! I'll confess! Just please stop hurting my brother!"

A sharp whistle from John cued the cultists to stop pummeling Aiden. They stepped away, letting Aiden collapse onto the floor, chest heaving up and down as he gasped for air, groaning in pain. John squeezed Allie's shoulder and slipped away, walking over to the peggies.

"Get him to the infirmary. We're done here."

The same men that beat Aiden to a pulp in front of her tenderly reached down and helped the young man to his feet, praising him and patting him gently on bruised and bloodied flesh. They left the chamber, two supporting Aiden as he struggled to walk. When the metal door grinded closed, she was alone with John Seed once more.

He looked down onto the floor, smearing his boot along something wet on the floor. Blood. Aiden's blood. He turned back to her with a proud leer, a light purr humming off his lips.

"Works every time."

"You're sick."

The screech of the metal stool hurt her ears as he slid up close to her. He sat down in front of her, the playfulness returning to his eyes.

"Your brother is courageous. And passionate. He wants you to be saved just as much as I do. Now it's your turn to show courage, my dear."

He picked up his tattoo gun, hitting the button and letting its electric buzz echo through the red room as he smiled happily. "I'm all ears."

He would continue to use her brother…Hudson too…to get her to confess. She couldn't escape. No one was coming to save them. Her heart, her spirit, felt broken from the hopelessness of it all. Somehow, Faith and her horrors didn't seem as bad now.

John must've done this to countless people. She heard the stories in Holland Valley how he could make anyone talk, make them confess to anything he wanted. She thought they were exaggerating, but she was wrong. John knew Allie wouldn't break under physical pain. He knew she would break emotionally by using her loved ones. And now she understood why he was the Reaper.

Allison closed her eyes, silently whimpering as she recalled her past. She would have to spill it all out. To him…

"I grew up in Colorado. Lived in a broken home. My parents…they were drug addicts. The very little money we had always seemed to go towards their habit. I don't remember a time where I wasn't the one taking care of Aiden. As the years went by, the worse their drug habits became. My father became violent. He'd rob and hurt people for money or drugs and then come home and beat on my mother and us. I can't recall how many times we were pulled from the home, how many times they were offered help, only for us to be returned to the same shit. Each time it would get worse. He would feed us the drugs…stab us with used needles for fun."

John physically relaxed, eyes intent on her as he leaned forward on the stool, fingers clutching the tattoo gun. His smile disappeared, and he actually looked gentle and concerned for once. Allison tried to ignore him, kept her eyes to her feet, fists balled on the arm rests of her chair.

"One night, my father came home, higher and more violent than ever. Aiden must've looked at him wrong because he attacked him. Aiden was just eight! My mother tried to stop him, but she was high and out of her mind herself, and we just…watched as they fought. And my father, he…he killed her. And without any kind of fucking remorse at all, he turned on us, said he was gonna kill us too."

Allison felt the tears stream from her face, the shudder of her body as the memories came back, the emotions she had buried away rearing their ugly heads.

"I ushered Aiden upstairs. We locked ourselves in their bedroom. Aiden went to the window. He-He opened it and started screaming for help out to the street. My father broke the door down and he grabbed Aiden, started strangling him. Any time I tried to get in there to help him, he would punch me, kick me, throw me into the wall. I-I…snapped. I remember…grabbing his gun in the drawer, and I shot him."

Allie released a shaky breath. "I was just…thirteen. I was scared and angry and I…just wanted to protect my brother. We were separated after that. He went through different foster parents here and there and so did I. I became a problem child. I stole and drank and started fights. I did drugs too. Counselling didn't seem to help. I couldn't see Aiden. Around a year later, the officer that always came out to our house from the domestic disturbance calls took me in. He'd always take Aiden and me out for ice cream or something fun whenever we were taken from our parents…only to be returned to them. He and his wife…they saved me. Because of them I was able to get help. They were patient and understanding and…loving. I had a real family with them. They became my parents…and god I loved them. They helped me find Aiden. After a few years of not seeing him, I was ecstatic."

She frowned. "But he told me what he had gone through…what he was currently going through with his foster parents. He never got the second chance like I did. They abused him…raped him. I went to their house and burned it down, hoping I torched them along with it. Went to jail after that, wasn't even twenty years old yet. My dad…the police officer…he told me that if I wanted to protect people like Aiden, I would have to do things differently. And so, when I got out, I started training at a police academy, got my shit together again. Aiden finally got out of his bad situation, and we were able to keep in touch. A few years later, just months before I graduated…both my parents died in a car crash."

John was hanging on every single word. She had never seen him so serious…solemn maybe? She couldn't be sure, but she felt the intensity of his deep blue eyes on her and it made her tremble even more.

"I was so angry at the world…at God for taking the only support I ever had, the only ones who gave a damn about me. Went back on drugs, nearly died of an overdose. It was my wake-up call. I continued with my training and school, wanted to make them proud. Aiden was my only family after that. But then even he up and left, said he was joining Eden's Gate to the north. Said he would find peace with them. He went missing after that. I graduated and finished all of my training, but I never stopped looking for him. Eventually, I heard he was in Hope County, Montana and transferred to find him. And, well…you know the rest."

She didn't realize how tense John was until he pulled away from her. She saw the flex of his jaw, even under his beard, his eyes full of emotion. It almost looked like he actually cared about what she confessed, but soon it was gone and his eyes went to her sharply.

"Your old man…you killed him, didn't you?"

She flinched. "Yes. Not intentionally…I was just trying to protect my brother."

"My, my, you've been Wrath for a long time, haven't you?"

She glared at him, feeling the wetness in her eyes. "I hated him. But it was an accident!"

"Were all the people you killed in the Henbane region an accident? The people you've killed here?"

She really tried to avoid killing people, even the cult members. But with this holy war, these two clashing factions, it was hard to do. She had to kill out of self-defense or to save other innocents. But it had started to wear on her, as much as she tried to hide it. The nightmares, the restless nights, all the good and bad she had done over in the Henbane river and here in the valley…but there was just too much blood.

"Only out of self-defense. Or-Or to save innocent lives."

John leaned in close, their faces inches apart, eyes searing into hers. "I knew you'd be Wrath…from the moment I saw you. But you carry Sloth and Pride as well, Allison. What other secrets are you hiding? What else must you Confess? Say it!"

She felt the tip of his knife jab into her thumb, threatening to peel her nail off and she cried out. "No-Nothing, I swear! You fucking son of a bitch, I'm gonna stab that knife into your eye!"

"Temper, temper," purred John, withdrawing the knife. "Take it easy, Little Miss Wrath. That wasn't so hard now, was it? Shhh…"

She choked, still crying from the emotional dam that broke. All those years of pushing it to the deepest depths of her mind, all the emotional trauma and dread she felt back then. She felt like that scared, crying little girl once more.

"Easy for you to say," she hissed, angry yet broken and trembling.

She felt a cool rag to her face and was stunned to find John wiping the tears and sweat away with a gentleness she didn't even know he had. There was no hint of scorn or playfulness in his eyes or lips, looking a bit somber. He did have quite the mood swings though.

"It eats at you inside. Like a demon…makes you hollow. Burying it never does any good," he said tenderly.

She stared at him, shocked, confused. John Seed was actually being sincere…kind. She almost spoke "what the fuck" out loud but could barely blink a response from her disbelief.

John finished wiping her face, saw the dark shimmer in his eyes as he looked her over. And she saw it. Saw the hurt in his eyes for a few seconds. She instantly remembered what he divulged about his past, how sickened she was to hear it…how bad she actually felt for him in that moment.

"What the hell happened to you that made you this way?" Allison whispered.

She never had the chance to ask Faith, and now she felt she had to ask John.

John's brows furrowed, as though he was skeptical of her question. There was a tiny sliver of…something in his eyes as he looked away from her, but when he blinked and returned her gaze, it was gone, and something almost sinister lurked there. But definitely something damaged.

"I know pain more than anyone else," he rasped. "But you must know how to wield it in order to escape from it." His eyes darkened. "Or use it to your advantage..."

"You project the pain you have inside onto others…you condemn innocent people to suffer as you have suffered," Allie said, meeting his intense gaze. "That's what all of this is…not Confession or Atonement…"

His hand came up and she winced, preparing a strike, but it didn't come. Instead, she felt his fingers shift softly through her dirty hair, a heavy sigh escaping his throat. She cautiously returned her eyes to him.

"No one is innocent," he said, a tiny trace of resentment in his tone. "You of all people should know that. It's best if you didn't make assumptions about things you don't understand."

"But I do understand," Allie admitted, deep down ashamed as she thought back to her teenaged years.

The way his lips quirked up told her that her digging to understand him better only backfired. Quite messily.

"Oh? Have more to Confess, do you?"

Her heart skipped. She shook her head but he only squeezed that strand of hair and pulled on it, bringing her face closer to him.

"See? We're bonding. We're making ground on your path to Atonement."

"I have nothing else to confess!"

"Liar," he hummed. "When it comes to secrets, I have the high ground at all times. Confide in me, my dear. Spill the rest of those demons onto the floor before God, and sweet release will follow. I promise."

Allison had no idea what the Bliss was doing to her, the drunken miasma that shrouded her brain provoking her inner turmoil. His touch was like fire, but not in a bad way. She felt the heat pool in her belly as he licked his lips, his eyes hovering over hers, and he leaned in closer, her heart rate spiking, before the Baptist suddenly stood from his chair. His inked fingers went to his head, clenching in his hair, and she swore she saw him shudder.

Some kind of groan-growl mumbled from his throat and he wiped his hand through his beard as he walked over to the tray to get his tattoo gun.

"Shall we start with Sloth? You've taken your sweet time in all of this…gone through part of your life not helping those that you could have. Yes…let's start with that. Just like your brother."

As he sat back down in front of her, his knees incasing her own, he tested the tattoo gun once more, and seemed composed over whatever had troubled him seconds before. She saw the scarred Sloth tattoo peeking through his blue shirt and met his gaze.

"Just like you?" she asked.

It was meant as mockery, but the dance in his eyes told her he took it as an endearment. As though it was something they could share together. Now that Allison thought about it…she was sure that was the exact reason he wanted to carve Sloth first…instead of Wrath.

John broke the tape that tied her left arm to the chair, and pulled it practically into his lap as he leaned into her.

"We share a lot more in common than just Sloth, my dear," he whispered.

Allie didn't know if she shivered from his lascivious tone or from the buzzing of the tattoo gun as it thrummed near her skin.

She writhed under his hold. She didn't fear needles, but she sure didn't like them either. They always reminded her of the way her father would stab her and Aiden with used drug needles for fun, get them sick on the leftovers of whatever he had in them. How lucky they had been to never get anything more than minor infections from their pricks.

"Don't fight it," John warned, the needle piercing into the skin of her inner forearm as he started the first letter. "Or I will go deeper…or I'll carve it with a knife. Your call, my dear."

Allie swallowed a groan of pain, trying to still herself as the needle ripped through her flesh. She wanted nothing more than to escape this place with Hudson and her brother. But she had a feeling her prayer wouldn't be answered.

The door to the red room swung open. John ceased grinding the tattoo needle into her skin, pulling it away and looking over his shoulder. He didn't look none to pleased at all for being interrupted.

"What is it? You know better than to interrupt me during a Confession!" John snapped.

"Br-Brother John, my apologies!" the Peggie said nervously. "But there is an emergency at your ranch! Your presence is requested at once!"

Allie just about collapsed in her chair from relief. Maybe once John was gone, she could find a way to escape this hellish bunker. John growled in agitation, but set the tattoo gun aside and rose.

"It better be important. If not, you'll be in this chair instead when I get back," John seethed. He then bent to level his face with hers, a soft smile forming. His hand caressed her cheek, gliding down her throat. She almost grabbed his hand with her free arm that throbbed with the recent ink, but knew it wouldn't go in her favor.

"I won't keep myself from you for long, my little Wrath. We still have much to do," he said softly.

He pulled away, walking backwards a few smug steps with his hands going over his heart as he smiled. He spun on his heels and walked over to the door where the cultist waited.

"Knock her out gently. Put her in the cell next to Deputy Hudson. They can chat while I'm out. Make sure she gets a proper meal."

The peggie dipped his head. "Of course, Brother John."

John whistled a tune as he left the room, the chilling melody ringing through the concrete tunnels. The cultist came deeper into the chamber, picking up the canister of Bliss and carrying it her way. Allison groaned inwardly, closing her eyes, knowing what was to come next.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait on this chapter. Finally found inspiration to continue it. Will be working on a Joseph/FemDep story as well if I can manage to get my thoughts together on it! xD