Time
Chapter 10

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

Colby stayed in the ICU waiting room with Larry and Charlie as David and Alan left. Colby knew his partner was going to tell Alan what happened the night before, David was still carrying the guilt that he should have been able to do more around with him. Colby didn't know if talking to Alan would help his friend, but he knew it was something that David needed to do to take the next step in trying to forgive himself.

Charlie watched as his father left with David, once the lift doors closed Charlie looked at Colby. "So are you going to tell me what happened last night?" Larry looked at Charlie, a little surprised at the abrupt question he had just asked.

Colby, however, looked like he had been expecting it as the agent took a deep breath, then quietly started to speak. "Charlie, the first thing you have to understand is none of this went down like we thought it would."

"Obviously…" Charlie didn't mean to sound angry, but again part of him was angry at the whole situation, not so much at the players involved, aside from Buck Winters.

OXOXOXOXOXOX

David followed Alan through the corridors of the hospital until they found the cafeteria, each getting themselves a cup of coffee; they then took a table in the corner of the dining room, near a wall of windows that overlooked another green space outside the hospital. The two men sat in silence for a few minutes before Alan spoke. "You know I can't help but think of the boy's mother at this moment." David glanced at Alan, not really sure where this was going, only knowing that for any of the Eppes men to talk of their much loved wife and mother was a very rare occurrence. "This was the very hospital that she came for her final treatments, before they told us there wasn't anything else they could do, and the thing is Donnie is the only one who would make the connection. He tried to come with us every time, it's so surreal for me now, being here, only this time it's Donnie that I'm waiting on." Alan looked out into the small floral garden outside the window, his voice sounding distant. "I always feared this day would come, but you're never really prepared for it to happen."

David took a deep breath, 'Alan…"

Alan interrupted David, "I was wrong to put the burden on you, I know, even if I had never said anything that you and Colby would do everything in your power to watch out for Donnie. It was unfair for me to make you think it was your responsibility to keep him safe. I know this case distracted him, honestly I have never seen him act the way he did during this. I was scared for him, and when he admitted he was scared I just didn't know what else to do."

David was a little surprised, "Don said he was scared?" David didn't think any less of his boss, but to know something scared him gave David a different glimpse at the man. He had only seen a fearful expression on Don twice and both times had involved Charlie nearly getting hurt; the first was during a sniper case shortly after David had joined Don's team. Then, just last year during the Bonnie Parks kidnapping investigation when someone had run Charlie off the rode and took a shot at him.

Alan smiled slightly at the surprised look on the younger agent's face, "He said it was that he was afraid that he would have to kill that boy, but I believe it was a lot more than that. He likes to think he can hide things from me, but I've always been able to read my sons, both of them. I believe that he was really afraid something would happen to him. Seeing that in my son's face scared me and that is why I came to you, but I wasn't being fair to you."

David took a drink of his coffee, some things had started to make sense now; Don's distractedness during the case, his self-imposed seclusion from the rest of the team, his keeping the phone conversations with Buck to himself. It was making some sort of sense now. In Don's way of thinking he was distancing himself from those around him, trying to protect them, not realizing that he was just making everyone worry that much more.

The FBI agent sat quietly for a few minutes, as he and Alan each took small drinks of their coffee. David played over in his head what Alan had just told him, and what he, himself, had observed over the last several days. He wanted to be totally honest with Alan; he felt he owed the man that, so he took a deep breath and began. "He had all of us worried over that last several days." Alan looked at the young man who was studying the cup in his hands. "Even Nikki picked up on it and she's only been with us a few months. Robin had even commented to us how distant Don seemed. We took it as just bad memories being brought back from when Megan was taken, but then we found out that he had been having phone conversations with Buck." David glanced up to see surprise on Alan's face. "Yeah, that was our reaction as well. I even called him on it as we were getting ready for the meet. Alan, talking to him in that locker room, it scared me. I honestly didn't know what we were going to be walking into, I just knew; the whole team knew that no matter what happened we were going to do our best to make sure everyone walked away and I'm sorry that I didn't do that. Even after everything, I allowed Don to call the shots on this, once we were at the synagogue and Buck arrived we waited, Don had made it clear that no one was to move until he said…believe me that was the hardest thing I ever had to do."

Alan watched the young man before him and even now could see the conflict within him, at what must have gone on inside that building as David continued, "Over the years I have heard Don talk many suspects down, but what he said to Buck, the way he tried to get through to him, I'll have to say it was more than any of the rest of us were willing to do. The sincerity in Don's voice, he wanted so much for Buck to understand that he understood what the kid was going through better than Buck did. That he knew what it was like to live with the regret of one decision and for a few moments we all thought Don had gotten through to Buck. Even as other agents were slowly moving in to take Buck into custody Don looked at me and he looked relieved, like some weight had been lifted off of him, that he had somehow gotten this kid out of this situation alive, then…"

David paused, he could feel his own emotions from what happened starting to take over, he took a deep breath and finished off his now lukewarm coffee, afraid to look at Alan for fear of seeing disappointment in the older man's eyes. He knew he needed to get this out, to finish what he needed to say. Yes, he may be telling Alan more than he would be allowed to, but the man's son had been shot and David felt Alan deserved the whole story. "I honestly don't even remember pulling the trigger…" David finally looked at Alan; tears were welling in the father's eyes. "I just remember seeing Buck fall, then looking back at Don who seemed like he hadn't moved. The only thing that made me think anything was wrong was his expression, it had gone from relieved to confused, then he went pale. I was beside him before I even realized I had moved, only then did we know that he had been hit. Colby told me later that no one seemed to realize that Buck managed to get a shot off, apparently when I fired and Buck fired it was exactly at the same moment and with the echo in the building…I don't even think Don realized he was hit until his knees gave out." David reached over and placed his hand on Alan's arm, "Alan, I am so sorry for what happened, I have tried playing it over in my head, to see if there was anything else I could have done…"

Alan placed his hand overtop the one on his arm, "You did everything Donnie would let you do. He wanted so much to not only help that troubled young man, but to also help himself get past what he had felt he had done. He told me back during the time Megan was taken, that he felt he was crossing lines and worried when his clear thinking would return. I told him that because he was questioning himself that his clear thinking would soon return. He was so emotionally charged then, and I think this brought back questions he thought he had already answered. But one thing I have learned over the years is that no matter what happens, no matter what dark places my son may slip into, and I have noticed a few since that first case with Crystal Hoyle, it's not just Charlie and me who keep Donnie grounded, because he tries to hide things from us, but its you, and Colby and Liz and Megan when she was here, that keep him from slipping to far away from us. As long as you guys are there to back him up I know he will be okay. That's what helps me get through the night, that's what helps me get through when I see a case really wearing on him, it's that I know no matter how tough things seem to get you all will watch out for him, you won't let him slip away from us and for that I am eternally grateful." Alan squeezed David's arm slightly until the younger man looked up at him, "And I want you, especially, to understand that what happened wasn't your fault, it wasn't any ones other than the disturbed young mans who pulled the trigger, but I believe you are the reason he made it. You never gave up trying to get him to see that he was cared about, no matter what he was doing or thinking and I believe that is one of the biggest reasons I still have my son…so thank you David, thank you for saving my son's life."

David didn't know what to say as he watched the gratitude cross Alan's face and though the agent knew what had happened would be played over in his own mind for years to come, to have Alan's forgiveness, for which he didn't feel he deserved, was his first step in learning to live with what had happened, and for all of them, it was a first step toward healing.

A/N: Well?