CHAPTER TEN
"Can I come in?" He said in a very small voice, almost a whisper as he froze, realizing that this had been a lot easier than he had originally thought. He had expected her to lock it.
He waited, and waited. His heart was pounding in his ears and he almost felt dizzy as he waited for her response.
"Yeah.."
Mulder could finally breathe again as he pushed the door all the way open and saw her in front of him, standing there all exhausted and broken, so small, even smaller than he thought he had ever seen her, which was saying something.
His eyes met hers and he felt as if she was looking straight into his soul, as she always did.
She had him, so completely. Even since the beginning, over four years ago, she had him.
"Scully I…" He started anxiously, taking a few steps towards her and by instinct alone, outstretching his arms towards her, hoping, just hoping that she would run into them and he could hold her, keep her safe and warm, away from harm and although it wasn't possible, he wished he could keep her away from this cancer that was killing her…
"It's ok." She whispered sadly, and he saw her bite her bottom lip, her beautiful bottom lip.
When she did that normally, it would make him weak in the knees at how devastatingly sexy and beautiful she was… but now, it just broke his heart as he saw that she was doing it to fight back tears.
Her eyes were puffy and watery as she glanced away from him.
Mulder was used to this now. This was what she did, and he knew that she was really trying so hard not to cry, but there was no way he was going to let her bottle this up like normal.
"C'mere.." He barked, his own tears threatening to fall now, his arms fully outstretched and he was so close to her, she had no escape, he was going to hold her no matter what. But by some miracle, she moved towards him willingly and engulfed her own arms around his body, pulling him close and pressing her face into his chest.
"Scully…" He breathed in response to her body against his and he closed his eyes, overwhelmed with the feeling of love that surged through him as he gathered her in his strong arms, both of them clutching onto each other as if they were the only people in the world.
He squeezed her gently, rubbing one of his hands down to her lower back and the other up to her hair, stroking it gently as she cried against him.
Mulder frowned heavily with concern as she was shaking as she sobbed, but he held her strong, desperately trying not to cry too, as he had to be the strong one here.
But god, it was killing him.
He didn't want to lose her to his disease. His best friend, his partner, his Scully. And not forgetting, the love of his life.
As he was totally in love with her, though he didn't have the balls to tell her.
Mulder sighed and pressed his lips against the top of her head, keeping his eyes shut as he tried to shelter her from all the pain she was feeling.
He couldn't bear it…
He couldn't imagine life without her…
"I'm so sorry, I'm so stupid Mulder…"
She was sobbing, her breathing ragged as she clutched onto him, still burying her face in his shirt. She was sure she was making a total mess of it, but she didn't care as she couldn't bear to look at him, not right now.
But she needed him like air, even though she didn't dare to say it out loud, or admit it to herself.
But she did. She really did. And if he let go of her now, she was sure that she would sink to the floor…
"It's ok… it's ok.." He whispered softly against her ear over and over, leaning down to her and rubbing her back and running his hand gently through her hair as she cried.
It felt sooo good, so comforting. She didn't want him to stop. Ever.
"I should never have… I…" She struggled to get the words out as she felt so foolish for doing what she had done.
Yes, she was sick.
She was really sick and she shouldn't have come all this way alone. Who was she kidding? She needed help right now, and he was willing to help her. He had just driven all through the night for Christ's sake, just because she fell asleep while on the phone to him… "You- you drove… all… all.."
"All night." He finished for her, and she missed it as she was still buried in his chest, but he managed a small smile as he spoke, "I drove all niiight to get to youuu.." He joked in an awful singing voice, desperately trying to cheer her up.
Scully opened her eyes in surprise at his little funny and heard herself let out a tiny laugh at Mulder's tragic attempt at singing. She felt a wave of relief as it stifled her sobs for a few seconds.
He was always able to make her laugh, no matter what...
"Celine Dion?" She finally pulled away from him slightly and looked up at his face, catching a glimpse of his deep brown eyes, making her heart skip a beat. He brushed her hair away from her face and she felt him chuckle against her, but he still wasn't cracking a smile.
"Oh, come on Scully.." He feigned insult at her comment, which would have been a really funny joke if they weren't both in such a state.
"I always knew you were a fan." She teased.
He was amazed at her attempt at humor right now. It made him love her even more, if it were even possible.
"Well, I think I sounded more like Roy Orbison but... which version do you prefer?" He played.
She waited to gather herself before she responded, sighing and pulling one hand away from his shirt as she wiped her tears away from her cheeks, trying hard not to cry again. But Mulder was also wiping her tears away with his own thumb so she stopped, letting him take over and closing her eyes as she felt a shiver run down her spine and such a warmth in her heart, she couldn't even describe it.
She calmed instantly when he touched her so gently...
"Actually, I liked Cyndi Lauper's version the best." Scully commented, and they both finally cracked a full smile, though it was a sad one. She kept her eyes on his and swallowed anxiously as she slowly lowered her eyes to his lips, his perfectly crooked lips which she was dying to kiss…
"Are you ok?" Mulder asked finally, snapping her out of her dream like state. She blinked and looked back to his eyes immediately, gathering herself as he moved his hand to her hair again and held her still, not letting her glance away this time. She nodded silently. "You know that you don't have to hide anything from me, that you can talk to me about anything, anything at all." He said gently, his tone of voice melting her heart.
"I know."
"Good."
He nodded and pulled her back into his arms. She sighed as she moved her head back to his chest, placing her cheek against his shirt now, feeling it damp against her skin.
"I'm sorry, I think I ruined your shirt."
"Don't worry about it." He said softly. They just stood there for a while, their breathing calming and slowing to the same rhythm as each others. "You wanna get some breakfast?" He asked finally.
Scully was so relaxed, she could hear his heart racing against her ear, and it was the most beautiful sound in the entire world…
"Mmm.. Sure..."
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