Chapter 10

Near knew Matt wasn't asleep. He could tell just by his breathing. It likely was the same reason Near was up as well. Both were afraid. The next night was to mark the beginning the last segment of their journey, the most dangerous one yet.

The training was going well, too well in fact. None of them actually wanted to get started with this. The whole idea seemed just impossible. Nobody had yet called it a suicide mission, but that's what was on everyone's mind.

"Matt, I know you're not asleep." Near said, with his back pressed up against Matt's bare chest. Matt kissed the back of Near's neck gently in response.

"Yeah.... you too huh?"

"I'm scared."

Matt's heart clenched as the words left Near's lips. He wanted to protect him from everything, even his own fears.

"I'm sure everything's going to be just fine. We'll get through this, and then we can put it all behind us," Matt lied and he wondered if his voice showed it. He was scared, but he needed to instil hope, "and I was thinking about where we would like to live once they start rebuilding."

"Where are we going to live?"

"Well I was thinking, we could have our own house. I'm sure they'll hook us up nicely after saving their planet. I'm not asking for much. Just something big enough for the two of us... and maybe one day some kids."

Near turned around onto face Matt.

"Are you serious?" He said.

"Isn't that something you would want?"

"Of course it is....I don't even know what to say."

Even in this barely lit room, Near's eyes glowed like iridescent sapphires, leaving Matt breathless.

"You're beautiful. You know that right?"

Near kissed Matt softly, placing his hand on Matt's cheek. Matt placed his hand over Near's, rubbing gently with his thumb.

"Make love to me Matt....right now. If for some reason anything bad happens tomorrow.... I want to have you inside of me tonight."

Matt responded by kissing Near passionately. They both cried that night quietly while making love, as the possibility of it being the last time loomed over their heads like a black cloud.

The next morning Matt and Near entered the lobby to find Mello loading their supplies into the unicat. They had done most of the planning the night before after their training. There was almost nothing left to do. Matt found himself pacing, checking the same things over and over again.

"Mello, are you sure you have everything? It's at least a 3 hour drive to Ictis."

"Yes Matt. I double checked and triple checked. We have everything the four of us need."

"The three of you." L said.

"You're not coming? You're going to stay here all by yourself?" Mello replied.

L sat down on the bench, and looked down, exhaling slowly.

"I wont be here when you get back. I'm being recalled to the homeworld. My mission was only to get you trained and ready."

"What?! You're leaving me?!" Mello said, becoming visibly upset.

"I have no choice."

"You did have a choice when you told me you loved me!" Mello said, crouching down to meet L's eyes, grabbing his arms forcefully.

"I meant what I said."

"When were you planning on telling me this? You couldn't tell me last night?"

"I didn't want to spoil our last night together."

For a moment Mello looked as if he was going to cry, but he inhaled sharply, gritting his teeth, stuffing the sadness deep down within him. Matt and Near moved a little closer to each other, sympathetic to what Mello's situation.

"Take me with you." Mello demanded.

"I cant."

"Take me!"

"I cant! It doesn't work that way! I wish I could!" L shouted.

Mello leaned forwards, pressing his forehead against L's while still holding his wrists firmly. Matt motioned to Near to go outside with him to wait in the unicat, to at least afford them some privacy in this hugely emotional moment.

"Goodbye." Mello said, barely above a whisper, tears streaming down his face.

"Goodbye Mello. I love you."

The words made Mello break. He felt every ounce of warmth being pulled from him. All the warmth inside he had built up, ripped from him in an instant. He felt cold, like concrete. He forced the words out, before his soul closed up entirely.

"I love you too."

Mello kissed L one last time, before sealing up entirely. His face was hardened as he walked away and through the door.

"Lets get the fuck out of here." Mello said as he climbed into the helm of the unicat, slamming the door behind him.

"Mello, do you need me up there to navigate?" Matt asked.

"I know what I'm doing. Just stay back there for now."

Matt pulled Near closer to him, disheartened by Mello's cold tone. He feared that Mello was going to be even more nihilistic than he was before, that he was going to spiral far deeper into his self-destructive pit.

He knew why, Mello didn't want him up there next to him. He was crying. Mello didn't cry, especially not in front of anyone. Especially not in front of Matt. But after an hour of dead silence, Near decided to get up and join Mello. Matt motioned to stop him, but Near shot him a look that said 'let me do this''.

Near settled down in the seat next to Mello in a somewhat sideways position, facing him. His blue eyes were icons of compassion. Mello didn't even look in Near's direction, he knew the stare he was receiving, and wasn't going to give in to it. He wasn't going to open up. Not to Near.

"Are you ok Mello?" Near asked.

"Fine."

"It would be perfectly understandable if you're not."

"I said I'm fine. Me and L had a fling and it's over. I'll move on. It's that easy."

"I know that's not true."

"Doesn't Matt need you back there? Shouldn't you be attaching yourself to him like usual?"

Near looked down at his lap.

"I suppose Mello is going to go back to hating me again."

Mello paused for a second to think of the situation. He didn't realize how obvious he was being. How obvious it was that he was so deeply hurt. Near was right, however. There was no reason for him to be taking it out on him.

"No. I wont." Mello said, forcing a smirk and aiming his eyes in Near's direction, while keeping his head fixed forwards.

Near repositioned himself in the seat, facing forward, with not another word said between them. Mello found comfort with Near next to him, and it was something he didn't quite understand, but he felt better with him around. He knew he could talk to him, that he could open up his heart to Near, and that's all he really needed. He didn't need to say anything.

"Hey, are we there yet?" Matt asked, waking up from a nap.

"Almost. Probably another 30 minutes or so." Mello replied.

"I suppose I should get up now."

Matt stood up and stretched, trying to shake the sleep out of his system. He quickly started to become very anxious, as the reality of what was about to take place settled in.

"Mello, your gun's loaded right?" He asked.

"Fully."

Matt glanced over at Near, who was fixed straight ahead, staring at the road ahead through the windshield. He was surprised Mello allowed him to stay and wondered what they had talked about. He was glad to see them getting along better every day. Things were difficult enough as they were without them fighting.

The city of Ictis loomed ahead. Their heart rates quickened as the steel gray structures became larger.

"Near can you look at that map? Tell me exactly where this hive mind is supposed to be?"

Near examined the map and guided Mello to their target.

"Everyone ready? This is it now. Matt sit down and fasten your seatbelt. You too Near."

Everyone buckled themselves into their seats, preparing for the impact that crashing through the Sinthorian's proverbial front gate would bring.

The hive mind was situated in the middle of a large street. They had seen a few of the alien creatures here and there, but were zooming by them so quickly they weren't in any danger. Unfortunately that means the Sinthorians were able to send a warning, and that would mean a decent amount of opposition. Mello hoped they were spread out enough that they wouldn't have the time to re-group so quickly to defend their hive.

The population was growing denser with each passing moment. Mello had to swerve carefully around several of them as he brought the vehicle to top speed.

The 3 story organic structure was clearly visible now ahead of them. It's appearance was very similar to the creatures themselves, with smooth, shiny gray skin and tall columns adjacent to the opening in front that resembled limbs. The opening itself looked hardly big enough for the unicat to fit through, which meant penetrating deeply inside the structure would be difficult.

The aliens were starting to attack now. L was right, their weapons were useless against the heavy vehicle, but that didn't stop them from trying. Mello had no reservations about preserving them though. Several of them bounced off the front end, each impact making a sickening "bang!".

"Everyone hang on!" Mello shouted. Near gripped the armrests of the seat firmly just moments before the impact. A sinthorian bounced off the front of the vehicle and into the windscreen, badly cracking it and making Near yelp.

The unicat hit the leg-like columns of the hive with it's flanks, breaking them in half. Dark green, almost black blood sprayed the exterior of the vehicle, coating the windscreen and making it difficult to see.

"Mello there's a bunch of them behind us!" Matt called out, looking through the small rear window.

Mello stopped the vehicle instantly and launched it in reverse. Matt felt the rear of the vehicle lurch upwards as it crushed the bodies of the aliens that were unable to get out of the way. He nearly reversed all the way out of the hive, before taking off forwards again, killing the remaining creatures in his path.

"Matt, grab my gun from my bag! I'll have to finish the rest of them off once we get outside!"

Matt pulled the weapon from Mello's bag.

"How many shots are there?"

"Ten. I'm going to try and situate the unicat as a barricade of sorts to slow down the ones we cant kill. We wont have much time to get connected with this fucking thing's brain."

Mello spun the unicat sideways, wedging it in between the two walls of what seemed like a hallway. He unfastened his seatbelt and hopped downwards into the rear cabin, taking the gun from Matt. Near unbuckled himself and nervously climbed down. His face was flushed and sweaty, his gaze read of sheer terror.

"Stay close to me Near." Matt said, taking Near's hand.

"I'm not leaving your side." He said in a breathy tone, his voice quivering slightly.

Mello opened the door of the unicat and poked his head outside, his gun held outwards. He fired almost immediately at an extremely angry Sinthorian, who was barring it's teeth, lunging at him. The round took half of the creatures face off, spraying Mello with it's thick green blood. Near almost became sick at the sight.

"Ok. Let's go." Mello shouted

They carefully filed outside. The air was heavy and damp, and thick with a slightly rotten smell that agitated their already queasy stomachs. Mello's gun fired again, this time at one that was leaping at them from on top of the unicat. The creature fell to his feet. The whole place became eerily quiet.

Matt turned around to look behind them, and staggered backwards slightly at the sight before him. He tapped Mello's arm.

"Mello. I think this is what we're looking for."

The hive mind was situated in front of them, sitting on top of a large platform. It was a huge gray mass, mostly round, but with a somewhat uneven, lumpy surface. It looked like a giant 30 foot tall round brain, with gangs of tubes draped from it, some of them shooting jets of steam into the air.

Mello heard a noise behind him. He turned around just in time to find a Sinthorian ready to take a sword-like blade to him. He fired at the creature once to knock it over, and then plugged two more rounds into it's skull, spraying more blood onto him.

"We better do this quickly because half my ammo is gone already." Mello said.

They moved as close as they could get to the brain as the platform was too high for them to climb.

"How are we supposed to get up there? What are we supposed to...touch?" Near said.

"L did say that it was possible to do it without physical contact." Matt replied.

Another loud gunshot echoed through the room as Mello took out another alien that managed to get past their barricade.

"Well let's hurry the fuck up!"

The three of them held hands, facing the odd organic object before them.

"Do we stare at it?" Near asked.

"I don't know!" Matt replied.

Simultaneously, the three of them felt a slight rush.

"Did you feel that?!"

"Yes, lets keep going!"

And suddenly they were in, and alone from each other in a completely strange world.

Matt?

I'm here Near.

Where are you?

I have no fucking idea. There's a lot going on in my head. Mello?

I'm in too. What the FUCK.

The three of them found themselves in a world far darker than they had imagined. It was like the worst nightmare a person could think of.

Mello was in the middle of a fiery, unstable landscape. Stone like trees peppered the grounds, surrounded by jets of ash and lava. He could feel the heat. The sky was black, but the scenery was awash in a reddish orange color, brightening slightly as the lava shot up into the sky. Mello didn't seem to be in any apparent danger, but he was nervous nonetheless, looking around carefully. Hundreds, if not thousands of Sinthorians were mulling about, seemingly unaware of Mello's presence.

Is this what their homeworld looks like? No wonder they came here. Mello said.

Matt could barely hear what Mello had said. His mind was being overwhelmed by a cacophony of thousands of thoughts not his own. He couldn't even feel his body, it was as if he was floating, but unsure what he was floating in. He wanted to scream. Images flashed before his eyes constantly, although they flew past too quickly to even process what they were. He teetered on the brink of sanity, trying to keep a grip on himself, trying to focus on just one thought, any one of them.

Near found himself in a large dark room. The walls were a steely black, and there wasn't any apparent way in or out. The room was lit somewhat dimly, but there was no apparent light source either. The place was featureless, aside from one object fixed in the middle of the room. A single Sinthorian, was staring coldly at Near, sending a chilly shiver up his spine. He wanted to call out to Matt, but was unable to find his voice, even if it was only in his head. The creature just stood there, not moving, not doing anything.

Matt concentrated hard, trying to figure out what his purpose was here. He latched on to one of them, a single thought. It was then he realized what he was seeing. He could see the dusty landscapes of Etherine, through un-human eyes. He could feel the cold air of the planet around him like a shroud. The vision panned around, showing a fearful human, an older man with salt and pepper hair, on his back, clambering away fearfully.

A human figure appeared to Near's left in the darkened room. The once seemingly paralysed Sinthorian lunged at it, tearing into the human's neck, blood sprayed out onto the floor, some of it landing on Near's face. He thought it was going to be sick.

Oh fuck! I just watched one of them kill a human! Matt cried out, his voice resounding though Near's head.

Near fought down the nausea swirling in his gut, while an idea came to him.

Matt, what did the human look like? Near said.

It was a man in his 50's or so, somewhat grayish hair, and a moustache. He looked terrified.

Near's theory was correct. Near was in a command room of sorts. Sinthorians on the surface present questions to the hive mind based on things they find, and the hive mind must respond with an example of the action it want's the creature to take. He looked down at his own hand, and nearly screamed at the clawed, grey digits. He was one of them. Near now knew what he had to do next, he had to kill the Sinthorian in front of him. That example should set off a chain reaction, or so he hoped.

Near hesitated for a moment, not sure how he should proceed. He gritted his teeth, and lunged forward at the creature, digging his nails into it's face and pulling back hard. Green blood sprayed from the wounds. He felt muscle and bone tear as he pulled it's jaw almost from it's face. The stringy mass of flesh was swinging loosely as the creature swayed.

The skies before Mello went from black to blood red, he heard a rumbling sound coming from the ground beneath him.

Something's happening guys. I'm not sure what you did, but something's definitely happening. Mello said.

All of the sudden, the Sinthorians in front of Mello started savagely attacking each other. A menagerie of flesh and detached limbs, eviscerated with claws and sharp teeth.

Matt was still observing the thoughts of that same alien. He felt the creature whirl around before seeing a final vision of a clawed hand coming at him. Everything went black. The swirling mass of thoughts started again. Matt was able to watch them long enough to see what was happening. Nearly all of them were showing something similar. The Sinthorians were absolutely brutalizing each other. Those with weapons beheaded others, those without just used their teeth and claws.

Near. It's working! Keep it up!

Near's heart was racing as he killed each creature that appeared before him. He was far stronger in this alien body than in his own. Despite Near being a generally non-violent person, the feeling was euphoric. They started appearing two at a time, sometimes three, and while they didn't fight him back, it was hard to keep on top of. He managed to grab a sword from one of them, and started dismembering them angrily. There were too many of them building up in the room at this point.

Matt, I'm having trouble keeping up! There's too many!

Matt watched as bloody battle after bloody battle passed before him. Body parts were flying around, green blood poured onto the ground. It was violence of immeasurable proportions, an absolute bloodbath. Matt had seen something that caught his eye. He struggled to latch onto the thought, barely losing it.

It was the three of them, standing before the hive mind. The creature was drawing closer with a blade in it's hand. Matt felt the panic rising inside of him as he saw what the creature was focusing on. It had it's eyes locked on Near. It knew. It knew what Near was doing, that he was responsible. His protective instincts kicked in without hesitation. He spoke to Mello, without Near being able to hear.

Mello, Promise me you'll take care of Near.

Matt, what are you doing?

Promise me. Promise me you'll protect him and you wont ever leave him.

I promise, Matt.

Near, I love you. I will love you forever.

Matt? What's going on? What's happening? Near said.

Matt pulled himself back to his own consciousness, feeling the ground beneath his feet once more. He was a bit dizzy, but took a deep breath as he turned around, facing the rogue alien. It took notice of Matt, but it didn't even have enough time to respond before he attacked it. Matt leapt at it knocking it to the ground. He was on top of the creature, trying to pin it's arms down, trying to get it to release it's weapon. The creature was too strong though, and it flipped Matt over onto his side. Matt felt the blade slash his neck, a crimson tide of blood poured forth from the wound, soaking into his shirt. He waited for the next fatal blow to come, but heard sounds of struggle. Another Sinthorian had killed it for him, and was walking away.

Matt rolled over to see Near still standing there with Mello, unharmed. The blood was coming out of him faster than he could ever imagine. He knew he was going to die. He stared at Near's form as the tears built up inside his eyes. He was lucky enough to have a second chance with him, but he knew a third would be impossible. He was losing his grip on life quickly. It would be over soon, and he would be reborn in a new place, alone once again, his soul burning eternally for Near.

The sounds around him started to become quiet, it sounded like the battle was nearly over, that they had succeeded, and with no more blood left to bleed, Matt died.

Near and Mello had both opened their eyes.

"I think we did it! Where's Matt?" Near said looking next to him.

Near turned around to see Matt laying on the ground, nearly beheaded, in a puddle of his own blood.

"MATT!!!! NOOOOO!!!!" He screamed running over to the body, kneeling down in the bloody pool.

He sobbed uncontrollably into Matt's chest unable to look at the fatal wound, screaming as loud as he could. Mello felt the blood leave his face, the pain of watching Near lose the only person he ever loved was crushing him. Matt's last words to him rang in his head. Mello walked over to Near, and placed his hand gently on his back. Near turned around, his eyes and face were red and wet. His pleading blue eyes were empty, a window into his broken soul.

Near thought of everything he and Matt had all at once. How Matt made him feel safe, how he gave Near hope for the future. He thought about the two of them having children together, how Matt gave him a reason to wake up every day in this cold world. He thought of his smell, his taste, the warmth of his body next to his, the sound of his voice. He had lost him again, and like before he wasn't sure how he'd survive it.

Near tried to stand up, but didn't have the strength. Mello picked Near up by his shoulders gently and wrapped his arms around the boy tightly, allowing him to sob openly onto him. He rubbed his hands up and down Near's back, while starting to cry himself, staring downwards at Matt, his friend. He knew he was in for a difficult road ahead, but he promised to himself not to let Matt down.

"I'll be here for you Near. I promise." Mello spoke softly.

"I want to die. I don't want to live without him." Near sobbed, he was barely understandable.

'"I'm not going to let that happen, Near. You'll get through this. We'll get through this together."

A/N: Aaaahhh that was difficult to write. All of it actually. I was struggling with the abstract idea of what the inside of an alien hive mind would look like. I hope I did a decent job. It's not over yet. There's one more chapter to go and then that's it. If the end of this chapter didn't make you cry, then the next one certainly will if you're prone to that kind of thing. Please review? Thx.