Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter's refreshing break. I wish I could say the same for this chapter, but as you'll see, Emily pays Doctor Haynes a visit for her very first chemotherapy session, and afterward, she asks of Hotch a very intimate favor...
Disclaimer in Chapter One!
"Mommy?"
Emily turned to face her daughter as she pulled on a loose, pale blue sweater. "Yes, Avery?"
"Where are you and Daddy going?"
"Grandpa and grandma are taking us out for breakfast, sweetheart," she answered, smiling a bit as Hotch brushed past her, a pair of mismatched socks on his feet.
"Oh." Avery paused for a quick second. "Jack and I were wondering if we could come, too."
"I -"
"Sure you can, pumpkin." It was Hotch who answered this time. "But you and your brother need to hurry up and get dressed, because grandma and grandpa are already waiting in the living room, and we don't want to be impolite by taking too long, okay?"
"Okay!" And the girl dashed off.
When all was quiet, Emily finally spoke. "I don't think that's such a good idea."
Hotch looked at her curiously. "What's not a good idea?"
"Bringing Avery and Jack with us."
His eyebrows furrowed. "Why not?"
"We're not coming back home after breakfast," she explained.
"…And?"
Emily let out an exasperated sigh. "We're going to the hospital after breakfast, remember? For my first chemotherapy and radiation session?"
Hotch was still not grasping her point. "I remember…"
She huffed. "I don't want them to come to the hospital, Aaron."
Realization dawned on him. "Oh, Em -"
"No. You've already insisted on coming with me, and so have my parents. I don't exactly think that Doctor Haynes will take kindly to me bringing five people into the clinic with me just for support," she argued.
"Well, Jack and Avery can -"
"And don't even say that they can stay in the waiting room unsupervised," Emily snapped. "Damn it, Aaron, don't you see? I don't want them to see me like that!" she yelled.
The entire house was cloaked in silence.
"Oh my God," she whimpered mere seconds later. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you, I swear."
Hotch shook his head. "Don't apologize. I understand." He held out his arms. "Come here."
Emily slowly melted into his tight hug. "I just…I don't want them to have to see me poked and prodded with needles and...and God knows what else. That's not something anyone should have to experience." She fisted the cool material of his shirt in her hands and held him closer. "God, I'm so tense right now," she mumbled against his broad shoulder.
"I understand," he repeated. "And hey, I shouldn't have questioned you. You're right; they don't have to come. I'll go talk to Louise, okay?"
"Okay." He was halfway out the door when she stopped him. "And Aaron?"
"Yes?"
Their eyes met. "You're wearing two different socks."
Glancing down at his feet, he barked out a quick laugh. "Wow. I'm just going to pretend I did that on purpose." Pulling one off, he made his way back to her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you for telling me and not letting me look like a fool later on."
Her lips lifted at the corners. "You're welcome." Again, as he was walking towards the door, her voice ringing out in the otherwise quiet room stopped him. "I love you."
A tender smile curved his lips. "I love you, too."
~.~.~
"Tamoxifen, cyclophosphamide, and what?"
"Doxorubicin," Doctor Haynes said, in a means of answering his patient.
Emily nodded slowly. "And how long will it take?"
"Well, you will be undergoing radiation treatments every day for the next six weeks, but those only take a couple minutes. The chemo, on the other hand, can only be administered once every three weeks, so that will take approximately,.." he did the math, "eighteen weeks."
"Eighteen weeks," she echoed numbly as Hotch gave her hand a comforting squeeze. "Okay."
"Okay? You ready to begin?"
Ready? Of course not, Doctor Haynes. "Yes."
"Alright." He was preparing the syringe when Richard spoke.
"What sort of side effects accompany this particular…what did you call it? 'Chemo cocktail'?"
"It really depends on the person, Mr. Prentiss. I've had patients who go through chemo like a breeze, and experience nothing but lethargy; which is common, because the radiation affects both healthy and cancerous cells. The healthy ones grow back, of course…it just takes a while. Thus, the lethargy." Haynes thought back to his previous patients. "Skin irritations are common, too, more so with fair-skinned or," he cleared his throat in a very awkward, Reid-like fashion, "large-breasted women. The irritations generally hold off until the second or third week of treatment and range from mild redness to a feeling of heaviness to burns that require a temporary suspension in treatment." He glanced at Emily, who had a wary expression on her face. "So, those are really the only main side effects." There was a pause. "Well…then, of course, the alopecia. The hair loss…"
Emily didn't want to think about it. "Let's just get this over with."
"Certainly."
The last thing she felt before the prick of the needle was Elizabeth Prentiss taking her hand in hers…and for the first time in close to thirty years, Emily felt her worries slip away in a manner that only a mother could deliver.
~.~.~
Three weeks later...
"Hey."
Peering into the depths of the wall-length mirror in their master bathroom, Emily met his gaze. "Hey."
Wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, Hotch placed his chin on her left shoulder. "You okay?"
"I really wish people would stop asking me that."
"Oh. Right." He kissed her cheek before shooting her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, it's a habit. What's up?" he asked instead.
"I was just thinking about something Doctor Haynes said at yesterday's radiation session," she divulged almost grimly.
"About your second chemotherapy treatment? Isn't it tomorrow?"
She shook her head. "No, not that." She shut her eyes. "About how I'll be losing my hair soon."
He felt his heart being torn to pieces. "Oh, sweetheart…"
"He recommended that I trim it beforehand, since alopecia will cause hair to thin and then come out in uneven patches, and…and he said it would be much less shocking to have short clumps of hair fall out than a handful of long strands," she said in a monotonous, emotionless tone. Slowly, she turned to face him. "Would you?"
It was then that Hotch noticed the gleaming pair of scissors in her hand. "You want me to…"
"Yes."
He was momentarily stunned. "I…I'm no artist, Emily," he managed.
"I don't care," she responded in a whisper. "I don't want anyone to do it but you, Aaron."
Unable to deny his love of a single request, Hotch eventually took the scissors from her and looked at her intently. "How short do you want it?" he asked thickly, his voice suddenly hoarse.
Emily glanced back at her reflection. "Maybe…maybe chin-length?"
He said nothing, just nodded and brought the twin blades to her beautiful locks. I'm sorry, he thought loudly.
And then he delivered the first cut.
Snip.
Snip.
Snip.
Emily let out a trembling sigh as she felt a good six or seven inches of her tresses disengage and fall off her shoulders to the unforgiving tile floor.
Snip.
Snip.
"Aaron?"
His hand immediately stilled as he heard her voice waver. "Emily?"
Slowly turning to face him, she downcast her gaze to his frowning lips. They were so close to each other; face to face, chest to chest…it was the most of intimate of acts, and in result, her eyes glistened with tears that stubbornly refused to be shed.
"Hey," he said softly. "Honey…"
Diminishing the remaining inch between them, she let her lips move against his in a kiss so passionate and emotional she was sure her heart would burst.
"Em -"
"Shhh." Her hand moved to cup the back of his neck and pull him closer. They stayed like that for several minutes, lips locked, limbs intertwined, hearts beating wildly for each other and only each other.
Finally, Emily drew back, her cheeks flushed prettily. "I needed that," she murmured sheepishly. "Sorry."
He caressed the side of her face. "Don't ever apologize for something like that," he said with a handsome smile.
She brought a hand up to feel the ends of her newly-cut hair. It's so different…
"I'm…I'm almost finished," he said a beat later. His voice was solemnly silent. "I just have to cut this last piece…"
Emily gazed at him unwaveringly as he fingered the remaining lock of long, straight hair. "Okay."
"Okay?" She nodded. "Okay."
And then, the scissors were back.
Snip.
Snip.
Snip.
At last, she spun to face the mirror once more, staring with unseeing eyes at the different woman looking back at her. To his credit, Hotch had trimmed it perfectly straight. But it was too blunt. Too stark.
Too short.
"You look beautiful."
"I look awful."
He shook his head. "I've never seen you with hair this length before." He pressed a line of kisses down her newly exposed nape. "I like it."
"I look awful," she said again, quieter, more wounded this time.
"No…"
Drowning out the sound of his low, warm voice, Emily looked into the eyes of her reflection for one semblance of familiarity. But there was nothing.
Nothing but the derisive voice in the back of her thoughts that seemed to be saying, "Welcome to your new life…"
Author's Note: As always, thank you so much for reading, and if you have the time, please leave me a review and tell me how I did; your feedback is the best belated birthday present I could ask for! Also, nominations are now open for the 2011 Annual Profiler's Choice Awards (see information below), and if you could spare me and my stories a thought or two when nominating, I would forever be indebted to you. Really, it means the world to me. Thank you in advance!
~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~
Nominations are now open! Go to the link below for more details (remove all spaces). You need an account on FFN to nominate, but it's really easy to set one up!
www. fan fiction. net/topic/74868/48350094/1
Make sure to read EVERYTHING on the page before nominating! ALL stories (complete or in-progress) updated between Sep. 1st, 2010, and Aug. 31st, 2011, are eligible. Just check the date of a story's latest update and, if it's in that range, it's eligible! :)